Husband type 1, won't check sugars

[Harris182]

Hi! My husband has had type 1 for 4 years now and he still refuses to check his sugars regularly or learn to count carbs. I turn to encourage him to do so but it tends to come off as nagging and badgering. I understand how difficult it is to control and live with diabetes and i cant begin to imagine whats its like to be dignoised with it but its incredibly upsetting for me. (I'm aware of how selfish that sounds!!) I work as a theatre nurse and spend my day dealing with the worse end of diabetic problems, every patient I see will one day be him and it scares me. Hes already lost 2 teeth due to bad gums and infections (although hes convinced its due to just having "bad teeth" and not diabetic control) What can I do help him accept his diabetes without being an over bearing nag????
Or should I let him come to terms with it on his own and shut up!?

 

[noblehead]

Sounds like he is still in denial about his diagnosis, it must be so hard on you and frustrating too knowing that what he is doing is harming him and your relationship, I'm wondering as you work in a hospital could you speak to a member of his diabetes team (on the quiet of course) and see what they suggest.

 

[azure]

Sometimes people look like they don't care and are ignoring things but really they're scared. Do you think that could be the case with your husband? Could he feel awkward because of your job - ie thinking you'll judge him?

Not about diabetes but I know from experience how hard it is to get a message across without appearing to nag. Maybe you could choose a time when you're both relaxed and have a real talk about the future? I found I couldn't tell my other half anything, but when I took a bit of a step back, he opened up and was more receptive. So what I'm saying is approach the subject indirectly and let him talk.

Just a suggestion. I understand how frustrating it must be for you.

 

[Harris182]

I'm scared to talk to people at work about his diabetes. I used to but it would always come back to "if he carries on smoking, eating what ever etc he will end up here" and " why haven't you stopped him doing it and get him to be more careful!" I'm kinda stuck between feeling incredibly guilty that I'm feeling scared and frustrated, whilst not exactly being the one with diabetes and annoyed and hurt that he won't listen to me about what's happening!
It sounds like an incredibly stupid question but how long did it take people to come to terms with their diabetes? Was there an event that made you take control or was it an instant thing? X

 

[Harris182]

All suggestions are welcome!!! I'll try anything!! thank you for being so understanding, I think he's just scared but I don't know how to help him!! X

 

[noblehead]

@Harris182, if you try and speak with a DSN they will (or should be) less judgemental as they are well adapt in dealing with these issues, other than that try what @azure has suggested.

 

[Gaz-M]

I fought my diabetes for years after I turned a teenager (I was 2 1/2 when diagnosed) never really tested and never went for check-ups until I was 28, I took a rather turn (hypo) at work and an Ambulance had to be called. I was took to A&E and there I was told my blood pressure was through the roof and put on Lisinopril amd started to take abit more control but 28 came and had a massive hypo and the Ambulance men thought it was a stroke, The hospital said it was my right side of the brain starved of glucose but today I still think it was a stroke as my left eye and nose have drooped by around 0.5 cm which I noticed just before Christmas this year.

Anyway that was it, decided I needed to get a grip and pull my socks up and face Diabetes once and for all, I have a few things wrong with me now because of the self neglect, so I hope your husband faces it sooner rather than later.

I wish you both the very best of luck and good health

 

[Harris182]

Thank you I'm sorry it took such an dramatic event to help you come to terms, at least you now have it under control now.
Thank you for all your advice it feels good to talk about it with people who aren't telling me I'm a terrible wife or that I'm over reacting. Fingers crossed he will come around soon! Xx

 

[Gaz-M]

Seems to me you are a very caring wife who only wants what is best for her husband

 

[tim2000s]

@Harris182 have you spoken to him on an emotional level about how you are scared about the future and about what might happen to him? It strikes me that you need to have a conversation about how you help each other come to terms with it and what you can do to help him and he to help you, with less focus on the condition itself. More a coping conversation than a diabetes one.

 

[Mike d]

@Harris182

@tim2000s has got this right ... that is precisely what I would do. He's lucky to have you .. perhaps he needs someone else to tell him that given your love and care. That is a mild (?) level of disrespect for your concerns and it needs to be addressed

 

[Harris182]

I think I'm gonna try to talk with him tonight. Keep it about feelings rather then facts. I know he's really sensitive about it. I think he thinks I'm interfering . I don't know, I'm gonna try anyway!!! Thank you all again x

 

[Chook]

Try starting your evening with watching last night's episode of 24 hours in A&E. Part of it was about a really sweet couple. The lovely T1 man had had toes amputated due to PN and he was there because one of his remaining toes had gone black. In my family I am the one with diabetes and, up to watching that programme last night, I think my non diabetic husband looked on my low carbing as just a faddy diet. Now he understands why it is so important to me.

