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What can I do to make it better?

H

honeybear81

Newbie
Messages
1
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
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Hi Everyone,

My boyfriend been a diabetes type 1 for 11years. He's not very open of his situation and always tells me he's okay but in his eyes says otherwise. There many times I wish, i could make it better but I don't know how. He waking up in the middle of the night starts eating chocolate and drink Coke Zero, just scared me sometimes.

Could u share what have your love ones does to make you feel safe or something that touches your heart.

Thank you
 
My advise is to sit opposite each other at a table and (you could set this up) so it looks like a special dinner in or out. Ask him to tell you about how he felt or about his diabetes and what you should do if he goes hypo without recognising it himself. Tell him that you know you can't take it away or know how it feels to inject or go hypo but that you love and care for him and that sharing will help you understand.

Diabetes isn't the end of the world but it can be problematic if it isn't controlled. It can make someone depressed, but not everybody gets this related to diabetes. Lots of folk get depressed without being diabetic.

Well done for being so thoughtful to look in to your boyfriends illness.

Most of all though diabetes does not define us. Foremost he must still be treated normal... I certainly hated it when any boyfriend said to me "can you eat that?" A T1 can eat the same as non diabetics but they should test regularly and inject... Other than that besides hospiral visits when I was young I just wanted to fit in with everyone else!!
 
I went through this with my fiancé and parents last year shortly after I was diagnosed.

As the diabetic, I hated that everyone was constantly asking if I was okay, people would worry at the slightest imperfection in my management, and it made me feel like I was being treated like a child.

Eventually, I had an experience that changed my perspective of things and helped me realize that it was selfish to get angry when my family cared about me.

Help your boyfriend understand that you're not looking to do things for him, but that's exactly why you worry... you're not in control and you probably don't understand the whole story, but want to. He's the one in charge which means he decides when to test, when to inject, and he knows how he feels at any particular moment. Explain that you don't want to help with those things, but you do want to UNDERSTAND them...because you care.

What I wouldn't say, but what is the truth: if he were well-managed and proved it to you, there would be less reason to worry. Since he's not, he owes it to the people who care about him to constantly communicate how he's doing.

This is a matter of empathy and he needs to consider your feelings too. Help him to understand what you see, and why it concerns you. Then ask if he will talk about the things you don't see and explain that you're only trying to understand his perspective of the situation.

I'm not sure how old he is, but this may be difficult for him to understand if he's young. I'm 27 and probably wouldn't have understood where you're coming from if I was 5 years younger....it really is a maturity issue more than anything.
 
To be honest if he was taking good care of his diabetes then you wouldn't worry as much - As @TorqPenderloin has pointed out. Asking him to be truthful with you and telling you when he needs support would be a great help, as a type 1 I don't think I could handle it if my partner was asking me questions all the time, he knows I keep good control so he doesn't have to worry and why should he, it's not his condition and it would be selfish of me to think that he should be looking after me because of this.

In some respects it sounds like your partner is in denial which is commonly understood amongst type 1's, it's can be a difficult condition to live with and I respect any type 1 partner for living with anyone who is in denial. Sometimes if someone has lived with it a long time it's harder to ask for help, it's really up to him if he wants to seek support, it is there but like anything in life, you have to ask for it, getting in touch with his diabetes nurse or consultant is a start, but then it's almost as if it's admitting it's a problem, however Diabetes is always 'work in progress' it changes all the time and so does the support and tools available, if he could catch up with his team that might give him a gentle nudge without too much pressure.

I do admire you for wanting to help, it's a kind and wonderful thing so I hope he does get more support and can be more open with you about his self management and care ;)
 
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