Wow Snapsy - what an amazing read, I completely resonate with all of this. I feel like showing this to my consultant and DSN !!
Having type 1 at times can make me feel so alone, I can't share the multitude of thoughts that go through my mind with anyone else, but you have pinpointed exactly all of it in this post. It is always walking a tightrope to me, i've become less social since diagnosis but to be honest it is too much effort that no one else understands. To me it's a 24 hour condition, I am always either monitoring/thinking or doing something connected to my type 1, if I wake up at night I immediately think am I high/low. I am still waiting for it to become second nature so maybe I can go back to being my old carefree self again, but somehow I don't think that will happen..
It is also work in progress, constantly, each day tweaking and analysing, every event requires meticulous planning. I gave up my old sales job because the anxiety of having and worrying about hypos was too much and was wearing me out. I now have an easy desk job on alot less money, and of course less exercise but then I don't have to worry about the embarrassment of having a hypo in front of strangers in a meeting which had run over anymore.
I do take better care of myself nowadays, less alcohol, more exercise, better food, but all of that is the combined result of wanting to get better BG levels and to stick around to a ripe old age to watch my gorgeous daughter grow up.