Don't quite know what to do with myself...

It won't seem like it right now. But if it's diabetes, you'll be much happier and more full of energy when you get it sorted, than you are at the moment.

Welcome to the forum.

Hello and welcome @Blood Sugars Ex Tragik

(Great name by the way)

I'v been in your shoes so I understand the need for a primal scream. If you read my posts from when I was first diagnosed you can see I threw myself a real pity party. That's a long time ago now- I'm in a much better place and life is good

So if you are diagnosed as a diabetic the world does not actually crash- it just feels like it for a while. Take comfort in the fact that it will get better.

The first thing I suggest you do is get a meter- do that as soon as possible. It will be the tool that will give you the information about what different foods do to your blood sugar levels. It does not lie nor is it biased.

The second thing I recommend is to keep a rough food diary. What you are interested in is the amount of carbs in each meal. Forget calories just concentrate on carbs. Measure your levels before each meal and 2 hours after you start. You want a rise of less than 2 ideally.

Try to reduce your carb intake a bit and see the effect on your levels. Focus on food naturally low in carbs- cheese, meat, seafood, eggs, cream- there's a lot actually.

Keep reading and posting- I promise I did the pity party to end all pity parties but now am better than before was diagnosed.

Just off to sleep but have a read of this, note especially section 3:

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

Haven't actually been diagnosed with anything yet but...

Contacted GP after a year of symptoms - extreme tiredness, multiple toilet trips every night etc.

Was sent to get some "bloodwork", as the kids of today insist on calling it, done just before Christmas and I can see my HbA1c is at 48mmol/mol on the NHS app.
GP surgery texted me yesterday to say I need to book another blood test in a couple of weeks.

I guess it's no surprise as my age (late 50s) and high BMI (30s) were all pointing to this but I had allowed myself to believe that it might be my depression making me tired. Allowed myself to be put off contacting GP as my boss at work said I couldn't possibly have diabetes as I hadn't lost any weight.

Sorry for the rant but it's hit me harder than I thought it would and not being able to talk to a healthcare professional about it for weeks is driving me mad.

I just feel so utterly ashamed that I've let this happen. My laziness and gluttony is down to me and it's too late now. I've made my bed and must lie in it. (Ironically, lying in bed is probably part of what's got me in this mess.)

Have been out for a few walks and tried to starve myself (not very effectively) in the desperate hope that I can change something but I know it's futile. I'm on leave until next week but I hate my job and the thought of trying to get through the day with hunger pains on top of all the other stress is already making me feel anxious.

Like I said, sorry for ranting. Hopefully there's something cathartic in this primal scream of a post. I totally accept this is my fault and that in choosing a life of sloth and excess I realise this was the likely outcome. Now it's the start of payback time. Hopefully I can stave off the whole foot amputation and blindness stuff for a while. Please forgive the melodrama. Hopefully there's a way I can edit/delete this tomorrow!

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Diabetes basics:
There are 2 very different main sorts of diabetes (and several others but not relevant at this point in time to you)
Type 1 is an auto immune disorder that can hit any one any time... are babies guilty of overeating? No! One of it's s main symptom is sudden weight loss.
Type 2 is a metabolic disorder where your body doesn't handle carbs well. One symptom of it (note, not a cause!) Is weight gain.

Your boss is obviously not a doctor (I hope)

Type 2 can be controlled by eating lots of lovely, filling, sustaining food.
Type 1 can be managed with insulin

Both are manageable and need not lead to complications.

Tomorrow is another day, and I hope we see you here tomorrow to learn more. This is a supportive and non judgemental forum.
Look at people's signatures to see how well they are doing. The future's bright

