i have posted other topics but is there anyone out there who has a teenager on an insulin pump regularly non-compliant but is angry a lot of the time when he is nice he is a lovely lad but when nastly causes mayhem in the family and school can this be all put down to diabetes or have i just got an unruly 15 year old, i feel sorry when people blame the parents for unruly children as my son has been brought up with standards and values the only thing i can think of is that he is spoilt :cry:
how to deal with angry teenager
- Thread starter vickiec
- Start Date
vickiec said:
Hi,
i don't have a teenager (as i'm only 22 :lol: )
But i read your post and saw no replies so i thought i'd give me two cents!
You say you can only think he is spoilt, but i rememeber what it was like to be fifteen. hormone changes. school. growing up etc,
I didnt have diabetes when i was 15 but i remember enough to know that if i did i think i'd find it very hard on top of being a teenager.
I think may it could be his way of dealing with great stress of being a gowing kid and his diabetes is getting the grunt of it?
If he has high sugars his diabetes could be partly to blame.
But he is a fifteen year old too and i think it's normal at one age or other to be unruly, i certainly was at that age.
because you say he is lovely when nice, and use the word 'angry' and non-compliance all puts together maybe his diabetes is getting him down?
Does he have anyone to talk to his age about diabetes? maybe encourage him to find something on the internet to have access to talk to other kids his age in his situation to be able to vent his anger if it is indeed partly because of diabetes. and know he's not the only one out there.
i also notice he's on a pump. his control must of been (or still be despite occasional defiance to diabetes) i don't want to be nasty but maybe you could suggest (nicest word i could think of instead of take away or steal) that he give his pump back until he is again compliant, but again that might anger him further.
i really dont know how to advise you but i didnt want your post to go unanswered and thats what i can think of.
I hope he gets back on track soon and you can put these faces
8) :lol: instead of that one :cry: ebonyx
brill
Well-Known Member
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As the mother of two (non-diabetic) teenagers, I would guess a lot of it's the hormones!
My only advice is try not to sweat the small stuff - easier said than done sometimes. I'm sure he's taking it in and appreciating your help really underneath, but they just seem to blow up from time to time anyway and it must be doubly hard on him with the restrictions of diabetes.
My only advice is try not to sweat the small stuff - easier said than done sometimes. I'm sure he's taking it in and appreciating your help really underneath, but they just seem to blow up from time to time anyway and it must be doubly hard on him with the restrictions of diabetes.
Hi Vickie
Sorry things don't seem to be improving for your family since your last thread "not taking insulin" but at least you can come on here and vent your feelings.
He probably is angry and also disappointed that he has this brake on his life; he doesn't want it and you don't want him to have the problems he has either. His way of reacting may be to lash out at all and sundry and since you are the most convenient to hand person you get it most of all.
I wonder how your son would react if you really took his consultant's advice to 'butt out'? If you 'resign' from your post of chief minder it might even make him stop and think; it would be hard to do, especially as a nurse yourself, but it would stop him pushing your buttons to make you upset and angry. You would need to build a framework within which he would operate and you would all need to work out what that is. You would also need to stop reacting in the slightest to his attempts to engage or enrage you, not even to just make a face.
Perhaps you need to sit him down and just tell him how disappointed that you are for him about his diabetes and that you would do anything to help him but since it obviously isn't working for either of you, and he is verging on adulthood, you are wondering if he would prefer to take charge of his condition and ongoing health on his own. Talk about organising a framework and agreement and if he says "yes" then you must only contribute or comment when asked. It might take the angst out of everything for you all and the consultant may well be able to deal with him better 'man to man'. Sometimes as mums we are too close and he might well respond better to someone out of the family.
I know he is your baby but he really is almost an adult and you will have to trust him to manage on his own at some time. In addition he is a teenager which is a condition that only time will cure! :roll:
Sorry things don't seem to be improving for your family since your last thread "not taking insulin" but at least you can come on here and vent your feelings.
He probably is angry and also disappointed that he has this brake on his life; he doesn't want it and you don't want him to have the problems he has either. His way of reacting may be to lash out at all and sundry and since you are the most convenient to hand person you get it most of all.
