Type 2 Husband in denial

Well hes wasting his time there the bloods pick up 3 months past He might change his mind when hes told his kidneys have packed up.

Vicky1967 said:

My husband has been in denial since his diagnosis in Sept 2015. He refuses to eat a healthy diet and drinks approx 8 units per day in alcohol. He has tantrums when he is reminded he can't eat the things he wants to eat. He gets angry and aggressive. He has no idea of food and nurtion starving himself to lose weight he needs to lose 4 stone. He seems to play a game, he will eat and drink what he likes until about a week before his bloods then starve himself. He has told his friends he has been misdiagnosed and that the nurse says the gp should not have put him on metformin. His behaviour is causing problems in our marriage, I want to help but he tells me to keep my nose out and leave him alone. He has refused to get help, refuses to look at this website, refuses to take help and advice from my diabetic dad. I really don't know how much more I can take.

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Hi Vicky.
I suspect your husband is recoiling in anger at being diagnosed with diabetes. He is probably trying to escape his worst nightmare.

In many respects he is very lucky! Imagine if he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer! Thankfully diabetes is easily treated and anyone can live a near normal life, providing they try and ACCEPT their condition and live with it.

I was diagnosed with type 1 when I was 21 years old and immediately put onto insulin and a very strict carbohydrate diet. Many foods were forbidden in those days. That was nearly 44 years ago and by accepting the doctor's advice and constantly striving to improve my control I am still a fit and healthy 64 year old.

My wife is a great cook and understands nutrition. We eat very well but healthily. We both eat much the same.

I love life. I count my blessings. Diabetes drugs and treatments have improved enormously. The internet is a mine of information and shared experiences that we can all learn from.

I hope that your husband can get over the anger stage before any complications set in and he begins to embrace a new, healthier life style. He is the controller of his own destiny.

Good luck
Howard

@Vicky1967, I truly feel for you. I've read through all the comments including yours and agree - you must take care of yourself and your daughter.
It is unbearable to think of life without someone who is harming himself, especially through carelessness and stubbornness. I know: I live with a man who has been hypoglycemic all his life (as was his father). I keep trying to modify his diet to reduce his carb intake to prevent him from going hyperglycemic and full blown diabetes (as his father has done).
I am a type 1 diabetic (48 years!) and I know what it's like to ignore your diabetes. I have days when I feel it's just too much, too hard - but those days are now few and far between. How? Because I feel awful when my blood sugar is high! My temper is shorter and Everything. Is. So. Hard. I'm thirsty and peeing like a racehorse at every turn. It took me a very long time to get over my diabetic grief (yes, that's actually a thing) and learn to live without going wild.
One thing that helped me was to set a "be bad day." If I went all week and was very good, I let myself have a piece of cheesecake on Friday. The hardest part of this, though, and the thing you'll find is the most troubling for your mister is you must be honest with yourself.
You can't set the goal for him; it's got to come from him. Look at it this way: People don't argue with their own data. While you're around him and he's being good, ask him how he feels. When he's eating like there's no tomorrow, ask him if he's thirsty or sweetly point out how many times he's gone pee. HE needs to make the connection, though. The more you point it out, the easier it is for him to identify YOU as the problem, not his behavior.
Be ready to accept that he may never accept his disease. He really doesn't have to - I fight mine all the time! But living on the low carb, I feel so much better! I can still fight the disease and hate the disease and treat myself well.
Lastly, one analogy I told my stepmother-in-law to help her understand my situation (and stop offering me sweets) was that she could think of me like an alcoholic. You wouldn't offer a recovering alcoholic a drink, would you? Well, my alcohol is sugar. Don;t offer me sugar. It finally helped her understand.
I wish you all the best, my friend, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers tonight.

Silas said:

Hi Vicky.
I suspect your husband is recoiling in anger at being diagnosed with diabetes. He is probably trying to escape his worst nightmare.

In many respects he is very lucky! Imagine if he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer! Thankfully diabetes is easily treated and anyone can live a near normal life, providing they try and ACCEPT their condition and live with it.

I was diagnosed with type 1 when I was 21 years old and immediately put onto insulin and a very strict carbohydrate diet. Many foods were forbidden in those days. That was nearly 44 years ago and by accepting the doctor's advice and constantly striving to improve my control I am still a fit and healthy 64 year old.

My wife is a great cook and understands nutrition. We eat very well but healthily. We both eat much the same.

I love life. I count my blessings. Diabetes drugs and treatments have improved enormously. The internet is a mine of information and shared experiences that we can all learn from.

I hope that your husband can get over the anger stage before any complications set in and he begins to embrace a new, healthier life style. He is the controller of his own destiny.

Good luck
Howard

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His worst nightmare ?? its not Cancer were talking about here, young children age 3 and 4 inject themselves numerous times every day and they just get on with it

Humma said:

His worst nightmare ?? its not Cancer were talking about here, young children age 3 and 4 inject themselves numerous times every day and they just get on with it

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Everyone's greatest fear is different, for instance, I'm afraid of bugs but not needles. You might be afraid of something altogether different.
I think it's really important to keep judgement out of diabetic fears and treatment; we face enough judgement from the medical establishment without adding to it.

