14 year old son seems to be showing first signs of finding it all to much !!

[bickmops]

Wish I had asked for advise 3 years ago !!! I really wish everyone the best of luck in the future !!! already passed on some knowledge to a mum in the same situation and she's joining up ...,, amazing ...,, x x x thank you all x x x

 

[Natalie1974]

Have you read this @bickmops?

A special note to parents.

http://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/a-special-note-to-parents.78413/
Might give you some insight into how he reacts with certain situations and why.
Take care,

CC

I've seen this before...I think it's brilliant...not just for parents but also for partners

 

[bickmops]

I've seen this before...I think it's brilliant...not just for parents but also for partners

Just read it !!! It's as if he was saying it to me !!! Oops , I think I regularly do everything the info said not to !! I really feel like I have a chance to fix our relationship , you love your kids so much and the signs of resentment ( although small ) was worrying me !! I always want to be a support and will stop be a hindrance immediately

 

[mizzchiefmaker]

My son was diagnosed 3 years ago , 2 weeks before starting secondary school , he's very sporty and we have done everything to keep it going , it really is his life !! Lately he's been saying life's not that good , when we ask why he just says you don't understand what it's like , it's not major and he doesn't have any signs of depression , I just need some advise on the right way to deal with this so it doesn't get worse , teenagers are hard to deal with at the best of time , levels are up and down constantly !! This upsets him , he does try x

Ok here goes, an alternative to other people. All teenagers need a stick to beat their parents round the head with. Unluckily for you a child with diabetes knows how much this situation worries Mum and Dad and they will use that to their own advantage... So stop worrying so much, at least in front of your son. Just an idea... Connect his diabetes control to his favourite hobby... So a trip to a football match or ice hockey and remember what ever you set has to be attainable and enjoyable... So not perfect test results but acceptable.... And remember it's a teen thing not a diabetic thing... X

 

[mentat]

My son was diagnosed 3 years ago , 2 weeks before starting secondary school , he's very sporty and we have done everything to keep it going , it really is his life !! Lately he's been saying life's not that good , when we ask why he just says you don't understand what it's like , it's not major and he doesn't have any signs of depression , I just need some advise on the right way to deal with this so it doesn't get worse , teenagers are hard to deal with at the best of time , levels are up and down constantly !! This upsets him , he does try x

Hi bickmops! I was diagnosed 5 years ago, in my early 20s. Although I had a fiercely positive attitude and said to myself "I can choose to let it get me down, but instead I'm going choose to adapt and make the most of my new life", after 2 years my mind, emotions, and soul were in tatters. But I thought I was fine. Six months later, I noticed I was constantly on edge so I took a break from my studies. And in the 2.5 years of recovery since, the enormous extent of the damage slowly became clear.

So my advice to everyone would be take early warning signs very seriously.

Everyone responds differently to diabetes, but I will tell you a bit about how it affects me. Your son may have quite different problems, but it might give you some insight into what he might mean when he says "you don't understand", which is something I said a lot.

• There were many things that I experienced and felt that I didn't fully understand myself. Things that there were no words for. How can you explain something like that to others??
• Insulin is a hormone. It affects the body in many ways, including mood, energy levels, mental performance. (Blood sugars affect all these things too.) This can make it much harder to concentrate, focus, stay calm, etc. compared to life before diabetes. It also places a lot of stress on body and mind. Many people assume that testing, carb counting, needles, and all the other inconveniences of diabetes are what gets to you---but the hormonal/chemical stuff is often overlooked because it's so much harder to understand and measure.
  