I wonder how your son would react if you really took his consultant's advice to 'butt out'? If you 'resign' from your post of chief minder it might even make him stop and think; it would be hard to do, especially as a nurse yourself, but it would stop him pushing your buttons to make you upset and angry. You would need to build a framework within which he would operate and you would all need to work out what that is. You would also need to stop reacting in the slightest to his attempts to engage or enrage you, not even to just make a face.
Perhaps you need to sit him down and just tell him how disappointed that you are for him about his diabetes and that you would do anything to help him but since it obviously isn't working for either of you, and he is verging on adulthood, you are wondering if he would prefer to take charge of his condition and ongoing health on his own. Talk about organising a framework and agreement and if he says "yes" then you must only contribute or comment when asked. It might take the angst out of everything for you all and the consultant may well be able to deal with him better 'man to man'. Sometimes as mums we are too close and he might well respond better to someone out of the family.
I know he is your baby but he really is almost an adult and you will have to trust him to manage on his own at some time.
In addition he is a teenager which is a condition that only time will cure! :roll:
Debloubed
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Hi ya, sorry to hear that things are tough!! I don't have Diabetic teenagers to deal with but I was once once and being a teen is hard enough so can totally relate to your sons 'angst' if you PM me I can put you in touch with a lady on Facebook who has x3 diabetic children and she runs a business selling pump accessories and has a real 'handle' on dealing with kids who forget to take their insulin and forget to test and forget to correct hypo's, etc, etc could be good for you to talk to her!
if you PM me I can put you in touch with a lady on Facebook who has x3 diabetic children and she runs a business selling pump accessories and has a real 'handle' on dealing with kids who forget to take their insulin and forget to test and forget to correct hypo's, etc, etc could be good for you to talk to her!I've got a non-diabetic 15 yr old boy. A couple of years ago he displayed some really bad behaviour after I got him to help in the yard (this took him away from some game he was playing) so I filmed him and weeks later, when he was in a good mood, I showed him what he looked like. He was appaled at his behaviour and shows a much better level of self control these days. On the whole he is a great "screenager". The teenage years can be tough but you can still demand a high level of respect and responsibility.
I certainly agree that you should pick your arguments and don't sweat the small stuff. I find I get very good compliance by taking the computer away or the xbox or don't provide mobile phone credit. I am a :twisted: parent. If you make a threat make sure you can carry it out.
Was your son diagnosed fairly recently or from a youngster?
Up and down blood sugars can affect mood so maybe if he recognises that fact he will understand why he feels like **** and do something about it.
I certainly agree that you should pick your arguments and don't sweat the small stuff. I find I get very good compliance by taking the computer away or the xbox or don't provide mobile phone credit. I am a :twisted: parent. If you make a threat make sure you can carry it out.
Was your son diagnosed fairly recently or from a youngster?
Up and down blood sugars can affect mood so maybe if he recognises that fact he will understand why he feels like **** and do something about it.
I was an angry teenage diabetic. If my mother had threatened me with anything - taking away treats for example - in order to achieve 'compliance', I'd certainly be dead now. I hated her trying to get involved with my diabetes, particularly anything that suggested she knew better than me. When she tried to do that, I stopped injecting. It's a good way to show the parent that actually, this is NOT their body and they do NOT have the right to take over.
So, please, please, do step back. There was a happy ending to our story - my mum did butt out and I am well and healthy after 20 years of injecting. Diabetes is not easy; and a teenager will NOT get it perfect, not just because of teenager stroppiness, but also because teenage hormones screw up blood sugar control. But from my experience, having parents watching and commenting on every mistake and problem makes it HARDER for the teen diabetic to take control, not easier. Blood sugar control should be done by the diabetic for the diabetic - not to please parents or doctors or anyone else.
rant over (for now) - hope this was of help. I was talking to my mum the other day about it and only then began to understand quite how hard it was for her to step back, watching someone she loved seem to hurt themselves. But she 100% agrees now that it was worth doing!
So, please, please, do step back. There was a happy ending to our story - my mum did butt out and I am well and healthy after 20 years of injecting. Diabetes is not easy; and a teenager will NOT get it perfect, not just because of teenager stroppiness, but also because teenage hormones screw up blood sugar control. But from my experience, having parents watching and commenting on every mistake and problem makes it HARDER for the teen diabetic to take control, not easier. Blood sugar control should be done by the diabetic for the diabetic - not to please parents or doctors or anyone else.
rant over (for now) - hope this was of help. I was talking to my mum the other day about it and only then began to understand quite how hard it was for her to step back, watching someone she loved seem to hurt themselves. But she 100% agrees now that it was worth doing!