@Vicky1967 Glad your husband has taken a tiny step forward.

If you give me details of the recipes you mean, hopefully someone can help

Vicky1967 said:

ou. Sweet and sour meatballs with veggie rice. Sugars 15.9g. Fruity coronation chicken sugars 16.8g. Chicken butter bean and leek pie sugars 10.3g, chicken and lentil curry sugars 9.3g, blueberry and lemon cheesecake sugarsv19g. Jolly rice and chicken sugars 12.4g, sag aloo sugars 10.2g, raspberry shortbread mess sugars 14.6g.

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Thanks As I'm a Type 1 not a Type 2, I'm going to tag some Type 2s to advise what they do @catherinecherub @andcol @AndBreathe

In general, you need to look at carbs as all carbs, even things like bread, are turned into glucose (sugar) by the body. So something could be practically sugar free but still have a lot of carbs in, and so still affect his blood sugar.

The way to see what meals suit your husband is to test two hours after eating to see if his blood sugar is in range or not. Some Type 2s can tolerate foods that others can't (by 'tolerate' I mean their blood sugar stays in range).

I'd get him to look at http://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/foods#foodlist there is some nice recipes there & you could always modify them to personal taste. A small change is still a step. Or (old school way) get him to cook his own meals, that way it's nobody's fault but his own. Hope you win your battle

Vicky1967 said:

ou. Sweet and sour meatballs with veggie rice. Sugars 15.9g. Fruity coronation chicken sugars 16.8g. Chicken butter bean and leek pie sugars 10.3g, chicken and lentil curry sugars 9.3g, blueberry and lemon cheesecake sugarsv19g. Jolly rice and chicken sugars 12.4g, sag aloo sugars 10.2g, raspberry shortbread mess sugars 14.6g.

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These all sound good - a low carb diet would be around say 100-120g per day. Some people on very low carb diets have below 50g.
Anything you can do to lower his carb/sugar intake will be beneficial. Everything in moderation as they say. Some people work better by removing everything in one go and other people need to have a treat to look forward to (that would be me! )

Vicky1967 said:

ou. Sweet and sour meatballs with veggie rice. Sugars 15.9g. Fruity coronation chicken sugars 16.8g. Chicken butter bean and leek pie sugars 10.3g, chicken and lentil curry sugars 9.3g, blueberry and lemon cheesecake sugarsv19g. Jolly rice and chicken sugars 12.4g, sag aloo sugars 10.2g, raspberry shortbread mess sugars 14.6g.

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Vicky - Apologies, I've not been in front of my screen this afternoon. Which site are these recipes from? That would be helpful for me to make comment.

Without making any value judgement on the recipes, I would say that as others have suggested, at least your husband did something, where before he seems to have rejected any concessions to his diabetes. Perhaps if he is going from very high carb food, and drinks, it might be wise to accept an incremental process, trimming back where you can, rather than expect him to almost go "cold turkey", as he may just completely rebel.

Once you maybe have a better idea of the changes he's willing to make you can explore further options and introduce them steadily.

But, please do let us know where you found the recipes you're quoting. Once a few folks have had a look at your source, they may be able to suggest similar recipes or ideas that might help you and/or him.

Vicky1967 said:

Thanks for you replies, the recipes he says came from the low sugar recipes on this website.

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Is it possible the recipes came from Diabetes UK not this site which is Diabetes.co.uk?

I had a quick Google and found recipes with same names on their site.

@azure Yes I think you may be correct I often do use recipes from that site but you do have to be a little careful as some of their recipes are a bit on the high carb side so its best to pick and choose. Most of the recipes I use from any site I print out and put in a folder which I keep in the kitchen.

A few sites I have found.

http://lowcarbediem.com/atkins-zero-carb-foods-list-free-download/

http://www.ruled.me/guide-keto-diet/

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1982/onepot-lentil-chicken

http://www.whfoods.com/recipestoc.php

There are loads of recources for finding low carb recipes on the net it's just a matter of searching them out.

Good luck John

Missed one.

http://www.wheatbellyblog.com

Vicky1967 said:

Thanks for you replies, the recipes he says came from the low sugar recipes on this website.

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Thanks for that.

Give them a whirl. I would usually like things with a bit less sugar than that, but as I mentioned before, if your husband has been eating a lot of carbs and sugar, they're likely to be a step in the right direction.

I have a number of sites I really like for food idead, and in particular I like:

ditchthecarbs.com
ibreatheimhungry.com
sugarfreemom.com
lowcarbmaven.com

They do loads of stuff that's just lower carb versions of things we eat every day. It's probably worth a decent click around, even if you just store up some ideas for another time.

Good luck with it all.

Arms round you. Big supportive hug . Stay strong x

One question
Does your husband, carb count