How much do you let your partner do.

[Stusky]

Hi hubby is type 1 brittle diabetic never looked after his diabetes his health as suffered due to this blind in one eye lost his leg neuropathy ed kidney disease when he was last in hospital when he came home he went back to his old ways so I started to help him with it do the carb counting insulin amount blood sugar check writing it all down correcting hypos and hyper but in the end I was doing it all all the doctors were really pleased on how well I was doing and keeping him on track don't get me wrong I don't mind doing it but it's taking a toll on me 2 of are lovely children decided they didn't like school so I now home schooling them and I have to get the other 2 sorted for school and collage .plus 3 dogs and a cat to sort out. It all caught up with me after Xmas I was really ill so I was trying to sort him out but said you will have to help he was ok for the first week but went back to doing no bloods forgetting to take insulin now I getting back to normal what shell I do go back to doing it all or let him carry on his kidney function drop to 32 so need more blood test I said I will always help him but I wonder if he don't help me with it and something happened to me what would happen to them all I keeping me awake at night any ideas would be helpful

 

[Jaylee]

Hi,

In answer to your question.. My wife does absolutely nothing.. She doesn't have too. I'm the Diabetic!!

I'll tag someone in who can relate to your issue... @Molly56

 

[Enclave]

I am T2 ... the wife does everything ... but ifs she's not around I can cope .. we are happy with this arrangement.

 

[Stusky]

Ok thanks if I not around he won't do anything just wing it or not do anything

 

[Mrsass]

Hi @Stusky I really feel for you, I feel exhausted just reading all that you do! Well done for being a trooper!! Have you tried speaking to your husband and telling him what you worry about and how it's effecting you? Sadly some people won't help themselves, you would think after all the troubles he's had it would have gave him a wake up call and he would have got himself into shape but it seems not when you were helping him with everything did it make him feel better when his diabetes was in better control? I would think it did and that should be motivation for him to continue with the correct care so he feels better in himself day to day.. Could it be that he is a bit depressed?

 

[noblehead]

@Stusky, what help and support are you getting from your husbands diabetes care team?

 

[catapillar]

Hi @Stusky I really feel for you, I feel exhausted just reading all that you do! Well done for being a trooper!! Have you tried speaking to your husband and telling him what you worry about and how it's effecting you? Sadly some people won't help themselves, you would think after all the troubles he's had it would have gave him a wake up call and he would have got himself into shape but it seems not when you were helping him with everything did it make him feel better when his diabetes was in better control? I would think it did and that should be motivation for him to continue with the correct care so he feels better in himself day to day.. Could it be that he is a bit depressed?

Sorry. I was trying to hit agree, obviously not funny!

 

[Brunneria]

I take total responsibility for my diet, exercise, medication, appointments and blood glucose monitoring.

I could not conceive of expecting anyone else to do it, and would consider it an unacceptable and unnecessary burden to place on anyone (for as long as i am physically and mentally capable of doing maths, seeing what i am doing, and having manual dexterity).

Not sure that taking something over 'because someone doesn't want to, or can't be bothered, to do it' is in ANYONE'S best interest.

 

[Stusky]

He sees his endo but when u said about it before I starting doing it all was can't you do it for him he only see them once a year that when the nurse and dietian catches him which he don't like he won't see them unless its at an appointment he see his doc when so thing goes wrong he blames everything on his diabetes and it was going to.happen at some point I asked him and he say he really don't care so I am stuck

 

[Stusky]

I forgot to add when we do go to any appointments they just talk to.me about it all cause they no that he not taking any notice

 

[noblehead]

He sees his endo but when u said about it before I starting doing it all was can't you do it for him he only see them once a year that when the nurse and dietian catches him which he don't like he won't see them unless its at an appointment he see his doc when so thing goes wrong he blames everything on his diabetes and it was going to.happen at some point I asked him and he say he really don't care so I am stuck

Really feel for you @Stusky

It does sound like he is depressed and struggling to cope with things, all I can suggest is you speak with his Dr or Diabetes Team and see if they can suggest something.

 

[Daibell]

Hi. It sounds like you are trying hard but your husband isn't taking the responsibility he should for his condition. I manage my blood sugar, insulin etc myself but my wife tries to remind me if I forget to take the insulin or to have it with me when we travel. She tells me her estimate of the carbs when she cooks. It's my condition and my responsibility to own it. I do support work for Mind, the mental health charity, and it would be good if your husband was to accept a GP referral to Mind for a course or counselling but of course your husband may well refuse.

