Is anyone in contact with @JenniferM55? As normally she is active on the main 'What have you eaten' thread, but she's not posted on there since the 21st December. I do hope both she & her husband are okay. Maybe gone off on holiday or something.
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"What have you eaten" Parallel Chat
- Thread starter zauberflote
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She last posted on december 23, according to her profile, but was online last thursday.
Like @jessj I hope you're not active on the forum for happy reasons and not for bad ones @JenniferM55 !
JenniferM55
Well-Known Member
Thank you all for kindly thinking of me, sorry I've not been so active. I'm afraid I failed miserably at Christmas for several days, but by New Years Eve I'd managed to pull myself together and stabilise again. Think anyone with a food addiction will understand. I also didn't want to confess my 'crimes' . I managed to use my failings in a positive way by using the time to record BG levels when I'd indulged. Now I'm without any doubt whatsoever I just can't cheat where carbs are concerned.
So moving on, I'm now stable again, the kgs I put on have now dropped off and more, and BG this morning was under 6mmol again.
It's now business as usual
. Thank you once again for caring x
So moving on, I'm now stable again, the kgs I put on have now dropped off and more, and BG this morning was under 6mmol again.
It's now business as usual
. Thank you once again for caring x
That's a success story if I ever heard one @JenniferM55 !
I don't think you've failed at all, you just temporarily stepped off the wagon during Christmas for only a couple of days. And got right back on it after those hard to deal with days had passed!
Not a crime, nor a sin, just being human, nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of. And you even used the opportunity to learn more about your diabetes, which in my book is a great win.
Welcome back!
I don't think you've failed at all, you just temporarily stepped off the wagon during Christmas for only a couple of days. And got right back on it after those hard to deal with days had passed!
Not a crime, nor a sin, just being human, nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of. And you even used the opportunity to learn more about your diabetes, which in my book is a great win.
Welcome back!
So pleased you're okay, @JenniferM55. We all know that Christmas is difficult, especially if being a foody. I have my nan & dad to thank for being that, wouldn't change it though. Don't punish yourself too much for it, we're all in the same boat & I think, sometimes, we earn a little wobble or a bigger wobble, we soon feel guilty & make up for it. Great that you've kicked yourself enough to get back where you really wanted to be. So now, onwards & upwards (not weight! 
) & back on the forum! x
We all know that Christmas is difficult, especially if being a foody. I have my nan & dad to thank for being that, wouldn't change it though. Don't punish yourself too much for it, we're all in the same boat & I think, sometimes, we earn a little wobble or a bigger wobble, we soon feel guilty & make up for it. Great that you've kicked yourself enough to get back where you really wanted to be. So now, onwards & upwards (not weight! ) & back on the forum! x
JenniferM55
Well-Known Member
It's lovely to be on such a nice friendly forum with those who completely understand. XSo pleased you're okay, @JenniferM55.
THANK YOU XThat's a success story if I ever heard one @JenniferM55 !
I don't think you've failed at all, you just temporarily stepped off the wagon during Christmas for only a couple of days. And got right back on it after those hard to deal with days had passed!
Not a crime, nor a sin, just being human, nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of. And you even used the opportunity to learn more about your diabetes, which in my book is a great win.
Welcome back!
@JenniferM55 said:
It's lovely to be on such a nice friendly forum with those who completely understand. X
It is, I totally agree & very supportive too. Really glad you're back! x
It's lovely to be on such a nice friendly forum with those who completely understand. X
It is, I totally agree & very supportive too. Really glad you're back! x
I initially replied on the main thread but I think my reply got too long and off topic there, so I took it here @Annb .
It could be worth a try, although I'm pretty sure that in my case it has more to do with all the emotional things attached to the time of year. It starts half november with the preparations for Sinterklaas, which I thoroughly love but which is also the time of year when I miss my parents most. My friend tries hard, and I love having a willing victim for my Sinterklaas surprises and poems, but to be honest, she isn't very good at it, unlike my parents. Then there's the big day at 5 december, followed by the anniversary of my father and dog's passing on the 19th, Christmas with the yearly dilemma on doing the drive, food and too much social stuff with family or staying at home, plus new years eve.
Which is all a bit much for a hermit like I am.
And this year instead of hibernating during januari, there are all those appointments with accompanied stress for blood draws, waiting for results, yearly endo, MRI, reumatologist I don't really trust, diabetes nurse.
So I don't think a light box would help, but on the other hand, it can't hurt so I'll look into it!
Thank you for your kind suggestion @Annb !