It might help your husband understand that normal people can have these awfult things happen to them if they don't take it seriously.

 

[Harris182]

The trouble is he tends to avoid programs like this. I think it all goes back to him being I'm denial about it. I mentioned to him this morning that I had joined this forum and maybe it would be good for him to have a read. I've only been on here for a night and received more support in that time then the 4 years of his diagnosis! X

 

[CarbsRok]

All suggestions are welcome!!! I'll try anything!! thank you for being so understanding, I think he's just scared but I don't know how to help him!! X

Does your husband drive a car? If so does he check his blood sugar before he drives? He has to do this by law and signed his licence application to do just this, That's assuming he has even told dvla. So point his out to him and the no ins cover if he has an accident.

 

[Chook]

Yes, the support here is wonderful. I wish you luck with your husband..... I know some of my suggestions are a bit unfair but have you thought about:

- asking him that if he won't take it seriously then could he please make a Will
- talking to HIS Mum or Dad (or someone else he respects) about your worries and get them to talk to him
- talk to his DN or GP. I know she can't discuss him with you but you can talk at her and at least get the information across.
- there's nothing wrong with a spot of nagging and badgering when it's something serious like this. There's also nothing wrong with a few - or a lot- of tears (look on it as a way of showing him how worried you are).

 

[Jess 14]

I know how u feel.my partner is 37 an has had diabetes from he was 15.he has kidney an pancreas failure due to poor control an does not want to ever speak about it.i find less said the better as he says all me an his mum do is nag.he has had alot of scares in the past an nothing seems to wise him up.i no people say try to talk when things r calm an relaxed between you both an I hope u can talk an he listens but unfortunately it turns to a row 4 us.its kills me to watch cuz I know he is slowly killing himself but all I can do is make sure he eats to keep him from having hypos an be there to take him out of them when he has them.i know how helpless you feel

 

[Tim1958]

Hi! My husband has had type 1 for 4 years now and he still refuses to check his sugars regularly or learn to count carbs. I turn to encourage him to do so but it tends to come off as nagging and badgering. I understand how difficult it is to control and live with diabetes and i cant begin to imagine whats its like to be dignoised with it but its incredibly upsetting for me. (I'm aware of how selfish that sounds!!) I work as a theatre nurse and spend my day dealing with the worse end of diabetic problems, every patient I see will one day be him and it scares me. Hes already lost 2 teeth due to bad gums and infections (although hes convinced its due to just having "bad teeth" and not diabetic control) What can I do help him accept his diabetes without being an over bearing nag????
Or should I let him come to terms with it on his own and shut up!?

Don't let him carry on like this. It's not fair on you or him. Remind him what it would be like to live after amputation or even brain damage.
It may sound selfish but its you and the rest of the family/ friends that will suffer in the end. Its important that he meets with the diabetic team/ GP to discuss the situation.
Good luck

 

[Harris182]

I know how u feel.my partner is 37 an has had diabetes from he was 15.he has kidney an pancreas failure due to poor control an does not want to ever speak about it.i find less said the better as he says all me an his mum do is nag.he has had alot of scares in the past an nothing seems to wise him up.i no people say try to talk when things r calm an relaxed between you both an I hope u can talk an he listens but unfortunately it turns to a row 4 us.its kills me to watch cuz I know he is slowly killing himself but all I can do is make sure he eats to keep him from having hypos an be there to take him out of them when he has them.i know how helpless you feel

You have no idea how good it is to hear it's not just me in this situation. After a day at work of patient after patient and to come home to him smelling of smoke and eaten a pack of biscuits, its enough to make me want to cry. I'm so sorry you're in the same boat . I'll keep my fingers crossed for both of us xxx

 

[Jess 14]

He's the same smokes an eats sweets an everything he shouldn't.I work with patients as well who make me see what I don't want him to end up like.but look all you can do is be there an I do hope it works out for you both but I have found no amount of emotions from my side make him see the harm he is doing.but just remember ur not alone stay strong xx