 

[amgrundy]

I really feel for you, I think your husband should help and look after himself a bit more. I take care of myself, do my own shopping, and don't even talk to my husband about it, I just get on with it. Take care, don't run yourself into the ground

 

[Stusky]

That's the problem.he won't accept any help the docs have said about a referral but he says he fine and he don't need it he can cope he tried depression tablets but that mad he worse so he stopped taking them

 

[noblehead]

That's the problem.he won't accept any help the docs have said about a referral but he says he fine and he don't need it he can cope he tried depression tablets but that mad he worse so he stopped taking them

Unfortunately it's your call what to do about the situation you find yourself in, if things are getting to the point where it's making you ill then you have to think about yourself and your children.

 

[Molly56]

@Stusky ...as @Jaylee correctly points out I can relate to the issues of dealing with a partner who is diabetic and who is reluctant to take any form of responsibility for their diabetes ....my trials and tribulations with this are well documented here on the forum over the past couple of years....it is not easy and like you at times I have felt that it has been affecting my own health. ......as @noblehead also points out it is your call as to what you choose to do about the situation and you do have yourself and the children to consider....for my own part no children were involved in this particular relationship ...only from my previous marriage...
...only you know your husband best and what he will and will not do...this was certainly the case with my partner and why a recent turn of events has helped me make the decision to part company and go our separate ways....all I could see in the future was me becoming his full time carer and I have far too much living to do before that....
...rather ironically I met someone else on here on the diabetes forum and am now looking forward to a much brighter and happier future....my now ex partner is shortly moving out and will then be totally responsible for his own diabetes care and any complications that arise as a result of this....I have absolutely no regrets about this course of action as I have done all that I could possibly have done to try to get him to see the right path forward in managing his condition....as for my new partner he has his diabetes totally under control and I am confident that I am going to be well looked after from now on...
...not sure if that really answers your question but hope it gives you some hope that despite some difficult decisions that may have to be made along the way it is possible to overcome the problems that you have....
...finally you may also find other people in similar circumstances here on the forum who have very similar stories and can give you some words of advice and support....partners of diabetics do seem to be a minority group on here but there are a few of us around...
...wishing you all the best in finding the solution that is right for you....

 

[Pinkorchid]

That's the problem.he won't accept any help the docs have said about a referral but he says he fine and he don't need it he can cope he tried depression tablets but that mad he worse so he stopped taking them

But he is obviously not coping if he lets you do everything for him he is to dependent on you. Can't he see it is making you ill looking after him and the children and the animals he needs to pull his socks up and take some responsibility for himself. You should let him read the responses to your thread on here and maybe he would realise how selfish he is being

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi Stusky, from what I have read on the forum and so many times too, it's the men who are in denial and wont look after them selves. In a nutshell, he has to look after his diabetes or his complications will worsen, until one day it may be too late. With a loving wife and children too, It's so sad to read, but he has to be the one to manage and control his diabetes and obviously you will want to support him, but he is an adult and has to take care of himself. It's must be hard for anyone to step back and watch another loved one potentially destroy their life, but honestly, I don't think you are doing him or yourself any favours.
Molly's post says it all. I wish you all the very best, but please look after yourself.

RRB

 

[DavidGrahamJones]

I wouldn't like to say how other people should run their lives, it's up to them. Personally I take full responsibility for all my aches, pains and diabetes. I try not to make anybody's life any more difficult than it might be already. Just the way I was dragged up I suppose.

 

[ladybird64]

Stusky, you may not realise it, but you are a carer, and should be acknowledged as such. Can I suggest you get some support for yourself, from people who understand what it's like to be under this sort of pressure? I used to be a member of the Carers Uk forum , here is the link. http://www.carersuk.org/forum

It is hard for people to understand the life of a carer, and how exhausting it can be. You said something very important, what if something happens to you? You're quite right to think like this because none of us know what is in the future, and illness can strike out of the blue - not to mention complete mental and physical exhaustion can push you to the edge. You have your kids to think of, but you know that. If I were you, I would gather up courage and tell him that if he doesn't look after his diabetes, you will not be pushing his wheelchair, or nursing him when he gets ill - and then leave him to it. It isn't easy if you are a person who struggles with confrontation, especially with a demanding partner, but this isn't confrontational, you are just leaving his health care to him, which is as it should be. If you get ill, he will have to look after himself won't he? Either that or have careworkers coming in, so it's his choice. Please don't feel guilt (the carers constant companion!) because this situation is avoidable, whether he is depressed or not, he should not place the burden of care on your shoulders.

Have a look at the link I have given you, and think about joining, and getting support for yourself - not him. You are just as important because you have the right to live, without being a skivvy for someone who shouldn't treat you like one, and your kiddies deserve a less stressed mum.

Take care x