burnt out on life

[Neliel2]

Sorry for any bad spellings.. im writing this before i run back to my cave and hide again.

which is the general feeling i have at the moment. I have to watch what i eat, i have to lose weight, i have to give up smoking, i have to check my bloods, i have to take my meds, i have to try to eat correctly on little money, i have to do all the house work, i have to , i have to i have to

at the moment i feel like having a fit and kicking my legs like a 3 year old and screaming "I DONT WANT TO".

I was doing so well before xmas, and thought i was getting back to it, but following my Slimming world meeting last night where i had put on 4 pound rather than lost i feel like im spiriling out of control.

all the things i should be doing seam to have just piled up on my and sucked the colours out of the world this morning. And whats more my Bloods are up in to double figures cause i forgot to take my meds lastnight which will also be making me grumpy.

I see my consultants next week and im scared he is going to take me off victoza cause i havent lost weight as quick as he would have liked, but its only since i started it nearly a year ago that i left like i was finally getting to grips with my diabetes.

The reason i have not lost weight so much (i have lost nearly a stone since sept when i joined SW) is because im stuborn and struggle to give up things i shouldnt eat, even though i know its not doing me any favours, same with my smoking,.. if i give that up ill be healthier and have a bit more money for food...and i can make all the excuses in the world and then i feel like i have failed and the gilt makes the situation even worse.

I have very little support, single mum to two teenage lads, my oldest is away at uni, i lost my other half to cancer coming up 8 years ago.. and i thought i was doing ok, but im starting to sence a black cloud on the horizen.

I want to go back to study but i cant efford it, i would love to go back to work but my youngest needs help so it would have to be a day job and there isnt any of those near me even if i could get a look in, i dont drive so have to rely on public transport which isnt the best near where i live. I would love to meet people my own age (38) but all the activities around me are mainly for older people. i volanteer at two places just to get out but again most of the people i work along side are retired (and lovely, )

but i guess one of my main problems is i put on a face when i set out the house, everything is ok even if someone asks, as i dont want to be a burdon or seam like i can cope.

and sorry for ranting on but i need to get it out or im going to burst.

 

[jezza220]

Hi Nelie
Rant away i say , i think you need to look on the bright side , you have lost nearly a stone, and smoking ,well what can i say being a smoker myself, you are trying to fight a battle with weight and cravings and control of bgs , so trying to give up the fags ,in my view would be great but too much with everything you are trying to do , may be you could study on line or take up hobbie to meet people ( cheap hobbie), but you do need to keep trying for yourself and kids , you are 38 and have a long life head off , so chin up and grab Mr diabetes by the short and curlys and keep smiling , jerry

 

[Joe Sweatthang]

First... Get off the fags and onto e-cigs. You will get your breath back which in turn will enable you to be physically more active, this will help with weight loss. Weight watching type classes don't work. You will always pile the weight back on. My wife specialises in eating disorders so that piece of knowledge comes from her. Are you type2 ? If so, try low carb high fat diet.


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[Shzz46]

Hi Nellie I gave up smoking 16 days ago using one of them vapour pens if I had known it was going to be this easy I would have done it well before now I always had a constant cough that's gone already I got out of breath just going up the stairs that's improved already I am also dieting at the same time and have lost 6lb this week give it a go you will be surprised how easy you do give up


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[Yorksman]

Well if you are fed up with your lot, it sounds like it is time for a change of lifestyle except this time, mould it into one that suits you.

Ask your GP if they run a smoking cessation clinic and about Champix. This drug works on supressing the cravings and is a 12 week course. It worked for me even though for the first week or two you continue to smoke. Push for getting on this drug. You will save a lot of money this way and it is very effective. You will also save a lot of money if you quit smoking.

Next thing is to learn to cook. It can be great fun and you can cook healthy nourishing meals very cheaply. By controlling all the ingredients, you will help your diabetes and if you learn a whole new culinary repertoire, again you'll save money.

For me, things like e cigarettes, nicotine patches, slimming shakes and weight watcher clubs and convenience ready cooked meals are all ways for other people to make a living out of you. They are in it for their own profit and are targeting your weaknesses or needs. Don't let them, do these things for yourself.

I spent much of my late 40s and 50s in your situation. I wish I knew then what I know now that I am 60. At least I still have things to look forward to, have plans for active holidays and an active retirement but by being much healthier than I was, I can do it on a shoestring. I have the energy to look for good deals. I get pleasure out of going to specialist shops and markets rather than the supermarkets who seem to be there only to con me.

You obviously feel like circumstances are pushing you around into places you don't want to be. As soon as you start making changings, things feel much better and more changes become easier.

 

[nuttybeaver]

Well done for being so brave & realising you are feeling so low, alot of people don't. You're doing a fantastic job as a single Mum with a lifelong illness.

Have you explained to your GP how you feel? They may be able to get some counselling for you.

You are not alone, we all feel like this at times. I know as I suffer with depression & have done since the age of 15.

Life seems bleak at the moment but I promise you it will improve.

If you want someone to talk/rant PM me anytime.



