It is dis-hearting to get a high number, I have been know to cheer when I get a good reading :lol: Someone once told me the only bad number is one you don't know about which I feel is quite apt.
Would it help to set yourself some goals, perhaps just start with testing before each meal and before bed. Not worrying about the numbers just getting into the habit of testing. treat yourself to a little something for each day you do it,or at the end of a full week or whatever.
Once you are in the habit of testing then it's easier to see a pattern to the numbers, though my DSN can usually spot patterns that I don't notice.
One thing for me, if I'm only testing when I feel rough then all my test results are out of range. When I'm in the habit of testing regularly each day I find there are far more in range numbers which makes the big picture look much better even if I haven't made any other changes.
Are you a gadget person? Would a new phone app to record results or a new meter would get you motivated