Trying to educate the In-Laws. Please help!

[PolarBear81]

do you not get the shocked voices and barrage of condemnation when you eat a fry up? or full fat milk? or anything containing fat?

along with the weight related comments, of course.

I think we should blame the press for that (as well as the doctors that tell the press). They go around saying DM is only weight related and that all diabetics are morbidly obese and need to lose weight and so the uneducated then somehow misconstrue what DM is and decide it's a fat in your diet problem not a lack of insulin problem.
If that were the case and all I needed to do was lose some weight I'd end up being classed as anorexic and then I'd probably be labelled with an eating disorder.
We can't win, whether your big or small, when there's a lot of misinformation out there.

 

[Ian DP]

You could consider keeping it very very simple by simply saying that you can not eat any Potato’s ,Bread, Pasta or Rice.

If you do eliminate these entirely you will be low carb, the rest (sweecorn, toot veg etc) you can just leave on your plate. I tend to do this in some restaurants, especially when the waiter doesn’t understand carbs.

 

[PolarBear81]

You could consider keeping it very very simple by simply saying that you can not eat any Potato’s ,Bread, Pasta or Rice.

If you do eliminate these entirely you will be low carb, the rest (sweecorn, toot veg etc) you can just leave on your plate. I tend to do this in some restaurants, especially when the waiter doesn’t understand carbs.

Thankyou. I have been telling them very simply that I can't eat Potatoes, bread, pasta and rice for over a year and this seems to be the bit they can't grasp. That's why I've asked on here to see if anyone else has any better solutions than me. I'm struggling to understand how they can't get it when I say I can't have those mentioned they then ask if I want potato or bread in another form. e.g. don't want mashed potato but do I want boiled potato, or can't have a sandwich but do I want naan, because somehow changing the shape of it will make it less carby! Can you tell I'm a bit miffed that they can't grasp this?!
I was wondering if there was somehow a more simpler way of saying I can't eat those.
I have started off simply with the 'white' foods mentioned above and it's only on the odd occasion where I have been offered something like fruit or a biscuit where I've said I can't eat that. I've not even mentioned root veg as a carb as that will blow their mind.
So it really is the simple stuff that they can't grasp and all I've asked for is is a little extra veg (I'm not asking for a whole broccoli head just a little something extra) when I'm not eating potato in the meal and they're then having a pudding as they've left room for it.
I don't think I've overly confused matters, even my husband says that they're just being ignorant as he's tried and failed to educate them.

 

[HSSS]

I had this exact thing yesterday with my in laws. Despite knowing its for my long term health and explaining that “just once” or “just a bit” creates cravings that are hard to resist for days after as I’m no longer used to eating carbs they still give a very strong impression I’m just being fussy. This is after 25yrs of knowing me and seeing me eat almost anything til this summer. My mil firmly believes anyone can eat anything in moderation and all medical advise is rubbish as they’ll change their minds tomorrow.

I’m never going to win. So yesterday I simply asked what foods were planned and stated “please only do xyz for me as I can’t eat abc and don’t want to waste it”. They did increase the amounts luckily to fill the plate.

Oddly when faced with favourite grandchildren going vegan they bent over backwards to accommodate and understand and that was moral choices not medical.

 

[PolarBear81]

I am a low carbing type 1 and my in laws cook high carb meals even though my father in law has neuropahty and a quadruple bypass after 20 years + on the EatBadly plate and keep taking the tablets type advice.

I do seem able to avoid the rice and scrape the potatoe off the shepherd's pie plus dodge the sticky pudding. I never justify or explain unless asked to but do pile my plate with veggies and enjoy the cheese and red wine! Breakfast can be eggs or my own chia seed pudding (imported from home) or a bulletproof coffee plus almond butter.
Also if a bit of potatoe or pasta slip in then your in laws should n't be made to feel that they've poisoned you. The humour sounds a bit like a defense against your apparent rejection of their food with your 'faddy' ways.
To me the beauty of low carb is that I can eat out or with a bunch of high carbers and find a low carb path through it.
If you choose to offer them a clear guide then click on the link below for the excellent Diet Doctor visual guides. I do think you need to tackle the vegetarian thing thoough otherwise you may be doomed to a life of pasta bakes! Food is love though so I think it is important to state that you do love being with them (hopefully since you are there a lot!).
https://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/20-50-how-much this also links to further visual guides about the specturm of different foods.

