why am I so ashamed/embarrassed to tell/show people I'm diabetic?

[JShep07]

I've been diabetic for 14 years of my 20 on this planet and I still find it extremely hard to tell people about my condition and almost hide it? anyone else feel like this?

 

[Deleted Account]

I find it hard to tell people because I don’t want to be judged by the media’s image of someone with diabetes.
I don’t let Diabetes stop me doing what I want but other people think it should especially when it comes to what I can eat or what exercise I can do or how much travel I can do.
I am not ashamed of having diabetes because it is not my fault. But there are so many ignorant people fuelled by the media that I feel I will be judged.

 

[NoKindOfSusie]

If anyone finds a way to mention it (or do something obvious like inject in front of someone) without it becoming a subject for the rest of the day, please tell me.

 

[Bluetit1802]

I am Type 2 (diet only). I was diagnosed 4 years ago at the age of 66. I am not at all ashamed. Why should I be? It wasn't my fault despite what the media says. I have told anyone who was interested enough to listen, and I have never felt I am being judged. If anyone is judging me they are keeping it well hidden. My food choices do come under scrutiny though!!

 

[lindijanice]

Hey jShep07! I have noticed that you have been asking about this for a bit now and hesitated to reply as I am TD2, but.....I am a mother! When my son was in grade 9 (here in Canada) he developed alopecia over his entire body - he had a beautiful head of hair that he was quite proud of, and lost it all......Some people thought he maybe had leukemia because he looked so ill - was also diagnosed with Chron's disease at the same time.....It was hellish for him, but he let his buddies know what was going on, why he couldn't indulge in the midnight pizza fests anymore, etc. He endured rude stares, dumb questions, rejection by some whom he thought were friends.....and on it went. My heart broke for him but also burst with pride because of how he handled himself through all of this. He is now 36 and still has these issues, although improving, and he knows who is in his corner.....the rest, oh well, their loss not to hang with such a great guy.

I tell you this because sometimes we are dealt a bad hand and it is tough, but life goes on and we make it or we don't.....there is no room for sympathy or self-hatred or blame.....just putting one foot in front of the other.....and doing what needs to be done....in your case I would think you would want your friends to know so that if you were in DKA or something untoward, they would know what to do.....I wish you all the best and courage to handle this like the strong young man you know you are. Blessings/L

 

[bangkokdiabetic]

Diabetes is an illness NOT something to be ashamed of nor is it something to shout about its just a fact of life. If people are misinformed about this illness then we of the Diabetic Community have a chance to Educate people perhaps by doing so and explaining our diet choices and healthy lifestyle we might begin to bring down the increasing numbers of Diabetics.
I myself do test my BS levels in public when needed and also have discretely Injected my self by undoing 2 buttons on my shirt and injecting into my stomach again when needed and no alternative is available if sitting down quite easy to be discreet.

 

[pleinster]

I find that it helps to remember that most people are emotionally, intellectually and spiritually feeble...and that someone who is judgemental is simply unwittingly demonstrating that fact. If anyone should be embarrassed, it is such a person...but, sadly, they never are - while the more considerate and compassionate tend to be. I don't get embarrassed by much these days because I have become, as you can see, a cynical old f*rt who does not care one jot what the judgemental think (if indeed it can be called thinking at all). This makes me a grumpy misanthrope by default but keeps me sane. I would warn you that while there is a great deal of truth to this comment...it is also, in places, not to be taken particularly seriously. Brief version - don't be so concerned about what others think; many are slightly moronic anyway.

 

[YunmaKahn]

Yeah, same feeling for more than 12 years. I'm 26 now and from my experience, announcing this out of nowhere is completely unnecessary & foolish, especially for people that you aren't (yet) close-friends with. If you don't hide it, you won't be called tommorow, next week, next month, especially when there is going to be something '' fun ''. You will be a boring loser that they need to get rid of as soon as possible. I 've been there many times ...

