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Career disillusionment following diagnosis

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Paul_

Well-Known Member
Not sure this is a diabetes related discussion as such, but it's something I've been feeling increasingly since I was diagnosed with T2D last year.

I find I'm increasingly dissatisfied in my job since July last year, with a nagging feeling that what I do just doesn't really matter. To be honest, I'm not sure if this feeling is about what I do for work as a whole, or just the type of business I work in. I fell into my career out of university and focused on progressing in roles my character/skills suit - I was never one of those people who always knew they wanted to do "X". I earn a decent salary that supports my family. I'm not rich by any means, far from it, but my job provides enough for my family to have a decent quality of life. That used to be enough, but I'm not sure it is anymore, plus at 43 years old I don't know what to do about it. I feel increasingly like I want what I do to have some meaning, some importance, or some value beyond making very well off shareholders even more well off. I wouldn't even mind doing what I currently do, but maybe for a different organisation that wasn't completely focused on commercials, e.g. a charity maybe. I don't really know.

Anyone else had feelings like this since being diagnosed? Has it changed your outlook on areas of your life beyond health/lifestyle? Has anyone changed career because of feeling like this, and if so, how did you go about it?

Sorry this is all a bit woolly, I guess I'm hoping some other perspectives from people here might be able to help me make sense of it.

Edit - I'm also open to the fact this could all just be a midlife crisis thing, so feel free to brutally deliver that assessment if so! :hilarious:
 
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I kind of went through something similar, but it had nothing to do with diabetes. I had a very interesting and exciting job with the UK government. Our daughter had just been born. Her birth made a huge difference to my view on life. Living in London at the time we were all living with this constant threat of terrorism and the job I held meant I was privy to all this. I was an Intelligence analyst. It bent me out of shape. All I wanted to do was get out of London. . I wanted to make sure our beautiful little daughter was safe, but at work it was all threats and terrorist potentialities . I had contacts within the Canadian government and used them shamelessly. Within a few weeks we had sold our house, our possessions were in a shipping container our pets were in kennels waiting to be shipped over, and off we set to the Canadian West coast. That was many years ago now.

On reflection I think it has more to do with life changing events that makes you reflect on your life and what it holds for you. The birth of my daughter wscwhat shook my life. I think that big changes disrupt your life patterns and how you see the world and yes I can see how a chronic disease can do much the same thing. It makes you reflect on your life.
 
I had a midlife crisis in my mid-forties, changed tack, went self-employed, suffered a life-changing accident 9 years later, changed tack again, added to my skills set, still working a very small amount, still self-employed. Wasn't anything about my T2 as that came a lot later, but if I'd found out about it earlier I would in any case have redefined my future as much as I was able.
 
I think we all have those life defining moments when we just say “it’s time” for whatever reason mine came just before my diagnosis of T2 when I realised if I was going to be able to make sure my son has the best care for as long as possible then I have to be here for as long as possible as healthy as possible. I’d already started my journey to get my health back when I was diagnosed and that gave me even more reason.

My hubby who is an absolute workaholic has suddenly decided he’s retiring in March, (probably won’t last long and he’ll be working again at something) in the last 12 months we lost a fit & healthy (we presumed) much younger friend, then 4 months ago hubby lost another friend at 60 and I lost a friend a couple of weeks ago also 60 - all with very sudden massive “dead before they hit the ground” heart attacks

Life events tend to make reevaluate our lives now and then, usually for the better
 
I suspect it's a 40s thing. I had something similar. Seems a long time ago now (because it is) but I suspect a lot of us re-evaluate things around that age - no longer "young" definitely not old, set on a path (maybe)....

Having said that, I had a definite re-set after acquiring meningitis around 1990 - I'd have been early 30s. Total change of attitude, get out of current job, don't coast, don't settle for less than you want, that sort of thing. I thought for a day or so that I was going to die, and it does change your perspective a bit.
 
