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Help: I just cant cope anymore (Might be triggering for some)

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Lulu9101112, Mar 4, 2020.

  1. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    It sounds silly but recently I’ve been struggiling with controlling my diabeties as due to previous incidents i keep getting reminded off when I got diagnosed at age 7 along with my dad always hitting me between age 6-10. Even though I don’t live with him, I’m afraid he’s still at it with my half brother in holland and when I get reminded of my childhood or previous incidents i end up saying something stupid or kicking property.
    I’ve always got reminded of that and getting diagnosed and other stuff made it worse. Everytime I try to test/inject I seem to get reminded off it.
    Before I had to force myself. But I just can’t anymore.

    Also doesn’t help that recently I’ve had thoughts of sucide especially as I got banned by security for 3 months which I feel is unfair for saying something stupid and kicking property which I feel is unfair as I couldn’t control it at the time meaning I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday which is on Tuesday and my friends housemate birthdays coming up. I can’t even meet my friends to go to the cinema as that’s included in the ban. Not to mention I got seen by my manager and customer at work so now I’m on my warning at work I’m even struggiling to do my volunteering at the moment.

    I just don’t see the point of even living when I cant see my friends, mum, celebrate my birthday, keep getting targeted, my diabeties, not to mention also in trouble with police, this ban from security, warning from work etc...

    it seems like no one likes me at the moment and I’ll loose my friends trust etc...

    l just feel like I want to go down to river or run in the road.
     
  2. JTL

    JTL Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    You're certainly struggling!
    Why do you have security in your life?
    I'm not much use I'm afraid at dealing with other peoples problems so I don't have any comforting words beyond stick with it see it through be determined to prove the world wrong and get on top of it all .... which one day I'm confident you will if you fight.
    It might be yourself you have to have to fight for a while.
    Keep that fight alive no matter how dark it gets otherwise that darkness can be all consuming.
    Rest sleep and be determined to take it all on again tomorrow it's the only way I know to win.
     
  3. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    They got involved a couple of times as it was near there area they well patrol. Didn’t even get any chance to explain back then. Pardon my language but security can be ********.

    Thursday is my day off. I’m worried I’ll actually go through with my plan (I already tried to back in 2014 by taking a huge amount of insulin back the then but just ended up in the hospital for. 1 week and eveyone thought It was a mistake) when it’s light especially as I don’t want to feel down till May and well as explained my birthday will be pointlesss and the same with spending time with my friends. Not to mention worried about long term complications as this hasn’t been the first time and very time I stop control it results in high blood sugar. Had a terrible school life all years, I feel like most things are pointless. I can’t even cope with brushing my teeth. I fall asleep very easily as well.

    I just realised this thread is in the wrong topic.


    Edited by moderator for language
     
    #3 Lulu9101112, Mar 4, 2020 at 10:47 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2020
  4. JTL

    JTL Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    wHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU IN AND WHY ARE THERE SECURITY PEOPLE?
     
  5. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    There’s always security guards in shopping centres etc...
     
  6. JTL

    JTL Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Ahhh right I didn't realise you were in a shopping centre.
    Worrying about birthday parties and friends suggests you are maybe a teenager .... tough enough time in life without all the extra pressures of illness and stuff on top.
    I'm in my late 60's but don't live in a completely different world than you which many my age think they do and many your age probably believe is correct!
    I have kids all grown up and lots of grandchildren from eighteen months old to adulthood.
    There's a 17 year old young man in the mix and he's having a tough time living with rules restrictions expectations let downs and so on.
    He is fantastic at college when he can be bothered to turn up but his home and social life leaves a lot to be desired.
    He's diagnosed ADHD and has medication for it which seems a total waste of time to be honest.
    Thing is I see my youth in his .... I was a total rebel with no respect for anyone or anything.
    I think I would probably have been diagnosed with something too if they did that sort of thing back then.
    I never suffered depression or had any thoughts of killing myself but I did end up in jail a couple of times and took a lot of drugs.
    He's nowhere near as bad as I was.
    So yes I have troubled teens in my life and the stuff he sees as difficult or impossible or totally unfair I would have seen as just a normal part of life.
    Ahhh .... maybe I am from another world then ....
    Have you talked to anyone family or professional in a calm manner?
    I say calm because I have seen my grandson not able to do that.
    He does now and the results are very different and positive .... for him.
    I'm rambling.
    Only you can change things but it might be that only you don't have the answers and or tools to do whatever needs doing meaning .... talk and listen and you may well get the tools and answers you need.
     
  7. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    It’s not just that, that ban ****** me off as well as it’s the main area I feel safe due to incidents with deliveroo and teenagers riders as incidents happen less there. Another weird thing Is how come they didn’t get banned as they have caused issues to me and the same reason I got banned but yet are still allowed back in?

    Also the shopping centre has a outside area attached with all the shops and restaurants cinema etc.. it’s the main place everyone hangs out and it’s the only cinema and main place the restaurants are. So there’s no other place to hang out except bowling and that gets pricey if you always go, It’s not so much my birthday as i can go bowling for that and there’s restaurants in that area. But I can’t choose where my friends and housemate decide to celebrate their birthdays which is ussually in the area I’m banned from.

