10 years and not coping

Hi Aimee, I'm a silver surfer like Vic Hill. I was only diagnosed a few months ago and it came as a bolt out of the blue. I'm a widow and on my own, but I know how important it is to take care of myself. I'm going it alone apart from the superb people here on the forum. We all have just the one life and it's so very important to treasure that life. No matter what's going on around you, you have to be a little selfish and take care of yourself. Discipline (not easy) has to be your number 1 rule. I have managed to reduce my HBA1c and cholesterol levels quite dramatically, but I admit it's been hard work. Please take care in order to avoid the complications that could follow. Be kind to yourself so that you have many years ahead of you.

Hi Aimee

While T1 diabetes is difficult for all of us, there are particularly challenges for those like you who have had diabetes since childhood and have had to do their growing up with diabetes always on the agenda. If it helps to know, there are many younger diabetics who experience the kind of feelings you are feeling now. And the medical professionals who treat diabetics are well aware of the special difficulties of young people with T1. Have you tried getting in touch with your hospital clinic or specialist diabetes unit? I assure that they will understand and try to hook you up with someone who can listen and help.

I would not worry too much right now on whatever harm you may have suffered already. You are young and resilient and you can bounce back. The thing to focus on is getting some help and understanding with the difficult feelings you have, so that you can start to cope and manage better.

Hi Aimee,

Up front advice from me is "D neglect" high sugars compound negative judgement on life's other "assaults.."
Unfortunately you can't choose not to be diabetic. Neither can family choice be an option.
That just leaves the friends.. You don't actually need tons of freinds just one or two close ones.. They don't even need to be "diabetic consultants", just know that you are with a grasp on the D basics & a willingness to ditch the misinformed preconceptions.. You In return will understand something about them...

You heve a lot of good advice dispensed above & there is fantastic life experience D advice on here as resource to tailor to you own personal lifestyle application regarding general health...

Bullies on the whole carry serious heavy "baggage" this weight slows em down & anyone else they they deem to help carry. Quite often they miss the "plane".. Some on appearance do manage to board, but the excess weight never gets off the ground..

Don't be a "luggage handler" for them. Just carry what YOU need. A supply of insulin & a meter...

From another poster.... But relevent...
On top ilof everyday life we can experience the thoughts in cartoon too.
Incidentally are there any diabetic groups in your area or a hobby group that you could join locally?
Life isn't all about diabetes and feeling different but it is managing it to get less bother

Yes you are more likely than not to be damaging yourself.
Eyesight gone .... feet gone .... then it will be a time of great regrets?
The good news is you know and yes you care or you wouldn't have made the effort to come here and make the post you did.
See if you can turn that effort into something more positive in the long term.

babyboscher said:

Thank you to everyone on your advice.

I have looked into the pump but have never got any professional opinion on it. I am in the process of moving onto another specialist who deals with later life complications and uses of pumps.

Unfortunately I don't have any diabetic groups in my area. There is only a child one and through my teens there was never any support groups to go to either.

My healthcare team are now aware of this as I only opened up about this a couple of weeks go. They seem to think that due to issues with my personal life that I've made it more of a priority than my diabetes. I think partial of that could be true but I don't think that it is the complete answer.

I can e quite stubborn so when I decide on something I won't change my mind but I just don't have the support to keep me going. Having to be dependant on myself makes me feel like I'm alone.

I don't know what the next step ahead of me is. If I knew that then I could finally get out this black hole I'm in.

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Hey baby we are all here for you.
I know it's only a forum and not the warmth of flesh and blood the twinkle in the eyes and a wee smile here and there but.... we're here for you.
If you stick around you'll be surprised how quickly you'll be here for others too.
The best place to get well and thrive with our condition is here.
Bookmark this place.

Hey there,

I think the sheer size of having diabetes can be quite over whelming, try to break it down into more manageable chunks, set yourself some personal goals, not nhs ones about unrealistic targets, just a 'this week I'm going to try to stay below 10' or 'I'm going to keep a bg diary'.

Keeping a diary of your feelings as well as your diabetes could help you manage how you handle it.

We are all here to help, so this is your support group, don't feel alone because you don't have to

babyboscher said:

Thank you to everyone on your advice.

I have looked into the pump but have never got any professional opinion on it. I am in the process of moving onto another specialist who deals with later life complications and uses of pumps.

Unfortunately I don't have any diabetic groups in my area. There is only a child one and through my teens there was never any support groups to go to either.

My healthcare team are now aware of this as I only opened up about this a couple of weeks go. They seem to think that due to issues with my personal life that I've made it more of a priority than my diabetes. I think partial of that could be true but I don't think that it is the complete answer.

I can e quite stubborn so when I decide on something I won't change my mind but I just don't have the support to keep me going. Having to be dependant on myself makes me feel like I'm alone.

I don't know what the next step ahead of me is. If I knew that then I could finally get out this black hole I'm in.

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Sounds like your coping better than you think you are..

babyboscher said:

I think I know that I'm not coping well enough but I know what I should be doing but I'm just not doing it. It's like something tell me not to do it but I don't know what. I just can't seem to be able to do it.

