Can I rant here, please?

[Freema]

Thank you all for the support, too. Now my wife has regained most if her strength back, I am relieved of some of the (heavier) tasks, and I am back to being chief cook and bottle filler / washer for my wife and daughter. Its MY LCHF diet, so I get to cook it. Tough sh**t if you want carbs !!!!!. I can be stubborn too!

Actually i have not been away, just taking more of a backseat role. I may be away soon while I have intrusive investigations for anemia, but my latest bloodwork seems to have been eaten up by ransomware, So may need to start again. Interesting statistic reported by ADA is that they have tagged approx 40% of their registered diabetics as having anemia of some form or other, so it seems to be yet another 'complication' we get. Certainly I have several friends undergoing the same investigations, so it seems to be spreading.

Thanks for the hugs, but I want to pass them on to the OP, since I am a big boy now and taking care of myself. Daily bgl average running at 6.0 mmol/l with my new meter (plasma calibrated, so reads higher than my old meter), but HBA1c sadly gone AWOL this year. last DN review last week went well. Weight static at 67kg BMI 22.5, p*sstake was clear but showing UTI again (Ugh). bgl taken by DN concurrent with vampire confirmed fasting bgl test not advised in afternoon due to pending hypo (3,7) during session. BP was spot on even though I have halved my BP meds recently. So looking good, but anemia could be affecting my haematocrit level, so recent bgl readings could be a load of pants,

eat vitamin pills on top of your diet just to help your body too... what kind of anemia is it your have ?

 

[Hammer1964]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and support.
I tried talking to my Dad today.
Even before his illness he was always very difficult to talk too and hated being told what to do. I explained about the new doctor and the importance of getting the blood sugar down, and the diet changes.
He basically said it wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to test himself. He wants the doctor to give him tablets so he doesn't have to manage his diet.
This is typical of his attitude, he doesn't want to walk or exercise.

I have given him the facts, but he said my approach was too much hassle.
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
I am willing to help anyone if they meet me half way but my Dad wants it all his way or nothing.

Well done you for making a stand, hopefully your dad will realise what a tower of strength you are and will start to do things for himself. You know the old saying 'You don't keep a dog and bark yourself' no point your dad even trying if you are there to do it. It will be hard for you to step back but you must look after yourself, wishing you good luck.

 

[Oldvatr]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and support.
I tried talking to my Dad today.
Even before his illness he was always very difficult to talk too and hated being told what to do. I explained about the new doctor and the importance of getting the blood sugar down, and the diet changes.
He basically said it wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to test himself. He wants the doctor to give him tablets so he doesn't have to manage his diet.
This is typical of his attitude, he doesn't want to walk or exercise.

I have given him the facts, but he said my approach was too much hassle.
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
I am willing to help anyone if they meet me half way but my Dad wants it all his way or nothing.

Sadly there comes a time when it is necessary to be cruel to be kind. Maybe when you pull back then the penny will drop, but you may need to make things clear why you are no longer at his beck and call. Your dad values his independance, and maybe this is what you need to give him, but keep at arms distance so you can come back in if he is ready for a helping hand.

I have a T1D buddy who is similar, and he does not want to change his ways either, He we taught by DAPHNE what to do, and that was the law as far as he is concerned. But one day he suddenly realised that I was no longer rushing to the loo evrry hour, and was going all evening without. This impressed him for some reason, and finally he started to listen to my successes. Now at last he is embracing LCHF diet, and seeing benefits from it. He has reduced his bolus requirements, Maybe your dad needs to find a fellow diabetic to take inspiration from.

