Depressed after Diagnosis.. not about Diabetes though.

[patfootball04]

Hi All

I am a 20yo male who was recently diagnosed with Type 1. I have always been a happy, positive and easy going person. Probably the perfect person to get T1DM, because I can handle it emotionally. I was initially upset when I found out, but after an hour the tears stopped and I was on my way!

Anyway, I am at university and am very active with gym and sport. I took my diagnosis on the chin and I have been very good at adjusting to the new lifestyle.

However, despite feeling so positive about my actual diabetes, I feel so depressed. I do not feel suicidal at all. However I feel so unmotivated, irritable, aggressive, lazy and negatively-wired. I have lost my enjoyment and zest for life. Towards my girlfriend I have become so miserable and negative. I have the most perfect girl right in front of me yet I am finding every reason to be unhappy and give her reasons to walk away. She has been so understanding and supportive but I feel like everyone has a breaking point and she could leave because she doesn't deserve how I have been acting. Towards her and my family I have been so snappy and angry and rude. And it's not my personality at all.

It is so hard to explain how I feel, I just feel so down and I can't find enjoyment in anything. When I get angry or upset, I can't brush it off no matter how hard I try, and my brain just feels messed up. I am always overthinking now, and worrying about things I never used to care about. I can't even sit down to do my uni assignment because I lose concentration in 2 minutes and can't be motivated.

In summary, I am just reaching out because I haven't been myself since I was diagnosed with type 1. I have dealt with the condition itself perfectly fine, but I am undergoing emotional changes that I cannot understand (my sugar levels are mostly between 4-8 also) the cause of. I know most people will say to see a therapist, and I will, but just wanted to see if anyone has felt the same and can explain why I feel so good about the diabetes but my personality is changing so much? I am becoming something I don't like, and it is so hard to stop.

Thanks.

 

[Sue192]

Hello @patfootball04 - welcome to the Forum. I'm T2 so I hope I'm not upsetting you by answering your post as such - there are brilliant, supportive T1s here who I'm sure will be along to help - but I wonder if it is a 'referred' type of depression? By that I mean that you are handling the actual diagnosis and T1 extremely well, but perhaps there's a subconscious reaction to it all which is coming out as you describe, and needs to come out. This has happened to me with a life-changing (although no life-threatening) event - I was fine about the event and felt positive in spite of it but, like you, found myself lashing out at nearest and dearest for no reason. Difficult to describe that sort of 'disjoint'. Once I realised what was going on, I focussed my lashing out on what had happened and that really did help. I didn't have therapy. Again, I'm T2 so maybe my post is of little help to you - my apologies if so but your post struck a chord.

 

[Deleted Account]

Sorry to read about the trouble you are having.
I think the response from @Sue192 is very interesting and may help explain your feelings.
Thankfully, upon diagnosis with type 1 I was not depressed but despite outward appearances suggesting I was handling it fine, I confess to being scared by the unknown and found it was always in my subconscious making it difficult to concentrate on anything such as work and generally feeling sorry for myself.

It has certainly helped others I know with depression (but not diabetes) to understand the cause of their depression. This is not always possible and I think some people's brains are just wired differently: as if there is a physical explanation for their mental well being.

Another thing I wonder is whether the depression is related to any medication you are on.
There is a lot written about diabetes and depression but not much about insulin and depression. However, as with type 1 we must have insulin, I imagine it is very difficult to isolate the cause if it is the insulin.

Whatever the reason, it sounds like you need some help to handle your current mental state.

If possible, it may help to include your "perfect" girlfriend. Whilst I have never experienced depression, my partner has and I found it very isolating to be with them as they went through it even though he remained very considerate and carrying towards me. The more she understands what you are going through, the more she can help and the less you need to worry about her.

Sorry, my response is a little rambling. I hope there is something that helps.

 

[Diakat]

Could it be that you are worried about your girlfriend having to cope with you sometimes being I'll so you are subconsciously pushing her away?
Agree with idea that you should talk this through with a professional.
High sugars can make us snappy and nasty but you say your levels are good.
Give yourself time and try to be kind to yourself.