    I’ve tried emailing and explaining however the manger is not changing the ban for some reason. I can’t always control my condition. I’m trying to find ways too but it takes time. The last email he mentioned he’s concerned I’ll repeat my actions. But avoided the question when I mentioned I’ve had same issues to me and asked how come they haven’t been banned?

    to me it just feels like I’m getting discriminated because I’ve had the same issues happen to me and for the same reason I’m banned. However the ones doing it to me are allowed back in and haven’t been banned even though I got banned especially as he’s avoiding answering that question.

    I’m 20 (nearly 21)

    edited by moderator for language
     
    #7 Lulu9101112, Mar 5, 2020 at 7:59 PM
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2020
  8. JTL

    JTL Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    How about sending this guy an email asking can you have a meeting with him?
    You're obviously intelligent enough to carry out that meeting in a controlled and polite manner that he cannot have issues with. that he can use against you?
     
  9. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I’ve already mentioned if it easier I can speak on person and left my mobile number. So I don’t think he wants to speak in person.

    Not to mention I work in a sports centre and volunteer in an animal park. Where most customers and visitors are children and all sorts of cultures back grounds etc... so the same customers visitors the centre has I haven’t Always caused issues in the centre either. There’s never been any incidents in shops, restaurants or cinema etc... just outside areas. So they should know I don’t always cause issues.theres even been a few people that have seen some incidents as I keep getting asked how things are by random strangers and this old man everytime i got something form macdonalds (before j was banned) and when I give a slight confused look like why there asking. They say they’ve seen incidents happen. I’ve still got scrapes from the most recent incident with teenagers that happened their on the 8th of feb, which the security should be aware off as bystanders got them. I just couldn’t talk much that day. (I got banned on the 20th of feb).
     
  10. Razzamuffin

    Razzamuffin Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    How are your BGLs?


    Have you tried talking to your friend's about this? Are they all having birthdays at the centre?

    What if you Have a cooling off period like, dont show up for a month and then change hair or something where people won't recognise you?

    Sometimes it doesn't hurt to think about starting new elsewhere if nothing else works, because to me it sounds like the area you're from simply don't understand and that by banning you from places rather offering support is actually more damaging

    I dunno.
     
  11. Lulu9101112

    Lulu9101112 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Yes and most of them are. Not great as when I get stressed or always causes my blood to go high which can cause me to get a bit more moody.

    well I sneakily tried that once on a Saturday however I think the only reason I didn’t get caught was because I changed my cycling jacket, had my helmet in my bag and had my hood up, Also security was hardly around. .

    I don’t want to risk doing this again as if you get caught it restarts the ban and if you don’t leave they can contact the police. I’m easily recognisable because I wear glasses and have a obvious scar which you can’t change

    someitmes I have trouble sleeping due to these issues. Hence why I’m typing this at 3am as I litreally woke up at this time. Not great when I’m supposed to have volunteering.. Thing is when I get down and don’t feel like going volunteering even though I like it I’m afraid if I go. I’ll do something stupid or because my work saw me. I worried I’ll get told off at volunteering.

    I’m even tried asking the manger if he thinks there’s a reasonable solution or if they let me back in and I break my promise they can make the ban longer or permanent. it’s also almost been a month soon. By the 20th or March it would of been a month. But he Avoided answering that question.

    As then I would defiently find away to stop myself. I also mentioned I got warned at work. So I know i need to stop otherwise I’ll loose my job etc.

    so it seems like I’m doing the right things but nothing is working.


    the animal park I work in they literally only ban people of customers are being physical to kids, harming the animals or shop lifting and for the sports centre same thing minus animals. But if people explain there reason it’s get reconsidered whether to lift the ban or not unless it’s something related to safeguarding e.g being physical to a child or to do with welfare of children/animals . This has never happens luckily though well it never did at sports centre. . I’ve heard this from staff:Someone did try stealing birds at the animal park but they got caught and ended up getting banned. Obviously they got banned due to the animals welfare. Same thing happened. Some visitor got banned for feeding junk food too an animal.

    as for my dissability it seems like the only people that seem to be aware is the local Buissness warden and police as did to previous incidents outside. As for police they understand and that’s why I’ve only gotten warnings and never arrested luckily. No one wants to press charges either. It’s like people know there’s a reason even though I hardly used to speak to anyone before.
    Me and my mum know a local officer due to these days. When I mentioned about the deliveroo riders. He mentioned he’ll try to speak to them but it’ll be hard to find the right ones since theirs a lot of riders etc... it also doesn’t help when I get stressed/anxious this automatically causes my blood to be high which makes me slightly more irritatable. However sometimes I find it hard to recognise when my bloods high compared to when my bloods low. .

    Also the warden understands as he got involved back in summer when I was having issues in the summer before college and I explained a little back then. Not fully as I was about to catch a bus back then. (I wasn’t even aware my town had Buissness wardens either before he started getting involved)


    So there are other authorities aware of some reasons. It’s like the manager still doesn’t understand or is discriminating especially as he’s avoiding some questions
     
    #11 Lulu9101112, Mar 6, 2020 at 3:27 AM
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2020
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