Finding sticking to lchf hard

[Concordjan]

I have been following a lchf way of eating for 3 years now, results ok but find it so difficult with my OH and family. I get very little support if any.
It took me years of being diabetic to persuade my OH not to buy me chocolates, - “You deserve the occasional treat!” Can’t really blame him, he’s indifferent to his own health. He is an overweight smoker who already has had one heart attack and not changed his ways. It doesn’t help when he eats crisps or chocolate in front of me. Also often end up cooking separate dinners.
I sometimes take my Mum out for a cup of tea, she has to have a piece of cake with it or an ice cream I sit drinking my black coffee while she says “It’s a shame you can’t have this, it’s lovely!” She’s 90 so I don’t really blame her.
Almost every Sunday I cook a roast with all the trimmings plus dessert for my family. I allow myself 1 piece of potato and an extra class of wine!
Never had any help or support from my doctors or nurse either.
Feel I am almost on my own and if it wasn’t for this forum would probably give up. So thanks guys.

 

[CondorX]

Didn't want to rush past without voicing my support.....it is hard when those around you seem quite indifferent and to be honest, a bit selfish and unthinking. Just keep on keeping on though........you could perhaps keep a few of these new wave protein / nut / chocolate bars, like the new Trek bars, Nine bars and so on in your bag for when others have a cake or a carby dessert. They are under 8g carb and quite nice.

 

[Concordjan]

Thank you Condor x

 

[Rachox]

I’m so sorry your husband isn’t supporting you. I do the cooking in our house so my hubby and young adult son get low carb dinners in the evening. If they want carbs they can help themselves to bread and cereals etc... Other meals they have to paddle their own canoe! Maybe it’s time for a heart to heart with your hubby. It sounds like a lower carb diet wouldn’t do him any harm?
And I agree with @CondorX , I always keep a low carb protein bar in my handbag for those coffee shop occasions.

 

[Concordjan]

I’m so sorry your husband isn’t supporting you. I do the cooking in our house so my hubby and young adult son get low carb dinners in the evening. If they want carbs they can help themselves to bread and cereals etc... Other meals they have to paddle their own canoe! Maybe it’s time for a heart to heart with your hubby. It sounds like a lower carb diet wouldn’t do him any harm?
And I agree with @CondorX , I always keep a low carb protein bar in my handbag for those coffee shop occasions.

I’m sure a lower carb diet would be better for my husband, but he refuses, e.g. if I make a curry I cook normal rice for him and cauliflower rice for me; meat pie and mash for him, pork strips and broccoli for me. He does his own breakfast and lunch, both very high carb. He also refuses to stop smoking. Have tried a heart to heart before but he won’t budge. Will give it another go though. Sometimes I just need to have a rant and then get on with it! Thank you anyway.

 

[DCUKMod]

@Concordjan - What would happen if you started making one meal for you both?

I am very fortunate that my OH and I agreed, on near enough to day 1, that our main meal of the day would always be the same. We eat the the dining table every evening, at a properly set table, with serving dishes etc., and it's usually a leisurely affair, where we talk asbout our day, or whatever else.

My OH is the main cook, but we have worked out a bunck of meals we both get along with - albeing on occassion he will have additional carbs in one form or another.

Our one exception to the one meal, per mealtime is going to be this evening. My OH fancies macaroni cheese, and leaving aside my gluten issues, I haven't eaten pasta in years, so I will have cauli cheese. It'll go into a lasagne dish, so I'll have the contents of one end, and he'll dig into the other.

If you cook, you are in control of what goes in front of him for dinner?

 

[mtc2300]

The non-support at home is the same thing for me. All the time I get the answer my diet is unhealthy, extreme and only causing trouble. I'm all the time offered sweets, freshly baked cake and bread, icecream, being offered fatty dinner with lots of potatoes/pasta instead of my "extreme" own etc etc.

Just ignore them and do your own food. It comes back to them as a boomerang when you loose weight and get positive numbers and manages, because I know you will, to put your diabetes into remission.

