Just before Christmas it hit home hard what being a diabetic is all about. Since then I have got more and more depressed about it all. I even get depressed coming on site and reading the problems everyone has and haven't been coming onto the site much at all as I just couldn't face it.
There are other things in my life that aren't helping, my husband resents the fact that I retired at the end of July (aged 61) he is 2.1/2 years younger then me (toy boy) and he has been really nasty about me saying that I am lazy and to get a job where we live (I used to work 54 miles away so drove 108 miles a day getting up at 20pass 4 every morning did a days work as a secretary and then drove home I do all the house work and shopping whilst every weekend he would lye in bed till 11ish and then get up and go to the pub come home have his meal and the same on Sunday never helped in the house or anything he has in the last 2 years occassionally washed up). I have been the main bread winner earning a lot more then him buying all the furniture cookers curtains food but he does go half on the mortgage, gas electric, community tax, water etc bills, which leaves him with around £150.00 per week to spend on himself. He drinks a lot and since my retiring has been drunk most weekends and becomes very abusive and tries to degrad me. A couple of times in the pass 6 weeks it has come close to his being violent. (We did split up because of this before).
On Jan 4th I had my eye lazered because I had several blood clots behind my right eye at first there was only 1 which was diagnosed in July and when I went back in November he saw that more were there so they were lazered. Since then which I believe is through the stress he is putting me under my eye is getting this like bubble effect or like smoke coming up from a cigerette. I have been keeping my BS under control and working hard at it. I do have a blood condition which is incurable and is controlled by having a pint of blood removed every 2mths and high blood pressure controlled by tablets (think 2005) just before I started the tablets my eye was terribly blood shot and went to the docs and he said I had high blood pressure and was put on tablets and haven't had one since. I don't understand it about the clots in my eye as I have keep my BG down and test regularly and spoke to the consultant I see over my blood and said is it because of the blood disease I have he said no it was the diabetics but if I am keeping it under control why have them other clots appeared? Would stress do it?
It just seems that every thing you see in the shops I can't eat and feel frustrated over it. I was really good at Christmas had 1 chocolate as my BS was 4.9 I thought I could stand having 1.
I just cannot shake off this feeling depression. Tomorrow I have too go to the hospital to have my bladder looked at as I had a cancer tumour in it 2 years ago and last Feb they thought it was coming back and in July they courterised the spots and anaylised it and it was free of cancer so hopefully tomorrow I will find that I am still free.
I am also due my 6 month diabetis check up but haven't heard yet so may be I need to phone up the docs. I just feel so overwhelmed by this diabetics and feel like going out and just gourging myself with all the things I can't eat, but I wont and will carry one.
I just wonder how people have carried on over the years it feels like a prison sentence.
Sorry about this being so long there is lots more I would love to get off my chest thank you to anyone that reads this and replies
Sue :cry:
There are other things in my life that aren't helping, my husband resents the fact that I retired at the end of July (aged 61) he is 2.1/2 years younger then me (toy boy) and he has been really nasty about me saying that I am lazy and to get a job where we live (I used to work 54 miles away so drove 108 miles a day getting up at 20pass 4 every morning did a days work as a secretary and then drove home I do all the house work and shopping whilst every weekend he would lye in bed till 11ish and then get up and go to the pub come home have his meal and the same on Sunday never helped in the house or anything he has in the last 2 years occassionally washed up). I have been the main bread winner earning a lot more then him buying all the furniture cookers curtains food but he does go half on the mortgage, gas electric, community tax, water etc bills, which leaves him with around £150.00 per week to spend on himself. He drinks a lot and since my retiring has been drunk most weekends and becomes very abusive and tries to degrad me. A couple of times in the pass 6 weeks it has come close to his being violent. (We did split up because of this before).
On Jan 4th I had my eye lazered because I had several blood clots behind my right eye at first there was only 1 which was diagnosed in July and when I went back in November he saw that more were there so they were lazered. Since then which I believe is through the stress he is putting me under my eye is getting this like bubble effect or like smoke coming up from a cigerette. I have been keeping my BS under control and working hard at it. I do have a blood condition which is incurable and is controlled by having a pint of blood removed every 2mths and high blood pressure controlled by tablets (think 2005) just before I started the tablets my eye was terribly blood shot and went to the docs and he said I had high blood pressure and was put on tablets and haven't had one since. I don't understand it about the clots in my eye as I have keep my BG down and test regularly and spoke to the consultant I see over my blood and said is it because of the blood disease I have he said no it was the diabetics but if I am keeping it under control why have them other clots appeared? Would stress do it?
It just seems that every thing you see in the shops I can't eat and feel frustrated over it. I was really good at Christmas had 1 chocolate as my BS was 4.9 I thought I could stand having 1.
I just cannot shake off this feeling depression. Tomorrow I have too go to the hospital to have my bladder looked at as I had a cancer tumour in it 2 years ago and last Feb they thought it was coming back and in July they courterised the spots and anaylised it and it was free of cancer so hopefully tomorrow I will find that I am still free.
I am also due my 6 month diabetis check up but haven't heard yet so may be I need to phone up the docs. I just feel so overwhelmed by this diabetics and feel like going out and just gourging myself with all the things I can't eat, but I wont and will carry one.
I just wonder how people have carried on over the years it feels like a prison sentence.
Sorry about this being so long there is lots more I would love to get off my chest thank you to anyone that reads this and replies
Sue :cry:
