Fed up

[Chloelox]

I’ve been given a new endocrinologist,

he’s just given me a 20 minute lecture on the phone that as a diabetic I cannot smoke (which I know I need to quit but I’m horrendously stressed and anxious and cannot get in the mindset to do it right now) I cannot drink? He asked me how much I drink.. and I said I drink maybe a bottle of wine or two a week with evening meals to be met with ‘that’s way too much, wine is full of sugar!’ And I explained in my teen years I could drink 6 bottles of wine a week at a time and he told me ‘yes but that was when you were young, undiagnosed and didn’t have a baby’ i was absolutely gobsmacked.

Firstly, I’m 25. my daughter is almost a year old and I have had the odd glass a wine certain days of the week with my evening meal, after putting her to bed. I just couldn’t believe the comment, especially after explaining I am struggling with my mental health surrounding the disease and somedays I do think about throwing in the towel on life but know my family needs me. I’m so angry and upset, does anyone know if I can request a new endocrinologist? I want someone who is happy to work with me and help me manage my blood sugar for my lifestyle, not expect me to live to serve my diabetes.

 

[Ronancastled]

He sounds very hard.
I smoked too pre-diagnosis, I took up vaping as a crutch to help me with the cravings.
Smoking is discouraged as you're already prone to serious macrovascular & microvascular complications which smoking could exacerbate.
It's ultimately your call, who knows, you could have good genes & be lucky.

He can ****** off with drinking, red wine reduces my BG nicely thank you.
Out of my cold dead hands.

 

[NicoleC1971]

I’ve been given a new endocrinologist,

he’s just given me a 20 minute lecture on the phone that as a diabetic I cannot smoke (which I know I need to quit but I’m horrendously stressed and anxious and cannot get in the mindset to do it right now) I cannot drink? He asked me how much I drink.. and I said I drink maybe a bottle of wine or two a week with evening meals to be met with ‘that’s way too much, wine is full of sugar!’ And I explained in my teen years I could drink 6 bottles of wine a week at a time and he told me ‘yes but that was when you were young, undiagnosed and didn’t have a baby’ i was absolutely gobsmacked.

Firstly, I’m 25. my daughter is almost a year old and I have had the odd glass a wine certain days of the week with my evening meal, after putting her to bed. I just couldn’t believe the comment, especially after explaining I am struggling with my mental health surrounding the disease and somedays I do think about throwing in the towel on life but know my family needs me. I’m so angry and upset, does anyone know if I can request a new endocrinologist? I want someone who is happy to work with me and help me manage my blood sugar for my lifestyle, not expect me to live to serve my diabetes.

Sounds like you had a bad experience - felt judged and unfairly told off when perhaps you expected more support - and I know you've previously posted re your struggles.
I wonder if it would have been better face to face in that the consultant might have read your reactions better and taken a more sympathetic tone. Or maybe not! I always think it must be frustrating for consultants when so much of what their patients do is on the patient rather than the genius of the consultant! It depends what you want from this relationship and if it is empathy and gentle encouragement you might want to ask to see an alternate consultant (assuming there is a team then you can ask the clinic administrator to speak to someone else) or a diabetes nurse as they are often better at the practical side of this disease. On the other hand if he simply told you something you didn't want to hear but know is true ( I do not know if you drink too much or how your blood sugars are) then once the hurt and anger has subsided what can you do to make any changes that are needed and who else can help you?

 

[Antje77]

Can you fire him?

 

[Chloelox]

Sounds like you had a bad experience - felt judged and unfairly told off when perhaps you expected more support - and I know you've previously posted re your struggles.
I wonder if it would have been better face to face in that the consultant might have read your reactions better and taken a more sympathetic tone. Or maybe not! I always think it must be frustrating for consultants when so much of what their patients do is on the patient rather than the genius of the consultant! It depends what you want from this relationship and if it is empathy and gentle encouragement you might want to ask to see an alternate consultant (assuming there is a team then you can ask the clinic administrator to speak to someone else) or a diabetes nurse as they are often better at the practical side of this disease. On the other hand if he simply told you something you didn't want to hear but know is true ( I do not know if you drink too much or how your blood sugars are) then once the hurt and anger has subsided what can you do to make any changes that are needed and who else can help you?

I’m fully aware I need to quit smoking, but I do not believe for one second that I’ve surpassed my youth. Nor do I believe a bottle of wine over a week is going to do much damage as I’m sure him himself enjoys a drink to wind down after a hard week.

I want an endocrinologist who is happy to work with me to achieve better control without having to completely change my lifestyle. I haven’t been seen in clinic since June 2020 so there’s a massive amount of patient care that has been missed with me.