I'm 21 years old so I'm just out of my teens.
As has already been said, if your teenager is experiencing blood glucose highs and lows, a bad mood is likely to be expected. What's more, unstable blood glucose can often be a stress and stress can then make things worse. Hormones, as has been said, also affect mood and blood glucose. I'd advise you or your Son to contact the Diabetes Specialist Nurse. Perhaps you could explain your concerns to the Nurse and then see if the Nurse thinks it is appropriate to ring your Son for a chat. Your Son may be more likely to take the advice straight from the professional source rather than sit down and listen to the advice his Mother passes on! Alternatively, give your Son the number and remind him that they are there to help if he wants the help.
I want to add that my parents were always very protective of me when I was younger (even more so because of my diabetes). At times I felt like they were too involved and that I needed the space to do things for myself. Getting the balance right is obviously a difficult task and it's only when I got older, did I start to appreciate their concern! Do you know any other parents who have children with diabetes? Could you talk to them about how they handled this difficult time?
It can also be hard when you are a teenager and you don't know anyone else with diabetes. When out with friends and engaging in normal teenage activities, it can be hard to follow a diabetic regime. It's easy to feel a sense of "why me?" with regards to testing blood glucose levels and adjusting insulin dosages. I often felt like the outsider but as I got older, I realized that testing my blood sugars, etc was something that I had to do for my health.
Maybe he could be put in touch with others his age with diabetes or show him a forum he could look at/post in so that he doesn't feel so alone. He may reject this idea at first but may then check it out in his own time. You could also find some websites for him to visit so he can look into diabetes in more detail and by looking at such sites, it may serve as a reminder of the importance of preventing its complications. For me, knowing the possible complications of diabetes is a great reminder to keep working at controlling my blood sugars.
Really you can only present him with the information/sources of help and then it is up to him to act on the advice that he is given. Still, I hope that helps in some way.
As has already been said, if your teenager is experiencing blood glucose highs and lows, a bad mood is likely to be expected. What's more, unstable blood glucose can often be a stress and stress can then make things worse. Hormones, as has been said, also affect mood and blood glucose. I'd advise you or your Son to contact the Diabetes Specialist Nurse. Perhaps you could explain your concerns to the Nurse and then see if the Nurse thinks it is appropriate to ring your Son for a chat. Your Son may be more likely to take the advice straight from the professional source rather than sit down and listen to the advice his Mother passes on! Alternatively, give your Son the number and remind him that they are there to help if he wants the help.
I want to add that my parents were always very protective of me when I was younger (even more so because of my diabetes). At times I felt like they were too involved and that I needed the space to do things for myself. Getting the balance right is obviously a difficult task and it's only when I got older, did I start to appreciate their concern! Do you know any other parents who have children with diabetes? Could you talk to them about how they handled this difficult time?
It can also be hard when you are a teenager and you don't know anyone else with diabetes. When out with friends and engaging in normal teenage activities, it can be hard to follow a diabetic regime. It's easy to feel a sense of "why me?" with regards to testing blood glucose levels and adjusting insulin dosages. I often felt like the outsider but as I got older, I realized that testing my blood sugars, etc was something that I had to do for my health.
Maybe he could be put in touch with others his age with diabetes or show him a forum he could look at/post in so that he doesn't feel so alone. He may reject this idea at first but may then check it out in his own time. You could also find some websites for him to visit so he can look into diabetes in more detail and by looking at such sites, it may serve as a reminder of the importance of preventing its complications. For me, knowing the possible complications of diabetes is a great reminder to keep working at controlling my blood sugars.
