How do yo cope

I don't get this kind of comment any more but I did when I was at work (where we all ate meals together cooked by us staff). I found if I did a finger prick meter test in front of them before eating it used to shut them up.

Most polite, reasonable people will accept a polite 'no thanks' but there are some idiots that go on and on and especially for their benefit I kept pictures of people who had suffered severe diabetes complications on my phone which I'd show to anyone who wouldn't stop asking me if I wanted cake or whatever. It worked every time and very soon they stopped asking.

Nicolii said:

This is exactly my problem and the reason I had a 2 year binge on all those foods I couldn't eat. I can't psychologically cope with no longer being able to eat anything and everything like I used to.

One of the problems is that ppl don't believe I have diabetes. They won't accept it. I have being telling friends and my extended family and colleagues and they are all telling me they don't believe me and that I'm a health freak.

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@Nicolii, first of all, good for you for standing your ground! Eating low carb can be tough at times, especially when there is a nice treat "to die for". Unfortunately for us, such treats really are to die for. We eat low carb, and eat to our meters for a reason: it keeps us as healthy as possible and it maximizes our control over our condition.

Now, you have touched on a very important issue - namely, others judging us on our eating style. You might be surprised to learn that it is not only the lay folk who have an issue with our style of eating. There is actually a new medical term being bandied about which is concerning to me because it pathologizes the type of disciplined approach many of us take to managing our condition : Orthexia Nervosa: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/orthorexia-nervosa

Our results tell us what we need to know, the rest is just 'noise' we can do without. Our true friends (and our peers on this forum) are supportive and do not judge.

Nicolii said:

Thanks for the suggestion but I am outnumbered. I'd have better luck hanging out with different ppl if I can. I'm more forced to see these ppl and same with ppl from past. At least when I was younger I always managed to find someone who was healthy like me but these days with my husbands large family they are traditional ethnic eaters who are too proud of their food culture to accept anything different. So it's more social issue I have to get out of.

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I may be over simplifying things - but why don't you mix with healthier more accommodating people. You have found new supportive friends on this site. We exist in the real world too. (My Maltese family are ethnic eaters. I love maltese food - pasta, pastries etc etc - but it no longer loves me. Malta knows it is a ticking time bomb when it comes to diabetes. Sadly they are eating their way to extinction. Just not sure they realise it yet.

Nicolii said:

Thanks for the suggestion but I am outnumbered. I'd have better luck hanging out with different ppl if I can. I'm more forced to see these ppl and same with ppl from past. At least when I was younger I always managed to find someone who was healthy like me but these days with my husbands large family they are traditional ethnic eaters who are too proud of their food culture to accept anything different. So it's more social issue I have to get out of.

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I may be over simplifying things - but why don't you mix with healthier more accommodating people. You have found new supportive friends on this site. We exist in the real world too. (My Maltese family are ethnic eaters. I love maltese food - pasta, pastries etc etc - but it no longer loves me. Malta knows it is a ticking time bomb when it comes to diabetes. Sadly they are eating their way to extinction. Just not sure they realise it yet.

MikeTurin said:

Because smoking is different.
You have to resist craving but smoking/not smoking is a clear thing. You don't lit coffin nails - you don't smoke.
Normally it's also easy to call them ashtray, chimmeys, or mocking them if they're coughing, if are smartasses or fill them with booket on quit smoking.
I never done it but sometimes I've thinked about it...


On food the problem is that information is more wide, and of course you have to eat something, and eating does not have the social stigma of an addiction like smoking.

The food cravings mechanics are a natural survival mechanism, that doens't work well if one is under a weight loss diet or a diet

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[/QUOTE]
I'm not so sure. We all know smoking is bad for you. Lungs are not designed for smoking. Our bodies are not designed to 'process' smoking and we have large percentages of people who still smoke.

Same applies to drinking but add to that the 'sneers and jibes' if you are a non drinker.

Now change smoking and alcohol for carbs in a T2 diabetic. My body is no longer designed for processing carbs without some negative side effects, a large percentage of people still use carbs and you do get sneered at if you refuse an orange, or a bit of chocolate, or a jacket potato with your steak.

Yes we can throw evidence at smokers and call them names. I can do the same with people who who get abusive when I wont eat carbs.

As for books and pamphlets on quiting cabs - there is plenty of evidence out there. Print it off, staple it together and hey presto - a booklet.

I mean no offense. I do tend to see things very simply - sometimes a gift, sometimes a curse. I have to run with what works for me. Being built like a min brick out house helps as does having a thick skin and strong belief in science.