As the nomads say, you can lead a camel to water but you cannot make him drink,

 

[Sue81]

Unfortunately if someone doesn't want to engage in looking after their own health there is a limited amount you can do for them.
My dad was diagnosed as type 2 in his early 50s. I did plenty of research as to what was recommended at that time and tried to get mum to change their diet. He got a lot of good tips from his father-in-law who had changed his lifestyle to good effect after diagnosis but he ignored every effort to help him.
He used to "be good" the 2 weeks before his diabetic review in the hope his test results would be okay. He ate what he liked, didn't exercise and drank like a fish. When I asked what the doctor said he fobbed me off.
Long story short he died of a heart attack at 58. I was diagnosed as type 2 nine months later and I'm determined not to go the same way.
I hope something triggers your dad to take responsibility for his health, you can't do this for him. Look after yourself. Do what you can to support your dad but don't make yourself ill over it.

 

[lizdeluz]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and support.
I tried talking to my Dad today.
Even before his illness he was always very difficult to talk too and hated being told what to do. I explained about the new doctor and the importance of getting the blood sugar down, and the diet changes.
He basically said it wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to test himself. He wants the doctor to give him tablets so he doesn't have to manage his diet.
This is typical of his attitude, he doesn't want to walk or exercise.

I have given him the facts, but he said my approach was too much hassle.
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
I am willing to help anyone if they meet me half way but my Dad wants it all his way or nothing.

Well done for trying! Your father is perhaps stuck in a rut of feeling a particular way about things. Maybe it's time he made some suggestions for improving not only his own situation, but also reducing the stress in his daughter's situation?
I have no idea, of course, but was there a time when he was able to help others? A chat about that might restore his self-respect and good humour.

 

[Oldvatr]

eat vitamin pills on top of your diet just to help your body too... what kind of anemia is it your have ?

I have hijacked enough on this thread, and did not intend to divert it. I will probably be raising my own thread soon when I have definite diagnosis from GP next month.

 

[Helping_hand_]

Well done for trying! Your father is perhaps stuck in a rut of feeling a particular way about things. Maybe it's time he made some suggestions for improving not only his own situation, but also reducing the stress in his daughter's situation?
I have no idea, of course, but was there a time when he was able to help others? A chat about that might restore his self-respect and good humour.

Thanks Lizdeluz, actually I don't remember a time he did help anyone else. When my mum had her pacemaker fitted he pretended nothing had happened. If you tell him about other people's illness or operations he doesn't want to know. He has always been very self centred, he has sat back and watched me care for my mum for 20 years, now he thinks I will spend the next 20 looking after him.

 

[Totto]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and support.
I tried talking to my Dad today.
Even before his illness he was always very difficult to talk too and hated being told what to do. I explained about the new doctor and the importance of getting the blood sugar down, and the diet changes.
He basically said it wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to test himself. He wants the doctor to give him tablets so he doesn't have to manage his diet.
This is typical of his attitude, he doesn't want to walk or exercise.

I have given him the facts, but he said my approach was too much hassle.
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
I am willing to help anyone if they meet me half way but my Dad wants it all his way or nothing.

My dad was diagnosed with T2 at the age of fifty and lived to see 72. He had his first major heart event at 69, his first stroke at 70. He didn't have a BG meter and was a stubborn old git anyway. The severe neuropathic pain didn't make him any easier to be around.

What I did learn from this was to keep a close check on my blood glucose. I too was diagnosed at fifty but I have BG meter and I use it to achieve non-diabetic levels through diet. My brother, on the other hand, prefers not to know about his BG and eats low fat high carb as he believes this will protect him from diabetes and heart disease, poor sod.

Diabetes is so often inherited. What you can do is to learn how diet affects blood sugar and not repeat your dad's mistakes.

 

[Helping_hand_]

Unfortunately if someone doesn't want to engage in looking after their own health there is a limited amount you can do for them.
My dad was diagnosed as type 2 in his early 50s. I did plenty of research as to what was recommended at that time and tried to get mum to change their diet. He got a lot of good tips from his father-in-law who had changed his lifestyle to good effect after diagnosis but he ignored every effort to help him.
He used to "be good" the 2 weeks before his diabetic review in the hope his test results would be okay. He ate what he liked, didn't exercise and drank like a fish. When I asked what the doctor said he fobbed me off.
Long story short he died of a heart attack at 58. I was diagnosed as type 2 nine months later and I'm determined not to go the same way.
I hope something triggers your dad to take responsibility for his health, you can't do this for him. Look after yourself. Do what you can to support your dad but don't make yourself ill over it.