Really you can only present him with the information/sources of help and then it is up to him to act on the advice that he is given. Still, I hope that helps in some way.
thanx for everyones replies, i have tried lots of the things you all suggest, and i know hormones growing up etc, but as an example he woke up last thurs said he didnt want to go to school he said he was foul and felt wild BM was 15 he wouldnt take a corrective dose, i was threatened with if he kicks off at school it would be my fault for sending him, he has been having huge problems at school altercations with teachers confrontational etc, even though he has a great deputy head who has a lot of time for my son, anyway he put on a non- uniform jumper knowing fine well he would be comfronted about wearing it and sure enough i received a phone call that once again there had been an altercation between a teacher and my son and my son had walked out of his lesson, he had then been generally disruptive so a decision was made to exclude him from school on the fri, mon and tues, so my husband said that he was grounded for his behaviour my sons words were bye bye pump and he slung his insulin pump on the floor, this happens regulary, and yes i have started to back off and let him make his own mistakes, but about three weeks ago he had had no insulin for five days [i suspect he is still in honeymoon period as he has only been diagnosed since sept 09] but iwatched him becoming more and more ill in front of my eyes, and to make matters worse i am a staff nurse so no very well the problems and complications he is causing himself, on good days he might take his BM once a day rarely takes corrective doses and runs anywhere from 8mmols to 16-18 mmols so he never tries to keep it under perfect control, but its the total disregard for upsetting my husband and myself that is difficult to accept, i said earlier that does he do all this because he is spoilt by which i mean he gets everthing he asks for, but he will get new clothes one minute costing a fortune [designer labels] then cant even be bothered to have a normal conversation the next. i read this and think god i do go on a bit dont i but its like walking on eggshells all of the time
brill
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 73
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Diet only
- Dislikes
- Country & Western!
Well walking on eggshells rings bells. I remember being a teenager and wanting to die a few times, but not being serious enough to do something active, trouble is, he can harm himself quite a lot without trying. I don't know; try being hard and telling him what effect it would have on you if he did die? I know I wouldn't have wanted to hurt my family. But you know him best.
I really sympathise! ((hugs))
I really sympathise! ((hugs))
You do know your son best and would know how hard you can push. I gather this behaviour didn't just start when he got diabetes. It would be a lot different if he had always had diabetes and kids seem to do better when they don't know any other life.
Making diabetes the reason to suddenly have discipline in his life when very little was imposed before just makes diabetes more of a problem. Get some help and see if there is a camp for teenage diabetics in your area. Blackmailing you by not taking insulin is just dreadful behaviour. Maybe you should reverse the blackmail so he knows how it feels. It's working for him so maybe it will work for you also. As long as you are calm, and there is no yelling and screaming, you and your husband can take back control of the household.
I couldn't sit back and let my son potentially ruin his life and although there are times to let your kids make their own mistakes there are also times to take control.
I really hope you can turn things around and that this is just a phase while finding acceptance for what has happened to him.
Best wishes and hugs (( ))
Making diabetes the reason to suddenly have discipline in his life when very little was imposed before just makes diabetes more of a problem. Get some help and see if there is a camp for teenage diabetics in your area. Blackmailing you by not taking insulin is just dreadful behaviour. Maybe you should reverse the blackmail so he knows how it feels. It's working for him so maybe it will work for you also. As long as you are calm, and there is no yelling and screaming, you and your husband can take back control of the household.
I couldn't sit back and let my son potentially ruin his life and although there are times to let your kids make their own mistakes there are also times to take control.
I really hope you can turn things around and that this is just a phase while finding acceptance for what has happened to him.
Best wishes and hugs (( ))
things took aturn for the worse yesterday my son and my husband had a huge row over his behaviour, husband went out and got drunk took his anger out on my 19 year old daughter who was in our house with her boyfriend how embarassing he was going to lash out at me if i interfered, the whole house is in turmoil i wish i could be swallowed up cant see anyway out.
To be honest, I think your Family needs some good professional help. This is tearing you all apart.
You can obtain individual and Family counselling through Relate. Phone No: 0300 100 1234
Website: http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html
Ken
You can obtain individual and Family counselling through Relate. Phone No: 0300 100 1234
Website: http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html
Ken
Hi vickiec,
Sorry to hear things are so bad. I think you as parents are at breaking point.
It is time your 15yr. old took responsibilty for his actions and the spoiling has to stop. Don't try and buy him everything he wants, only what he needs, and as long as his clothes are clean and tidy stop adding more designer labels. You need to lay down some ground rules and stick to them. Any unjustified rudeness will not be accepted etc...... Why should everyone else have to suffer so that he can behave as he likes? Perhaps because he has diabetes you have felt guilty and given in to him. He likes to think he is an adult so treat him as one. He wouldn't get away with this behaviour in the work place or in social settings with his peers so why with you? He will find life tough later on if he carries on like this.
