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Type 1 diabetes and its effect on relationships

C

cbooth5

Active Member
Hi all, just wanted to ask what your experiences are around type 1 diabetes and relationships.

Me and my girlfriend have gone through a hard time in the last year, her losing her dad last year. I supported her throughout, which had its ups and downs and was challenging at times. Fast forward to early June this year was diagnosed with T1DM, after being unwell for months and GPs having no clue what was wrong. I also went for a few jobs promotions last month which I didn't get.

I think my general mood has took a bit of a knock and I can be snappy the odd time if anyone asks me diabetes related things if I don't want to talk about it in the moment. But my moods can change so fast, my glycaemic control I have got quite good (80% in range) but I think the reality of diagnosis has hit home. Lately the other half has said things are difficult right now, we don't live together but close by each other and she is finding with the bereavement I can't pick her up as usual nut understands i am dealing with a lot right now. Has anyone had a similar experience? Just writing to see if T1DM really can affect relationships this much or maybe its the shock phase of diagnosis and mood, I have good and bad days but wouldn't say depressed about having it just a bit down on harder days. I think it just came as a shock the other day as I thought the relationship was continuing on a good course until now. I haven't asked much from her other than just understanding, take some pressure off jobs I help with etc. Have mentioned doing it alone isn't easy
 
You are still relatively new as T1. That’s a huge deal. It sounds like you are doing quite well too, with 80% TIR.

Relationships can be complicated, even without T1. I’m no expert, so I can’t offer any advice. I’ll just say that I struggled with relationships and I can’t say if it was due to T1. In one relationship, I didn’t even tell my boyfriend! I didn‘t wear a pump or cgm back then. He thought I was bulimic, because of my frequent bathroom trips. I was actually checking my BG and taking injections. I was upfront with it after that relationship ended. But, I know that my responsibilities of T1 likely caused some strain in my relationships. I feel like it’s too much for some people. I’m not sure how I would react if it was reversed.

I know of some T1s who have great relationships. I hope I will one day. I have plans to try again real soon. I hope my new pump will make it easier to be around.

It sounds like you are very reasonable in your expectations. And, she’s dealing with some big changes herself. I wish you all the best.
 
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I agree with the above (Prancy) in that you are new to T1 and your control is to be admired so well done you. I think its really important you recognise how well you are dong and pat yourself on the back. I never did this when i was younger and i kind of hid my T1 from the world in a state of ignorance. Now 40 years in to T1, it is only in the last 10 or so years have i come to accept it and be more open about it. I wish i had done this sooner. So the point here is if you are open about your T1, you recognise how well you are doing (and you are), accept you have bad days then your chances of a successful relationship will improve immeasurably. So good luck and wishing you all the best.
 
Being diagnosed with T1DM is a lot, so is losing a parent. I think partners of T1’s need to be very understanding, they need to understand the condition and what it can do to their partner’s state of mind. Was diagnosed last year after being married for 20 years, husband did not take it well. Suddenly I was more ‘sick’ than he was ..and all those needles, with blood! I gave him all the booklets from the hospital to read, don’t think he did and I felt I had to finger prick and insulin dose in secret. He told me he didn’t want me going for lone walks any more and that I should stay on the roads. - we live in the countryside.
He became more interested in my diabetes when I started using CGM’s and there were charts and graphs to look at. But he leaves the management of my diabetes entirely to me, would be nice to be able to share my data with him.
There are some excellent videos on You Tube about people and partners coping with diabetes, watching together might open up a dialogue between you?
Relationships are all about giving and taking and accepting things. Learning to cope with T1 is not easy and it sounds like you are doing fantastically well.
Wishing you both well, with a future of happiness together.
 
Marikev said:
I think partners of T1’s need to be very understanding, they need to understand the condition and what it can do to their partner’s state of mind.
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I couldn't agree more! Next month I shall have been married to Helen for 41 years. She was the only girlfriend who took my diabetes seriously in every aspect. We met at London University in 1978 and I had already signs of nephropathy and retinopathy, having been diagnosed Type 1 in 1959. On witnessing her first hypo experience, she gave me glucose tablets and then phoned my mother nearly 100km away. In those days dilation drops on top of haemorrhaging and blurred vision meant that she would escort me across roads into the hospital. She recognised how my replies were purely defensive when approaching a hypo or that if my normal equanimity and patience were lacking, I was almost certainly hyperglycaemic. We have truly tested the marriage vow "'I, Helen, take you, Grant, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health...." without complaint, but having to deal with many diabetes problems resulting in hospitalisation on several occasions until my pancreas/kidney transplant in 2013. She is a saint as far as I am concerned!
 