 

[ert]

I’ve been given a new endocrinologist,

he’s just given me a 20 minute lecture on the phone that as a diabetic I cannot smoke (which I know I need to quit but I’m horrendously stressed and anxious and cannot get in the mindset to do it right now) I cannot drink? He asked me how much I drink.. and I said I drink maybe a bottle of wine or two a week with evening meals to be met with ‘that’s way too much, wine is full of sugar!’ And I explained in my teen years I could drink 6 bottles of wine a week at a time and he told me ‘yes but that was when you were young, undiagnosed and didn’t have a baby’ i was absolutely gobsmacked.

Firstly, I’m 25. my daughter is almost a year old and I have had the odd glass a wine certain days of the week with my evening meal, after putting her to bed. I just couldn’t believe the comment, especially after explaining I am struggling with my mental health surrounding the disease and somedays I do think about throwing in the towel on life but know my family needs me. I’m so angry and upset, does anyone know if I can request a new endocrinologist? I want someone who is happy to work with me and help me manage my blood sugar for my lifestyle, not expect me to live to serve my diabetes.

On my DAFNE course, the general consensus was that everyone including a GP who had type 1 for 30 years, hated meetings with their specialist. They set unrealistic targets and always gave a firm telling off. I remember thinking, none of the specialists were diabetics. Insulin is hard. I would like to see them do better.

 

[jaywak]

For 46 years my diabetes control ( type 1 ) has luckily been the same at every yearly visit to the diabetic clinic but the amount of times i've had completely different responses from the consultants , I've been told by one that i'me one of the best if not the best controlled type 1 s he's ever come across to in the early years being told if I don't improve my control I won't see my 40th birthday , ( i'me now 62 ) and haven't really changed anything , I lost my driving license once because I told the Dr that I had had a couple of nocturnal hypos , I complained and got it back after 6 mths , It doesn't seem like they all sing from the same hymn sheet does it ? As for the wine drinking I know you'll all be saying this is wrong but i've been drinking a bottle a night for as long as I can remember and i'me still here !

 

[JMK1954]

You should be able to contact the PALS service at the hospital you nomally attend, to ask not to see this particular doctor again. I did this some years ago because of a female doctor, who in my opinion was a bully. I got to the stage of cancelling appointments because of the way she screamed at me. I am still glad I did it. I think 'PALS' means Patient Advice and Liaison Services.

Edited for typo

 

[StewM]

In 18 odd years of adult Diabetes care, how much I do or don’t drink has never been brought up once.

 

[Grant_Vicat]

I’ve been given a new endocrinologist,

he’s just given me a 20 minute lecture on the phone that as a diabetic I cannot smoke (which I know I need to quit but I’m horrendously stressed and anxious and cannot get in the mindset to do it right now) I cannot drink? He asked me how much I drink.. and I said I drink maybe a bottle of wine or two a week with evening meals to be met with ‘that’s way too much, wine is full of sugar!’ And I explained in my teen years I could drink 6 bottles of wine a week at a time and he told me ‘yes but that was when you were young, undiagnosed and didn’t have a baby’ i was absolutely gobsmacked.

Firstly, I’m 25. my daughter is almost a year old and I have had the odd glass a wine certain days of the week with my evening meal, after putting her to bed. I just couldn’t believe the comment, especially after explaining I am struggling with my mental health surrounding the disease and somedays I do think about throwing in the towel on life but know my family needs me. I’m so angry and upset, does anyone know if I can request a new endocrinologist? I want someone who is happy to work with me and help me manage my blood sugar for my lifestyle, not expect me to live to serve my diabetes.

For at least 55 years very few days have passed without some alcohol intake. For at least 37 of them I was Type 1. Amusingly, when I was 20, the dietitian at King's London asked me what I was drinking daily and I lied. I said 1 pint of beer and that was officially listed as part of my diet plan! Even when I was put on a very restricted diet in 2000, I was still allowed alcohol and even recommended to have a glass of dry/medium dry wine. What is the point of extending life if it's a misery? As the ancient Greeks said "Nothing in excess." One glass is not excessive Don't let the .......s grind you down!

 

[Chloelox]

In 18 odd years of adult Diabetes care, how much I do or don’t drink has never been brought up once.

I had never been asked before, nor by my DSN which is why it shocked me so much.
I have friends who are diabetic for 10+ years who used to drink heavily during their uni years and still enjoy drinking in excess on occasion now. If I was an alcoholic I would understand but a bottle over a week is neither here nor there.

 

[Antje77]

Hey, I smoke (a lot, and I wish I didn't) and I drink more than is likely healthy. My Endo, my GP and my DSN know. They also know I know I know this is not healthy behaviour, regardless of diabetes.
Smoking and drinking don't hinder me in managing my diabetes as well as I can. I see them for my diabetes (or in case of the GP for whatever else ails me), and their job is to support me with my diabetes. Not to tell me off for whatever unhealthy habits or traits I have.

 

[Mike d]

The "do gooders" one must contend with in life .... but then they must contend with me.

 

[EllieM]

I want someone who is happy to work with me and help me manage my blood sugar for my lifestyle, not expect me to live to serve my diabetes.