Well I retrained in my 40s and love the job I do now. In my last jobs I would be sat looking out the window at every opportunity, or taking so many loo breaks that it became noticeable and I was fired, so many times! Its never too late to do anything. Having a life of regrets when I am on my death bed is not an option for me, I wanted to do something that I enjoyed and something creative which is what I do.
 
Yup. I feel you. I was 42 and actually quite liked my job of 20 years although didn't really feel it was "enough" and would get frustrated with a recurring feeling that I knew more than the people who were managing me. Believe it or not I had a degree in my back pocket that I'd earned in my spare time just to prove I could so I did some post grad stuff and for the last fifteen years have had a job that I really enjoy and most nights I come home feeling I've had an impact if not made a difference. If I'm honest the real trigger for me was knowing my marriage to my children's father wasn't going to make it and I didn't want to be a single mum with a low income. I can truly say making the move was one of my best decisions.
The T2 diagnosis has triggered other things not job related. I find myself constantly reevaluating whats important. It has changed from a constant need to be planning and controlling the next big thing (whether that's a work project, a holiday or redecorating the living room) to valuing meditation and an extra chapter in my book. I think the hip kids call what I'm aiming for "slow living"
I'm physically and mentally healthier than I have been in a long time and my diagnosis has a lot to do with that.
 
Paul_ said:
Edit - I'm also open to the fact this could all just be a midlife crisis thing, so feel free to brutally deliver that assessment if so! :hilarious:
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You know we can't diagnose on the forum, forum rules and common sense say no.
But you could do some easy tests to rule out/in this possibility.

Get a motorbike/sailing yacht/younger wife or all three and see if the symptoms disappear.
If so, it was likely classic midlife crisis, if not, it's time to look around for a job you feel is more useful overall.

Being of use, doing something that makes a difference, can greatly improve your life and sense of well being, no matter how big or small it is.

Alternatively, accept that mod nomination. If you get elected, it's an easy and cheap way to give "some meaning, some importance, and some value beyond making very well off shareholders even more well off", without throwing your complete life upside down or spending all your savings. It may even give you ideas on next steps in your career!
 
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Imho, any diagnosis (or health scare) can prompt such thoughts, not unusual. And knowing one can be in control of one's type 2 might well prompt thoughts of control in other parts of your life.
Whatever you decide to do, don't desert us please!
 
Thanks for the replies everyone, interesting to read the experiences others have been through and the thought processes those experiences triggered.

@Melgar and @Margarettt's posts resonated on the kids point. Prior to having kids, I was very career driven and worked away a lot. Having children made me far less career driven, opting for roles where I wasn't travelling as much and where my work/life balance was far more in favour of life. Maybe that point, 10 years ago, was the start of all this and my T2D diagnosis has triggered the next step in that process, as similar health related scares have for others replying above.

I'm not in any rush to make changes to my job/career, I don't think that would help, but many replies here have definitely given me confidence that it's something I need to build towards doing. Not sure what that will be, but something that means something, working with far fewer people using phrases like "how are we going to eat this elephant?", or "let's discuss the art of the possible", would be a great start! :)
 
Paul_ said:
Thanks for the replies everyone, interesting to read the experiences others have been through and the thought processes those experiences triggered.

@Melgar and @Margarettt's posts resonated on the kids point. Prior to having kids, I was very career driven and worked away a lot. Having children made me far less career driven, opting for roles where I wasn't travelling as much and where my work/life balance was far more in favour of life. Maybe that point, 10 years ago, was the start of all this and my T2D diagnosis has triggered the next step in that process, as similar health related scares have for others replying above.

I'm not in any rush to make changes to my job/career, I don't think that would help, but many replies here have definitely given me confidence that it's something I need to build towards doing. Not sure what that will be, but something that means something, working with far fewer people using phrases like "how are we going to eat this elephant?", or "let's discuss the art of the possible", would be a great start! :)
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Is that really how people speak in offices? Because I honestly don't think I could keep a straight face. ;) In my mind this happens: Eat an elephant? Why would you want to, they're nice and we as humans aren't very kind to them to begin with? But let's say it's made of cake, I'd try it one bite at a time? Not like you can down it faster in bigger chunks without choking. And that's provided you're not low carb. Are there low carb elephants made out of lettuce? <-- I'd like to say this is why I don't work in an office, but alas, I'd be lying. But it could be another reason why I don't!