Well I gave them the 20 50 visual guide and got the reply of why do I need this. I explained that when they have some rice I need that much veg (using the pictures as examples). My husband stepped in and explained that when they have a potato I need that much extra veg so that I actually feel like I've eaten. I aim for less than 30g of carbs a meal as that's the most I can handle without a spike. This was a rough guide for them to try to understand what I'm faced with every time I eat with them.
I ended up cooking for them (as they were staying with us) and I did just enough meat and veg for everyone who eats healthily plus some mashed potato as if there weren't carbs I can appreciate that if you're not used to a meal without them you'll feel hungry. Anyway, I didn't go overboard on the veg or the mash (knowing I'd eaten a big lunch so wouldn't want much) but my ILs then went out after dinner to the local shop. They were gone a fair while so I can only presume they went to buy a sausage roll or some other carby snack and eat it before they got back. They also bought back some big bars of chocolate.
I'm hoping I've educated them in some way but it may be more that they won't come for food at mine as they go hungry
I can't win but I will take the 20 50 carb images to their house next time and if that still doesn't get the message across then I may have to look for images of diabetic complications when they offer me a carb loaded dish and as an example show that potato gratin = gangrenous toes or some other such horrific image.

 

[DCUKMod]

@PolarBear81 - I can see that the situation you find yourself in is in danger of driving a wedge between you and the in-laws. Could you consider taking what you are served, and eating what you want from it, then topping up with cheese, or pork scratcing, or whatever, that you could take with you in an "Emergency Rations" box, you could drop into their fridge when you arrived?

OK, maybe not verbalise it as Emergency Rations to them.

So, maybe you go for a couple of days eating odd concoctions, but if you are eating things you are comfortable with (in terms of dietary requirements) then, so what?

I have never, ever asked anyone to modify what or how they cook when I'm around, or if we're going to dinner at someone else's and they ask if I have any dietary requirements, I always tell them not to be concerned about me.

Since going GF, this means I cut out things I might normally have had a bit of, like gravy (likely to be thickened with wheat flour). OK, sometimes I've ended up having a bit of something I wouldn't have chosen for myself, but if I take the best of what's on offer, it seems to keep entante cordiale.

Sometimes it has been commented on that I've not had any bread, potato or whatever, but I usually just say I don't get along with them, and that's enough for most people's level of curiosity.

 

[Circuspony]

I would suggest that you make it very, very, very simple.
Just say:

‘I can only eat meat, fish, green vegetables, butter and mayo.’

I have noticed that when people don’t believe in allergies/intolerances/special diets, they develop astonishing powers of passive aggressive sabotage.

So true! My OH has a nut allergy and I'm convinced my mother thinks he's just making a fuss. Even though I'm T1 there's still a lot I avoid because insulin can't deal with it - pretty much guarantee she'll serve it up though

 

[PolarBear81]

@PolarBear81 - I can see that the situation you find yourself in is in danger of driving a wedge between you and the in-laws. Could you consider taking what you are served, and eating what you want from it, then topping up with cheese, or pork scratcing, or whatever, that you could take with you in an "Emergency Rations" box, you could drop into their fridge when you arrived?

OK, maybe not verbalise it as Emergency Rations to them.

So, maybe you go for a couple of days eating odd concoctions, but if you are eating things you are comfortable with (in terms of dietary requirements) then, so what?

I have never, ever asked anyone to modify what or how they cook when I'm around, or if we're going to dinner at someone else's and they ask if I have any dietary requirements, I always tell them not to be concerned about me.

Since going GF, this means I cut out things I might normally have had a bit of, like gravy (likely to be thickened with wheat flour). OK, sometimes I've ended up having a bit of something I wouldn't have chosen for myself, but if I take the best of what's on offer, it seems to keep entante cordiale.

Sometimes it has been commented on that I've not had any bread, potato or whatever, but I usually just say I don't get along with them, and that's enough for most people's level of curiosity.

I do sort of take an emergency rations box now. It usually covers my breakfast and lunches and some snacks just to keep me going until I have a 'proper meal' as it were thinking that that would be my evening meal and I'm not adverse to eating odd concoctions. I quite like that method of eating, pick and mix of what you like is always nice. But I would be worried about offending them when I then get out my packed lunch after we've all had dinner.
The issue I have is still the main dinners where I'm asked what can I eat, they rattle off a list of produce and I say yay or nay, it's usually yay as I like all veg and I just say nay to potatoes and rice. (I'm not even confusing them with root veg yet). They then ask how much so I say double what you'd normally cook for an individual.
So I hope in answering their questions it's not coming across as demanding that they change their cooking habits, after all they asked. This is why I thought the visual guide may help them to see how much veg is required.
They like to skimp on the protein of the meal as well e.g. 2 chicken breast or about 300g minced beef between 4, sometimes 5, adults and 2 children who eat everything and then bulk the rest up with carbs. I haven't suggested extra meat for us all as I know that can be expensive, nor have I said make me something different. It's always been a polite answer of some more veg to them requesting how much. My husband always replies the same too as he's trying to avoid carbs too (but just to make it easier for cooking rather than medical reasons and to back me up).
As it's been going on for over a year I'm getting a bit tired of the repetetiveness of the same questions and the same answers given but no improvement from the ILs. That's why I came on here for advice.
However, maybe getting out a packed lunch after dinner maybe enough of a visual aid to tell them to cook more. We've also all been out to dinner on many occasions together where I've swapped chips for veg and eaten whole chicken breasts/ribs etc so they know I can fit it all in. My MIL eats like a sparrow so I thought maybe they thought I did too.
This post may sound like I'm looking to cause a rift but I am not it's just I've been banging my head to try to simplify it more for them but was at a loss as to how to do it.