All kids need boundaries and this is what seems to be lacking. I know it is easy to look on from the outside and make judgements but as the mother of three boys I know that this works. They may groan and moan about it but you have to stand your ground and explain why and why there will be consequences if he rebels. If he doesn't like it. tough. You are the parents. Stick with it, it will not be easy as he is used to the old way but put on a united front and don't give an inch.
I feel for you and hope this helps.
Catherine.
Sorry to hear things are so bad. I think you as parents are at breaking point.
It is time your 15yr. old took responsibilty for his actions and the spoiling has to stop. Don't try and buy him everything he wants, only what he needs, and as long as his clothes are clean and tidy stop adding more designer labels. You need to lay down some ground rules and stick to them. Any unjustified rudeness will not be accepted etc...... Why should everyone else have to suffer so that he can behave as he likes? Perhaps because he has diabetes you have felt guilty and given in to him. He likes to think he is an adult so treat him as one. He wouldn't get away with this behaviour in the work place or in social settings with his peers so why with you? He will find life tough later on if he carries on like this.
All kids need boundaries and this is what seems to be lacking. I know it is easy to look on from the outside and make judgements but as the mother of three boys I know that this works. They may groan and moan about it but you have to stand your ground and explain why and why there will be consequences if he rebels. If he doesn't like it. tough. You are the parents. Stick with it, it will not be easy as he is used to the old way but put on a united front and don't give an inch.
I feel for you and hope this helps.
Catherine.
its so difficult to handle as when hes lovely we are a family again we all spend time together go out for nice meals, and horse race meetings as this is the type of things we do etc then sometimes he says and not all the time can he have a whatever it is he would like, i reward his good behaviour by getting him what he wants as i feel this is the way to be theres no point in saying well no your not getting anthing cos youve only dispalyed acceptable behaviour for mayber a week or two but sometimes i buy him or do things he asks like lifts etc, say on a wednesday then thurs he causes mayhem at school and i feel used and so let down.
Hi vickie,
Personally I think he is manipulating you. Why do you feel the need to reward his good behaviour? He seems to be displaying the "terrible twos" and he is 15.
Personally I think he is manipulating you. Why do you feel the need to reward his good behaviour? He seems to be displaying the "terrible twos" and he is 15.
I am a child therapist and it is known that teens need to repeat the terrible twos! They are struggling with identity and hormones as you know and working out how to be who they are going to be in all aspects of life. Harder if there is DB to consider. Many will hope to ignore it yet know they can't. How totally frustrating is that for a teen who wants to decide their own life?
Vicki - there is a recently published book by Dr Rachel Besser called Diabetes Through The Looking Glass - seeing diabetes from your child's perspective. It is excellent - indeed I shall be interviewing the author for my professional journal next month. It might just help you to stand back and see how it is from your son's perspective. As a nurse you will know the facts, but reading as a parent might just help a little. There are so many snippets and examples on all the major topics and most of it involving the psychological issues too.
The other thing, as others have said, is to only fight the major points with a teen, put in place agreed boundaries, and let him start learning to manage his own life even though it is the hardest thing to do especially when you know the consequences of mismanaging it!
I'm happy to 'discuss' with you at more length via PM or email if you wish, and think I can help. Will be off the internet for a couple of days from tomorrow, but back permanently Tuesday night. Will not take offense if you refuse the invite!
DG
Vicki - there is a recently published book by Dr Rachel Besser called Diabetes Through The Looking Glass - seeing diabetes from your child's perspective. It is excellent - indeed I shall be interviewing the author for my professional journal next month. It might just help you to stand back and see how it is from your son's perspective. As a nurse you will know the facts, but reading as a parent might just help a little. There are so many snippets and examples on all the major topics and most of it involving the psychological issues too.
The other thing, as others have said, is to only fight the major points with a teen, put in place agreed boundaries, and let him start learning to manage his own life even though it is the hardest thing to do especially when you know the consequences of mismanaging it!
I'm happy to 'discuss' with you at more length via PM or email if you wish, and think I can help. Will be off the internet for a couple of days from tomorrow, but back permanently Tuesday night. Will not take offense if you refuse the invite!
DG
