Growing Up

[Michik]

Hi. I have a little problem(argument) with my parents. They dont want to leave me alone in home longer than 1 day. I mean they are afraid that im not independent. Im 16 y/o. They are most afraid about nights(they say that I would have low bs and not wake up) and sometimes about dinner(yeah I dont usually cook but ill do my best to prepare something eatable ). I think that they wont let me go on any longer trip or even let me travel to other town(for i.e. shopping or for training). They are always afraid. My diabetes is well controlled and personally Id like to live my own life(ofc when I go somewhere for longer time like birthday party/meeting, I take my bag with all equipment and sandwiches/candies just in case). What should I do?

 

[urbanracer]

Hi @Michik ,

On the one hand, I understand your frustration, on the other, I think it's difficult for you to understand your parent's concerns at your age. They have spent 16 years raising you and they are not going to stop being concerned overnight, just because you've turned 16.

Although I obviously don't know your parents, I'd hope that they'll probably become more relaxed about the situation as you get older. Do you have plans for college/University?

 

[Michik]

Hi @Michik ,

On the one hand, I understand your frustration, on the other, I think it's difficult for you to understand your parent's concerns at your age. They have spent 16 years raising you and they are not going to stop being concerned overnight, just because you've turned 16.

Although I obviously don't know your parents, I'd hope that they'll probably become more relaxed about the situation as you get older. Do you have plans for college/University?

But I mentioned my age because Im not that young like 9-10 years who arent as aware as olders.
Yes, I have plans(if I didnt, I wouldnt spend my whole life being a good student and studying well, especially maths and physics)
But as far as I know, my parents wont get more relaxed. Im not interested in calling them every day when i will be 20 and I will go on university, just because they are always afraid

 

[urbanracer]

But I mentioned my age because Im not that young like 9-10 years who arent as aware as olders.
Yes, I have plans(if I didnt, I wouldnt spend my whole life being a good student and studying well, especially maths and physics)
But as far as I know, my parents wont get more relaxed. Im not interested in calling them every day when i will be 20 and I will go on university, just because they are always afraid

As I said, I understand your frustrations. You want independence but they want to make sure that you are safe and there is a constant conflict between you. Believe me when I say that even when you are 40 they will probably still be worried about you and for no other reason than the fact that they are your parents and parents worry about their kids.

I've also noticed @Michik that you use phrases like 'as far as I know' and 'I think that' , which leads me to believe that you may not have discussed your feelings with your parents? One of the most prevalent causes of issues such as this is simply a lack of communication (from both sides). Have you actually tried saying, - you know, you don't have to be so worried all the time Dad (or Mum) I can take care of myself - in a jokey way to see how it's taken?

 

[Michik]

As I said, I understand your frustrations. You want independence but they want to make sure that you are safe and there is a constant conflict between you. Believe me when I say that even when you are 40 they will probably still be worried about you and for no other reason than the fact that they are your parents and parents worry about their kids.

I've also noticed @Michik that you use phrases like 'as far as I know' and 'I think that' , which leads me to believe that you may not have discussed your feelings with your parents? One of the most prevalent causes of issues such as this is simply a lack of communication (from both sides). Have you actually tried saying, - you know, you don't have to be so worried all the time Dad (or Mum) I can take care of myself - in a jokey way to see how it's taken?

I know that they wont get relaxed because some bad things happened and these things made my parents more "strict" about me. One day I forgot to take insulin and I had high bs. They first reactions was like "omg you could you forget to take insulin in home, then how we could ever let you go on longer trip".
For nightime, its simple. They say: " how do you think who would check your bs in the night in the trip? You'd forget and you dont wake up"
Or they say: "no, i wont let you go on trip/camp/ outside home for longer than 1 day. "I would be very afraid of you"

 

[azure]

Wait until you have children @Michik Your parents are acting out of love
It may be that they are being too strict but I can understand their concerns. how long ago did those 'bad things' happen? Could you speak to your parents and show them you can be trusted? Perhaps if you show you have thought about things, they'll realise you're more grown up now.

Or could you have a friend over to stay with you? Would that make your parents less worried?

 

[Michik]

It happened once.
I can wait for my own children... but when will it come? Im 16 but I know that I wouldnt rather have a partner. It doesnt even mean about diabetes. Im just not attractive and Im only interested in some things(physics, maths, psychology, some history and medieval martial arts) so what could I talk about in the future?

No, I dont have that kind of friend. I dont have friends(except for good colleagues).

I think a lot, especially in my bed. I like imagining myself in the future.

 

[azure]

@Michik The things you like sound cool : ) I'm sure someone will think so too when/if you're ready for a partner : )
Attractiveness comes from inside - a good heart, kindness, a nice smile.

Show your parents you can be trusted. Hopefully, they will gradually let you do more as they see you can look after yourself.

 

[Michik]

Yes, it sounds cool but do you think that any girl would like to hear about any of these on the date? Ofc there is an easy way without words- but the feeling has to be very strong- cuddling/hugging or kissing, or compliments. But even if a girl studies to become a doctor/nurse etc., she would like to hear something nice, to get relaxed with new met boyfriend; not to talk about her job. It is interesting but here is an example: during the date Im talking about physics(nuclear etc.). Nothing more, because this is my passion. Will you get bored after 30 min? And why? Because im talking about some science cases and because you dont get anything nice.

