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Why we all love our Doctors.

Defren

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,106
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS’ HOSPITAL CHARTS
(By Rowland Croucher and others)


She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
 
That was a great post and gave me lots of laughs !

Geoff (with my own observations)

Defren wrote

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
I know the feeling !

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Not my GP again !

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Obviously on a low-calorie diet

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
I might train as a doctor.

Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
I'm definitely training as a doctor !

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.
Is that the woman who was hot in bed ?

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
I know probes can be long, but the patient must have fainted
when they saw this one !


Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Let's leave forum members out of this. I apologise for that (name withheld to save embarrassment.)

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
I said let's leave forum members out of this !

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
The patient was obviously hoping for a tummy tuck !

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
You can't get the cleaning staff, these days.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Anyone who's ever had teenage children will be asking themselves 'what's wrong with this entry ?'
 
Glad you all liked them. Geoff, you should start your own comedy club, you made me laugh as much as the post I shared did. :lol:
 
Pmsl, I'm sat here belly laughing, brill. Needed that, the doctot has just had my mum admitted to hossie, possible diabetic complications. She has been told she doesn't have diabetes, so I'm sure we will find out within a few days.
Anyway thanks for the laugh, can't believe they are genuine.
 
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