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Ah, I see what you are saying.. But liaising with your D team is a great start.. Small steps in the right direction!

Small steps are an excellent way to start @babyboscher,.

Set small goals as others have suggested, testing, recording results whatever the figures are and seeing if there are any patterns- there usually are patterns even when you think you're in a mess. Eventually small steps start to develop into a coping mechanism for dealing with your diabetes. Small steps helped me slowly climb out the black hole I'd fallen into and eventually I found I could get better results and manage more successfully.

Speaking to you diabetes team and letting them that you are struggling and have other things beyond an HbA1c target on your mind is a really good step. You're not just a diabetic, all the other life stuff is always battling for head space and it isn't always easy to find a balance. Follow up the request for information about using a pump by speaking to your DSN and finding out the criteria, changing to a pump was the start of me seeing better results and thinking that maybe I could actually manage this thing.

The support and advice on here is great, we all 'get it'. Make some small changes as soon as you are able and don't be hard on yourself. Best Wishes

babyboscher said:

Hi - I'm hoping there is someone out here who can listen to this.

It's coming up to 10 years of being a T1 diabetic and I'm still not coping with the fact I have the disease. People try talking to me about the damages that it can cause if not controlled properly but that still doesn't seem to change my mindset.

My personal life isn't the easiest right now. I am having issues with family things which are very hard to handle and deal with.

I have no friends that I am able to talk to who are going to understand as they all bullied me through high school and would think that they knew it all but didn't actually know anything.

I've been hospitalised twice in 2013 and even that hasn't seemed to change my attitude towards the way I look after myself. For years in my teens I wouldn't take my insulin properly and would sometimes miss dosages.

I'm getting worried now that I'm causing myself harm to my body and that I am causing serious damage that I could be unaware of.

If anyone can shed light on this or give me some advice or tips to help me cope I would really appreciate it as I think my body is only going to take so much.

Aimee

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aimee am diabetic 15 years this year and i am still finding it really hard to cope but your not alone i was bullied aswell for it but i got used to it it makes you special you shouldnt have to feel like your alone but if you ever need anyone to talk to il be your friend il help you through this

I completely understand where youre coming from. I'm the same.
Sometimes it's like looking around you and all these people are doing really well and you just can't understand how they do it or why you can't.

The best advice I can give is to just always remember that you've made it this far, you can go a little further xxx

Hi,

Really glad I read this. I've been type 1 almost 9 years and feel exactly the same! It doesn't matter how much people tell me I'm doing no good.. It doesn't seem to sink in! My blood sugars are sky high! My grandad lost a leg and died almost 13 years ago through diabetes. I don't know what to do, as I feel like everyone has a go at me (although deep down I know their just trying to help)

Please, anyone have any advice for me?

Hi, I really sympathise with you on this! When I was first diagnosed I was heartbroken. Like you, I couldn't really understand or comes to terms with this illness sprung on me so suddenly. I coped ok, but it often made me angry and tired. Carb counting seemed like this ridiclous effort and doing my long acting insulin before bed when I was tired made me cross. I felt overwelmed and asked myself why countless times. It's been a year and I'm getting used to things now, I can guess what my blood sugars are going to do some of the time (definetly not always!) and know the carb amounts for a lot of foods that I eat. It comes with time.

My advice for you is to try and see diabetes in a positive light (I know it's hard, it really is, you're probaly rolling your eyes as I say this!) I think the worst thing is feeling alone. I felt like this a lot and still feel this way at times. This is why I love this forum, and just the internet in general. In my life, I don't really have anyone to talk to who actually gets diabetes like I do, but online there's always someone. I'm hoping to meet one of my diabetic internet friends at a convention I'm going to later this year. I really recomend talking to other diabetics, in "real life" if you can, but if not on forums like this is great too. It helps you to feel supported, and you can have a little rant when you want, discuss problems and help each other when you need it. I think it's really important to express how you feel to someone who listens hard and holds you up.

I also really like watching youtubers for example Diabetic Danica (https://www.youtube.com/user/DiabeticDanica) She has a video on her channel "10 things I like about type 1 diabetes" and I remember when I first saw it I thought she'd gone mad! :') But she's just really positive. It's super, super helpful. I watched her "day in the life with type 1 diabetes" video and she was so enthusiastic with controlling her diabetes it was really refreshing. I started to find this funny illness intresting and as I learn more about it, it gets easier to control.

10 years seems like a long time to you but you're still young and you can still make the change. You obviously care deep down about looking after yourself or you wouldn't have posted here. Diabetes seems like an effort, I guess, because we have to do medication nobody else has to, and think about things nobody else has to worry about.
I think it'll get easier for you once you give it the chance too. Try to learn about your diabetes and have patience with it (I've lost my temper many times. It's all part of the process!) Maybe instead of treating it like a school subject you hate, treat it like one you're really intrested it. I think diabetes and the way my body works is actually really intresting I'm in no way perfect at controlling my diabetes, don't think that for one second, because it can be impossible to get it right sometimes not matter how hard you try, but thats ok. But it's getting easier for me. I hope it gets better for you too, you deserve it.
Best wishes, I'm here anytime you need, we all are, we so get it!

- Annabelle xx