Bit late to this, but yeah... Certain life-changing events, like having kids, or a diagnosis, or a loss, or... Any of it can re-shuffle priorities for you. And like with the T2, there's no rush, you have time to find out what works for you. Life can be more fulfilling if you heed this sort of call.
 
Trying to post this for the fifth time, hopefully it finally works... :)

I need to be careful not to dox myself here, sounds like we might well be working for the same company, @Paul_ . I'm constantly looking over my shoulder for that heard of elephants that will come and trample me if I don't sneakily eat all of them, individually, piece by piece.

What you said in your original post resonated with me as I've been having similar thoughts. Just to warn you though, more questions than answers.

While I never really planned my career and have ended up in a field I didn't originally consider, I've always felt that I have been lucky to be in a position where it is difficult to say where work stops and fun starts. I've mostly done well with climbing corporate ladder, my job is very flexible, I can work mostly remotely, and the company does look after its people. Yes, there days when the 'elephants' drive me completely nuts, but in wider context I don't have anything to complain about.

Outside work my life is also quite full and varied. I'm married, have two kids, a dog, and a cat. I'm six months into a post-graduate study course, I volunteer, and am pretending to be doing DIY renovation of my house. Have thrown myself into this diabetes community (but mostly for my own benefit). There is no dull day. But... increasingly I've been questioning if I'm often busy for the sake of being busy or if I'm creating something meaningful, delivering value beyond here and now. Yes, those big life questions.

I can't say that my situation is driven by my diagnosis - I've been living with T2DM for over 15 years. What has changed is that my focus has shifted onto my health since about Feb this year and I have a feeling that this has also shifted my perspective on what truly matters.

As a qualified Mental Health First Aider (I did say my life was quite full?) I have also been checking in on myself to see if it could be a depression, but the answer always is that there might be elements of it, but I seem to bounce back quite quickly from all my setbacks, so most likely not that.

I am fast approaching my mid-forties, so maybe there is something there? I don't really need a yacht, a faster car, or a younger wife, just more meaning - does that count as a mid-life crisis? :)

Despite my wobbles (see another thread) I've had such a great progress with managing my long-term conditions and have become frustrated with the fact that there is complete lack of solid information to help diabetics coming from NHS. It did cross my mind one day that I'd feel like I'm doing something more valuable with my life if I could work to champion this cause as my day job. All other life pressures and responsibilities would make it extremely hard to change my life around like that, but I can do something 'on the side' to get the meaning I crave. Thats why I'm starting to blog, that's why I put my hand up to support this community as a mod (if the community will take me) ...

Anyway, got to run and face the elephants...
 
JoKalsbeek said:
Is that really how people speak in offices? Because I honestly don't think I could keep a straight face. ;) In my mind this happens: Eat an elephant? Why would you want to, they're nice and we as humans aren't very kind to them to begin with? But let's say it's made of cake, I'd try it one bite at a time? Not like you can down it faster in bigger chunks without choking. And that's provided you're not low carb. Are there low carb elephants made out of lettuce? <-- I'd like to say this is why I don't work in an office, but alas, I'd be lying. But it could be another reason why I don't!
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This made me laugh a lot, Jo. It's certainly added some new material for me to deliver scornfully when people use the phrase!

