How did you tell your partner

[Barbora7]

hi guys, I've been living with diabetes for almost 10 years now so it's a part of me now. I am on insulin daily basis don't even think about it anymore. I always preferred not to talk about my condition, only a very close circle of friends knew about my diabetes. I have never been in a serious relationship and I am 22 now and I've met this amazing guy, we have been dating for almost 6 weeks now and I feel like it's time for me to tell him about my diabetes as its not fair on him to keep it secret I just don't know how or when to tell him
It is a bit awkward and I don't know what his reaction will be... He is smart enough to undrestand I guess I just don't know how to break the news without making a big deal out of it as it really is not a big deal- for me anyway
Thanks for your help

 

[noblehead]

Suggest going out for a meal together, when you order your food just say you will need to test your bg and take your insulin as you have diabetes, it shouldn't be a big deal and I'm sure if he likes you as much as you like him he will be very understanding.

btw, welcome to the forum.

 

[Mike d]

I'd treat it in an off hand manner, as in "it doesn't bother me". Let it sink in, allow him to ask questions and see where it leads

 

[Barbora7]

Thank you for your replies guys!
In fact it does not bother me at all I just don't know where or how to start or even how to say it I was thinking to call him or text him tonight and say something like - I apologies for not telling you earlier I just didn't know how to start as I've never been in this situation before-
What do you reckon?

 

[Mike d]

Me? No ..... this is a face to face. I'm 61 so I have a few years on you so I don't want to come across as patronising at all but I am a guy and know how quickly they can run and how the good ones shake it off and couldn't care less and THAT will be much reflected in the way you tell him, but it's the right thing to do IMHO. Don't plan for it. 6 weeks is nothing in the context of where this might lead. A disarming approach is the one I'd take and when you think it's right, just do it.

I wish you well

 

[Barbora7]

I know you are right and telling him face to face would be much more personal and probably easier but I won't get to see him at least until the weekend and it's itching me so bad I just feel like I need to tell him asap so I can let it to
I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it and still can't stop thinking about it now

 

[Mike d]

Now you're winding yourself up into not just how you might tell him, but your fear / hope of wanting to know his reaction be it positive or otherwise.

You're laid back about the condition. So should you be in the manner in which you tell him. Off hand, casual and matter of fact. You treat it as no big deal and so might he. I can't advise you beyond that as it's down to you, but if he's as invested in this relationship as you clearly are, a few days won't matter.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

Mike is a smart man and has many years on me (I'm 27). I think you're making a bigger deal about this than it has to be.

Of course, he deserves to know, but it's not like you're telling him you used to be a man, you are HIV+, or that you like to perform animal sacrifices in your free time...those are probably "Sit down and plan how to deliver the news" moments, lol.

He's probably not going to understand completely which also means he's not going to understand how to react. If you make it a big deal, he might feel the need to make it a big deal too.

My situation was much different (diagnosed 4 months ago), but my girlfriend was on a train in New York City (2000 miles away) on business when she found out I was in the Emergency Room. She was so worried that she left her clothes and luggage in the hotel and took the first flight home (even though I told her not to).

She sees how seriously I take things and how hard I work to manage everything which in turn gives her peace of mind.

My girlfriend definitely is a keeper, and if your boyfriend is he'll at least try to understand things.

 

[azure]

I agree with @TorqPenderloin Its not a big thing so phoning him and announcing 'you have something to tell him' makes it sound bad. He may even start thinking that it's a bad thing because he could be scrabbling round for reasons you chose to tell him like that. If you'd been going out with someone for a few weeks, and they then suddenly phoned you to tell you they had, say, asthma, you'd start thinking "Oh no! Why didn't they tell me? Is it something bad? Maybe they have a particularly bad asthma and dresdful things have happened to them", etc etc

Wait until you're together again and let him see you test your blood sugar and inject (if necessary). That's what I do, and I've never had anyone freak out or run away screaming. Just casually announce you need to test your blood sugar. He'll ask why - and then you can tell him in a casual 'it's no big thing' way

I've found most people are interested and usually ask questions.

 

[Barbora7]

I agree with @TorqPenderloin Its not a big thing so phoning him and announcing 'you have something to tell him' makes it sound bad. He may even start thinking that it's a bad thing because he could be scrabbling round for reasons you chose to tell him like that. If you'd been going out with someone for a few weeks, and they then suddenly phoned you to tell you they had, say, asthma, you'd start thinking "Oh no! Why didn't they tell me? Is it something bad? Maybe they have a particularly bad asthma and dresdful things have happened to them", etc etc

Wait until you're together again and let him see you test your blood sugar and inject (if necessary). That's what I do, and I've never had anyone freak out or run away screaming. Just casually announce you need to test your blood sugar. He'll ask why - and then you can tell him in a casual 'it's no big thing' way

I've found most people are interested and usually ask questions.

Thank you for your answer I am just wondering is it not just gonna look silly after all this time we spent together and all them dates we have been on to just get my stuff out in front of him
I think that might be much bigger shock than just phone him and apologise for not telling him earlier because I just didn't know how to start or how to say it as ?

 

[azure]

I understand why you think that - the longer you leave it the harder it is to bring it up.

Remember he probably knows very little about diabetes so he probably won't realise you could have tested in front of him before. Just act like it's no big deal. If he does ask why you didn't mention it before, you could say that it's no big deal and you didn't have a chance because you were enjoying his company or whatever.

His reaction will be informed by how you present it. Think of my asthma example. If that person used an inhaler in front of their partner, they're unlikely to say "Oh no! You have asthma! Why didn't you tell me before?"

I think you're worrying because obviously diabetes is a big thing to you because we all know how much attention it needs, but it's not a BAD thing so underplay it to start with, then if he's interested in learning more, you can give him that info gradually

 

[Diakat]

Listen to the guys, do it face to face. Respect your boyfriend and let him work it out. Don't apologise for not telling him, tell him what you said to us - only a few trusted people know. That shows you are opening up to him.

 

[Mep]

that's a good question you're asking. I have often wondered the same thing. The problem I have is I can't get away with hiding that I'm sick as you can hear I'm sick. You can probably also tell because I run to the loo a lot more than a normal person would.... so I'd be excusing myself a lot. lol. But I think what the others have said is good advice... let him know face-to-face. Hopefully you have no dramas with it and he is totally ok. I mean really if he isn't ok, then he is not the right guy... it would make it very difficult to commit to someone who can't handle or tolerate your illnesses. I wish you the best.