Type 2 Husband in denial

[RAPS_od]

One thing that works well, Vicky, is to get the mister to snack on raw veggies. Celery, bell peppers, cucumbers, cauliflower, and broccoli are typically "free" foods - without carbs. Carrots, turnips, and tomatoes are still low in carbs and calories but not "free." Still, they're way better than potato crisps or chips. They have flavor - which is great - and they won't impact his sugars. I keep a bunch ready to eat in the fridge so if I feel hungry, there's something I can munch on without worry.

 

[Vicky1967]

Hi thank you all for your comments. He does not carb count, he really does nothing about sorting what he can and can't eat. One of the biggest issues we have is that he refuses to educate himself then keeps asking me what he can and can't have, and it's usually cake, junk foods or lager when I ask him to really think about what he is asking me he flies off into a tantrum then has a go at me, he said he is fed up with me telling him he can't have the unhealthy foods. He said he just wants to know what 'treats' he can have. But he will do consider food as a whole and appreciate what he can eat. The recipes are from Diabetes Uk.

On the doctors meeting - he went on Tuesday evening, and said nothing on his return other than he was being referred to a dietician which is something I asked him to ask for. The following day when I asked him how he gotten, he said his doctor said I was accusing him of being an alcoholic. In my letter I pointed out that he is drinking approx 8 units of alcohol per day not 15 per week that he told him doctor. When I asked him if he would like to read the 4 page letter I sent to his doctor he did not want to know.

Not only does he have diabetes and gout but he has low good cholesterol and high bad cholesterol putting himself at greater risk.

He does not want me to leave him, but I need him to at least stop making me responsible for him. I feel like he hates me at times because I stop him doing what he wants to do and that is to destroy himself. I don't want our marriage to end, but at this rate he will walk away because I am the one reminding him, because he puts me in this position

 

[Vicky1967]

He won't test his blood sugar, he doesn't like the pin pricking bit on his finger he says. He did look at some machines thats was all. He has also said in the past that the nurse said he doesn't need to bother doing it. Who knows what the truth is.

 

[RAPS_od]

Vicky, my heart goes out to you.
One thing seems clear to me - although I'm miles away - is that he is making you the "bad guy" so he doesn't have to point the finger back at himself. There's little you can do that doesn't send him into a rage, but that rage he's giving you is what's going on inside himself. You don't deserve it.
Many alcoholics become diabetic, unfortunate but true. I don't know if your mister is alcoholic, but the way you describe the amount of alcohol he's taking it sure sounds suspect. If that's the case, there's a whole layer of guilt and self-pity going on that is not your fault. This is his health, his conditions, his rage. Don't let his self-destructive ways bring you down.
You need to know that we are out here supporting you (and him, incidentally). It's not much, but I am praying for you and your family. God bless you.

 

[Vicky1967]

Thank you, I can see that he is trying, but it's the blaming me bit that hurts. I love him and care about him. I am scared too just like him. It's like walking on eggshells. We had a lovely day out yesterday, but he kept dropping hints that he wants beer or cake, or fish and chips. I had made us a healthy picnic so there was not need for any other food. He complained about his tea, fresh cod with veggies, yet this is the man with no idea of food. He once made a pea sandwich, and mash potatoe sandwich by taking the foods of a plate of dinner I made him!!!! I must add I am a decent cook, , I have never had any complaints in the past. I alway try to cater for the needs of others, my sister has celiac decease so I always cook foods she can eat when she visits.

 

[azure]

Don't take it personally @Vicky1967 Hes behaving in an immature, thoughtless way. I'm not sure if totally ignoring his comments would help? Sometimes reassurance and kindness can feed the self-indulgent behaviour.

 

[Keesha]

Vicky1967, it sounds like you are dealing with a child, not an adult. I feel very sorry for you having to deal with someone like your hubby. He has to take responsibility for his own health. I do hope you have some kind of support to help you out. Remember there are many people in this forum who will listen to your problems and help you out in whatever way they can.

 

[Phoenix55]

Hi @Vicky1967 both of you are clearly struggling at the moment, he with the diagnosis and what this means and you with dealing with his anger at the loss of a previous way of life and your own health issues. All this wrangling is not good for your daughter either, whatever age she may be. Perhaps it is time to have an 'anniversary' meal to remind him that you both promised to support each other through good times and bad. You can not be the only adult in the house, he needs to make up his own mind about what he eats and drinks, how honest he is with his doctor (most doctors who ask how much someone is drinking realise that people tend to underestimate) but the deal is mutual support. Right now you need his support and for him to take at least some responsibility for himself. Good luck and please stay in touch.