Sean

What is particularly irritating is going somewhere to stay for a weekend, explaining in advance that I am on a low carb diet and gluten free with the reply hat it would be no problem because the chef was also diabetic. Main course OK, but served with dry boiled potatoes instead of roast, then a trifle dessert or fruit in jelly. I never asked how well controlled the chef was and it gradually became clear to me that they were confusing carbs with fats. This year, no mention of a low carb diet, just gluten free and I will take my own stock of olives and cheeses to fill up on.

My colleagues at work will sometimes tease but know that I can resist the temptation most of the time. They have seen the change in lifestyle and the result. The only thing that they can't get their around is that it has to be for life, the diabetes has gone into remission, it has not gone away, but I can live with that. When we go out for a curry meal and I order the salad option they often comment on how much more appetising mine looks than theirs and I get a large plateful of salad to their portion of rice. I am still learning but I gradually increasing my range of food.

Phoenix55 said:

What is particularly irritating is going somewhere to stay for a weekend, explaining in advance that I am on a low carb diet and gluten free with the reply hat it would be no problem because the chef was also diabetic. Main course OK, but served with dry boiled potatoes instead of roast, then a trifle dessert or fruit in jelly. I never asked how well controlled the chef was and it gradually became clear to me that they were confusing carbs with fats. This year, no mention of a low carb diet, just gluten free and I will take my own stock of olives and cheeses to fill up on.

My colleagues at work will sometimes tease but know that I can resist the temptation most of the time. They have seen the change in lifestyle and the result. The only thing that they can't get their around is that it has to be for life, the diabetes has gone into remission, it has not gone away, but I can live with that. When we go out for a curry meal and I order the salad option they often comment on how much more appetising mine looks than theirs and I get a large plateful of salad to their portion of rice. I am still learning but I gradually increasing my range of food.

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I've just come back from a sort of holiday of visiting various relatives and friends - and, exactly the same as you, I chatted about food with each of the people I was going to be staying with before the holiday started (they know I'm diabetic anyway) but only one person took on board that I don't eat carbs. One other person thought low carb was gluten free, another decided it was low calorie. Weirdest was that the person who thought low carb was low calorie had decided to have chippy fish & chips and mushy peas for dinner.

Having said all this.... this morning I downloaded a freebie keto slow cooker recipe book from Amazon and promptly deleted it when I saw that the ingredients included flour, molasses, apple juice, orange juice and sugar in several different shapes. So, if a (presumably) professional food writer can get it so wrong then there's not much hope for all my friends and relatives.

Nicolii said:

Oh this is so true. They do seem to think it's only a temporary think. And yes you do get ppl who think they are more of an expert than you and tell you what you will or will not eat at their house/party etc. I especially love it when someone says 'oh come on, one cake won't kill you.' When in reality that tiny bit of cake will tip me off into alert mode where I go into a binge. My hb has never had this and he tells me he doesn't understand. Also we get offered cake and junk everywhere and everyday. It's simply impossible to keep accepting.

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One trick I learned quite early on was not to call it a 'diet' which seems, to most people, to indicate that it is a temporary thing - if you call it a 'way of eating' people seem to accept that its permanent. It seems to make a difference.

Reading this thread, I feel very lucky. Friends and relatives have been extremely supportive. (Perhaps this is because several members of my close family are in the medical profession.)

The areas in which my experience is similar, however, are (1) the lack of understanding of what "low-carb" means, and (2) the attitude that "a little bit of this won't hurt you."

Tackling (1) first. There is almost nothing I can do about this. Occasionally I will come across someone who has investigated (or even tried) the "Atkins Diet" and they tend to be a bit more knowledgeable, but that's rare. More commonly they assume that low-carb is similar to low-calorie or even to gluten-free, or they use jargon like "paleo." Sometimes they talk about "keto" but they seldom understand how it works. Nearly all of them assume the "diet" is short-term and not for life.

Prior to my diagnosis I knew less than nothing about diabetes (meaning, that what I "knew" was wrong); in dealing with other people, it helps to try to remember how clueless I was. Among other things, I associated it exclusively with insulin-dependent people and had no idea that in some cases it can be treated with diet and/or non-insulin meds.

If people are genuinely interested I try to explain the science to them, but it is hard. It is a complex disease when you take into account the various kinds of diabetes; and almost everyone has a friend who is insulin-dependent, and they tend to lump us all together. I also get depressed when my diabetes takes over the conversation for much of the evening. There are more interesting things to talk about!

As for (2), it can be heartbreaking, but in my case it is because my intransigeance upsets others when (as is always the case) I refuse to comply upon being asked to eat something I don't want to eat. My wife was in tears a couple of days ago when she said she wished I would eat her home-cooked lasagna once a month, and I said no, I would cook my own butternut squash lasagna as usual (she doesn't like it, finding it "too rich"). People are different: I am very bad at the "cheating occasionally is OK" stuff. If I cheat once, it's game-over. Not to mention that nowadays, high-carb food actually tastes bad to me.

