Ok, so I am sitting in bed next to my nearly three year old son and I am feeling wretched with guilt. I have always breastfed my son on damned, and still do (it was slacking off at point of diagnosis in August 2010, but his need for comfort and security had upped it again). During my entire pregnancy and before, I did not drink, or smoke and was very careful about diet. It had taken a long time to conceive my son and I had lost our first baby mid term. However, I suffered a huge shock two months from birth, when my sister drowned in a canoeing accident. So, when my son was born I was battling grief and stress and constant pain from chronic back injury (pregnancy put me in a wheelchair). Whilst I didn't drink heavily, I did allow myself one glass of red wine a night, and sometimes this ended up being just before a feed. When he was a tiny baby, I remember sitting there and suddenly having this really strong feeling, or hearing a "voice" saying that he was going to be really sick when he was older because his pancreas was going to be damaged. Seriously. I put it down to feeling guilty about the glass of wine. I don't know why I just didn't stop there and then, because I didn't need it as such. However, I didn't. It was a nightly ritual quietly had by myself, and it seemed to held a bit. And plenty of folk told me not to worry, that one glass of wine would be ok. Fast forward, and my healthy eating, demand fed 2.5 year old is finally so sick that people can't put it down to him being "that age" and is diagnosed with T1 diabetes and severe DKA, hospital stay of 8 days, then home on a pump.
Now, having trawler the Internet and having pulled myself inside out with guilt at what I surely could have done to help etc. I am finding stuff that links alcohol to pancreas damage to diabetes. Did I do this to my son? Did I weaken his pancreas and damage it through making his tiny body process alcohol? If I have a drink now, will I be putting even more strain on him? Does alcohol affect him through my milk the same as drinking does to an adult diabetic?
Most days i push away these thoughts because theere isnt the time to give them air, as my son needs me, but i am scared I might still be hurting him. The doctors and friends tell me there was nothing I could do, but what if what I did do, contributed and is continuing to contribute? I just wish I'd listened to that voice.
Now, having trawler the Internet and having pulled myself inside out with guilt at what I surely could have done to help etc. I am finding stuff that links alcohol to pancreas damage to diabetes. Did I do this to my son? Did I weaken his pancreas and damage it through making his tiny body process alcohol? If I have a drink now, will I be putting even more strain on him? Does alcohol affect him through my milk the same as drinking does to an adult diabetic?
Most days i push away these thoughts because theere isnt the time to give them air, as my son needs me, but i am scared I might still be hurting him. The doctors and friends tell me there was nothing I could do, but what if what I did do, contributed and is continuing to contribute? I just wish I'd listened to that voice.
and could never tell how much he was having, so I guess feeding a little one on an insulin pump can be a little difficult, but if it is working for you and for him, go for it I didn't drink while breast feeding, but I was not in the same situation as you were, so really urge you not to feel guilty...you sound like a wonderful Mum!