• Men are not supposed to deal with raging hormones! I found it extremely difficult to cope with the fact that my emotional stability and mental performance was no longer stable and reliable.
• Low blood sugar is the worst feeling ever (in my experience). My best analogies are that it feels like a Dementor (from Harry Potter) or a Black Rider (Lord of the Rings) is in the room. It also feels like I am next door to a nuclear power plant that has melted down... I KNOW the radiation is slowly poisoning me but there is no pain, just lots of dread and an indescribable sinister feeling.
• I was very badly affected by my family not understanding that low blood sugar: is a medical emergency, very unpleasant, compromises my self-control, my ability to think clearly and be reasonable, and leaves me emotionally vulnerable, through no fault of my own. My mum had a bad habit of throwing criticism at me while I was treating a hypo. I think it's because she empathises with my anxiety and suffering, feels it herself, and then employs an ingrained defence mechanism.
• After a few years, it became clear that hypos were triggering several days of depression in me (even when they happened away from home or in my sleep). The worst are "exercise hypos", which seem to occur even when my sugar is around 7! I have recently been trying to err on the side of high sugar during exercise for this reason.
• Because of its effects on my mood, and certain habits and decisions of mine frequently being "punished" with hypos and high sugars, diabetes in fact changed my personality type. This is one of the most difficult things one can go through! It's like learning to use a new body that doesn't quite fit. I went through a "second childhood" with a lot of tears, tantrums and immaturity. It has also made me far less compatible with my parents. Dad is a spontaneous, last-minute guy, and I was once happy to go along with it, but now I look for stability and want a plan. Dad also likes to barge into things he doesn't understand and offer advice---which is often very insightful---but it doesn't work with diabetes and I am constantly rejecting him.
• I really struggled with the fact that nobody else "got it". Not my parents, not medical professionals, who are supposed to be experts! I was never good at explaining my feelings, and these feelings were the most complicated I'd ever experienced. I reached out for help, but nobody was able to give me the help I needed. Still, my family gave me love and support as best they could, without which I'm not sure I'd still be here.

I do hope this is of some use to you and anyone else who may be reading it. I wish your son all the best!

 

[bickmops]

Hi bickmops! I was diagnosed 5 years ago, in my early 20s. Although I had a fiercely positive attitude and said to myself "I can choose to let it get me down, but instead I'm going choose to adapt and make the most of my new life", after 2 years my mind, emotions, and soul were in tatters. But I thought I was fine. Six months later, I noticed I was constantly on edge so I took a break from my studies. And in the 2.5 years of recovery since, the enormous extent of the damage slowly became clear.

So my advice to everyone would be take early warning signs very seriously.

Everyone responds differently to diabetes, but I will tell you a bit about how it affects me. Your son may have quite different problems, but it might give you some insight into what he might mean when he says "you don't understand", which is something I said a lot.

• There were many things that I experienced and felt that I didn't fully understand myself. Things that there were no words for. How can you explain something like that to others??
• Insulin is a hormone. It affects the body in many ways, including mood, energy levels, mental performance. (Blood sugars affect all these things too.) This can make it much harder to concentrate, focus, stay calm, etc. compared to life before diabetes. It also places a lot of stress on body and mind. Many people assume that testing, carb counting, needles, and all the other inconveniences of diabetes are what gets to you---but the hormonal/chemical stuff is often overlooked because it's so much harder to understand and measure.
  
• Men are not supposed to deal with raging hormones! I found it extremely difficult to cope with the fact that my emotional stability and mental performance was no longer stable and reliable.
• Low blood sugar is the worst feeling ever (in my experience). My best analogies are that it feels like a Dementor (from Harry Potter) or a Black Rider (Lord of the Rings) is in the room. It also feels like I am next door to a nuclear power plant that has melted down... I KNOW the radiation is slowly poisoning me but there is no pain, just lots of dread and an indescribable sinister feeling.
• I was very badly affected by my family not understanding that low blood sugar: is a medical emergency, very unpleasant, compromises my self-control, my ability to think clearly and be reasonable, and leaves me emotionally vulnerable, through no fault of my own. My mum had a bad habit of throwing criticism at me while I was treating a hypo. I think it's because she empathises with my anxiety and suffering, feels it herself, and then employs an ingrained defence mechanism.
• After a few years, it became clear that hypos were triggering several days of depression in me (even when they happened away from home or in my sleep). The worst are "exercise hypos", which seem to occur even when my sugar is around 7! I have recently been trying to err on the side of high sugar during exercise for this reason.
• Because of its effects on my mood, and certain habits and decisions of mine frequently being "punished" with hypos and high sugars, diabetes in fact changed my personality type. This is one of the most difficult things one can go through! It's like learning to use a new body that doesn't quite fit. I went through a "second childhood" with a lot of tears, tantrums and immaturity. It has also made me far less compatible with my parents. Dad is a spontaneous, last-minute guy, and I was once happy to go along with it, but now I look for stability and want a plan. Dad also likes to barge into things he doesn't understand and offer advice---which is often very insightful---but it doesn't work with diabetes and I am constantly rejecting him.
• I really struggled with the fact that nobody else "got it". Not my parents, not medical professionals, who are supposed to be experts! I was never good at explaining my feelings, and these feelings were the most complicated I'd ever experienced. I reached out for help, but nobody was able to give me the help I needed. Still, my family gave me love and support as best they could, without which I'm not sure I'd still be here.