 

[DCUKMod]

I do sort of take an emergency rations box now. It usually covers my breakfast and lunches and some snacks just to keep me going until I have a 'proper meal' as it were thinking that that would be my evening meal and I'm not adverse to eating odd concoctions. I quite like that method of eating, pick and mix of what you like is always nice. But I would be worried about offending them when I then get out my packed lunch after we've all had dinner.
The issue I have is still the main dinners where I'm asked what can I eat, they rattle off a list of produce and I say yay or nay, it's usually yay as I like all veg and I just say nay to potatoes and rice. (I'm not even confusing them with root veg yet). They then ask how much so I say double what you'd normally cook for an individual.
So I hope in answering their questions it's not coming across as demanding that they change their cooking habits, after all they asked. This is why I thought the visual guide may help them to see how much veg is required.
They like to skimp on the protein of the meal as well e.g. 2 chicken breast or about 300g minced beef between 4, sometimes 5, adults and 2 children who eat everything and then bulk the rest up with carbs. I haven't suggested extra meat for us all as I know that can be expensive, nor have I said make me something different. It's always been a polite answer of some more veg to them requesting how much. My husband always replies the same too as he's trying to avoid carbs too (but just to make it easier for cooking rather than medical reasons and to back me up).
As it's been going on for over a year I'm getting a bit tired of the repetetiveness of the same questions and the same answers given but no improvement from the ILs. That's why I came on here for advice.
However, maybe getting out a packed lunch after dinner maybe enough of a visual aid to tell them to cook more. We've also all been out to dinner on many occasions together where I've swapped chips for veg and eaten whole chicken breasts/ribs etc so they know I can fit it all in. My MIL eats like a sparrow so I thought maybe they thought I did too.
This post may sound like I'm looking to cause a rift but I am not it's just I've been banging my head to try to simplify it more for them but was at a loss as to how to do it.

Personally? I'd never, ever get the box out at the table. That would feel insulting to me, and could spark immediate tension.

Again, personally, I'd "do dinner", then some indeterminate time later, if I was hungry, get something from the secret stash. Depending n the circumstances or timing they needn't necessarily know about that bit.

Alternatively, you could try some intermittent fasting for a day or so around those visits. I don't do extended fasts myself, but some really enjoy them and feel the benefit of them.

 

[PolarBear81]

Personally? I'd never, ever get the box out at the table. That would feel insulting to me, and could spark immediate tension.

Again, personally, I'd "do dinner", then some indeterminate time later, if I was hungry, get something from the secret stash. Depending n the circumstances or timing they needn't necessarily know about that bit.

Alternatively, you could try some intermittent fasting for a day or so around those visits. I don't do extended fasts myself, but some really enjoy them and feel the benefit of them.

I didn't mean grab the box while they're still eating pudding. I think anyone would be offended by that. I was thinking more along the lines of sometime after while sat on the sofa but thought they'd be sat there thinking "wasn't our food good enough".
I thought maybe the visual would be enough to make them think 'we need to give her more'.

 

[DCUKMod]

I didn't mean grab the box while they're still eating pudding. I think anyone would be offended by that. I was thinking more along the lines of sometime after while sat on the sofa but thought they'd be sat there thinking "wasn't our food good enough".
I thought maybe the visual would be enough to make them think 'we need to give her more'.

You could always put lots of stuff in the box and offer it around.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Why not simply give them a list of foods you can eat or not eat??

 

[AloeSvea]

My mother-in-law-equivalent here is my stepmother and being at my stepmother's table (my father being along for the ride).

