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Complications making life exceptionally complicated

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by sd29, Feb 19, 2019.

  1. sd29

    sd29 · Well-Known Member

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    I apologise in advance, I know I’m whinging but I’ve hit my limit and just need to vent.

    I am T1, have stage 4 CKD, osteoporosis, gastroparesis, neuropathy, retinopathy and neurogenic bladder because I had severe anorexia and refused to manage my diabetes for years. I’m 36.

    My gastroparesis is getting substantially worse. I’ve had 4 admissions for it since mid December 18, as the constant vomiting led to DKA and AKI. I’ve lost 12 kg since then.

    My friend today decided to lay into me saying I’ve caused this, my anorexia was just nutty behaviour, and I just need to eat. Apparently I’m attention seeking and making everything worse by following my diet sheets from the hospital and taking the prescribed medications. Apparently I’m starving myself, it doesn’t matter that I throw up what I can eat, or am now bulimic. When I recover from DKA and a bout of vomiting, I was told that it is suspicious how I get from very ill to better so quickly.

    I genuinely feel the worst I’ve ever felt physically and emotionally. A lot more was said, and I feel rock bottom. Has anyone else had to fight for understanding and empathy but ended up banging their head against a brick wall? I need a portacath due to be done in a fortnight, and I can’t tell my closest friend that I need support as I’ve just detailed the ‘nice’ part of what they think of me. If they feel that way, I can only imagine what my other friends and family think.
    • Hug Hug x 8
  2. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Sending hugs.

    You need a different friend in my opinion.
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  3. briped

    briped Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I agree with @lucylocket61 , and can't help wondering what any potential enemy would be like if that's a friend :grumpy: I'm so sorry that you're going through so much. Here's a big hug from me, and do rant all that you like. It does sound as if you need it.
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  4. Debandez

    Debandez Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    That makes very hard reading. My goodness you have been through the mill with your health.

    If only it was as simple as you just need to eat or you just need to stop eating there would be no eating disorders. It's like telling an alcoholic you just need to stop drinking.

    The root of the reason for your eating disorder has to be found. And that isn't easy. I hope you are getting the help and support you need from your medical team.

    Your friend has been very nasty and horrible towards you when you need them the most. Is it unusual behaviour from this friend? If so maybe they are just upset and frustrated they can't help. This can turn to anger. In which case expect a big apology. If not then they don't deserve your friendship. You need positivity in your life especially as you are going through such a challenging time. I hope things settle soon with your health and you get back to some normality.
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  5. DCUKMod

    DCUKMod I reversed my Type 2 · Expert
    Staff Member Administrator

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    As someone who was horribly anorexic for some time in my late 20s, I know how hard eating disorder loops are to break and how difficult it is to maintain that better way of being. I can't imagine it with gastroparesis in the mix too.

    Are you receiving any support for your eating disorders (EDs) at the moment, or are you trying to work it all out for yourself? As @Debandez suggests, it's important to understand, to a degree, what the underlying reason for your condition is. I say to some degree because for myself, parts of it I will never fully understand. I have had to let those oarts go, and cioncentrate on living my life as well as I can, on a day to day basis these days.

    Once I understood my major trigger, I found it easier to talk myself out of most of the harmful stuff, although that wasn't by any means an overnight fix. I reckon it took me a couple of years to reach the pit of my anorexia and about 5 years before I was confident I was functioning well and fairly confidently again. Please don't think I put my timescales in there to depress you, but more to add support that it can be a long trip, but one really, really well worth making.

    Right now, it doesn't sound like your friend is going to be someone to help you deflect yourself from the tough times, so maybe put a pause on seeing her for now?

    One of our members, @donnellysdogs hasn't (I don't think anyway) ever had an ED, but I do know she is a longstanding gastroparesis patient, and she has found some interesting ways to help herself manage it better, on a day to day basis.

    Really, really good luck with it all. Please stick around. You'll find support here for your various complications, even if it is a bit of a jigsaw puzzle..
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