Appearance is one of the most important things due to atractiveness. Kind, natural smile, kindess and being good arent always enough to be atractive. You have to take care of yourself, your body and your clothing.



Maybe Im complicating my life too much. Maybe I cant enjoy it. Help me

 

[azure]

Girls can be interested in physics None of the things you've mentioned are 'boy only' things so I think there will be girls who are interested in them too Then you can chat together. Even if a girl isn't interested in this things, she can still admire you and be impressed that you know about them.

Yes, of course, girls like compliments and want you to show you like them, but I think practice makes that easier. You learn to chat about lots of different things, and you learn how to respond to people you like.

Have confidence in yourself Treat other people as you would like to be treated, and concentrate on making friends first. Then - who knows - somebody may become more than a friend

 

[Michik]

So I havent met that girl yet. Girls and boys in my environment are rather interested in everything but science or studying.
I am confident but sometimes I cant treat them like Id to be treated because they would treat me like a "worse" person and very dull becuase Im keen on studying but not in parties

 

[chalup]

Do you have a diabetes team that you trust? Could you talk to them about your concerns and maybe have them talk to your parents or at least be there for the discussion to mediate? Sometimes if it is coming from a respected professional it is easier for parents to accept. They will always worry about you, that is a parents job. My sons are 26 and 28 and I still worry but I do not try to control. Letting go of that control as your child becomes independent is very hard for a parent so please try to understand their point of view. I once spent the night in the hallway of a hospital waiting to see if my 20 year old son would come out of the operating room with or without his arm. He did not lose it but it was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. That part of being a mom or dad never goes away but parents do have to learn to let go. Good luck, you sound like an awesome young man.

 

[Engineer88]

@Michik Do you have CGM? or freestyle Libre? if your perents could see your blood glucose wherever they were away from you would it make them more at ease?

 

[Michik]

No, I only use glucometr and pens, my results are noted in a normal notebook.
I only visit my doctor once per 2 months.

 

[mc9]

Hi. I have a little problem(argument) with my parents. They dont want to leave me alone in home longer than 1 day. I mean they are afraid that im not independent. Im 16 y/o. They are most afraid about nights(they say that I would have low bs and not wake up) and sometimes about dinner(yeah I dont usually cook but ill do my best to prepare something eatable ). I think that they wont let me go on any longer trip or even let me travel to other town(for i.e. shopping or for training). They are always afraid. My diabetes is well controlled and personally Id like to live my own life(ofc when I go somewhere for longer time like birthday party/meeting, I take my bag with all equipment and sandwiches/candies just in case). What should I do?

Hi I am a teen with t1d as well, I will say that it's understandable for your parents to be overprotective and having a disease such as diabetes certainly doesn't help but I personally think it's best to confront your parents upfront about this, though you know your parents best. Talk with your parents and tell them you're fully capable of taking care of yourself. Also maybe (again, your choice) ask if they would let you go out for one day if you weren't diabetic and if they say yes, point out that diabetes hasn't gotten involved with your personal life, I mean without playing the guilt card.

That is just advice and again you know your parents best.

 

[Michik]

Yeah but they always be worry and they would rather be with me in every place to make me "safe". I underestimate their work(but every young person doesnt) now but Ill do some years later(maybe it seems kinda weird).
But I dont want to go on school trips neither one day nor longer. Maybe I am " free" and I can care after myself but calling everytime I check bs is still too strict for me. Like Id like to spend time on my own without calling them every 3 hours on a trip. Thats why I dont go on those trips.
But how I can prove that I can take care of myself?

Hopefully when I go on university, Ill move out and I will finally be "free".

 

[copepod]

Where do you live, Michik? Could someone from your diabetes clinic speak with your parents and explain that you are a normal teenager, who is trying to become an adult, just with diabetes as well? Making it impossible for you to even spend a night away from home is not the way to allow a teenager to prepare to leave home. I'm sympathetic to your parents, but in UK law, the rights of the child come above those of adults. It doesn't sound like you're ignoring your responsibilities, either.

 

[Michik]

Poland

 

[EmmaRW0811]

Hello Michik, I'm reading this all these months later and I hope you and your parents have found ways to give you more freedom!

I'm 41 and a female physicist. I met my husband at university - our first date was my 19th birthday and we were university laboratory partners - we built a laser together in our first year. We often talked about physics on our dates. We also talked about lots of other things!

When we were 21 I went to Germany for one year (as part of my degree) and we wrote each other letters (I'm old enough that the internet was still very new!) I've still got those letters, and they are full of physics!

So let me reassure you that there are girls who like science.

I'm now a mum of a ten year old boy with diabetes. I worry a lot. And he makes mistakes. If I don't watch him inject he sometimes injects the wrong amount. And sometimes he goes to bed without taking his levemir. So I'm a fussy nagging mum who is always double-checking on him. He gets annoyed with me and we have fights about it.

As a mum I want my son to be free, but I'm also scared.

How are you getting on now?

 

[Michik]

Personally I care about my freedom of managing diabetes. I have become more mature since I started this thread. I made some choices about my life. Ive never liked travelling so I wont go on any longer trip soon. Its not difficult to convince my parents but my priority is not to cause problems nor arguments about that. Its the easiest way- staying home so my parents can see my physically. I know that I wont become independent by acting like that but as I said, its the most comfortable solution.