If a new friend wants to eat/drink something, you need to blend. Eat/drink whatever is on the table, if they want to go on a trip, go, do w/e they do then make up something to run back to your hole with full of drugs (insulin). If you start making up irrelavant excuses, one way or another you will get caught and when that happens you are no longer '' that cool guy '' sadly.

Living with this disability means you have to be a good actor, good liar who is able to bear the pain, ache, weakness without giving yourself away, until the moment you finally get a '' friend '' so close to you that he/she can no longer remove you from his/her life right away.
Even so, some people are clever and really good observers ... No matter how succesfully you play the '' cool guy '', they somehow suspect something and make you confess after a barrage of questions. Once a girl asked me out of nowhere '' Do you happen to be a diabetic or something ? '' at our first date (!) lol ... i was shocked, asked her '' How did you know ? '', she spoke about my skin-tone's looking different everytime and me being overall sweaty, dull just like her uncle ... never called or texted me after that day ofc.

Life is a race, war, challenge ... my friend. Just like how you would want a beautiful gf, cool/fun friend group ... they want the same. No one sincerely wants a hump on their backs to carry everywhere or even adapt their enjoyable lifes according to that boring disabled loser ...

So there is nothing wrong with hiding it. You are not in denial. Not every sad people are in depression or have psychological disorder. Like how happiness is normal for humans, sadness is also normal, especially when you have a good reason for it.

 

[pleinster]

Yeah, same feeling for more than 12 years. I'm 26 now and from my experience, announcing this out of nowhere is completely unnecessary & foolish, especially for people that you aren't (yet) close-friends with. If you don't hide it, you won't be called tommorow, next week, next month, especially when there is going to be something '' fun ''. You will be a boring loser that they need to get rid of as soon as possible. I 've been there many times ...

If a new friend wants to eat/drink something, you need to blend. Eat/drink whatever is on the table, if they want to go on a trip, go, do w/e they do then make up something to run back to your hole with full of drugs (insulin). If you start making up irrelavant excuses, one way or another you will get caught and when that happens you are no longer '' that cool guy '' sadly.

Living with this disability means you have to be a good actor, good liar who is able to bear the pain, ache, weakness without giving yourself away, until the moment you finally get a '' friend '' so close to you that he/she can no longer remove you from his/her life right away.
Even so, some people are clever and really good observers ... No matter how succesfully you play the '' cool guy '', they somehow suspect something and make you confess after a barrage of questions. Once a girl asked me out of nowhere '' Do you happen to be a diabetic or something ? '' at our first date (!) lol ... i was shocked, asked her '' How did you know ? '', she spoke about my skin-tone's looking different everytime and me being overall sweaty, dull just like her uncle ... never called or texted me after that day ofc.

Life is a race, war, challenge ... my friend. Just like how you would want a beautiful gf, cool/fun friend group ... they want the same. No one sincerely wants a hump on their backs to carry everywhere or even adapt their enjoyable lifes according to that boring disabled loser ...

So there is nothing wrong with hiding it. You are not in denial. Not every sad people are in depression or have psychological disorder. Like how happiness is normal for humans, sadness is also normal, especially when you have a good reason for it.

Hi. I get where you are coming from and think you have written at length to give @JShep07 some heartfelt and considered advice. I guess we just have entirely different perspectives. I know I said I was cynical and grumpy etc...but I would prefer not to change or hide anything just to stay in with "cool" people. There is nothing actually cool about judgemental immature morons who would ignore someone or not call them back etc just because they have diabetes (which is one hell of a lot of people and increasing by the minute)..these are pretty much the extreme end of the "emotionally, intellectually and spiritually feeble" beings I referred to on in my comment, and I would not only be content never to have to deal with them..I would go out of my way to avoid them. In fact, rather than entrap some vain shallow creature into my social life by telling them something about myself only once they were lulled into a false sense of mutual insecurity..and insincerity...I would rather tell people just to deliberately chase away such weak witted creeps. Still, I do get that we all, as humans, play games to an extent when it comes to presenting and representing out selves..in all walks of life; I just think that we may attract all the wrong kinds of people if we pander to the poor fibre of others. What kind of a relationship does that lead to ? I am in my fifties and too old to play games...but, very fortunately, I have an amazing wife who knows all my weaknesses and flaws and loves me regardless (unless she has been pretending very well fort the past 35 years). Friends who don't really know who you are or actually care...I can do without. Diabetes is NOT something to be embarrassed about; having friends who would bolt if you told them - that IS embarrassing. Anyway, we all differ. Everybody needs to make up their own mind in the end.

