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How can I get my partner to help ?

Patrick66

Patrick66

Well-Known Member
Messages
978
Location
Dorset UK
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
People. Noise. Swearing. Many foods.
So.
Here I am, 3 weeks away from D-Day when they decide if my blood sugar is going to be low enough for them to safely operate.

Fasting blood is 6.5 at the moment and I have, even over Christmas, been quite good and eaten less carbs and less sugar to the extent that the latter is dropping quite rapidly.

Thing is, my partner, who has a very sweet tooth, sits beside me guzzling away to her hearts content on chocolate and nice things.

This op is important to me so I have asked her to refrain or eat that sort of thing when I am out at work ..but its not working.

Any tips to get her onboard ?. Without being mean to her ?.

I had a pretty sweet tooth and watching her eat, smelling what she is eating; its not helping.

Thanks.
 
Leave the room when she does?

If she has not respected your request possibly have a chat asking why she is not supportive of your aim to get the operation, explain benefits to her as well e.g. improved mobility/sight/ability to drive/inference whatever applies.

If she does not listen you’ll need extra willpower or to run away.
 
Patrick66 said:
So.
Here I am, 3 weeks away from D-Day when they decide if my blood sugar is going to be low enough for them to safely operate.

Fasting blood is 6.5 at the moment and I have, even over Christmas, been quite good and eaten less carbs and less sugar to the extent that the latter is dropping quite rapidly.

Thing is, my partner, who has a very sweet tooth, sits beside me guzzling away to her hearts content on chocolate and nice things.

This op is important to me so I have asked her to refrain or eat that sort of thing when I am out at work ..but its not working.

Any tips to get her onboard ?. Without being mean to her ?.

I had a pretty sweet tooth and watching her eat, smelling what she is eating; its not helping.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
I just ask my husband to take his snacks to work with him. He's alone in the shop at the moment, so he doesn't have to share his sugar-heavy chocolates, crisps and cookies. ;) Really, tell her it's hard to keep bloodsugars down for the op when temptation's sitting right next to you. Leave the room, or have something low carb at hand. When my other half insists, I'll just grab some nuts, cheese or something to eat myself, until he's done. Doesn't happen often, thank heavens...!
 
Agree with @xfieldok - perhaps find some treats that are low carb and fine for us diabetics so that you can have your own treat when she does?
It is a shame that you aren’t getting more support when you have specifically asked. And with only 3 weeks till your op it shouldn’t seem much to ask. However, just to be devils advocate, unless your partner is diabetic too, unfortunately it is our illness to have to deal with. I cook carbs most days for my husband and daughter, and have a ‘goodies’ shelf in the cupboard that has nothing appropriate for me on it because whilst yes they do adapt and eat what I’m eating, they shouldn’t have to live by my exact diet (regardless of the benefits) because ultimately they aren’t diabetic and so don’t need to. So our own willpower to control ourselves has to be the main emphasis. You’re doing amazing. The op is in sight!! Stay strong regardless of what’s going on around you :)
 
Diakat said:
Leave the room when she does?

If she has not respected your request possibly have a chat asking why she is not supportive of your aim to get the operation, explain benefits to her as well e.g. improved mobility/sight/ability to drive/inference whatever applies.

If she does not listen you’ll need extra willpower or to run away.
Click to expand...
I could but its awkward when we are both watching something together.

Yes, I am used to running away, or finding other things to distract me.

Thanks.
 
JoKalsbeek said:
I just ask my husband to take his snacks to work with him. He's alone in the shop at the moment, so he doesn't have to share his sugar-heavy chocolates, crisps and cookies. ;) Really, tell her it's hard to keep bloodsugars down for the op when temptation's sitting right next to you. Leave the room, or have something low carb at hand. When my other half insists, I'll just grab some nuts, cheese or something to eat myself, until he's done. Doesn't happen often, thank heavens...!
Click to expand...
Thank you.

I hope she will get the message. Eventually.
 
Bluetit1802 said:
Suggest she tests her blood sugars after her binges. It may frighten her into stopping. :)
Click to expand...

She has.
Her level rarely varies to anything approaching diabetic levels. I have no idea how she does it.
 
Emma_369 said:
Agree with @xfieldok …. However, just to be devils advocate, unless your partner is diabetic too, unfortunately it is our illness to have to deal with. I cook carbs most days for my husband and daughter, and have a ‘goodies’ shelf in the cupboard that has nothing appropriate for me on it because whilst yes they do adapt and eat what I’m eating, they shouldn’t have to live by my exact diet (regardless of the benefits) because ultimately they aren’t diabetic and so don’t need to. So our own willpower to control ourselves has to be the main emphasis. You’re doing amazing. The op is in sight!! Stay strong regardless of what’s going on around you :)
Click to expand...

That was my thought too. Its a lot easier for me to adjust my own attitudes than to adjust other people's behaviour. If I set myself a goal of trying to get someone else to behave in a way that suits me, I'm setting myself up for disappointment - quite apart from the question of "do I have the right to try and make someone else act contrary to their own desires?". Much easier to change me than them. My own experience is that the sort of issue you're describing simply disappears - it ceases to have any emotional heat in it - when I learn to accept it just the way it is. She doesn't have diabetes and can eat what she wants. I do have diabetes and there are things I can't eat or have to eat in moderation. She's not at fault and neither am I. We just have different truths to accept.
 
Hi Patrick, this is a tricky one. When I was first diagnosed it used to enrage me when my husband blithely carried on buying and chomping lovely, scrumptious, gorgeous bread! Nothing else bothered me, only that. Then I accepted that only I could control what I ate and if I was tempted by something in front of my eyes, then that was my problem. Having said that, I do think your partner could be more supportive given your impending operation and how important that is, does she want you to fail? This is one of those times when she should stop being selfish over this short period of time. Beyond that though, you will find temptation everywhere so you will have to make up your own mind whether to eat it or not. I would appeal to her along the lines of 'please help me' rather than an accusatory approach. x
 
my doc told me your bs needs to be under 9.5 ( i wish ) for a op. Oh and just ditch her you can always ask her to come back after the op just joking
 
Patrick66 said:
Any tips to get her onboard ?
Click to expand...

Difficult one. You can only say it like it is. This operation is very important to you (and ultimately her) and you are trying your hardest to behave in such a way as to keep your BG at a reasonable level for your surgery to go ahead. At this point you just need a little help by not having temptation put in your way.
All the very best for your surgery, I'm sure you'll keep up the good work and that you'll get the help you need.
 
@Patrick66 - What happens to your diabetes after your op? Do you carry on with whatever raised your bloods to the unsafe to operate levels and risk and consequences, orr how will things change?

I think the point I am making is whatever changes, in order to remain in a good place, it ulikely only to be for 3 weeks.

Maybe you and she need to be discussing a longer term way of coping with this.
 
I agree with all the above. You have to be strong for you and can't easily change other people. Been diabetic three years now, came from a very diabetic maternal family, mum was one of thirteen children and all were diabetic for some reason her brothers were type 1 and she and her sisters all type 2 in later age so I think I've done well to only being diagnosed three years ago. My partner has been fairly supportive but following his health check back in the summer was told that he was pre- diabetic with a BMI of 21! He's been very good following LCHF and has actually put on a bit of weight but tonight is finishing off the stollen someone gave him for Christmas "as a treat". Tomorrow morning his blood sugar will still be lower than mine, it's not fair but then why should it be, the only person you can reliably change is yourself, so find some low carb treats and have them providing you're hungry when she has hers. Hope all goes well with the op, keep us posted and good luck!
 
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