Welcome aboard, relax and stop worrying and blaming yourself, weight gain is a symptom, not the cause.
Type 2 diabetes starts years before any symptoms really show. It is almost always due to Insulin resistance, our cells stop responding to it, and don't allow the Glucose, (which is what Carbohydrates are processed into by our bodies), into the cells, so we don't get all the energy from the food we eat, hence over eating, not because were greedy gits, but because we are in effect, malnourished, and the body sends out the appropriate hormone to make us eat. This means there is too much Glucose in our bloodstream, which is damaging if too high for too long. Think years here. Our bodies pump out even more Insulin to try to overcome this, which actually makes everything worse.
Our bodies first line of defense in this situation, is to pee out the excess, and being thirsty to replenish whats gone.
As this cannot purge all the Glucose, the next thing it does, is stores it away as fat. (Insulin is the hormone in control of fat storage, and we've got more than enough of that). with high levels of circulating Insulin, we cannot use the stored fat as the Insulin blocks that.
The first store appears to be Visceral fat, fat deposited around the internal organs, this exacerbates the Insulin resistance, and stops those organs working efficiently.
After that comes subcutaneous fat, the beer belly, love handles, bingo wings and extra chins etc. Much less of a problem than Visceral fat.
With an Hba1c of 48 you are very borderline, hence the second test, as there is a slight inaccuracy in all tests. With that very low level on the scale, 48 being the lowest number for diagnosis, 47 is pre diabetic, it will not take much to turn things around.
Many of us here eat a low carb diet. NOT a diet as you think, but a way of eating which restricts the amount of Glucose within our systems, so our blood sugar levels are within the normal range.
Luckily humans evolved to run on 2 different fuels, Glucose and Ketones. Glucose has to have Insulin holding it's hand for cells to allow it to enter, Ketones don't. By using Ketones to a greater or lesser degree as fuel, we have less Glucose in our systems, and so less Insulin. This allows some recovery of Insulin sensitivity, so we handle carbs a little better.
When we run on Ketones, if we don't eat enough calories, our body converts some stored fat into Ketone bodies, to make up the difference. (the good thing here is it doesn't involve feeling hungry, so we often miss meals as we simply weren't hungry)
Try reading the success story thread, you will realise you're in a much better situation than you think. Also read the what i've ate today threads, which will give you an idea of the foods that help.
You'll come to realise that healthy eating for us, bears no resemblance to the official guidelines, that are frankly dangerous to type 2s in my opinion.

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

I guess it's no surprise as my age (late 50s) and high BMI (30s) were all pointing to this...

I just feel so utterly ashamed that I've let this happen. My laziness and gluttony is down to me and it's too late now. I've made my bed and must lie in it. (Ironically, lying in bed is probably part of what's got me in this mess.)

Have been out for a few walks and tried to starve myself (not very effectively) in the desperate hope that I can change something but I know it's futile. I'm on leave until next week but I hate my job and the thought of trying to get through the day with hunger pains on top of all the other stress is already making me feel anxious.

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I'm about the same age as you, and I used to feel the same. I thought it was all the carbohydrate abuse I'd put my body through. But I read "The Nutritional Thingy" that @Rachox posted, among other things, and started eating that way pretty much straight away.

I did some reading up on the insulin/carbohydrate hypothesis, which explained a lot, and gave me some answers.

If it's any use, I had an HbA1c of 69 in April, and this month it came down to 37.

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

If I'm being honest, it does feel like my fault though. I've been fat for all of my adult life but lost 3½ stones about 17 years ago. Even then I was just overweight as opposed to obese. I swore I'd never go back and yet here I am, over a stone heavier than my start point then. I can tolerate moderate hunger when I'm feeling ok but when life feels bleak I comfort eat. Maybe I'd still be where I am regardless of weight but it seems unlikely.

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I've also lost 3½ stone since then. I've done the starving thing in the past, but eating this way makes me totally not hungry. I rarely eat before midday, because I'm simply not hungry, and sometimes go 36 hours without eating.

It's a lot to take in, but you can just sit back and read things for now, and not panic. Plenty of us here are in the same boat, and as you've realised, we're happy to help.

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

Haven't actually been diagnosed with anything yet but...

Contacted GP after a year of symptoms - extreme tiredness, multiple toilet trips every night etc.

Was sent to get some "bloodwork", as the kids of today insist on calling it, done just before Christmas and I can see my HbA1c is at 48mmol/mol on the NHS app.
GP surgery texted me yesterday to say I need to book another blood test in a couple of weeks.

I guess it's no surprise as my age (late 50s) and high BMI (30s) were all pointing to this but I had allowed myself to believe that it might be my depression making me tired. Allowed myself to be put off contacting GP as my boss at work said I couldn't possibly have diabetes as I hadn't lost any weight.

Sorry for the rant but it's hit me harder than I thought it would and not being able to talk to a healthcare professional about it for weeks is driving me mad.

I just feel so utterly ashamed that I've let this happen. My laziness and gluttony is down to me and it's too late now. I've made my bed and must lie in it. (Ironically, lying in bed is probably part of what's got me in this mess.)

Have been out for a few walks and tried to starve myself (not very effectively) in the desperate hope that I can change something but I know it's futile. I'm on leave until next week but I hate my job and the thought of trying to get through the day with hunger pains on top of all the other stress is already making me feel anxious.