 

[YunmaKahn]

Hi. I get where you are coming from and think you have written at length to give @JShep07 some heartfelt and considered advice. I guess we just have entirely different perspectives. I know I said I was cynical and grumpy etc...but I would prefer not to change or hide anything just to stay in with "cool" people. There is nothing actually cool about judgemental immature morons who would ignore someone or not call them back etc just because they have diabetes (which is one hell of a lot of people and increasing by the minute)..these are pretty much the extreme end of the "emotionally, intellectually and spiritually feeble" beings I referred to on in my comment, and I would not only be content never to have to deal with them..I would go out of my way to avoid them. In fact, rather than entrap some vain shallow creature into my social life by telling them something about myself only once they were lulled into a false sense of mutual insecurity..and insincerity...I would rather tell people just to deliberately chase away such weak witted creeps. Still, I do get that we all, as humans, play games to an extent when it comes to presenting and representing out selves..in all walks of life; I just think that we may attract all the wrong kinds of people if we pander to the poor fibre of others. What kind of a relationship does that lead to ? I am in my fifties and too old to play games...but, very fortunately, I have an amazing wife who knows all my weaknesses and flaws and loves me regardless (unless she has been pretending very well fort the past 35 years). Friends who don't really know who you are or actually care...I can do without. Diabetes is NOT something to be embarrassed about; having friends who would bolt if you told them - that IS embarrassing. Anyway, we all differ. Everybody needs to make up their own mind in the end.

Indeed, the damage-done is not the same for everyone/everywhere. Where i live power, wealth, health, career ... are everything as the whole life is a war where the weak are eliminated at the start or humiliated in midway. No one cares if you are someone good or evil, not important whatever you think unless you fit the mentioned standards ... you are already disqualified. I don't really aim to give out world-shaking suggestions as it would literally make me a hypocrite.

I can't sincerely disagree with your point of view as i have myself just recently removed every single waste of life that keeps me around as a rundle to step on for them to look higher. Have been avoiding all and now, alone in a vacuum, drinking alcohol until i fall asleep with 3 packs of cigarettes a day. Still not worse than the times while i was fighting for my way out just to hit the buffers everyday. At least now i don't have anything to be ashamed of, not being humiliated, there is no one around to blame/question me for my failures.
I was born alone. My life depended on my own mere achievements, only option to take part in this rotten society/world, to be at least acknowledged. It has taken away from me ... every single gate has been shut right on my face.
Glad you have a lovely wife, are living a peaceful, happy life ... another slap right on my face, meaning that the only thing in-common between us, is not the actual reason making me a loser, right ? ... '' sigh ''

 

[Nicola M]

I see it as the fear of being judged. And hey I’m in the same boat where I only tell people if it’s absolutely necessary. The media is partially to blame for this as they have created a stereotype that makes all diabetics out to be people who don’t make the right lifestyle choices. I think what you have to remember is it isn’t your fault you have this condition and if we don’t talk to people about it and educate them then they’ll never really understand it.

 

[JShep07]

I think you've got this spot on! people all think that diabetics gave themselves the condition due to poor diet and lack of exercise, when really this is not the case! I mainly don't like telling people because of the sympathy they give me. they always say I'm so sorry" like it's there fault I have it or "I feel so bad for you" when really I just want to be seen like everyone else

 

[slaxx]

Hi. I'm a T1 for going 22yrs. I have never felt the shame of telling people about my condition, but then i think we might also be living in very different cultures and have different situations.
My dad though, i remember him telling me and mum to go hide in the powder room of public places whenever i need to test and inject insulin. I have never understood why. When i started doing the tests by myself, i just did it on the table for everyone to see. And people were actually curious. (Though i admit that i like showing off injecting myself LOL, never fails to warrant a reaction). So, just from my perspective, don't mind those who judge. At the same time, only share to those who are curious or have to know, e.g. when you have a new job and someone needs to know your condition in case of emergencies. If someone starts judging you, educate them. Take it as a means to share correct information. Don't think too much about it. Hugs for you.