In my experience, the elephants phrase is used by high ups (generally directors), who are entirely devoid of the experience, expertise and intelligence required to do their role of directing effectively. What they generally mean is "Can one of the clever people here over-simplify this massive problem, so I might stand a chance of dazzling everyone in this meeting with irrelevant and pointless opinions I have, just so I can sound important." If I had my way, Teams and Zoom would be programmed to detect someone using the phrase and automatically eject them from the meeting, because they clearly have nothing of value to offer! :hilarious:

I used to be able to tolerate and/or tune out the empty corporate speak, however one definite consequence of my T2D diagnosis is that I have far less tolerance for people talking nonsense. I think all diabetics, of all types, deal with so much nonsense being aimed at us that it's somewhat of a natural reaction to have less time for it.
 
TheSecretCarbAddict said:
I can't say that my situation is driven by my diagnosis - I've been living with T2DM for over 15 years. What has changed is that my focus has shifted onto my health since about Feb this year and I have a feeling that this has also shifted my perspective on what truly matters.

As a qualified Mental Health First Aider (I did say my life was quite full?) I have also been checking in on myself to see if it could be a depression, but the answer always is that there might be elements of it, but I seem to bounce back quite quickly from all my setbacks, so most likely not that.

I am fast approaching my mid-forties, so maybe there is something there? I don't really need a yacht, a faster car, or a younger wife, just more meaning - does that count as a mid-life crisis? :)
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These 3 paragraphs really hit the nail on the head for where I've come to over the past (almost) year.

I've also wondered over the last 10 months if it's depression, but I'm pretty confident it isn't and I lack all the other hallmarks of the various types of it. I don't feel depressed, I just feel unfulfilled by the time I spend at work.

I feel like my entire perspective on life, my priorities and what motivates me has changed. "Changed" may be too definite a term actually, "shifted" would possibly be more accurate. My family and time with them has always been important to me, but since diagnosis this has become even more of a priority. Like you, I don't desire the textbook midlife crisis routes and trappings, I'm happy with what I've got in those areas generally. I've just got this constant, nagging desire to get more out of life and my time with those I love, part of which is wanting the significant amount of time I spend working each week to not be a soul-sapping siege of meaninglessness. Through improving my health and managing diabetes (largely thanks to the help of people here), I feel I am getting more out of life in my personal time, plus it's improved and positively reshaped time with my wife and kids too. The work thing is still sitting there though and it's fair to say that as time passes, I only get less satisfaction and happiness from my job, not more - and I'm not even sure how to solve that.
 
Paul_ said:
The work thing is still sitting there though and it's fair to say that as time passes, I only get less satisfaction and happiness from my job, not more - and I'm not even sure how to solve that.
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Over the last good few moths I have worked really hard to separate my work and personal life. I now have separate personal and work devices and work devices only come out during contracted work hours. It doesn't mean that I care less about growing professionally or don't think about work outside work, I do, but there is definitely that recognition that there is more to life than work. One other thought I keep having is that maybe it is not always about chasing the next big thing at work and that caring less and doing your 9 to 5 is OK as long as you deliver on what you need to deliver to get paid. Not everyone needs to be a rockstar, and being content is probably more important to your happiness the next big thing after which you seek out even bigger. It is hard transition for me as a workaholic by nature, but yeah... :)
 
Very sensible.
Corporate jargon was driving me nuts 40 years ago! Someone once referred to my having "an ACV". I asked him what it was, having first dragged a few options through my brain. "Allocated Company Vehicle" he said. So what was wrong with "company car"? Fewer syllables too.
 
Paul_ said:
This made me laugh a lot, Jo. It's certainly added some new material for me to deliver scornfully when people use the phrase!

In my experience, the elephants phrase is used by high ups (generally directors), who are entirely devoid of the experience, expertise and intelligence required to do their role of directing effectively. What they generally mean is "Can one of the clever people here over-simplify this massive problem, so I might stand a chance of dazzling everyone in this meeting with irrelevant and pointless opinions I have, just so I can sound important." If I had my way, Teams and Zoom would be programmed to detect someone using the phrase and automatically eject them from the meeting, because they clearly have nothing of value to offer! :hilarious:
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OMG, not to derail, but that comment reminded me of something my boss would say to me “you are only here to make me look good Mel. “ ,!
 
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