 

[Anniya84]

Because I'm the only person that cooks in our house (boyfriend can only manage beans on a toast and pasta bake...), I decided about a week ago that I will just cook low carb meals for everyone. He noticed a few days in and asked - are you putting me on some kind of Atkins diet? What's with all the meat and lettuce lately? But I told him - tough, you're either gonna eat healthy with me or cook your own starchy meals! I think the message got through... It's definitely going to benefit both of us because neither of us is very healthy and could definitely lose a few kg.

 

[mtc2300]

Because I'm the only person that cooks in our house (boyfriend can only manage beans on a toast and pasta bake...), I decided about a week ago that I will just cook low carb meals for everyone. He noticed a few days in and asked - are you putting me on some kind of Atkins diet? What's with all the meat and lettuce lately? But I told him - tough, you're either gonna eat healthy with me or cook your own starchy meals! I think the message got through... It's definitely going to benefit both of us because neither of us is very healthy and could definitely lose a few kg.

I said the same. If you really hate my diet so much, I'll shop and cook for myself. Then you can shop and cook your own unhealthy meals keep gaining weight and pay for another liposuction when the fat returns.

At first I was told I would never get below 150 kg. Then it was 130 kg. Now that I'm under 120 kg., I keep hearing over and over again I will never get below 100 kg unless I'm having some sort of gastric surgery.

 

[bulkbiker]

I said the same. If you really hate my diet so much, I'll shop and cook for myself. Then you can shop and cook your own unhealthy meals keep gaining weight and pay for another liposuction when the fat returns.

At first I was told I would never get below 150 kg. Then it was 130 kg. Now that I'm under 120 kg., I keep hearing over and over again I will never get below 100 kg unless I'm having some sort of gastric surgery.

I started out at 145kg and this morning was just under 92kg..so whoever told you that was crazy.

 

[Mbaker]

Because I'm the only person that cooks in our house (boyfriend can only manage beans on a toast and pasta bake...), I decided about a week ago that I will just cook low carb meals for everyone. He noticed a few days in and asked - are you putting me on some kind of Atkins diet? What's with all the meat and lettuce lately? But I told him - tough, you're either gonna eat healthy with me or cook your own starchy meals! I think the message got through... It's definitely going to benefit both of us because neither of us is very healthy and could definitely lose a few kg.

Love this.

 

[mtc2300]

I started out at 145kg and this morning was just under 92kg..so whoever told you that was crazy.

I know that. I guess it's just a way to try and make me fail. It's the same person who constantly offers me sweets. chocolate, potatoes/pasta, icecream and sugar soda's.

 

[bulkbiker]

I know that. I guess it's just a way to try and make me fail. It's the same person who constantly offers me sweets. chocolate, potatoes/pasta, icecream and sugar soda's.

Jealousy at your success I'm guessing...

 

[Mbaker]

I have been following a lchf way of eating for 3 years now, results ok but find it so difficult with my OH and family. I get very little support if any.
It took me years of being diabetic to persuade my OH not to buy me chocolates, - “You deserve the occasional treat!” Can’t really blame him, he’s indifferent to his own health. He is an overweight smoker who already has had one heart attack and not changed his ways. It doesn’t help when he eats crisps or chocolate in front of me. Also often end up cooking separate dinners.
I sometimes take my Mum out for a cup of tea, she has to have a piece of cake with it or an ice cream I sit drinking my black coffee while she says “It’s a shame you can’t have this, it’s lovely!” She’s 90 so I don’t really blame her.
Almost every Sunday I cook a roast with all the trimmings plus dessert for my family. I allow myself 1 piece of potato and an extra class of wine!
Never had any help or support from my doctors or nurse either.
Feel I am almost on my own and if it wasn’t for this forum would probably give up. So thanks guys.

If there was a way to get through to significant others easily, whoever came up with the methodology would be a billionaire.

There is something in human nature which is a little self destructive. You can only be strong look after your health and maybe cook up some super indulgent meals for yourself that create a food envy. E.g. steak, onions, mushrooms, vine tomatoes. Followed by various berries, double cream and some chocolate sprinkles. If you did some clever meals like this say 3 times a week you could get some cogs moving.

