Bears hibernate, why shouldn't humans?
They also dive into icy water and eat fats.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
I'm a bear!
And I definitely celebrate the ones I lost. In fact I'm small scale famous for the way I organised celebrating the lives of my parents and my dog when they died, they were certainly unconventional funerals and some of my friends still brag about it.
Doing this in a way that fits yourself and the deceased makes such a difference when remembering. My father died of cancer 9 years ago. We knew it was going to happen so plenty of time to find out what is allowed and what isn't, and to find the crematorium where they do allow dogs to attend.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
I think there's a story that wants out here, who knows how it may help, and this is in General Chat, so why not. Stop reading if you don't like to read about funerals and dying, keep reading for some interesting bits and bobs about the differences between our countries around the end of a life.
My father was always very outspoken when it came to being able and allowed to choose your own paths in life. So when we knew the cancer wasn't treatable and he only had months, we started researching on what parts of a funeral you are allowed to do yourself, and what parts have to be done by a professional. So shortly after that, a coffin was delivered from a company called 'cheapcoffins .nl' and put in the barn, no need to pay the middle man for that. If we had known he would live for another 3 or 4 months we would have made one ourselves, but he was very ill, he just lasted much longer than any of us had thought.
He moved to my place in rural Friesland from Amsterdam, which meant changing GP's as well. I went to the practice to ask how they felt about getting a new patient who would likely be in want of euthanasia shortly. The poor assistant had no reply, which gave me an instant ticket to speak to the GP, no need to make an appointment or even wait my turn.
GP was absolutely brilliant, such a shame that she left the multiple GP practice shortly after. She wasn't opposed to helping him along, but wanted to make regular visits, even if not needed for healthcare, because as she said 'it's not something you do for someone you don't know'. From that moment on she visited every wednesday for at least half an hour. Communication was slow, with my father having to write down everything because he couldn't talk anymore, but she was patient and shared his sense of humour, so lots of laughter has been had as well as serious conversation.
The mandatory independent and specialised second GP for getting the green light on euthanasia visited, no problem there at all, he was already so ill that she would fully agree if it was enough already.
Instead, he kept going for another three months despite his suffering.
Not for fear of death or because he felt he must; as he told the GP, his time would be when 'death came as a friend'. There were still things in his life making it worthwile. I think knowing he could leave whenever he chose made all the difference, I don't think his last months would have been so peaceful if he hadn't been allowed this choice, and I'm quite sure he would have died sooner.
When finally death had become a friend we spent his last hours in my living room with a couple of friends, Ritalin helped him to overcome the drowsiness from the morphine. There was a hazelnut cake in the oven to make the house smell of a home, and to share with the GP after.
One of our friends asked him if he'd like to be shaved before, or rather after, he was happy to do either. I think this is one of the most thoughtful things I've ever heard someone ask, and it came from the 26 year old I used to babysit, and who was happy to share this day with us. This led to a conversation about after death care, and my fatherwas so relieved when it turned out my friends and I were happy to do everything ourselves instead of have a stranger fiddling with his body!
(In the Netherlands the law says you have to be buried/cremated within 6 working days, so no need for complicated conservation. I was flabbergasted when I found out this is very different in other countries.)
He was able to take whatever they use through his feeding tube by himself, something I think was important for him, independent and choosing your own paths until the very last moments of his life. It usually takes some 20 minutes or longer but he was gone within a minute, holding my hands, I really think he only didn't die in the days before because he wanted it to be his choice!
My dad died in his chair, no touching the body until an official has come by to confirm there was no murder and all the rules have been followed. One of my other friends said 'try to stop me' to the GP, closed his eyes and bound a kitchen towel around his head to prevent him from stiffening up with his mouth open. I have very cool friends!
So we had the now finished hazelnut cake with the GP, she with a coffee, we with something stronger, with my father still in his chair, which was pretty amazing. He was still there, but a heaviness had lifted and the room felt so much lighter no he wasn't suffering anymore. It was a very comfortable goodbye, a lull between one part and the next to gather our thoughts and make stupid jokes.
. Thank you once again for caring x