It could be worth a try, although I'm pretty sure that in my case it has more to do with all the emotional things attached to the time of year. It starts half november with the preparations for Sinterklaas, which I thoroughly love but which is also the time of year when I miss my parents most. My friend tries hard, and I love having a willing victim for my Sinterklaas surprises and poems, but to be honest, she isn't very good at it, unlike my parents. Then there's the big day at 5 december, followed by the anniversary of my father and dog's passing on the 19th, Christmas with the yearly dilemma on doing the drive, food and too much social stuff with family or staying at home, plus new years eve.
Which is all a bit much for a hermit like I am.
And this year instead of hibernating during januari, there are all those appointments with accompanied stress for blood draws, waiting for results, yearly endo, MRI, reumatologist I don't really trust, diabetes nurse.
So I don't think a light box would help, but on the other hand, it can't hurt so I'll look into it!
MrsA2
Expert
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The occasional "duvet day" (hiding under a blanket)can be good for one's mental health. Only you will know how many in a row is counter productive.
Bears hibernate, why shouldn't humans?
They also dive into icy water and eat fats.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
I love the Mexican idea of festival de Los muertos where they celebrate all those gone before. We attended a couple of amazing parades while travelling. People carrying placards of their loved ones, celebrating the fact they lived, not the fact they died.
Just ideas that may help you stop berating yourself so much for being a caring, loving human being
Xx
Bears hibernate, why shouldn't humans?
They also dive into icy water and eat fats.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
I love the Mexican idea of festival de Los muertos where they celebrate all those gone before. We attended a couple of amazing parades while travelling. People carrying placards of their loved ones, celebrating the fact they lived, not the fact they died.
Just ideas that may help you stop berating yourself so much for being a caring, loving human being
Xx
I'm a bear!Bears hibernate, why shouldn't humans?
They also dive into icy water and eat fats.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
And I definitely celebrate the ones I lost. In fact I'm small scale famous for the way I organised celebrating the lives of my parents and my dog when they died, they were certainly unconventional funerals and some of my friends still brag about it.
Doing this in a way that fits yourself and the deceased makes such a difference when remembering. My father died of cancer 9 years ago. We knew it was going to happen so plenty of time to find out what is allowed and what isn't, and to find the crematorium where they do allow dogs to attend.
I think there's a story that wants out here, who knows how it may help, and this is in General Chat, so why not. Stop reading if you don't like to read about funerals and dying, keep reading for some interesting bits and bobs about the differences between our countries around the end of a life.
My father was always very outspoken when it came to being able and allowed to choose your own paths in life. So when we knew the cancer wasn't treatable and he only had months, we started researching on what parts of a funeral you are allowed to do yourself, and what parts have to be done by a professional. So shortly after that, a coffin was delivered from a company called 'cheapcoffins .nl' and put in the barn, no need to pay the middle man for that. If we had known he would live for another 3 or 4 months we would have made one ourselves, but he was very ill, he just lasted much longer than any of us had thought.
He moved to my place in rural Friesland from Amsterdam, which meant changing GP's as well. I went to the practice to ask how they felt about getting a new patient who would likely be in want of euthanasia shortly. The poor assistant had no reply, which gave me an instant ticket to speak to the GP, no need to make an appointment or even wait my turn.
GP was absolutely brilliant, such a shame that she left the multiple GP practice shortly after. She wasn't opposed to helping him along, but wanted to make regular visits, even if not needed for healthcare, because as she said 'it's not something you do for someone you don't know'. From that moment on she visited every wednesday for at least half an hour. Communication was slow, with my father having to write down everything because he couldn't talk anymore, but she was patient and shared his sense of humour, so lots of laughter has been had as well as serious conversation.
The mandatory independent and specialised second GP for getting the green light on euthanasia visited, no problem there at all, he was already so ill that she would fully agree if it was enough already.
Instead, he kept going for another three months despite his suffering.
Not for fear of death or because he felt he must; as he told the GP, his time would be when 'death came as a friend'. There were still things in his life making it worthwile. I think knowing he could leave whenever he chose made all the difference, I don't think his last months would have been so peaceful if he hadn't been allowed this choice, and I'm quite sure he would have died sooner.
When finally death had become a friend we spent his last hours in my living room with a couple of friends, Ritalin helped him to overcome the drowsiness from the morphine. There was a hazelnut cake in the oven to make the house smell of a home, and to share with the GP after.