I do hope this is of some use to you and anyone else who may be reading it. I wish your son all the best!

Thank you so much, it's a lot of use to me !! ... It helps to hear how the effects make you feel , I knew something was going on and I'm so glad I posted here , he actually has stopped his morning levemir !!! I think I've just learnt to lay of enought for him not to feel attacked , I know teenagers rebel that's expected , but the insulin is what's keeping him alive !! I was calm and asked why and he just shrugged and said he is fed up and 2 injections hurt , he has never ever complained about injecting !! He said he is going to talk to the doctor about it ,,,,. I prob would have dealt with this totally different if it was not for the advise on this post .... Amazingly his levels have not been above 8 for the last few days !! Unheard of !! Wonder if I was causing high levels for being so on him about his levels !! X ps , when you said "you feel someone in the room with you " was it a feeling of being watched !! He said to me he feels he is being watched when walking down the street !! I dident take much notice at the time and he never mentioned it since ! I put it down to stress !

 

[ButtterflyLady]

Thank you so much, it's a lot of use to me !! ... It helps to hear how the effects make you feel , I knew something was going on and I'm so glad I posted here , he actually has stopped his morning levemir !!! I think I've just learnt to lay of enought for him not to feel attacked , I know teenagers rebel that's expected , but the insulin is what's keeping him alive !! I was calm and asked why and he just shrugged and said he is fed up and 2 injections hurt , he has never ever complained about injecting !! He said he is going to talk to the doctor about it ,,,,. I prob would have dealt with this totally different if it was not for the advise on this post .... Amazingly his levels have not been above 8 for the last few days !! Unheard of !! Wonder if I was causing high levels for being so on him about his levels !! X ps , when you said "you feel someone in the room with you " was it a feeling of being watched !! He said to me he feels he is being watched when walking down the street !! I dident take much notice at the time and he never mentioned it since ! I put it down to stress !

If the injections are hurting, does he need to look at the length and type of needle he is using?

 

[bickmops]

Good idea ! They recently changed his needles to a cheeper option !! I'll check that out x

 

[videoman]

Hi everybody, I was diagnosed at 14 years and now I am 69 and to be honest not a follower of diet or exercise; all I have in complications are a couple of "numb" toes on both feet but the podiatrist says my feet are fine. So enjoy what you can without going mad which includes a ice-cream every couple of weeks. I test 4 times a day with the levels between 4 and 9 before meals and I have 5 injections a day, 3 fast acting and 2 slow release. So life is not all bad but always ask your GP/Doctor all the questions you need to ask. And finally I have seen a great step forward in the treatment from 1969 to today and look forward to a better future

 

[mentat]

I think I've just learnt to lay of enought for him not to feel attacked

YES, exactly! You have to be his friend and supporter first, his encouragement second and his advisor/critic third. Only when he is confident that you accept and love him will he be ready to hear any advice or criticism.

I was calm and asked why and he just shrugged and said he is fed up and 2 injections hurt , he has never ever complained about injecting !!

I went through the same thing. As my mental health deteriorated, I became more sensitive to pain of all sorts! And also more anxious, insecure, loss of perspective, and many other things. It's great you're noticing early and seeking help here. It would be a good idea to find a good mental health professional for him to talk to, although in my experience it can be hard to find someone who "gets" it.

I will PM you my contact info in case he wants an Aussie pen pal to talk to.

Wonder if I was causing high levels for being so on him about his levels !!

Perhaps---stress and emotions do affect sugar levels.

The most important role you play as a parent is not helping him look after his sugars, it's helping him develop a good relationship with diabetes. He's going to have to live with it for a long time. He has to know that he can relax his sugars a bit when life is getting too much for him; he has to learn how to cut down the effort he puts in while still getting OK sugars.

ps , when you said "you feel someone in the room with you " was it a feeling of being watched !!

No, but perhaps he is getting more socially anxious as part of the overall change in his mental state.


One last thing...

Don't blame yourself! You haven't caused this, or done anything wrong. It's just a nasty, unfair disease. Look after your own emotional health, take time to relax. If you don't look after yourself you won't be able to look after your son.

All the best!

 

[videoman]

All will be well as long as he haves the support of his family and the doctors,I was 14 when I started treatment for type 1 in 1960 and I am still going strong. Just take life one step at a time and take car with all the treatment offered!