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Denial

Claire Neal

Newbie
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1
My lovely husband of 31 years was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes six years ago and
since then he has been in total denial. His diabetes doctor has all but given up on him and I am desperate to help but do not know where to start. My husband retired last year and as he is very overweight he is now starving himself during the day and missing balanced meals at night. I have explained that this is very dangerous and is contributing to his depression, lethargy and glucose dips and spikes. I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.
 
I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.
Have you discussed this possibility with him? Or would it be a surprise present?
 
Claire - he doesn't need to starve himself. Quite the opposite. He needs to find a way of eating that fills him up but doesn't worsen his condition. For many of us that means Low Carb High Fat - it seems odd at first because it contradicts a lot of what we have been told for years, but it isn't a fad, it is safe, sustainable and works. In fact across this site I find it hard to find anyone that has made anything else work. With LCHF he can still enjoy his food.
Tagging @daisy1 for the welcome pack for new members.
You have a lot on your hands Claire, people here can help so keep coming back, share your experiences, questions and fears - people will help. Most of us are also diabetics.
 
A blood glucose monitor is the place to start and may finally make him realise that he needs to take this seriously, but he needs to use it. Starving is not necessary if he cuts down on the carbs - I do not 'do' hungry, far less starvation and I lost weight steadily until I reached a target I had set myself. I can now get into clothes that I have not worn for so long that they have come back into fashion.:) Egg and bacon/omelette for breakfast, a light lunch - soup or half a no dough pizza, and then an evening meal featuring meat and above ground veg. There are a huge number of cheeses to choose from for a dessert or for snacking. My lifesaver snack was a poster on here who recommended salami with cream cheese. Cut down on the carbs and increase the activity and the weight will come off and more importantly it will stay off and the numbers will gradually come down. However, please remember that you can lead a horse to water... :banghead::banghead:and what you have to do is help but let him decide for himself. Join him in a more healthy way of life/ eating and you may both enjoy a long and happy retirement.
 
I don't see the problem - fasting is fine for a type two - if he is overweight then he is hardly starving.
If eating once a day then he needs to have protein and fat as they are the essential food groups, and however many carbs he can cope with. If he had a blood glucose tester then you could judge better, but many type two diabetics do well at about 50 gm of carbs a day.
Drinking coffee with cream seems fine, and a small serving of berries with cream could be part of the 50 gm of carbs.
On such a diet I have lost a lot of inches around my waist and a fair bit of weight, without trying - it is carbs which make us fat, so eating low carb helps a lot.
 
If you do the food prep I would cut back on the potatoes, pasta, rice, bread and up the meat, veg and fats.... bit by bit.
Good luck.
 
@Claire Neal

Hello Claire and welcome to the Forum :) Here is the Basic Information we give to new members and I hope you will find it useful. Ask as many questions as you like and someone will be able to help.

BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW MEMBERS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you'll find well over 235,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.

There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:
  • Reduce your carbohydrate intake
  • Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates
Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes.

Over 145,000 people have taken part in the Low Carb Program - a 10 week structured education course that is helping people lose weight and reduce medication dependency by explaining the science behind carbs, insulin and GI.

Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)
  • Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l
Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)
  • Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
  • 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l
However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:
  • structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
  • self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to blood glucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic.

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.
Take part in Diabetes.co.uk digital education programs and improve your understanding. Most of these are free.

  • Low Carb Program - it's made front-page news of the New Scientist and The Times. Developed with 20,000 people with type 2 diabetes; 96% of people who take part recommend it... find out why

  • Hypo Program - improve your understanding of hypos. There's a version for people with diabetes, parents/guardians of children with type 1, children with type 1 diabetes, teachers and HCPs.
 
My lovely husband of 31 years was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes six years ago and
since then he has been in total denial. His diabetes doctor has all but given up on him and I am desperate to help but do not know where to start. My husband retired last year and as he is very overweight he is now starving himself during the day and missing balanced meals at night. I have explained that this is very dangerous and is contributing to his depression, lethargy and glucose dips and spikes. I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.

the best you can do is start doing the low carb diet in general ... there are lots of great recipes and also treats one can make that tastes really good.. if you are the chef then you could try making some changes without telling him initially, then he wont have to get angry ... actually many lose a lot of weight when they start eating very low carb and high-fat foods (especially men ) and at the same time they are also satiated and don't feel as hungry as on a very low calory diet (with mainly carb.-foods)
I also myself use this artificial sugar substitute ( SUCRALOSE :https://www.amazon.com/SPLENDA-Calorie-Sweetener-Granulated-Ounce/dp/B001GVIRYS?th=1) as it tastes exactly the same as real sugar, and doesn´t raise blood glucose much . but well maybe not healthy, but sugar is also not healthy at all..