Not an unreasonable request or expectation.

Look, I've luckily never smoked (nothing like watching a T1 mother stress while she fails to give up, though she did eventually do so). But I certainly drink more than you do, and probably have done for 40 years, all T1. And though I'm sure I drink more than is healthy, the only diabetic effect I notice is a reduction in my dawn phenomena. And no one has ever suggested that I should cut it down.

I've seen diabetic specialists in the UK, Australia and now New Zealand, but they've mostly been fine (ish). Though I can certainly empathise with any dread felt before visits. Frequent requests to tighten my control, yes, but that's usually been accompanied by suggestions on how to do it. My current NZ consultant is wonderful, and tag teams with a supportive diabetic nurse and nutritionist.

I do wonder whether your doctor noticed you had a baby and assumed you were 35 not 25, even though your date of birth was in his notes in front of him. (Though 35 is still young by my standards at 25 you're practically a baby ). He also probably translated a bottle of wine a week as a bottle of wine a day. (But maybe I am being overly cynical.)

I wonder if the mod rules on language allow me to use the mock latin phrase

Illegitimum non carborundum

which expresses my opinion of your endocrinologist perfectly....

Good luck.

 

[Brunneria]

As a point of interest, wine is NOT ‘full of sugar’ and he was factually incorrect to make that claim.

please be sure to point out his misleading ignorance when you put in a complaint about him.

https://winefolly.com/lifestyle/carbs-in-wine/

 

[NicoleC1971]

I’m fully aware I need to quit smoking, but I do not believe for one second that I’ve surpassed my youth. Nor do I believe a bottle of wine over a week is going to do much damage as I’m sure him himself enjoys a drink to wind down after a hard week.

I want an endocrinologist who is happy to work with me to achieve better control without having to completely change my lifestyle. I haven’t been seen in clinic since June 2020 so there’s a massive amount of patient care that has been missed with me.

Totally agree that you should enjoy some wine and give up smoking when you are ready. TBH I don't expect care from my hospital consultant but they do sign off my pump funding so I go for that and not to be lectured or in my youth, patronised. I had a last clinic appointment in Feb 2020 and just had my April appointment pushed back to Zoom in June. I find them of no practical use beyond the funding, as they cannot possibly know me or my diabetes or you, just by looking at our latest test results. We have to keep in the loop and I hope you find someone you can trust that doesn't build up unnecessary barriers by being judgemental.
For moral support I like this forum or better still my local type 1 group - we used to go to the pub but now do long walks or send each other stupid jokes on WhatsApp. Perhaps you could find out if there's something similar near you?

 

[Goma5]

For at least 55 years very few days have passed without some alcohol intake. For at least 37 of them I was Type 1. Amusingly, when I was 20, the dietitian at King's London asked me what I was drinking daily and I lied. I said 1 pint of beer and that was officially listed as part of my diet plan! Even when I was put on a very restricted diet in 2000, I was still allowed alcohol and even recommended to have a glass of dry/medium dry wine. What is the point of extending life if it's a misery? As the ancient Greeks said "Nothing in excess." One glass is not excessive Don't let the .......s grind you down!

absolutely great post! At the end of the day, if you are able to manage your blood sugars accordingly, then you can drink / eat / do whatever you like. you won't be immune from other health related impacts, but life is too short to worry about everything!

 

[kvetiny]

Hey, I smoke (a lot, and I wish I didn't) and I drink more than is likely healthy. My Endo, my GP and my DSN know. They also know I know I know this is not healthy behaviour, regardless of diabetes.
Smoking and drinking don't hinder me in managing my diabetes as well as I can. I see them for my diabetes (or in case of the GP for whatever else ails me), and their job is to support me with my diabetes. Not to tell me off for whatever unhealthy habits or traits I have.

It's nice to know there is someone normal out there with vices. I do like a good drink and love my takeaways. Try to be good most the time but it's important to enjoy life too and not to be constantly counting things all the time.

 

[EllieM]

‘that’s way too much, wine is full of sugar!’

I had an unfortunate experience a couple of nights ago when I drank two (luckily small) glasses of white wine from our local vineyard that I'd won in a raffle. My husband put some in a vegetable stew. The stew was good, and we assumed the slightly sweet taste came from the pumpkin in it. After drinking the wine, I did notice my bg going up unexpectedly, but just assumed I'd miscalculated the stew. The wine had an interesting flavour, slightly sweeter than I was used to, but not excessively so.

Illumination came when my husband decided to have a glass before bed and read the label more carefully -- It was grape juice.

The moral? Unfermented wine is full of sugar
(And no, I don't normally need count carbs for dry read or white wines.)

 

[jaywak]

I find if I drink red wine in the evening I have a far better nights sleep than if I don't and everyone keeps saying now that a good nights sleep is so important for your health so thats good enough reason to carry on with the same .