Grant_Vicat said:
I couldn't agree more! Next month I shall have been married to Helen for 41 years. She was the only girlfriend who took my diabetes seriously in every aspect. We met at London University in 1978 and I had already signs of nephropathy and retinopathy, having been diagnosed Type 1 in 1959. On witnessing her first hypo experience, she gave me glucose tablets and then phoned my mother nearly 100km away. In those days dilation drops on top of haemorrhaging and blurred vision meant that she would escort me across roads into the hospital. She recognised how my replies were purely defensive when approaching a hypo or that if my normal equanimity and patience were lacking, I was almost certainly hyperglycaemic. We have truly tested the marriage vow "'I, Helen, take you, Grant, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health...." without complaint, but having to deal with many diabetes problems resulting in hospitalisation on several occasions until my pancreas/kidney transplant in 2013. She is a saint as far as I am concerned!
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That's a good marriage x
 
there is more of a comparison to losing a loved one and a diagnosis of type 1 diabetes then a lot of people realise. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes back in 1972 and in the first 2 weeks post diagnosis i attended 10 full time days of education on living with type 1.
One of the main things i was taught about was "The 5 Stages of Grief". Please google this and have a read....the similarities are overwhelming
 
cbooth5 said:
Hi all, just wanted to ask what your experiences are around type 1 diabetes and relationships.

Me and my girlfriend have gone through a hard time in the last year, her losing her dad last year. I supported her throughout, which had its ups and downs and was challenging at times. Fast forward to early June this year was diagnosed with T1DM, after being unwell for months and GPs having no clue what was wrong. I also went for a few jobs promotions last month which I didn't get.

I think my general mood has took a bit of a knock and I can be snappy the odd time if anyone asks me diabetes related things if I don't want to talk about it in the moment. But my moods can change so fast, my glycaemic control I have got quite good (80% in range) but I think the reality of diagnosis has hit home. Lately the other half has said things are difficult right now, we don't live together but close by each other and she is finding with the bereavement I can't pick her up as usual nut understands i am dealing with a lot right now. Has anyone had a similar experience? Just writing to see if T1DM really can affect relationships this much or maybe its the shock phase of diagnosis and mood, I have good and bad days but wouldn't say depressed about having it just a bit down on harder days. I think it just came as a shock the other day as I thought the relationship was continuing on a good course until now. I haven't asked much from her other than just understanding, take some pressure off jobs I help with etc. Have mentioned doing it alone isn't easy
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Hi @cbooth5 ,

Sorry to read you’re having a hard time at the moment.
Sounds to me like you are both going through a level of bereavement.

You mentioned living separately has this always been the case?
(If so.) How long have you both been “dating.?”

Sorry if they sound like odd questions, in my experiences. The “other party” sometimes just wishes more commitment at a “certain stage” in the relationship & I’ve never been “ready…” (it never personally felt right.)
Well??
Untill 28 years ago… (when I kept on bumping into this woman either socially or at work.) There she is represented in candy in my avatar sat on a wedding cake shaped like our camper van. We eventually married 13 years back.

Best wishes.
 
Prancy said:
You are still relatively new as T1. That’s a huge deal. It sounds like you are doing quite well too, with 80% TIR.

Relationships can be complicated, even without T1. I’m no expert, so I can’t offer any advice. I’ll just say that I struggled with relationships and I can’t say if it was due to T1. In one relationship, I didn’t even tell my boyfriend! I didn‘t wear a pump or cgm back then. He thought I was bulimic, because of my frequent bathroom trips. I was actually checking my BG and taking injections. I was upfront with it after that relationship ended. But, I know that my responsibilities of T1 likely caused some strain in my relationships. I feel like it’s too much for some people. I’m not sure how I would react if it was reversed.

I know of some T1s who have great relationships. I hope I will one day. I have plans to try again real soon. I hope my new pump will make it easier to be around.

It sounds like you are very reasonable in your expectations. And, she’s dealing with some big changes herself. I wish you all the best.
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In contrast. I once dated a “goth” girl & was upfront about my diabetes.
Until I was invited for a “sleep over.”
She intensely watched me test my blood then as I was doing an Airshot for the basal she honed in transfixed to the point I had to ask her to get her head out the way?
Quite funny when I think about it now. If I hadn’t have been drinking, I’d have gone home..

Keep “kissing those frogs.” & best wishes on your personal quest. For me, it’s never been about the T1. Just about finding, “the one.” :)
 
Jaylee said:
In contrast. I once dated a “goth” girl & was upfront about my diabetes.
Until I was invited for a “sleep over.”
She intensely watched me test my blood then as I was doing an Airshot for the basal she honed in transfixed to the point I had to ask her to get her head out the way?
Quite funny when I think about it now. If I hadn’t have been drinking, I’d have gone home..

Keep “kissing those frogs.” & best wishes on your personal quest. For me, it’s never been about the T1. Just about finding, “the one.” :)
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Oh my…..So, she must have been amused by the process. Hmmmm…..so, it didn’t work out?

I agree about finding the one. I think we all want that.

For now, I might enjoy a FWB. Lol. Seriously, i’m thinking about reconnecting with an old friend. I’ve heard he’s single. Idk. Just considering it. There’s something to be said about dating someone who knew you as a teen! Does time change us or are we still the same? Sometimes, I fear I have too much baggage with my T1. I am doing all I can to be my best though. Exercise, good nutrition, good friends, positivity, etc. Hoping the law of attraction will prevail.
 
