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Hello and help

P

partlyfallen

Member
Messages
16
Hi,

I'm lucky enough not to have Diabetes, but my partner has Type 1. He really doesn't seem to understand the management of the condition and whenever I try to talk to him about it, he shuts down or accuses me of nagging. I'm a healthcare professional myself, so I have pretty up to date info and am perfectly happy to help him find a suitable regime.

He's incredibly intelligent, but was diagnosed in his early twenties, and I suspect there was a lot of denial going on at the time. Anyway, treatments and understanding have moved on, but he still doesn't get the basics (ie. take insulin when you're ill) and regularly has hypos, hypers and doesn't attend his medical appointments.

How do I get through to him without making him mad? I love him so much and really don't want to lose him.

Thanks in advance.
 
Re: Hello and help.

Welcome to the Forum.

I guess you will know your partner better than anybody so the strategy must come from you.

A few thoughts though. Do you intend to have a family ? Uncontrolled Type 1 can seriously muck up his chances in that department !

Complications. I expect you can quote chapter and verse to him on those.

Stress he is causing you.

You will find a lot of helpful information on the Forum about Type 1 generally and here is some information Ken and I post to help new Diabetics, some of it may help. Good Luck.



Here is the advice we usually give to newly diagnosed diabetics. We hope that these few ideas gained through experience help you to gain control and give you some understanding of Diabetes. This forum doesn't always follow the recommended dietary advice, you have to work out what works for you as we are all different.

It's not just 'sugars' you need to avoid, diabetes is an inability to process glucose properly. Carbohydrate converts, in the body, to glucose. So it makes sense to reduce the amount of carbohydrate that you eat which includes sugars.

This is NOT a low carb diet suggestion, just a reduction in your intake of carbohydrate. You have to decide yourself how much of a reduction will keep your blood glucose levels in control.

The main carbs to avoid OR reduce are the complex or starchy carbohydrates such as bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, starchy root veg and also any flour based products. The starchy carbs all convert 100% to glucose in the body and raise the blood sugar levels significantly.

If you are on Insulin you may find that reducing the carb intake also means that you can reduce your dose of insulin. This can help you to keep weight gain down as Insulin tends to make you put on weight and eventually cause insulin resistance. This should be done slowly so as not to cause hypos.

The way to find out how different foods affect you is to do regular daily testing and keep a food diary for a couple of weeks. If you test just before eating, then two hours after eating, you will see the effect of certain foods on your blood glucose levels. Some foods, which are slow acting carbohydrates, are absorbed more slowly so you may need to test three or even four hours later to see the effect that these have on your blood glucose levels.

Buy yourself a carb counter book (you can get these on-line) and you will be able to work out how much carbs you are eating, when you test, the reading two hours after should be roughly the same as the before eating reading, if it is then that meal was fine, if it isn’t then you need to check what you have eaten and think about reducing the portion size of carbs.

When you are buying products check the total carbohydrate content, this includes the sugar content. Do not just go by the amount of sugar on the packaging as this is misleading to a diabetic.


As for a tester, try asking the nurse/doctor and explain that you want to be proactive in managing your own diabetes and therefore need to test so that you can see just how foods affect your blood sugar levels. Hopefully this will work ! Sometimes they are not keen to give Type 2’s the strips on prescription, (in the UK) but you can but try!!

If you are an Insulin user in theory you should have no problem getting test strips.

The latest 2010 NICE guidelines for Bg levels are as follows:
Fasting (waking and before meals).......between 4 - 7 mmol/l...(Type 1 & 2)
2 hrs after meals........................no more than 8.5 mmol/l.....( Type 2)

2hrs after meals......................... no more than 9 mmol/l ......(Type 1)

If you are able to keep the post meal numbers lower, so much the better.

It also helps if you can do 30 minutes moderate exercise a day. It doesn't have to be strenuous.

The above is just general advice and it is recommended that you discuss with your HCP before making any changes. You can also ask questions on the forum on anything that is not clear.

Sue/Ken.
Click to expand...
 
Re: Hello and help.

Thanks so much for your swift reply.

Re family plans, medical jiggery-pokery will be required for a baby to happen. he's already suffering those complications.

He's fully aware of the complications, his circulation is appalling and has got noticeably worse even in the last nine months.

I just can't get him to talk about it. I think he needs to start again, as a newly diagnosed Type 1, I guess I just have to keep trying and adjust his diet without asking.

I'm so dreadfully concerned, I'm actually in tears just thinking about it.
 
Re: Hello and help.

That is so sad ! :(

However, getting his Bg levels under control MAY help reverse some of those complications depending on how far on they are. We have had several members on here quote that they have better eye sight and sometimes reversal of ED after getting their levels down to more 'normal' figures.

If he could see a counsellor it may help him but of course that is if he will go and see one. He may just be feeling that all is lost and why bother...... I wish you and him the best of luck.....sometimes it is a small thing that can turn it all around.
 
Re: Hello and help.

Men can be incredibly stupid as far as their health is concerned I think they think they are not a MAN if they have anything wrong with them My husband has high blood pressure and is in total denial even though the last time he went to the GP they sent him to hospital in an ambulance because it was so high! That was about 3 years ago and he hasnt been near the GPs since.We have been married for 47 years and I love him to bits so I can realy relate to how you feel. I cope by using underhand tactics :lol: I make him exercise by needing to walk often for my Diabetes and I dont want to go on my own .I cook so I try to make sure he eats a good diet .You can do the same by cooking the things he needs eg restricting carbs where you need to ,there are some good recipes and ideas on this forum and believe me he wont notice :) If you can get him round to the way of thinking that looking after his health is HIS idea you are half way there this is quite difficult I know but can be done .We woman are very clever especially where our menfolk are concerned.Dont give up and try a little psychology
CAROL
 
Re: Hello and help.

