Dilemma.

[JoKalsbeek]

I do pretty well with most family events these days, but for some reason my sister-in-law doesn't quite grasp it just yet.... Luckily, we pass by a McD's to and from her house, so I can always go get a bunless burger or two if I feel like I'm passing out with hunger, haha. So I'm very much for eating before or after, and yeah, if there's 3 things you can eat, opt for those and get the protein and fats elsewhere at another time.

As for her catering for her own needs rather than for the 40-something guests... That, too, is exactly what my sister-in-law would do. She eats like a bird, and expects others to. So when there were 8 (!) people helping with a move, they got chinese take-out for 2. And still stuff got left over because no-one dared to empty anything for fear of being rude. Another moment where I put a second meal on the table when we got home.

Make sure you get what you need, and if you can avoid conflict which could ruin your beloved sister's party, do. It'll make the experience a lot more pleasant all over, and at least we here will know someone was being a thougtless, self-centered somethingorother, and you by far her better.

 

[briped]

I was just joking about the serving of madness,

I know I have nothing against veggie meals per se, and have been known to be a good vegetarian Indian cook, at least according to probably very polite Indian friends, but that was years ago

 

[briped]

She eats like a bird, and expects others to. So when there were 8 (!) people helping with a move, they got chinese take-out for 2.

I'm desperately looking for that "WHAT!?!?!" smiley. My sister A, the younger mentally handicapped, did the same one time I came to stay with her for the week-end. We rarely see each other as we live in either end of Denmark. It was clear to me that she did her very best to be the perfect hostess, and that she loved the role. She'd bought a bottle of ready made vegetable soup containing about ½ liter. Very little for two people for the main evening meal, but very thoughtful of her, which I praised her for. Afterwards we had a slice of rye bread with cheese. This was before I went Low Carb

if you can avoid conflict which could ruin your beloved sister's party, do.

Oh, I can and I will. She's looking forward to it more than anything else she's ever looked forward to.

 

[SlimLizzy]

It's my sister A's 50th birthday. She's mentally handicapped, so my sister B has done most of the organising. Sister B is a pescetarian, and has ordered a vegetarian buffet at a cafe for nearly 40 people. She knows I have certain dietary challenges, but didn't ask me if this was suitable for me. There are 3 out of 11 possible items I can eat, but no protein and fat. I eat keto, and would really hate to be set back several days and have my BGs fly to the moon. I am very carb sensitive. I pointed this out to sister B, who replied that that was why a buffet was such a good idea, as one could choose. Not much help, right? So what do I do? I don't want to cause a conflict, as we've had far too many of those in our lives already, and I don't want to risk spoiling anything for sister A.
She also ordered some meatballs for the 'meat eaters', which will be most of the party, but they're normally made with flour and anyway, they'll be the first to be eaten.
Let's see if the poll thing works ...

Is it possible to call the cafe and put in a separate order for yourself?

 

[briped]

Is it possible to call the cafe and put in a separate order for yourself?

I should think it would be, and have considered it, but I'm worried it would be considered provocative.

 

[KK123]

I should think it would be, and have considered it, but I'm worried it would be considered provocative.

Briped, personally I think you are thinking about it too deeply. Who cares what sister B thinks?, you have a dietary requirement so how can that ever be construed as provocative? I would say eat what you can off the buffet, if there's a burger just grab it and throw away the bun, etc. Take a few nuts or cheese with you if you must and most of all ENJOY the day. You do not have to justify anything to anyone, if sister B won't provide a few extra low carb items, well stuff her. The main objective is to stick to what is important to you and enjoy the day. You are not obliged to even mention your diet if you don't want to be 'provocative'. Families eh? x

 

[AllieRainbow]

I don't think that by taking care of your dietary requirements you are being provocative - quite the opposite. I would say that the person catering was being the provocative one. I would either ask the cafe if they could provide you with something appropriate, or take something to eat in your bag - I take food with me if I think I won't be able to manage - some cheese is enough to keep going for ages or some boiled eggs or nuts. I would consider it extremely rude of the person catering to not provide something for you if they are aware of your dietary issues.