Like I said, sorry for ranting. Hopefully there's something cathartic in this primal scream of a post. I totally accept this is my fault and that in choosing a life of sloth and excess I realise this was the likely outcome. Now it's the start of payback time. Hopefully I can stave off the whole foot amputation and blindness stuff for a while. Please forgive the melodrama. Hopefully there's a way I can edit/delete this tomorrow!

Click to expand...

I haven't read all the replies as my eyes feel a bit sore this morning, but I just wanted to chime in... Please, please stop kicking yourself around. You have a genetic, metabolic condition, and if you do not know you have it, you don't know that you have trouble processing carbs... People always point to fat when it comes to weight gain, but for a diabetic, fat is a friend, not an enemy... I went to a dietician because I wanted to lose weight for our wedding 15 years ago, and she told me to go low fat, high carb, and I was morbidly obese in the blink of an eye after that. (And diabetic, but no-one bothered to go over my blood sugar levels for years.) I sat weeping in her office when she both called me a liar, saying I didn't adhere to her diet, which just had made me worse because I followed it to the letter, and that I just had to accept that I was just one of those people who couldn't lose weight, and should learn to live with being a chonker. You can't tackle what you don't know about, okay? So there's that. And high-ish blood sugars can influence your mood quite a bit... And cause crippling fatigue... So you're relatively big, very tired all the time and depressed. Guess what?

All of that can be pretty much fixed when you start low carbing! You're just barely into the diabetic range (Really... Prediabetes starts at a HbA1c of 42, diabetes starts at 48.... I was more than double that number when diagnosed and was back in the normal range in three months), so with just a few tweaks you can get your blood glucose back down. That'll help with the usual symptoms like urinating throughout the night, but it is likely to improve your depression, and give you back energy. I know I cried an awful lot when diagnosed, because I didn't have anyone to tell me this, but... Once I knew what the problem was (inability to process carbs), I could finally, finally do something about it! I know it sucks to get a diagnosis, but.... If you know what the problem is, and you find what the solution is, that's VERY empowering.

I think you'll start to feel better within weeks, not months.... And by next year you'll likely be one of us who celebrate their "Diaversary": Anniversary of diagnosis. Because that was the day you found out what was going wrong, and you could start making things right. I was on death's door, literally... I was expected by various "specialists" to be in my coffin well before my 40th birthday, but instead, I got my life back. I celebrate each year with a nice steak dinner. You're likely to, too. It gets better now. You have solutions and better health ahead of you, I absolutely promise.

Hugs,
Jo

PS: Your boss is a moron. Sudden weight loss is common for T1's, not T2's. That doesn't make him a moron though, what does is telling someone who feels unwell not to see a doc. That's detrimental to your health. You look out for you. Glad you didn't follow their advice in the long run!
PPS: I still have both feet.

PPPS: My eyes are sore due to eye-issues that are NOT diabetes related. Seems like a long-covid thing. Very much not a diabetic complication.

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

Almost beginning to regret going hell for leather to lose weight as it's landed me in a funny place where the options and support available seems significantly less

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In the UK the NHS computer system says "NO" unless you have 2 readings over 48 within a few weeks.

I had my first test just before covid lockdowns and they stopped all further testing for months. By the time I was retested, I had gone hard and fast low carb, reduced my bg and therefore cannot be shown as T2 on the system.
However I know because of my reaction to carbs since monitor it myself that I am very firmly T2, albeit "in remission" now.
So I've missed out on everything the NHS could offer me... but I'm fitter and healthier now that I would have been if I had because I researched for myself and learned so much with the help, support and information on here.
I've missed out on:
being told not to test,
on not to go low carb because its unsustainable,
to being prescribed drugs I blatantly don't need,
to having life and travel insurance loaded,
to being told its progressive condition I can do nothing about
To being told its all my fault because I was overweight

OK, you may have to push for regular hba1cs but their not normally difficult to get as you'll have the one on file

With hindsight I might not have gone as hard and fast low carb as I did so I got a second confirmation and was in the "system" for the eye checks but that's all I miss, and I have a brilliant optician who does them for me anyway.

So it's not all bad, and you will start to feel better as the rest of that excess sugar clears your system. AND you've found here!

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

Thanks @MrsA2

I didn't really think about anything "clearing my system" in that way but it's a nice way to put it.

On reflection, I do seem a bit better already. Still more tired than a year or two ago but able to stay up later and do hobby stuff on some nights, which was almost impossible last year.

I'm still unsure about diets etc. Have lowered carb intake dramatically but am probably not low carb as such. (I'm someone who had toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch and sometimes more bread in the evening!)