Sorry to hear about your dad Sue. This sounds very similar to my situation, I hoping things had changed and my Dad would embrace a new healthy lifestyle, but he just wants to go back to his old ways.

 

[Helping_hand_]

My dad was diagnosed with T2 at the age of fifty and lived to see 72. He had his first major heart event at 69, his first stroke at 70. He didn't have a BG meter and was a stubborn old git anyway. The severe neuropathic pain didn't make him any easier to be around.

What I did learn from this was to keep a close check on my blood glucose. I too was diagnosed at fifty but I have BG meter and I use it to achieve non-diabetic levels through diet. My brother, on the other hand, prefers not to know about his BG and eats low fat high carb as he believes this will protect him from diabetes and heart disease, poor sod.

Diabetes is so often inherited. What you can do is to learn how diet affects blood sugar and not repeat your dad's mistakes.

I have made changes in my diet already, so much great info here

 

[Totto]

I have made changes in my diet already, so much great info here

Keep a keen eye on your BG. As I said, T2 is so often inherited and you can't prevent it if that is the case.

 

[Mark_1]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and support.
I tried talking to my Dad today.
Even before his illness he was always very difficult to talk too and hated being told what to do. I explained about the new doctor and the importance of getting the blood sugar down, and the diet changes.
He basically said it wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to test himself. He wants the doctor to give him tablets so he doesn't have to manage his diet.
This is typical of his attitude, he doesn't want to walk or exercise.

I have given him the facts, but he said my approach was too much hassle.
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
I am willing to help anyone if they meet me half way but my Dad wants it all his way or nothing.

If it was me, I'd give him what he wants,if he doesn't want your help be a hinderence. If he wants food make him get it himself, cook it himself. I'm guessing you and your mum have been doing everything for him. Stop. He will get plenty of exercise shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I guess he can't drive with any meds he is on so he needs to walk. At least you will make it clear your not going to help him if he won't help himself.

 

[lizdeluz]

If it was me, I'd give him what he wants,if he doesn't want your help be a hinderence. If he wants food make him get it himself, cook it himself. I'm guessing you and your mum have been doing everything for him. Stop. He will get plenty of exercise shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I guess he can't drive with any meds he is on so he needs to walk. At least you will make it clear your not going to help him if he won't help himself.

Sounds harsh but this could be a way to change the status quo, and maybe @Helping_hand_ could start with just one or two things that make her father realise there has to be more give and take in a family!

 

[lizdeluz]

I have made changes in my diet already, so much great info here

I agree with @Totto : I hope you'll really look after yourself - maybe your father will notice and learn. How about organising some treats for yourself too? If it was me I'd find a spa and focus on me for a few hours.

 

[CherryAA]

You mention that your mum is also not well . Would she be receptive to finding out more about diet solutions via here ? If you are both on board with this and between you you throw out all the carbs , his options will be limited unless he sorts out his own food. At that point its a wilful devision to try to make matters worse for himself and you ve done all you can

 

[Helping_hand_]

I was talking to a friend last night about her 18 year old son and I really that although she can inform and advise him he has to make his own choices and be responsible for his own mistakes.

So today I told my Dad I would keep sorting his medication and sugar levels. I would buy all the right food and but he had to make the right choices for himself.

He is meeting some friends today which should cheer him up. I warned him about the dangers of drinking and told him it's his responsibility for look after his health.

So I am off to work, and looking forward to some me time this evening, and destressing.

Have a good day everyone

 

[AndBreathe]

I was talking to a friend last night about her 18 year old son and I really that although she can inform and advise him he has to make his own choices and be responsible for his own mistakes.

