Hi. You say you haven't had any help, perhaps it might be worth getting some. I saw a dietician a few months back. I expected lots of detail of what I should and shouldn't be eating, but it was more like therapy, and it really helped me see things differently.
And remember, when you start to get your insulin and blood sugars balanced you will put on weight at first. Up until now you have been malnourished so if things start going right then you'll gain weight. So don't panic. I'd suggest you try to concentrate on getting your blood sugars better, then tackle your weight later. Good luck.