 

[pleinster]

Indeed, the damage-done is not the same for everyone/everywhere. Where i live power, wealth, health, career ... are everything as the whole life is a war where the weak are eliminated at the start or humiliated in midway. No one cares if you are someone good or evil, not important whatever you think unless you fit the mentioned standards ... you are already disqualified. I don't really aim to give out world-shaking suggestions as it would literally make me a hypocrite.

I can't sincerely disagree with your point of view as i have myself just recently removed every single waste of life that keeps me around as a rundle to step on for them to look higher. Have been avoiding all and now, alone in a vacuum, drinking alcohol until i fall asleep with 3 packs of cigarettes a day. Still not worse than the times while i was fighting for my way out just to hit the buffers everyday. At least now i don't have anything to be ashamed of, not being humiliated, there is no one around to blame/question me for my failures.
I was born alone. My life depended on my own mere achievements, only option to take part in this rotten society/world, to be at least acknowledged. It has taken away from me ... every single gate has been shut right on my face.
Glad you have a lovely wife, are living a peaceful, happy life ... another slap right on my face, meaning that the only thing in-common between us, is not the actual reason making me a loser, right ? ... '' sigh ''

Sounds grim, my friend. I don't know where you are...sounds brutal...sounds like a place which has evolved too fast economically to me...where old and honourable culture has been bent through changes into what it is today by greedy people in search of status and power, leaving little hope for those born outside the success or sound social standing. It is all relative...where we live, when we live, what we were born into, what random things have struck us, what mistakes we have made...the way the world can be. I may have said I was fortunate to have a lovely wife who accepts me for who I am but I did not say I was "living a peaceful, happy life"....you did. It is all relative. I have faced hard reality many times in my life and have had tough fights to get through things. I have little faith in the world myself, as I tried to emphasize. Maybe we have more in common than you realise. BUT...it is all relative. I have simply learned that health and love are way more important than some broken society's value of me or some brainwashed or judgemental fool's opinion of me. I define myself. This does not mean I feel successful at all. It does not mean I have not had days where I give in to feeling low and outside of things, misunderstood, underappreciated etc etc...and yes, it is all the easier because I have a strong relationship - but that didn't just appear or stay by magic or luck. It is all relative. We do have more in common than you say. We are both imperfect humans in a far from perfect world, doing what we can to cope. We can let it swallow us up or we can stand up and value ourselves and not be crushed by what "society" dictates or by the views of others, by the shallow, the ignorant, the greedy, the banal. All I am trying to say really (in a very long winded manner) is that if we pretend to be something we are not by hiding who we are, we not only gain a social circle of false relationships, we also contribute to "the rotten society/world" you refer to by keeping it all fake and void of truth. Look at it this way...wherever we are, whoever we are...if we tell someone we love them but they do not know who we truly are, then when they say it back to us..it's not real; it's them saying they love only who they believe us to be. That is not real..and we will not feel loved - not really. Be who you are...that is the only way to find any kind of real love, real peace, real sense of depth in this experience called living. You are 26...I was once too, yeah ? I'm 55 now. I am not exactly who or where I was at 26. Sometimes, just as bad things fall on us for no good reason - other things can just happen too. We can never be in control of everything. Aim to survive it with as much integrity as possible. Right now, in the context of diabetes, I will just settle for being in control of my blood sugar as much as is possible without it dominating my life or my overall state of mind. I hope you keep fighting for your own way and that you don't let the negative thoughts your experience of life so far has pushed onto you shape your future. I do not say this to be patronising or to be critical at all. I wish you well and hope that when you are 55, things are easier than they are at 26 - and that your life, given all you have to deal with is okay. It is all relative...really it is. Good luck. Sorry, if I have gone on and on and ...