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So you are already on the way to improvement.
Maybe it's time now to take the next steps and drop most of the carby bread.
There are some low carb alternatives available. They won't taste quite the same and cost more but do help when the bread cravings hit. I like LivLife available from bigger Waitroses. I keep in the freezer and take put just a slice or 2 a times, mostly for cheese on toast or poached eggs on toast

Also use the search box above and see what other low carb bread others rate. There's various online suppliers which I've never tried but others have.

Blood Sugars Ex Tragik said:

Thanks @MrsA2

I didn't really think about anything "clearing my system" in that way but it's a nice way to put it.

On reflection, I do seem a bit better already. Still more tired than a year or two ago but able to stay up later and do hobby stuff on some nights, which was almost impossible last year.

I'm still unsure about diets etc. Have lowered carb intake dramatically but am probably not low carb as such. (I'm someone who had toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch and sometimes more bread in the evening!)

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Bread and other high carb foods can be replaced fairly easily - personally I think scrambled eggs with cheese and a tomato is a great breakfast - some like to add in some finely chopped onion, and it probably takes less time than toasting bread from frozen.
These days I don't bother with lunch, as I am not hungry, but for dinner - meat or fish with stirfry, mixed low carb veges, salad, I have a fair few herbs and spices, condiments and tracklements (that's bamboozled the spellchecker). Sugar free jellies, berries, cream or Greek yoghurt for dessert - all help with lower blood glucose.
A meter to check blood glucose was very useful, but I am not quite sure if you can get one free of VAT as it is a perk for being diagnosed diabetic. The only one I have found so far.
I had no really obvious symptoms of diabetes, but I'd lived with it for years - the clinic knew, but didn't bother their little heads about it so I was left struggling with ever increasing weight. These days although I will be 73 this year, I seem to have lost several decades of aging and am often up to something with the morris dancers or going out to sing.
I am bonkers enough to go out to dance up the sun on May Day morning, but it isn't obligatory.

If it's any help to know - I've only seen the practice nurses at my surgery about Diabetes. When the GP told me I was diabetic he just told me to eat healthier and get more exercise. It was the nurse that managed meds, testing, detailed advice etc.

The nurses deal with long term conditions like diabetes. And can actually spend more time with me than a GP. See what your appointment is like.

Also, I second everyone here about all the info online. Way more than your doctor can give you. My nurse gave me some leaflets, and links to Diabetes UK and to this site. As always online - be sceptical. But those two sites are more reliable for a starting point than random YouTube vids and quack websites.

You've already reduced your A1c doing what you're doing now. If it's sustainable for you long term. Keep it up and your A1c will continue to drop (it's a 3 month average). Losing the weight also stacks and reduces it further.

Any other improvements you make will help it drop further. Must be sustainable though. Find things you're happy with. And what works for you.

Frankly we could be twins our stories are so similar.
I was diagnosed with an Hba1c of 48 last September after a couple of blood tests. I was also overweight (115kg). I got lucky though because the practice nurse who gave me the news recommended going low carb. I think it helped that I was borderline because I just decided there and then that my future life would not be one involving metformin and then insulin and the horror of lost toes and blindness. I immediately joined this website and bought a few books. I have struggled with my weight since my late 30s but managed to control it with exercise for years. Problem is that I am now 61 and some injuries a few years back saw the exercise waning and the weight increasing. Like most people I have tried diets but they always failed. The good news for me and hopefully you is that if you can convert to a low carb lifestyle it will lower your HbA1c and you will lose weight WITHOUT being constantly hungry and still eating lots of food that you like.
I have now lost 17kg in weight and when tested in December my HbA1C was 37 and back in the 'normal' zone. I feel so much better both physically and mentally. I consume approx 55grams of carbs a day. Of course I slip sometimes and there are temptations but I just pick myself up the next day and get back on course. I always considered myself weak because I couldn't maintain the will to keep up the usual low fat high carb diets that are still touted today but to be honest I havnt found it too much of a struggle because I can still eat so many foods that I love. (I can have a steak but just have it with salad or veg rather than chips). The good thing is that when you reduce the sugar and starch you find that your body automatically reduces the cravings dramatically. Yes there are times when I would love a doorstep sandwich or a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes but the cravings are brief and easy to control.
Most importantly I feel that this diet/lifestyle is one I can maintain for the rest of my life..
My story is nothing special lots of people on this site have achieved the same thing. I hope all the comments above and mine have convinced you that you can can control this thing and it doesnt require superhuman will power. I wish you all the best.