Hi there
Sorry to hear how upset you are and the effect it's all having on you both. It's so difficult being the other person trying to make someone else change.
It sounds like he is also upset and stressed about it, sometimes that makes people sort of paralysed and unable to take any action - even talking. It's true the more he thinks you're nagging (which you are not, but it sounds like it seems that way to him) the more he is retreating into ignoring it all, maybe because he is worried you will use your expert knowledge to tell him off or judge him in some way. Again, not necessarily true but it might be his experience of HCPs in general.

Perhaps you can only relay to him how you are feeling about it and the effect it is having on you, as you can own your own feelings but not his. doing this might enable him to share his feelings (by the way, men sometimes respond better to the question 'what do you think?' rather than 'what do you feel?'!!. The other thing is to maybe ask about what his biggest worry is about his diabetes, rather than concentrate on your biggest concerns, and see if you can deal with this together as a first step.
Really hope something in this helps a bit.
Best wishes
Rosie
 
Re: Hello and help.

You're all so lovely!

I'm definitely going to use some of your tips. He's moving in with me in a few weeks so it will be easier to mind him. I have depression, so I could ask him to walk with me to keep me company (he doesn't exercise). I have a few cookbooks ordered, and need to learn a lot more about carbs etc... I had no idea that some of the complications might be reversible, although if we give up smoking that will definitely have a HUGE effect!

Changing Dr might help (I'm not impressed with the care he's had) and my Dr here is very good.

I just have to keep slogging on really!

This forum seems great for advice, support and the recipes look yummy too. I'll definitely be hanging around. Hopefully with a wonderful story about overcoming this hurdle and turning our lives around. :)
 
Re: Hello and help.

I shan't, and thanks for that tip. He hypos regularly anyway. Right now I'm rather concerned that he's about to get DKA.
 
Re: Hello and help.

Have you got Ketostix to test him with ?

Mind you, landing in hospital with DKA may give him a wake up call !
 
Re: Hello and help.

We're not in the same country. He has no stix, no test strips and is ill, not eating and not taking insulin. Feels terrible, sleeping constantly. He had DKA last year and was hospitalised for a year. I've arranged for someone to go and see him tonight. I'm not in the good books right now.
 
Have you impressed on him how important it is to seek medical attention asap ? Difficult from a distance but he must realise how serious this could be.........
 
Oh yes. He nearly died last year. Paramedics thought he was verging on a diabetic coma, so they gave him hypogel. By the time he reached the hospital his sugars were 50 something. they queried a suicide attempt. He was never educated properly, so I'm trying now. Apparently I'm really, really trying. :roll:
 
Where do we start?

Hi,

After 10 years of poor education, poor compliance and poor control, I'm trying to help my partner come to terms with/accept/control Type 1.

Where do I start? Regular meals? Carb reduction? Exercise? Education? Treatment for the range of complications he suffers?

Help. Please?
 
Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try he has to live with the consequences. You have obviously done all you can, nobody can make him do something if he doesn't want to. We all know what he has to do.....it is HE who has to do it........

The old saying, "You can lead a horse to water etc......." :( If he won't help himself, it is a hard place that you and he are in. I don't think any of us has answers, most of us are as much in despair as yourself seeing somebody give up without a fight.

I really hope that he sees sense before it's too late. :(

I see you have started another thread about him, in the circumstances we will be merging it with this one for continuity and so that Members see all the advice that has already been offered. People don't need to go over the same ground again.
 
Where do we start?

Previously posted.......

Where do we start?
by partlyfallen » 18 minutes ago
Hi,

After 10 years of poor education, poor compliance and poor control, I'm trying to help my partner come to terms with/accept/control Type 1.

Where do I start? Regular meals? Carb reduction? Exercise? Education? Treatment for the range of complications he suffers?

Help. Please?
 
First step has to be to get strips and start testing. Don't make a big deal out of it , if that is possible, I wonder does he drive?-Must do it before driving....

Once testing you will have to start carb counting-exercise at this point may be useless to be quite honest, a walk will be good, but anything more than that may make levels higher if high, and lower if low....so my advice would just be to stat back at basics. getting some tests done on a regular basis and doing the insulin and food as basics.

You have a lot to tackle, but take a step at a time. There will be ways that you can change things around without partner realising, ie if you prepare the meals etc, and start with a breakfast etc. You can do things without partner realising too much, but it wil be the testing that your partner must do, and this could be harder to get partner to accept readily....good luck and let us know how you are doing, not just your partner, as it is very important that you too keep your life balanced with your partners.....
 
Well, we had a chat. I started off by seeing what he considered to be nagging. Turns out he thought I was just going to have a go at him, so we talked about things and regular testing has now ensued. :)

It's only been a couple of days and his first result was 20.4, so it's going to be a while until we can see a pattern and act upon it. Bg is all over the place, ranging from 3.6 to 15.3 pre-prandial. But at least it's a start. I've bought some cookbooks (he moves in with me in 2 weeks and I cook).

Thanks so much for all of your help. Really appreciate it.
 
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