So today I told my Dad I would keep sorting his medication and sugar levels. I would buy all the right food and but he had to make the right choices for himself.

He is meeting some friends today which should cheer him up. I warned him about the dangers of drinking and told him it's his responsibility for look after his health.

So I am off to work, and looking forward to some me time this evening, and destressing.

Have a good day everyone

Helping_hand_ , whilst I understand your concerns about your father having a drink with his friends, I think I would be more concerned about his attitude to smoking. I believe you suggested he thought after his op, he could just resume life as before?

For anyone with microvascular issues, which he clearly has, albeit improved by his op, cigarette smoking is the most harmful thing he can do for vascular health. I expect his surgeon to have expressed that to him? If he can't recall it, I would imagine the message may have been lost in the fog of consultation information overload.

Your father's diabetes is extremely important for his vascular health, but his smoking status is also critical.

Fingers crossed for you all.

 

[Oldvatr]

Helping_hand_ , whilst I understand your concerns about your father having a drink with his friends, I think I would be more concerned about his attitude to smoking. I believe you suggested he thought after his op, he could just resume life as before?

For anyone with microvascular issues, which he clearly has, albeit improved by his op, cigarette smoking is the most harmful thing he can do for vascular health. I expect his surgeon to have expressed that to him? If he can't recall it, I would imagine the message may have been lost in the fog of consultation information overload.

Your father's diabetes is extremely important for his vascular health, but his smoking status is also critical.

Fingers crossed for you all.

It ain't so easy. I was a 40 a day smoker, and it took me 2 strokes and then a heart attack before I took things seriously and gave up. My wife has just been diagnosed with advanced COPD and has had a pulmonary embolism, but still smokes like a trooper. She keeps saying she will give up one day, but that seems to be always manana.

 

[AndBreathe]

It ain't so easy. I was a 40 a day smoker, and it took me 2 strokes and then a heart attack before I took things seriously and gave up. My wife has just been diagnosed with advanced COPD and has had a pulmonary embolism, but still smokes like a trooper. She keeps saying she will give up one day, but that seems to be always manana.

As a life-long non-smoker, of course it's very easy for me to say, but my experience isn't limited to reading papers or building judgements based on my personal values or prejudices.

My mother, for the last several years of her life had debilitating back pain, which was attributed to wear and tear on her lower back. Only when she ended up with a "sore toe", which was effectively an ingrown toenail due to leaving a little spike on the edge of her toenail when she had cut it, did it become clear there were circulatory issues. Over a couple of days, her to became black. Really not good, so was admitted to hospital. She was a lifelong smoker (who always attested she enjoyed it) when admitted to hospital. She was told it had to stop and put on patches, which she hated, so went cold turkey.

Over days it became clear she was likely to lose at least that toe, and likely more. Various scan to ascertain her suitability for a re-plumb showed there was nothing left to do such a replumbing job, so a watching brief was applied, but the Consultant's messaging to me was that if she went to theatre, she would likely return without her leg. During those investigations it was also concluded that her back pain had likely been a sign of the lower limb claudication, rather than arthritis. Those were difficult days, all around.

A few days later, by a complete quirk of fate, my mother's foot looked a bit better, and the improvement continued, until she was discharged from inpatient care, intact. She had smoked her last cigarette, ever.

The speculative explanation was that my mother had a small abdominal aneurysm, which was likely shedding fragments of clots (apparently they can do this), with such a fragment closing what little circulation was available to her lower digits. It was a lottery of this would recur. Thankfully it didn't.

Unfortunately, a short while later she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer; probably also caused by her lifelong smoking. Unfortunately, from there, over a period of time, she made her way to the exit.

So, I do agree it's not simple to give up smoking, and I can often be quoted as saying everyone needs their reason to make a change. If there is no meaningful (to the subject) reason to change, then change will not be sustained.

 

[serenity648]

I think, if he isnt taking responsibility for his diabetes, he wont take responsibility for this smoking. And giving up smoking is far harder.