The OP mentions ethnic considerations too. In a previous career, in a job that involved a lot of social contact, I spent most of my working life in the Middle East. In Arab countries, food is intimately mixed up with hospitality. If you refuse food when it is offered, it can be perceived as a big insult (or at least such was the case when I was there, 20 years ago). It was lovely, and these are among the most hospitable people in the world. But I was not T2 at the time and would have found life really hard if I had been!

Grateful said:

(1) the lack of understanding of what "low-carb" means

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This is easy - said the truth. "I shouldn't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, or rice, no added sugars and starches, also gluten free ones aren't ok, and only some fruits because I have a health problem. I can't drink a lot of alcohol and anyway I don't like sweet beverages".
If you move from a broad description to a punctual one I think it's more clear to people what foods one could eat, and one could stay away on talking about diabetes.

By the way if for a vegan there aren't a lot of problem to explain, why one has to be questiones if has diabetes?

Prior to my diagnosis I knew less than nothing about diabetes (meaning, that what I "knew" was wrong); in dealing with other people, it helps to try to remember how clueless I was. Among other things, I associated it exclusively with insulin-dependent people and had no idea that in some cases it can be treated with diet and/or non-insulin meds.

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Explaining how and not why skips easily this phase.

I also get depressed when my diabetes takes over the conversation for much of the evening. There are more interesting things to talk about!

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Make it the nerd way, really boring - prepare some facts from scientific paper and start talking about correlation, leptin and so on...

My wife was in tears a couple of days ago when she said she wished I would eat her home-cooked lasagna once a month, and I said no, I would cook my own butter-nut squash lasagne as usual (she doesn't like it, finding it "too rich").

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This is a big problem. Especially if you actually like the other foods.
Anyway asking her why she doesn't eat the butternut "lasagna"? If a vegan friend complains that the lasgana contains eggs and meat is she going to start to go in tears?

Grateful said:

My wife was in tears a couple of days ago when she said she wished I would eat her home-cooked lasagna once a month

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Why not ask her if she could replace the actual lasagna sheets in your half of the dish with slices of aubergine. It will be a bit more like moussaka but at least she will have cooked it for you.

Mr_Pot said:

Why not ask her if she could replace the actual lasagna sheets in your half of the dish with slices of aubergine. It will be a bit more like moussaka but at least she will have cooked it for you.

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Unfortunately the punctual problem could be resolved, for example instead of lasagna sheets you could make crêpes with eggs and only a bit of whole wheat. But I think this is the general problem you have with people that could take really personally the fact you're not eating.

I come from the south of Holland, where food equals love. So it took a while to make my family (and inlaws up north, but it was different) understand why and how I eat the way I do. I wrote a little guide with do's and don'ts, the why's and hows, and sent it out. And once I made a mistake while eating out, so when I felt ill because my bs shot up, they could actually see first hand how carbs f me up. I mention foods etc regularly on facebook, so they're used to it and I sneak some education in. I still get comments from time to time, but not from the people who matter. (They ask questions out of interest though, and these are welcome) My standard reply when someone's being an ass is, it's either this, or shooting insulin. Most of them hate needles, so they take the point. I've cried on my way home from a few parties and such, but f 'em... This is what I need to do for me, and it works. Even with 5 weeks of prednisone my hba1c was beautiful, so it's worth it. Maybe it's time for you to find or start a low-carb support group in your area? You're obviously not alone. Getting some friends who get it might help.

I would suggest you find a new social circle - they sound ghastly!

Nicolii said:

I think this is a good saying I'll use.

I mean if everyone is ordering ice cream and you can't have it, you must feel pretty stupid. I know I do.

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They probably feel guilty because they know ice-cream is bad for them and they take it out on you. I'm lucky in that I move in circles where many people have different dietary requirements, but I've had similar issues when I tell people I don't drink alcohol - I swear people get cross cos it highlights their addictions!

charliebarker said:

I would suggest you find a new social circle - they sound ghastly!

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Unfortunately in most case are relatives.
And anyway it's a difficult thing, you can easily spot ass-holes, but for well-meaning people that are ignorant about diabetes its a difficult thing: Remember that people is hammered with advertising that promotes as healthy sugary drinks, refined starchy foods, heavily processed foods with preservatives and added flavours. Even the healthy options are actually less healthy than "regular food". Case in point plain yoghurt vs skimmed lactose free fruit-flavoured one.