I am all for keeping the peace in a family situation, but sometimes you may need to push back a bit (politely), to avoid being trampled on. Some people just like taking offence for no good reason, and if you bring your own food when she has not provided much for you to eat that is no good reason to take offence.

 

[Diakat]

Eat before hand. Go, celebrate your sister, get home, eat again if need be. If anyone asks just say not hungry with all the excitement.

 

[becca59]

As someone who caters for small family events/ friends on a regular basis I always try and take everyone’s dietary needs into consideration. And there are quite a few of them. However, catering for 40 people is more difficult.
Just to play devils advocate, unless you offered to be involved in the organising and had your offer rebutted then complaining about the results could be construed by your sister as been awkward. Go, enjoy the party and take some pack up to eat with the food on offer that you can eat. If anyone comments, tell them your dietary issues, but say that you didn’t want to make things harder for your sister, who had gone to all this trouble. You will come away from the event full and with others thinking how considerate you are.

 

[Member496333]

Personally I would eat beforehand. Or not bother. I can easily go 48h without food, so it wouldn’t be an issue. Only you know the family politics of such an act, but if it were me, and a family member tried to pressure me into eating something I didn’t want to, they’d be getting a few choice words in private

 

[briped]

Just to play devils advocate, unless you offered to be involved in the organising and had your offer rebutted then complaining about the results could be construed by your sister as been awkward.

Well, I believe that in her eyes I'm just permanently awkward, no matter what Anyway, it's difficult to offer my help if I don't know she's planning anything. I gather that this was planned about a year ago. My experience with sister B is that her way of cooperating with me is telling me what to do, and I'm not really built like that, so I shall feel quite free to not be too impressed with the arrangement, if she asks. Our relationship is somewhat ... erhm difficult. Till a couple of years ago I thought that the reason she hasn't set foot in my flat since '94 is that she hates my husband, but within the last couple of years I've learned from certain events that she's not too keen on me either. At the moment we have a ceasefire, which is preferable to nuclear war, so that's why I don't want to rock the boat too much. A ceasefire situation is better for sister A. That's the background info.

 

[briped]

Who cares what sister B thinks?

Thanks @KK123 . You're absolutely right 'Families, eh?' . There's a bit of background info in post #31

Take a few nuts or cheese with you

Exactly what I did for my dad's funeral "missing thumb up emoji"

You are not obliged to even mention your diet if you don't want to be 'provocative'.

I didn't at a Christmas do I went to, but the guy sitting next to me asked me if I ate like I did out of choice. My reply was 'out of necessity', and he didn't ask me to elaborate. Very recently I claimed that I was allergic to carbs, which is kind of true, but I can't for the life of me remember the situation precisely. My husband had a hearty laugh He's so supportive.

 

[briped]

I don't think that by taking care of your dietary requirements you are being provocative - quite the opposite. I would say that the person catering was being the provocative one. I would either ask the cafe if they could provide you with something appropriate, or take something to eat in your bag - I take food with me if I think I won't be able to manage - some cheese is enough to keep going for ages or some boiled eggs or nuts. I would consider it extremely rude of the person catering to not provide something for you if they are aware of your dietary issues.

I am all for keeping the peace in a family situation, but sometimes you may need to push back a bit (politely), to avoid being trampled on. Some people just like taking offence for no good reason, and if you bring your own food when she has not provided much for you to eat that is no good reason to take offence.

I agree with you to a very large extent, but my feelings are very mixed. Post #31 will probably tell you a bit more about the trickiness of the situation. Thanks so much for the emotional support! I once watched a tv programme on how the middle child is often the diplomatic one. I found that programme very interesting as it would seem I'm the typical middle child.