One of our friends asked him if he'd like to be shaved before, or rather after, he was happy to do either. I think this is one of the most thoughtful things I've ever heard someone ask, and it came from the 26 year old I used to babysit, and who was happy to share this day with us. This led to a conversation about after death care, and my fatherwas so relieved when it turned out my friends and I were happy to do everything ourselves instead of have a stranger fiddling with his body!
(In the Netherlands the law says you have to be buried/cremated within 6 working days, so no need for complicated conservation. I was flabbergasted when I found out this is very different in other countries.)
He was able to take whatever they use through his feeding tube by himself, something I think was important for him, independent and choosing your own paths until the very last moments of his life. It usually takes some 20 minutes or longer but he was gone within a minute, holding my hands, I really think he only didn't die in the days before because he wanted it to be his choice!
My dad died in his chair, no touching the body until an official has come by to confirm there was no murder and all the rules have been followed. One of my other friends said 'try to stop me' to the GP, closed his eyes and bound a kitchen towel around his head to prevent him from stiffening up with his mouth open. I have very cool friends!
So we had the now finished hazelnut cake with the GP, she with a coffee, we with something stronger, with my father still in his chair, which was pretty amazing. He was still there, but a heaviness had lifted and the room felt so much lighter no he wasn't suffering anymore. It was a very comfortable goodbye, a lull between one part and the next to gather our thoughts and make stupid jokes.
The next step is normally to call the undertaker for all the practical chores. But it was clear he'd rather have us do things ourselves, so after another drink we laid him on a blanket on the floor, shaved him, did a little bit of washing, and dressed him again.
And then came the bit that still makes me laugh out loud when I think of it, such a good part of the memories of this day!
He was in the living room, one floor up from the kitchen and barn. My house is built on a dyke/bank (not sure of the right word) so the front door and living room are along the road up the dyke, the rest lays below. Same with my garden: the entrance is next to the front door and it has a decline until it reaches the lower level.
Having come this far, the only task left was getting him into the coffin in the barn, and now we were minded to finish the job before calling the undertaker. (My father had agreed that the barn was a fine place to be until the cremation, and had even offered to die right in the coffin to spare us the hassle of getting him there, an offer we definitely declined.)
So we had to either get him down the stairs, or go out the front door and back into the garden with a dead body. We didn't think the stairs was a good idea, any accidents there would be too uncomfortable. I suppose a professional would have strapped him to a board or such, we tried to carry him on a blanket, which didn't work for various reasons. Slapstick came to mind.
So we emptied the old rusty wheelbarrow and parked it right at the front door, my father on his blanket right behind the door. One of us kept a lookout for people on the road, you don't really want to be seen doing stuff with dead bodies and wheelbarrows if you can avoid it, the other three quickly moved him to the wheelbarrow, blanket holding him nicely upright, and we managed to sneak into the garden without anyone noticing!
I so wish I could tell him this story, he would have absolutely loved his last adventure!
The poor undertaker was in the last few years of his career, and I'm afraid it was pretty hard work for him to adapt to us, he learnt some new things though. Completely flabbergasted to find his client already in his coffin (and nicely took 200 euros off the bill for it too). When the guy with the cooling device came he couldn't contain himself and exclaimed: "Do you know how they got him to the barn?! In a wheelbarrow!!!"
When the time came for the cremation, I think the undertaker was more nervous than anyone. I had found out there is no law saying you need to hire a special car so I decided to bring him myself and asked the undertaker to meet us at the crematorium. He was so nervous that something would go wrong!
It all worked out well (except we forgot ALL the flowers at my home because we were all focused on the coffin, which made for a good imprompty story to tell at the service), excellent stories were told by various people, there were children and dogs without a leash walking everywhere they wanted, it was a worthy goodby for a very special man.
And then came the bit that still makes me laugh out loud when I think of it, such a good part of the memories of this day!
He was in the living room, one floor up from the kitchen and barn. My house is built on a dyke/bank (not sure of the right word) so the front door and living room are along the road up the dyke, the rest lays below. Same with my garden: the entrance is next to the front door and it has a decline until it reaches the lower level.
Having come this far, the only task left was getting him into the coffin in the barn, and now we were minded to finish the job before calling the undertaker. (My father had agreed that the barn was a fine place to be until the cremation, and had even offered to die right in the coffin to spare us the hassle of getting him there, an offer we definitely declined.)
So we had to either get him down the stairs, or go out the front door and back into the garden with a dead body. We didn't think the stairs was a good idea, any accidents there would be too uncomfortable. I suppose a professional would have strapped him to a board or such, we tried to carry him on a blanket, which didn't work for various reasons. Slapstick came to mind.
