My partner hates me and I can't leave.
We don't really argue, but every now and then I will try and talk something through with him and he just tells me how much he resents me. He blames me for everything in his life - that he doesn't do stuff or exercise, that he doesn't have hobbies or get to enjoy life, that he sold his crypto before it became big and mostly that he works for a limited salary as an employee instead of being a millionaire business owner.
He says he resents me since he took an office job and moved in with me so he could support me. He says he will never forgive me for what I have cost him. I don't remember or see things the same way he does - he was not in a good situation before moving in with me, I got really sick, and was not able to work by the time I was diagnosed (it took years). When it got to a point where I had no money of my own and was fully dependent on him I made it my mission to do everything for him so that he could focus on his career. And I mean everything - the only thing he did was work. That office job was the stepping stone to the experience and opportunities that helped him get into a position he always dreamed of. I like to think that my support helped him along the way, but he sees no value in anything I do and tells me he could just get a maid it would be cheaper.
Then there is my little dog, she is the closest thing to family that I have, and is more like my special needs child. She got chronically ill around the same time as I did, and has recently been diagnosed with a very severe heart condition. My world kind of fell apart. The vet couldn't give me a prognosis, just to be on high alert.
I had been looking for flexible remote work so that I could still care for her, my partner and myself, but between being exhausted and ill I never got anywhere. With her heart now, I have stopped even looking, I just need to be here for her. I tried to talk to my partner about it, he is attached to her and provides for her freely. He seemed quite on board that she is all I should focus on, which is what I have done the last while.
But then yesterday I had a very bad meltdown (I don't know if I have autism or just sensory issues, but it is something that happens to me). My partner has always reacted badly when it happens, so I try to suppress it as much as I can and mostly end up hurting myself. I came to apologise and talk to him after it passed and he just reverted to resenting me and telling me he deserves better - he deserves to be happy and that I make him want to kill himself. He says nothing has changed for him, he always felt this way - which confuses me because it does not add up. He is also adamant that I am a completely self absorbed narcissist, that I financially abuse him (by depending on him), and that I am now using my dog to make him feel bad.
I don't know what to do, I am trying not to completely hate myself for not getting myself and my little dog out of this situation. I feel so shattered that I haven't given her a better life, and can't save her from this now. I feel quite sick to my stomach and just don't know what to do.
My diabetes barely even factors in at this point.
We don't really argue, but every now and then I will try and talk something through with him and he just tells me how much he resents me. He blames me for everything in his life - that he doesn't do stuff or exercise, that he doesn't have hobbies or get to enjoy life, that he sold his crypto before it became big and mostly that he works for a limited salary as an employee instead of being a millionaire business owner.
He says he resents me since he took an office job and moved in with me so he could support me. He says he will never forgive me for what I have cost him. I don't remember or see things the same way he does - he was not in a good situation before moving in with me, I got really sick, and was not able to work by the time I was diagnosed (it took years). When it got to a point where I had no money of my own and was fully dependent on him I made it my mission to do everything for him so that he could focus on his career. And I mean everything - the only thing he did was work. That office job was the stepping stone to the experience and opportunities that helped him get into a position he always dreamed of. I like to think that my support helped him along the way, but he sees no value in anything I do and tells me he could just get a maid it would be cheaper.
Then there is my little dog, she is the closest thing to family that I have, and is more like my special needs child. She got chronically ill around the same time as I did, and has recently been diagnosed with a very severe heart condition. My world kind of fell apart. The vet couldn't give me a prognosis, just to be on high alert.
I had been looking for flexible remote work so that I could still care for her, my partner and myself, but between being exhausted and ill I never got anywhere. With her heart now, I have stopped even looking, I just need to be here for her. I tried to talk to my partner about it, he is attached to her and provides for her freely. He seemed quite on board that she is all I should focus on, which is what I have done the last while.
But then yesterday I had a very bad meltdown (I don't know if I have autism or just sensory issues, but it is something that happens to me). My partner has always reacted badly when it happens, so I try to suppress it as much as I can and mostly end up hurting myself. I came to apologise and talk to him after it passed and he just reverted to resenting me and telling me he deserves better - he deserves to be happy and that I make him want to kill himself. He says nothing has changed for him, he always felt this way - which confuses me because it does not add up. He is also adamant that I am a completely self absorbed narcissist, that I financially abuse him (by depending on him), and that I am now using my dog to make him feel bad.
I don't know what to do, I am trying not to completely hate myself for not getting myself and my little dog out of this situation. I feel so shattered that I haven't given her a better life, and can't save her from this now. I feel quite sick to my stomach and just don't know what to do.
My diabetes barely even factors in at this point.