if you start by making some of the very delicious treats he´ll maybe love them and then you can change away from what he usually prefers, note that berries are good especially with cream...

here some links to low carb foods...:

https://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/snacks

https://lowcarbyum.com/easy-no-bake-low-carb-desserts/

https://www.sugarfreemom.com/recipes/low-carb-patriotic-dessert-pizza-grain-free/

https://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/recipes

maybe show him these videos as ButterBob actually has the solution :
<iframe width="901" height="507" src="

list=PLkQCEsFtjG1ejZNJ86s0Ip7eVeHKKsOMP" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="901" height="507" src="
" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
Last edited:
My lovely husband of 31 years was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes six years ago and
since then he has been in total denial. His diabetes doctor has all but given up on him and I am desperate to help but do not know where to start. My husband retired last year and as he is very overweight he is now starving himself during the day and missing balanced meals at night. I have explained that this is very dangerous and is contributing to his depression, lethargy and glucose dips and spikes. I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.

I may be misunderstanding, but is he trying to starve himself to lose weight, then cracking in the evening and gorging because he is starving?

If so, this may not be the best strategy.

A Full English (or other nationality of choice) breakfast can be the start of a contented and stress free day.

Eggs, bacon, steak, pork chop, lamb chop, mushrooms, tomatoes, 90% pork sausages. Mmmmm.....

Alternatively a 3 egg omelette with cheese (perhaps onions as well?) can fill you up.

Traditional meals such as roast lamb and veggies (without the spuds) can also provide healthy and satisfying food and aid weight loss.

My personal view is that carbohydrates are addictive, and much of the issues encountered by the newly diagnosed are based around an addiction.

You can get structured support to break the habit of smoking, taking drugs, drinking alcohol.

Where is CA (Carboholics Anonymous)?

As you highlight this is mainly a mental health issue - depression because of weight and diabetes and the apparent inability to fix it. Is the a diabetes support group in your area? Is there a general counselling service for depression? I think the first task may be to get his head straightened out so that he understands that he can be in control and there is life after diagnosis.

Just struck me that there is a lot of psychological support for anorexia, but not necessarily as much for the opposite.

I assume your GP has already tried to steer him down this route, so you are obviously facing an uphill struggle.

I think the main message is to encourage him to eat a decent (sensible) breakfast which will set him up from the day, and if he has to starve himself then he could do that in the evening.
 
I wonder if the real problem may be retirement?

Thirty/forty years of active work, then he stops and it all goes to pot. Seen it happen to a number of friends and my father. It is seriously painful to watch.

Folk so easily jump on diet. It's easy to preach- Just measure the BG, stop eating bread/pies/crackiling, drinking, smoking and anything else you've been doing for fifty years in relatively good health. It is important, but in reality, it is hard to change instantly. It follows the circumstance and takes time.

Perhaps encouraging him in to a hobby: gardening, golf, dog, ironing, part time job, etc.
Reintroducing something he is used to (work) is much easier to accept. Activity is almost as important as a treatment and gives time and encouragement to work on the bigger changes.
 
My lovely husband of 31 years was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes six years ago and
since then he has been in total denial. His diabetes doctor has all but given up on him and I am desperate to help but do not know where to start. My husband retired last year and as he is very overweight he is now starving himself during the day and missing balanced meals at night. I have explained that this is very dangerous and is contributing to his depression, lethargy and glucose dips and spikes. I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.

Yes, a blood glucose meter may just shock him enough to come out of denial. If he buys one we can advise on how and when to use it to show him how his body reacts to the food he eats, and to fasting.

Can you tell us which diabetes medications he is taking. This information will help us tailor any advice accordingly.
 
My lovely husband of 31 years was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes six years ago and
since then he has been in total denial. His diabetes doctor has all but given up on him and I am desperate to help but do not know where to start. My husband retired last year and as he is very overweight he is now starving himself during the day and missing balanced meals at night. I have explained that this is very dangerous and is contributing to his depression, lethargy and glucose dips and spikes. I wondered if we should get a blood sugar monitor so that he can test himself throughout the day and this will help him come to terms with this illness so he can manage it.

Hi Claire, you say he is missing 'balanced' meals at night but what does a balanced meal look like to you? Also, what does he eat when he does have something at night? I ask because sometimes a so called 'balanced meal' is not necessarily one that is good for his diabetes. It is a very good idea to get a glucose monitor as without one you will have no idea how his food is affecting him at this point, once you know that you will know what he should eat and what he should avoid. Can you tell us his blood test results over the years? It is so easy for a person to be in denial about their health conditions but this is one condition where he could do SO much to help himself. x
 
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