 

[Concordjan]

If I don’t cook food he likes he would live on takeaways. Never cooked in his life and as he’s in his late 60s I don’t think he’ll change his habits now. He doesn’t eat any green veg, just potatoes, rice or pasta with his meat or pies. I’ve never been overweight so don’t follow low carb to loose weight but to control my blood sugars. I suppose I’m the one with diabetes, not him - yet! My son who still lives with us, does give me encouragement. He mostly follows a low carb diet through choice, but he cooks his own as he eats a lot later than us.

 

[Concordjan]

If there was a way to get through to significant others easily, whoever came up with the methodology would be a billionaire.

There is something in human nature which is a little self destructive. You can only be strong look after your health and maybe cook up some super indulgent meals for yourself that create a food envy. E.g. steak, onions, mushrooms, vine tomatoes. Followed by various berries, double cream and some chocolate sprinkles. If you did some clever meals like this say 3 times a week you could get some cogs moving.

He definitely seems to have a self destruct nature. I do sometimes think he’s aiming for another heart attack, As he watched his mother deteriorate over 15 years with Alzheimer’s, ending up in nappies and without the power of speech before she finally died.
A steak dinner is something we both enjoy, although he does have a few chips with his!

 

[Brunneria]

I just wanted to express my sympathy @Concordjan

There is absolutely nothing you can do to divert someone from their chosen way of eating, except not enable them - and it can be very, very difficult indeed.

All I can really suggest is that you prioritise yourself and your own chosen eating.
If providing carbs for your husband is difficult for you (and it would be difficult for me!) then don’t do it.

In our house, there are those bags of pre-cooked Uncle Bens in the cupboard, bags of buttered new potatoes in the fridge, and bread in the freezer. My husband is welcome to prepare any of those himself using the toaster or the microwave, and can therefore provide his own carbs in whatever quantities he likes. I just give him a shout 5 mins before the meal is ready, to give him time to hit the microwave.

I honestly don’t think people realise how difficult it is to constantly prep food for others that you can’t eat. Far more difficult than saying ‘no thank you’ to a cake slice, or selecting low carb choices from a menu.

Buying, planning, prepping, cooking and serving food you love, but can’t eat? Torture.

And I for one have no interest in masochism. So I just say ‘of course you can eat what you like, but I won’t be preparing it for you.’ Although I DO make an effort to make the low carb food I prepare enjoyable and as varied as I can, given the constraints.

And interestingly, when the person is required to make the effort to prep their own carbs, they often choose not to bother

 

[Concordjan]

Thank you Brunneria
I suppose I’ve got used to cooking food I can’t eat to a certain extent. I also cook for grandchildren regularly, plus mum and rest of my large family. I just need to have a moan occasionally as it does make it so much more difficult for me to keep on the straight and narrow. I do complain to my hubby but it has no real impact, at least people on here are more understanding.

 

[Blog52]

I know the feeling!! Hubby keeps offering me Kit Kats!! He is a chips with everything type of person and I am really trying to be extra good. I just now cook separate meals which is not too, too bad as I just bung his flippin' chips into the oven along with his ribs or whatever and get on with my nice, fresh, healthy dinner!!

 

[JenniferW]

I sometimes go to meetings held by my local Diabetes UK group, and over time, it's working as a way of getting some support. I have a GP practice which is notorious in the area for its lack of support for people with T2 diabetes, and without going to these local group meetings, I'd not have realised it really is a problem - it's not just me.

The local meeting yesterday was about the X-pert course (which I did several years ago). Talking about not just that, I commented on the one thing missing - long-term real support and specialist advice that addresses the situations we each have to deal with. The diabetic nurse, for example, knows little or nothing about what I have and haven't done over the 4 years since diagnosis, let alone having knowledge of how other medical conditions affect me. I asked the speaker what sort of support I could get - given how dire my GP practice is and the answer was there's nothing, apart from what's available online!

Talk about testing how strong-willed we each are! And Mbaker, I know I'm one of those who's definitely prone to self-destruction!

Thanks for coming here and having a groan, Concordjan!