Looks like I'm not the only one having a bit of a ****** start to the year =/.
I 'admit' to being depressed all the time, I've 'known' I've been depressed for years, and years...I've been depressed due to diabetes and a few other factors for so long that I genuinely can't remember the last time I didn't feel depressed.
But I've never really sought out help for it, I've never rang a friend for a chat...well that's not true, I have, but I drove that friend away almost completely recently by snapping at them and taking all my general frustrations out on them at a time when they were going through some stuff...so all in all, my depression has cost me quite a few things over the years...that had I had the guts and sense to do what you're doing and ask for some proper help, I probably didn't have to suffer through. I'd probe...actually no I definitely reckon I'd have taken far greater care of my diabetes than I have done for quite some time if I'd taken advantage of the support that was available to me for all the things that were concerning me, not just diabetes related, instead of just nodding my way through clinics and appointments and thinking I was already beyond help. I wasn't, and I'm still not.
We all have a chronic condition, depression/low-mood/low-self-esteem and all the feelings linked to them don't mean we're weak, they don't even mean we're strong when we don't let them affect us - they're just another symptom, the same as your bloods running high after a healthy dose of carbs is. Have a large intake of 'sugar' your BG rises...have diabetes for any length of time, it will lower and affect your mood at times. This doesn't mean it's all doom and gloom though, you're feeling like you feel right now as nobodies taught you any skills to deal with all those feelings yet, same as when we're little we throw tantrums when we don't get what we want, until we learn to control those emotions and deal with them in a better way we stamp our feet and hold our breaths...you feeling sad/upset/like you want to be alone when you really don't want to feel that way, is just the natural way we human beings have of dealing with those emotions, which is fine if we only feel that way for a day or so, but any longer and it starts making you feel how you're feeling now. It's ok not to know how to deal with it, it's better to learn how to deal with it well though =)
The difference as I said, is you've made the best possible step you can by being strong enough to admit that how you feel doesn't make you happy, and asking for help =) That's a huge positive step to take. And it sounds like you already have some really supportive and great people close by in your mum and other half, so combined with everyone here, you are definitely not going to have to deal with this all by yourself =)
In terms of immediate options you have a few though;
- You can talk to folk on here, I'm pretty much an insomniac so available to answer messages until most ungodly hours lol And I know there are plenty of others on here who I'm sure are much smarter and better at dealing with this than I am, who would love to help you as much as they can =)
- Keep on top of your sugars - it's a catch-22, but high sugars = low mood, but low mood also = high sugars, I'm never sure which comes first - but it is true to say if you can keep control of your sugars, keeping them in your lower target ranges where possible, some of the smaller things that are bothering you and seem insurmountable at the moment may become a bit clearer with a few days of lower BG's - I know mine always do when I can manage to control it that long =)
- Talk to your clinic/DSN/GP - I know my clinic has a psychiatrist/psychiatric nurse on call as part of the clinic who can offer counselling and other therapies to help with low mood and depression and the like - I only started taking advantage of that offer recently, I wish, WISH, I had done so sooner. If that's not available at your clinic, your GP can refer you to someone who'll offer the same support
- the purpose of the psychiatrist/nurse/therapy/'counselling' isn't to 'cure' the low-mood issues, they're linked to you having a chronic condition & the 'bad' news is it'll always be possible to feel that way at times...but like I said that's because they're another symptom of diabetes. You can't expect the feelings to disappear any more than you can expect your glucose levels to magically start behaving themselves without any help from you - but they WILL, and I promise this one, absolutely will, let you develop skills and tools to cope with the things you are feeling now so you can decide when you want to have a wee cry and let these feelings out, and when you want to use those feelings more productively =)
- Hobbies/Routine - one of the things I lack in my life is hobbies/routines outside of work. I've started coming on here a bit more the last week or so because a) seeing everyone's support on here makes me feel less alone, and like I can keep the testing up this time and b) it gives me something to do, albeit with minimum social interaction, not as good as face-to-face, but enough that it cheers me up a wee bit - so having things to do, especially with other people if you can, and that you can do regularly, will help increase your mood a bit too =)
- Read some helpful stuff - there are tonnes of books/sites/papers out there on diabetes/low-mood/depression and all the different things how you're feeling gets called - some are just interesting, others let you know you're not alone, others seem like they're trying to sell you miracle cures to everything and some are really practical and give you things to try/do to improve things yourself. One of the ones I was suggested to read was a book called: "How to be your own best friend" by Dr. Paul Hauck. There were some bits of it I found useful, others not so much, but it had some things to try doing, ways to try and think about things...and at the time I searched online for it there was a free trial of that audible thing through amazon that let me listen to it in full for absolutely nothing...if anything it helped me get a little bit extra sleep for a few more days! lol!
Main thing, you're not alone, so long as you keep coming here =) Hope you're feeling more like you soon =D