So we emptied the old rusty wheelbarrow and parked it right at the front door, my father on his blanket right behind the door. One of us kept a lookout for people on the road, you don't really want to be seen doing stuff with dead bodies and wheelbarrows if you can avoid it, the other three quickly moved him to the wheelbarrow, blanket holding him nicely upright, and we managed to sneak into the garden without anyone noticing!
I so wish I could tell him this story, he would have absolutely loved his last adventure!
The poor undertaker was in the last few years of his career, and I'm afraid it was pretty hard work for him to adapt to us, he learnt some new things though. Completely flabbergasted to find his client already in his coffin (and nicely took 200 euros off the bill for it too). When the guy with the cooling device came he couldn't contain himself and exclaimed: "Do you know how they got him to the barn?! In a wheelbarrow!!!"
When the time came for the cremation, I think the undertaker was more nervous than anyone. I had found out there is no law saying you need to hire a special car so I decided to bring him myself and asked the undertaker to meet us at the crematorium. He was so nervous that something would go wrong!
It all worked out well (except we forgot ALL the flowers at my home because we were all focused on the coffin, which made for a good imprompty story to tell at the service), excellent stories were told by various people, there were children and dogs without a leash walking everywhere they wanted, it was a worthy goodby for a very special man.
Attachments
Five years later, it was time to say goodbye to my first dog. He was old, and dementia began taking its toll. It was only a matter of time before he would hurt himself badly, forgetting his old legs couldn't support him jumping from halfway down the stairs, and he started to get lost in his own home.
That dog truly was my best friend, for 14 years I hadn't done anything without him.
It was very hard to pick the right moment, you don't want to be too early but you definitely don't want to be too late and have it be very ugly in the end.
So I chose the day my father had died, after all, he had said that 19 december was a good day for old men to die.
And so it went, waiting for the vet in the same room where we waited for the GP five years earlier. Again with friends, and also with doggy friends. And lots of liverwurst.
And again, an unusual and wonderful goodbye. I couldn't bear the thought of burying him and then leaving him in the cold garden. I didn't want to pay 400 euros for a stupid cremation.
And then I thought of the people in India, if they can cremate outdoors, why not we? I have a large garden in a rural place so why not? And a nice big fire is a happy thing in the dead of winter too!
When I was a baby, my mum bought a wicker dog bed by way of a cradle. I always kept it, and now it had a purpose, it was the perfect fit for my dog. I added a tennis ball, and we made a giant pile of pallets and wood, and added a generous amount of emergency fuel for the car to make sure to have a very hot fire very quick. It was a very fitting goodbye.
This is what I wrote on my fathers facebook the day my dog was to go (mostly translated by google):
Hi Dad,
Five years ago today we were sitting here in my living room waiting for the doctor to help you die. It was high time, you were rickety.
It was a good death, one that you wish for everyone when the time comes.
Now I'm sitting in that same room waiting for the vet who can help Hidde.
Hidde is also rickety. His body is rickety and hurts, and his brain is getting worse and worse.
If we were completely wrong and it turns out that there is an afterlife after all, would you please pick Hidde up at the entrance with a tennis ball and a large piece of liverwurst? He'll be there at about two o'clock.
That dog truly was my best friend, for 14 years I hadn't done anything without him.
It was very hard to pick the right moment, you don't want to be too early but you definitely don't want to be too late and have it be very ugly in the end.
So I chose the day my father had died, after all, he had said that 19 december was a good day for old men to die.
And so it went, waiting for the vet in the same room where we waited for the GP five years earlier. Again with friends, and also with doggy friends. And lots of liverwurst.
And again, an unusual and wonderful goodbye. I couldn't bear the thought of burying him and then leaving him in the cold garden. I didn't want to pay 400 euros for a stupid cremation.
And then I thought of the people in India, if they can cremate outdoors, why not we? I have a large garden in a rural place so why not? And a nice big fire is a happy thing in the dead of winter too!
When I was a baby, my mum bought a wicker dog bed by way of a cradle. I always kept it, and now it had a purpose, it was the perfect fit for my dog. I added a tennis ball, and we made a giant pile of pallets and wood, and added a generous amount of emergency fuel for the car to make sure to have a very hot fire very quick. It was a very fitting goodbye.
This is what I wrote on my fathers facebook the day my dog was to go (mostly translated by google):
Hi Dad,
Five years ago today we were sitting here in my living room waiting for the doctor to help you die. It was high time, you were rickety.
It was a good death, one that you wish for everyone when the time comes.
Now I'm sitting in that same room waiting for the vet who can help Hidde.
Hidde is also rickety. His body is rickety and hurts, and his brain is getting worse and worse.
If we were completely wrong and it turns out that there is an afterlife after all, would you please pick Hidde up at the entrance with a tennis ball and a large piece of liverwurst? He'll be there at about two o'clock.
The occasional "duvet day" (hiding under a blanket)can be good for one's mental health. Only you will know how many in a row is counter productive.
Bears hibernate, why shouldn't humans?
They also dive into icy water and eat fats.
And anniversaries are hard, but they also be celebrations.
I love the Mexican idea of festival de Los muertos where they celebrate all those gone before. We attended a couple of amazing parades while travelling. People carrying placards of their loved ones, celebrating the fact they lived, not the fact they died.
Just ideas that may help you stop berating yourself so much for being a caring, loving human being
Xx
Well, apparently there was a story that very much wanted out!
It felt good remembering.
I'm not sure what part of your post triggered this waterfall of words, but thanks a lot.
Annb
Expert
That was a wonderful story, Antje. Much more comforting than the traumatic way my loved one's lives have ended. You couldn't do that in this country, of course. I don't think my father would have gone for such an end, but my mother probably would have and my husband definitely would have. You have good memories of a brave, determined, a loved and what sounds like a very charming man to comfort you. And the memories of your beloved Hidde. These are blessings even though bringing it all to mind may make for a sombre mood for a while. The kindest and most loving thing you can do is to make that passage out of this life as comfortable and easy as possible. I hope that there is an existence beyond this life and, if there is, I'm sure your dad was there to welcome Hidde but I have my doubts about them having liverwurst there.Well, apparently there was a story that very much wanted out!
It felt good remembering.
I'm not sure what part of your post triggered this waterfall of words, but thanks a lot.
I just found out it isn't possible in the UK a couple of months ago, and it shocked me.
Choosing whichever way suits you is the best choice, be it the one your father would have chosen or the one your husband would have if he had had the chance. I'm sorry he didn't have that choice.
The keyword I think is choice, knowing there is a way out can save you from so much fear and apprehension.
It lifted my mood! Apparently I needed to be with them for the time it took me to write (and coax the forum into accepting my too long post).
If there is an afterlife with dogs, of course there will be liverwurst too!
How are you holding up yourself?
You seem to have an awful lot of 'celebrating' going on lately. And while I'm all for celebrating those who have gone, it does get a bit much when there are too many one after the other.
Have another hug to help with your losses.
MrsA2
Expert
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3 very different people with 3 very different ways.
1, afraid of family rifts, wanted an unattended cremation. Easy for them, not so for those left behind. No togetherness, no joint remembering, no joy, bad ripples spreading far and wide
2 is conventional, coffin, staid small service, ashes to be buried with husband.
3, I'm looking forward to. A lovely creative, vibrant unconventional person who died after long battle with cancer. I'm really hoping she's asked for something to suit her, a true celebration of an amazing person. Don't know any actual details yet.
Yes it's good to let it out sometimes. I loved your stories @Antje77 . Remembering the good times even if they happened at sad times.
Glad your mood is lifting
(I'm hindered again by not knowing emojis on here)
May the third one be wonderful, and shine a bit of light on remembering the first ones as well!3, I'm looking forward to. A lovely creative, vibrant unconventional person who died after long battle with cancer. I'm really hoping she's asked for something to suit her, a true celebration of an amazing person. Don't know any actual details yet.
Thank you.
I strongly feel that good times during sad times are somehow amplified. I think it has something to do with raw emotion being very high, allowing for the good emotions to be felt much stronger as well.
The day after the cremation of my mum we went to a concert, Nick Cave, and never before or after have I been so completely immersed in music. It's as if fresh grief opens up a wide road to all emotions instead of the usual narrow path. At least it has done for me, the three times in my life I have experienced very strong grief.
Annb
Expert
One day, in the not too distant future, I will die. To prepare for this, I have already prepared my own funeral service but here, there are no alternatives - crematoria are on the mainland, so it's burial by the one and only undertaker. That limits things but I have made the "service" as light as possible. When arranging my husband's funeral I told the lady at the undertakers that he would have preferred to have a wicker coffin (only one model available made of pine with fake brass handles). "Oh" she said, Wouldn't that bit awfully draughty?" Anyway, Neil has his instructions and I have to trust him to do as I ask.
