- Messages
- 111
- Type of diabetes
- Prediabetes
Have fallen of the wagon today in a big way my food addiction monster woke and raised its ugly head demanding to be fed. Breakfast was lovely but after a couple of hours it started I began to have the compulsion to eat everything I should'nt but I ate cake & cake & cake, cheese toastie on white bread, I told myself not to do it they were for my husband to take to work and I kept telling myself this will kill me, felt the disgust, the self loathing just wish I knew why I did it, surely amputation, blindness stroke & all the other effects would be enough to make me stop but no the monster in me just carried on.
I cant even say I enjoyed it as I shovel it down so quick I dont even taste it, strangest of all I dont even like cake just happened to be there.
I wish I knew why I do this, everytime I loose some weight for a few weeks this happens its as if my brain goes into panic mode, I have been so good but whatever it is that makes makes me self destruct has now passed however this is the stage where I usually dont get back on the wagon but tomorrow is another day and I will get on the wagon again as I can no longer afford not too.
Feel so disgusted and ashamed but better for speaking about it.
I cant even say I enjoyed it as I shovel it down so quick I dont even taste it, strangest of all I dont even like cake just happened to be there.
I wish I knew why I do this, everytime I loose some weight for a few weeks this happens its as if my brain goes into panic mode, I have been so good but whatever it is that makes makes me self destruct has now passed however this is the stage where I usually dont get back on the wagon but tomorrow is another day and I will get on the wagon again as I can no longer afford not too.
Feel so disgusted and ashamed but better for speaking about it.