 

[briped]

Personally I would eat beforehand. Or not bother. I can easily go 48h without food, so it wouldn’t be an issue. Only you know the family politics of such an act, but if it were me, and a family member tried to pressure me into eating something I didn’t want to, they’d be getting a few choice words in private

I don't feel pressured, maybe because I know it's impossible to do that the way things are going for me at the moment, but I do feel neglected. Especially after I mentioned to her this morning just how carb resistant I am, and that just one dl of ordinary strawberry youghurt will raise my BG levels by 2mmol/l, which I consider a lot. All she texted me back was "That is a lot". No words like " I get that. What can we do?"
I do IF. Normally from around 8pm till 2pm the following day, but I haven't tried longer fasts. At the moment my BGs are in their 4s mostly, and if they carry on like that for a couple of months, I think it's time to look at reducing my meds yet again, but going lower than that is not what I aim for, especially not at a party.

 

[Deleted member 308541]

I voted Other.

Simple solution, do not go as you are having a <<<Insert Ailment Here>>> moment.

 

[briped]

I voted Other.

Simple solution, do not go as you are having a <<<Insert Ailment Here>>> moment.

I've considered that too, mainly because I tend to be rather unsociable, but I couldn't do that to my sister A as it would really disappoint her. Also I bought the non-refundable coach tickets already. It's quite a long journey.

 

[lucylocket61]

I don't feel pressured, maybe because I know it's impossible to do that the way things are going for me at the moment, but I do feel neglected. Especially after I mentioned to her this morning just how carb resistant I am, and that just one dl of ordinary strawberry youghurt will raise my BG levels by 2mmol/l, which I consider a lot. All she texted me back was "That is a lot". No words like " I get that. What can we do?"
I do IF. Normally from around 8pm till 2pm the following day, but I haven't tried longer fasts. At the moment my BGs are in their 4s mostly, and if they carry on like that for a couple of months, I think it's time to look at reducing my meds yet again, but going lower than that is not what I aim for, especially not at a party.

given that your sister has organized the food with no consideration for anyone but herself, including your other sister, I am not surprised at her self-centered behaviour. Its NOT you, its her.

Hugs for feeling neglected. You are being neglected. But you are lovely, the behavioral problem is hers.

 

[briped]

Just a little follow up on the party. Mission accomplished. My sister had a wonderful party, and was ever so happy. I felt honoured that she'd chosen me to sit beside her at the 'high table', and my first speech ever (I'm 58 for crying out loud) was given with confidence. I didn't even have any trouble writing it, as I'd done that 44 years ago when she was 6 and I was 14, and wrote a school essay about 'a person I cared deeply for or admired'. I'm so glad I chose to write about her, back then.
Foodwise. I'd cooked a large portion of cabbage and ground beef. Popped it in the freezer and brought it with me. That way we had 2 x dinners when we arrived, and enough left for me to have before going to the party the following day. At the party buffet I chose salad and a couple of small meat balls from the buffet, and while everybody else had cream cakes for dessert, I had a large cheese platter with a lovely selection of cheeses. I sent the bisquits back, and kindly donated the grapes to my cousin. She seemed a little envious, actually. I skipped the potato/leek soup, but happily ate the bacon everybody else used for soup topping. Drinks? Ice water and herbal tea. That evening my going to bed BG reading was 5.4, but something odd happened the next morning. My FBG was 7.5, and an hour later 6.5. Higher than it's been in many months, so I was somewhat surprised as I'd been such a good girl. Never mind, but just surprised. 4 hours and a long walk later it was back down to 4.6.
Thanks for all your help, emotional support and advice

 

[tayelola]

There shouldn't be any fuss about this matter. It is about your health. Must you please anybody to displease yourself? The choice is yours. Take control of your well being.

 

[derry60]

Some people have trouble with their families even when they have been invited over for a meal. I am lucky with my sis. We went over for a meal a couple of weeks ago and she made steak and kidney pie, mash potatoes and veg. She said to me "Here is your dinner Derry. I went onto that site that you told me about and made your pie with the Fat Head Dough." She then presented me with Greens and Broccoli "Your dessert is Keto Blackberry crumble with Almond Flour and full-fat butter". What a star she is.