She is the cook, and a good cook, so I eat whatever meat/fish etc she prepares and lavish praise on her for that, which is easy, and then get out my own food out of the fridge which I have brought along to supplement it if necessary, or just eat masses of the vegetables to bulk up, no dressing etc etc. I am lucky that she does up the amount of veges and salad for dinner, at least, when I am at the table and I am grateful for that. They know very well I don't eat starchy veg, but we do have a conversation about it - every dinner. I have tried the butter over margarine argument more than once, but I have not been able to convince them of that, so I just bring my own butter as well.I bite the bullet if there has been a processed sauce added to the meat, with sugar of course, but ... many ordinary folks just don't get the sugar component in processed food.

I have had the carbs convo with them many times, and no, they don't get it. Even when my father has painful health conditions exacerbated by excess carbs. I have tried, and failed, so give speeches instead that I understand that he feels it is too late in the show to change his diet, even to improve his health.

I openly supplement with that at the lunch and/or dinner table, when staying there. And I sit with them at breakfast, but have cooked my own food. (A hot LCHF breakfast of bacon and eggs of course.) And I take my own LCHF/keto buns with me too, always when I am travelling. I just toast them up and get my own butter out of the fridge and make my version of a 'bacon buttie'. I do apologise profusely to my stepmother for having to have another non-related female cooking in her kitchen, but I do it anyway. She seems to take it in her stride, and we my last visit we got much closer actually, which is nice. (The apologies and praise go a long way perhaps?)

So - my advise @PolarBear81 - absolutely take your own food with you and openly supplement your MIL's meals with it! But just talk about it. Give lots of praise for her cooking, but yeah, just say you want to live as long as you can and in order to do that you need your lower carb food. Don't worry about the offence - humans need to eat - as do polar bears .

 

[PolarBear81]

Why not simply give them a list of foods you can eat or not eat??

All I've said to keep it basic for them is no potatoes, rice or bread (they don't eat pasta so didn't bother to tell them that). If they can't grasp remembering those 3 things then I feel there is no hope. They're not a forgetful family by any means so not sure why they can't remember 3 things.
It would be a simple list if it where those three things but they seem to think naan or a bread roll isn't bread and a roast potato isn't a potato.
I would then have to elaborate on what constitutes a potato or bread.
I was more asking the forum for some help in trying to get the message across when I've told them I can't eat 3 things in any form. I've not overly complicated matters for them by going in to root veg or certain drinks and it's only in passing offerings of fruit where I've refused it. Ive not even mentioned pastry on ours but as they dont usually eat those there's no need to mention it.
So I really haven't bombarded them with complicated or vast quantities of info. Which is why my husband thinks they are just ignorant.

 

[HSSS]

All I've said to keep it basic for them is no potatoes, rice or bread (they don't eat pasta so didn't bother to tell them that). If they can't grasp remembering those 3 things then I feel there is no hope. They're not a forgetful family by any means so not sure why they can't remember 3 things.
It would be a simple list if it where those three things but they seem to think naan or a bread roll isn't bread and a roast potato isn't a potato.
I would then have to elaborate on what constitutes a potato or bread.
I was more asking the forum for some help in trying to get the message across when I've told them I can't eat 3 things in any form. I've not overly complicated matters for them by going in to root veg or certain drinks and it's only in passing offerings of fruit where I've refused it. Ive not even mentioned pastry on ours but as they dont usually eat those there's no need to mention it.
So I really haven't bombarded them with complicated or vast quantities of info. Which is why my husband thinks they are just ignorant.

I hear you and don’t think you can make it any simpler and afraid I agree with your husband. As they are being ignorant (wilful or not) in the face of a simple request “less of this more of the rest” then yes I’d totally supplement myself.

I’d either suggest I help prepare the extra food I required or take along ingredients and ask if they’d like some of what your adding to yours (to replace the carbs) or some such polite but firm statement. I like the suggestion of a big enough snack box to offer around after dinner. After all they disappeared for more food so why shouldn’t you, but at least you’ll be offering to share.

 

[HSSS]

@PolarBear81 - I can see that the situation you find yourself in is in danger of driving a wedge between you and the in-laws. .....

I have never, ever asked anyone to modify what or how they cook when I'm around, or if we're going to dinner at someone else's and they ask if I have any dietary requirements, I always tell them not to be concerned about me.
.

Sadly you might be right about the wedge. However it’s not really of Polarbear’s making imo.

When I am asked I’m not going to be overly fussy if I can avoid it but neither will I compromise my health. This is not a one off meal but a regular occurrence. She’s not asking for any different items, just more meat & veg and less carbs of what’s already being cooked. I think grinning and bearing it ( I’d be upset if my guests did that rather than speak up when asked directly) or leaving loads of food uneaten is just as rude but in a bit of a passive aggressive way.