 

[phdiabetic]

Probably because some people are really annoying about it - there are so many misconceptions floating around. I sincerely regret telling someone I know that I am a T1 because he is a nurse but not a very good one, he doesn't listen to me and says dumb stuff like "I thought you weren't diabetic anymore" and "I have some T1 patients, I give them their epipens" (***?) But it's really good if you tell the right people - you know that someone's there for you if you're not feeling good, they'll buy you a drink if you're low, sit with you until you're feeling better, and make sure you're ok. You don't have to tell everyone you know - tell those people you trust, and don't tell the idiots!

 

[mytype1.life]

I used to feel like that and would avoid talking about it but since I’ve got the Libre people tend to say ‘what’s that?’ and make some kind of a joke about looking like a pager I tell them I’m diabetic and often people are curious to find out more. I also respond if someone is commenting on what I’m eating or trying to persuade me to eat a donut brought for the office!
I’ve recently set up a page on Instagram and it’s pretty amazing how open and proud many people are with diabetes.

 

[BunsenHoneydew]

Frankly if I wasn't fat then I wouldn't mind people knowing. But I am so that's that.

 

[AdamJames]

Re Type 2 and the weight thing, I think all this shame thing can go to hell, I'm pretty sick of it.

I'm a fat person with Type 2. Sue me.

I'm sick of pointing out that plenty of thin people have Type 2 and plenty of huge people don't. I'm sick of feeling the need to point out that athletes have Type 2. I'm sick of pointing out that I am far more active than a lot of people I know.

I'm sick of it all.

I don't even care to make excuses for myself as an overweight person with Type 2. I don't give a **** whether my lifestyle choices led to Type 2 or not. I just care about what lifestyle choices can help deal with it.

This blame and shame thing is just bizarre. Why focus on Type 2 and weight? Most health problems have known factors which increase risk. Why not get annoyed with people who like sunbathing and get skin cancer? Why not get annoyed with people with brain tumours, and say "Well they probably didn't read their phone instructions, and kept the phone near their head when making calls?". The list of cause and effect with health issues is infinite, if people want to just jump on the Type-2-and-weight thing then all they are doing is showing their own prejudice. They are little better than school bullies picking on the fat kid.

I like beer, I like cake, I like all the bad food, and I like lots of it. I've had to make radical changes since diagnosis, but I'm not going to apologise for liking food and eating a lot in the past. It doesn't make me evil. If I'd stolen somebody else's food and let them starve, then maybe. But that's not the way it is in my country. We have so much food we throw it out.

Oh and if fat people who like food shouldn't be allowed access to hospitals, then half the *staff* in the hospital I recently visited wouldn't be allowed in to do their jobs - who is going to look after people then?

Rant not remotely over.

 

[Jessitalia]

I am bizarrely ashamed of my T1. Diagnosed 27 years ago at 7yrs old I handled it better then (pre adolescence which I’ve not progressed beyond). Only a handful of my closest friends know and I never tell work (in my experience I only ever get interviews if I don’t declare it...)
Anyway. I had a slight realisation the other day. I work with 5 year olds and I wondered how I’d explain it if they saw me check my BG. And I thought I’d say “it’s a machine I use to check how much sugar is in my body”.
When diabetes is described like that it’s WAY less scary and shameful.

Part of me thinks I’m ashamed of it due to being told I could never do the jobs I wanted as a kid (doctor!!) and the way I feel both told off my drs (the look!) and yet unsupported by them (too controlled to have aaccess to a pump). So I live in this weird world of wanting to live my life the best but being told I can’t (I was 7 when I was told I couldn’t be a doctor so possibly could’ve not given up the dream then!)

 

[slaxx]

@Jessitalia don't give up on your dream! the practice is ruthless as far as i've heard but if you've been able to control your diabetes this far, it should never be an obstacle for you! i do relate though to the idea of wanting to live the best life but not being able to, because a tiny change in lifestyle can send cascades of difficulty in diabetes management. i mean even something as simple and temporary as going mountain hiking as recreation seems like a daunting task...