Jaylee said:
In contrast. I once dated a “goth” girl & was upfront about my diabetes.
Until I was invited for a “sleep over.”
She intensely watched me test my blood then as I was doing an Airshot for the basal she honed in transfixed to the point I had to ask her to get her head out the way?
Quite funny when I think about it now. If I hadn’t have been drinking, I’d have gone home..

Keep “kissing those frogs.” & best wishes on your personal quest. For me, it’s never been about the T1. Just about finding, “the one.” :)
Click to expand...
Took me years of kissing many undesirable frogs before I kissed the right one :hilarious:
 
Prancy said:
Oh my…..So, she must have been amused by the process. Hmmmm…..so, it didn’t work out?

I agree about finding the one. I think we all want that.

For now, I might enjoy a FWB. Lol. Seriously, i’m thinking about reconnecting with an old friend. I’ve heard he’s single. Idk. Just considering it. There’s something to be said about dating someone who knew you as a teen! Does time change us or are we still the same? Sometimes, I fear I have too much baggage with my T1. I am doing all I can to be my best though. Exercise, good nutrition, good friends, positivity, etc. Hoping the law of attraction will prevail.
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Nope it wasn’t me. It was her.

I have done the FWB thing with a colleague in my youth. (Both 21.) She was also seeing a married middle aged guy.
We kinda hit it off at a work’s party on site & ducked out to mine. (We all had onsite accommodation. Think “Hi de Hi.” In shell suits.)
It was complicated when he came round for a visit.. He’d told her he’d leave his wife when the kids grow up. I recommended she didn’t hold her breath..?
It’s fun providing there are some clear mutual guidelines on what the “thing” is.

Don’t get me wrong, I have platonic girlfriends too.
Sometimes the friendly banter has steered after a night out & it’s never been for me appropriate to pursue. There can be lines you don’t wish to cross.

Don’t let yer T1 stop you.
 
Jaylee said:
Nope it wasn’t me. It was her.

I have done the FWB thing with a colleague in my youth. (Both 21.) She was also seeing a married middle aged guy.
We kinda hit it off at a work’s party on site & ducked out to mine. (We all had onsite accommodation. Think “Hi de Hi.” In shell suits.)
It was complicated when he came round for a visit.. He’d told her he’d leave his wife when the kids grow up. I recommended she didn’t hold her breath..?
It’s fun providing there are some clear mutual guidelines on what the “thing” is.

Don’t get me wrong, I have platonic girlfriends too.
Sometimes the friendly banter has steered after a night out & it’s never been for me appropriate to pursue. There can be lines you don’t wish to cross.

Don’t let yer T1 stop you.
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Good points. I get how most of my platonic male friends would not be feasible. A couple of months ago I spent some quality vacation time with a small group of friends, both male and female. The males were good friends of mine, but not the kind for FWB. There was one friend of a friend there, but his marital status was questionable. I thought it wise to stay away from that until he’s more settled. Still, the flirting was fun. He’s supposedly separated.

I feel I have a lot to offer. And, I’m a good person.I definitely know what I want.

I’ll try to stay inspired.
 
I found the first year after my diagnosis with type 1 diabetes the most difficult. I just could not accept that I had it and kept researching in case the specialist had made a mistake. It was overwhelming and affected everything in my life. It was like living with an elephant in my room. Five years on, it has faded into the background (the elephant has been released into the wild) and it is just something extra I have to organise and monitor, along with everything else. My partner is supportive but unless you have type 1, it is difficult to imagine what it is like to walk in my shoes, so I doubt he will ever understand the trials of blood sugar variability which caused so much chaos in my first year and on days like today.
 
I've not had a romantic relationship with a diabetic, but many years ago I did have two fairly close male friends who were T1. However both were difficult people, and combined with their approach to their T1 and life in general that killed the friendships.

I went hill walking in the Yorkshire dales with one, nearly ended up with him in a diabetic coma. He knew his BS was getting low and hadn't packed anything to take if that happened. That was the beginning of the end.

It was something completely different with the other guy - he laughed at the idea of one of his dogs catching a cat in his garden.
 
Jaylee said:
Hi @cbooth5 ,

Sorry to read you’re having a hard time at the moment.
Sounds to me like you are both going through a level of bereavement.

You mentioned living separately has this always been the case?
(If so.) How long have you both been “dating.?”

Sorry if they sound like odd questions, in my experiences. The “other party” sometimes just wishes more commitment at a “certain stage” in the relationship & I’ve never been “ready…” (it never personally felt right.)
Well??
Untill 28 years ago… (when I kept on bumping into this woman either socially or at work.) There she is represented in candy in my avatar sat on a wedding cake shaped like our camper van. We eventually married 13 years back.

Best wishes.
Click to expand...

It has been a tough year, been together 3 or 3 and a half years. Tend to see each other once or twice a week at the moment with us both being busy. Last few weeks I've been a bit better with managing it and my emotions as I would get snappy etc. (Not low or high levels) just in terms of accepting the diagnosis is for the rest of time! Thanks all for comments on the thread and definitely feels like T1DM may have its own brief bereavement period in itself!
 
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