Hello again.
I wish to thank you all for your replies and kind thoughts. I did not expect such a response as I've been ignored before, yes even by the Samaritans. I don't wish to experience what I experienced with them again.
In regards to those who may think I am a troll or falsehood, I take words and intent seriously, use my own words to respond, and ever recall Machaivelli’s The Discourses; ‘The fortress is most injurious to those who inhabit them.’ as ideologies and dogmas also are, when unquestioned even more dangerous, for their destructive madness is far more mobile.
Realised it was in a way absurd, that I quote Machaivelli while saying I use my own words… at least I say more born from being, than just regurgitate like customary parrots… the gist of my words, is and always has been driven by myself.
I am a very quiet person, harmless by nature, and very much alone.
If Intelligence is measured by how one speaks and conveys his ideas verbally than I am the anti-thesis of Intelligence for I stumble, stutter, and speak in an uneven pace. I no longer have friends now because I cannot attend their false gatherings where they wish to drink themselves to death and just need me to come along as an accomplice, knowing I'll be there to pick them up and put them into a taxi home, paying for it with my own money too. I cannot even have a drink myself to at least drown everything else out due to my Diabetes.
I applied for college weeks ago, only to find I do not have the appropriate entry requirements to be on the course. And here I thought education was freely available to all and that education is a right for all people? How stupid of me to think such a thing. Chances of employment are absolutely nill, and I only see myself as a detriment to society, a parasite to those who earn their own way in life. Others are far more deserving.
What is vexing is having some abilities yet being born in a time where they seem totally useless in this ‘wait and watch’ world, whereas in the past words created active revolutions instead of spectators, some endure this time with false bravado or anger, but such methods are tragically hollow to me. I wonder how any can adapt and not feel corrupt. I have only endured this long from an awareness that unforeseen events conspire to keep me alive; perhaps my being creates some value and casts a bit of light, but the torch only experiences its burning.
There will come a time when all quotes are over, read and comprehended. By then you would know that there is no need to understand. Understanding has limited applications. You will no longer be seeking wisdom. Then, you have begun to realize what silence really is.