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[Marvin]

Try an e-cig as a way to quit smoking (and save money!) My daughter-in-law has all sorts of medical problems, and was smoking heavily and failing to give up. She tried the e-cig and it has made a world of difference to her: she's still getting the nicotine but without the smoke, she's breathing more easily, and the e-cig is much cheaper to run than buying cigarettes.. If you found you could get off the fags that would give you a real sense of achievement and boost your self esteem, as well as improving your health and reducing costs... that's three plus points all in one go!

 

[carraway]

I identified the line about struggling to give up the things you shouldn't eat.
Last year I tried the Newcastle Diet and lost weight brought my blood sugars down but it also changed my habits with food.
It is a strict meal replacement diet so not for everyone but I was much better having nothing that I wanted than trying to manage on little portions.

Might be worth a try?
If you give up smoking (and you should!!!) save the money for a treat

Keep posting, it can help to put your feelings into words

Cara

 

[suenjames]

Ask your doctor for patches if your on meds for your diabetes you get these free on perscription. I know exactly how you feel having diabetes is bad enough but I decided to stop smoking and lose weight at the same time I haven't smoked for 7 weeks and I have lost over 2 stone by being careful what i eat and excersising I know its hard but if i can do it anyone can I had no willpower but i have proven myself wrong good luck and achieve your goal.

 

[Daibell]

If possible try to diet without the aid of expensive 'clubs' or 'products'. Spend your Slimming World money on good food that you like BUT it must be low carb. Fats are not a problem so things like cheese, egg & bacon, fish. meat and so on are fine and this is where the good flavour comes. Carbs are addictive whereas most of the other flavoursome foods aren't. I realise some of these things are not the cheapest food but there are always ways round this. Yes, you must give up smoking but easier said than done. You may need the GP's help with that

 

[Neliel2]

Thanks guys.. having posted this morning i went out and booked an appointment with my practice nurse to discuss my smoking and get help with that. roll on the 6th for that.

and even posting and finally admitting how i felt made me feel a bit more possative.

but thanks again everyone for letting me know im only human and that im not alone or crazy for feeling like this..

 

[Beshlie]

Neliel, sharing things really does help and you realise you are not alone

 

[Unbeliever]

Nothing succeeds like success as they say, and if you could mange to achieve one of your goals you would feel motivated to try the next.
Maybe one at a time rather than feeling overwhelmed by trying to tackle everything at once.
I would suggest that you come back, say , once a week to let ius know how yu are doing with giving up smoking.
No one will judge you but it might help to keep you focussed.
Good luck.

 

[izzzi]

Hi Nelie12,
Thanks for being brave and honest, The last few months has been extra hard for you and Xmas must take some blame.
The cave as you say needs to change and become your driving tool to get you back to "Nelie as she should be"
The weight,cigs and food are problems that you are totally aware of and can control with that so called little extra effort (and that is not easy).

Yet somehow, again as you nicely say you need to get out with people that are more on your wave length (if you know what I mean) .

Is there anyway you can get some kind of break away from the cave with your son just to give you a boost.

Hope everything gets better for you sooner than you think.

 

[Janiept]

I am so glad you decided to share how you're feeling and get things off your chest. Today you have probably helped a few people who are struggling but don't feel up to telling anybody so hearing your story is a big bonus for them.
As for stopping smoking and losing weight at the same time Imho that's a big ask.
Would it be a better idea to concentrate on one and when you feel that you have cracked that then you could attack the other?
What do you really enjoy doing in life? You know... What takes you out of yourself and makes you forget all your worries. If you could find a club of people with similar interests so that you could get out of the house it might help.
I understand what you are saying about transport being a problem. I live in a village where the last bus runs at 7 o'clock at night so evening classes and groups are a problem but perhaps something during the day?
Good luck with your appointment with the nurse and please let us know how you are doing.
Hugs, Janie

 

[cath99]

its ahard thing to admit and to carry the load you have isnever going to be easy as we all know here we fight the same battles. you lost stone thats an amazing achievment be proud you have done that , and the 4ib gain see that as your starting block to move forward. lord knows day n day out living with this is hard and you do at times lose yourself in diets meds and diabeties, you have come here so that is a good place to be let us support you and help you on ur way to ur new smoke free life you have it it u i promise you, im new here 2 months diagnosed its hard to adjust but i just did because simply i want to keep my sight .. and to me all bad foods are just that toxic posin ive even started visulizing green toxic smoke coming from choccky ahahhaahah mad i kno but it does help xxx

 

[popsy]

Knowledge is Power, it truly is. If you have the time but even if you haven't...make the time and find out all you can about the stuff that you feel isn't right about your life, write it all down in a book just for you. Have a pro's and con's page, write down all the pro's then all the con's and deal with each one. If you can see a solution write that down too. I have done this a lot, it really helps to see it in black and white. I write everything down no matter how ridiculous it sounds but I do admit that sometimes seeing it written down hurts a lot too. It makes it kinda real to see it there and not just having it swirling around in my head. Exercise is a powerful tool hon, and like Yorksman says, if you can pack up smoking you will breathe easier and will be able to do a bit more. Swimming is fantastic and although it took me a long time to get into a swimsuit, I realized that no-one was in the least bit interested in what I looked like, they were too busy worrying about themselves!

There are solutions to everything really it's just that sometimes you have to involve other people too and really, you have started that today. It takes a lot of courage to admit that not everything is great in your life.

Good Luck sweetie.