I’m sorry I let people down (and myself)

[Patrick66]

After all the hard work getting operation ready I’m sorry that I let things slip.

I became ill shortly afterwards and my weight plummeted again. Then, after effects of the anaesthetic meant I couldn’t go to the toilet at all...for over a week.

Then my wound reopened. Then another part reopened and got infected. Onto antibiotics and they made me sick.

So, I had to eat. Anything.

And I did. Chocolate. Chips. Biscuits. Fruit. Anything to get something inside of me. I tried very hard not too and didn’t go overboard in eating but, it was enough, you know ?.

I got myself in a very deep hole and even now 4 weeks and more post op , I feel awful, back at work, run down and struggling badly.

I’m really trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow. My fasting sugar today is 5.7 and I’m hoping to keep it that way and lower. I’m sorry that I let everyone down and I’m going to try so hard to be better at eating sensibly but life’s pretty awful right now, my dietician appointment was cancelled an hour before it was due and now put off for another month and I’m at a very low point, in pain and absolutely exhausted being back at work after a month off.

Hey, I’m only human.

Let’s hope I can turn it around.

 

[Antje77]

Sounds more like a strike of nasty bad luck than like letting someone down!
I think when being sick from medication and infection it might be a lot more important to get food, any food, in you than it is to eat exactly the right food. If chips, chocolate and fruit were the things that you could keep down they were good choices at that moment. While high bg may lead to things on the long term, not getting nourishment leads to very big short time problems.

Hope things will improve from now on, and try not to berate yourself for having been very ill!
Could you go a bit slower with picking up work again, as you still feel awful and tired? Maybe do half days to start with?

Good luck!

 

[Tophat1900]

Don't beat yourself up, you're alright by me. Just get better, will take time, but you can do it. I really hope things improve rapidly for you.

All the best

 

[HSSS]

I’d agree this sounds very unlucky and your response totally understandable. You’ve let no one down. Could your gp sign you off a bit longer or get you on reduced hours for a bit to help you readjust? Also getting on to of the pain would help? Are they helping you with this?

You got a good reading this morning so be pleased with that. As far as the dietician goes I get how frustrating it is to have appointments cancelled at the last minute but you’ve got this. You did well and got your head around food and what’s good and what’s not so good for the diabetes pre-op. I appreciate there are more food issues involved but I believe you have the skills to hold on for a few more weeks.

 

[WuTwo]

What @Antje77 said. Any food is better than no food for a body recovering from surgery. Also, absolutely not your fault that your wound re-opened, or that it got infected.

There is no shame in any of the things you said in your post, and so there is not reason to feel guilty or that you let anyone down one bit.

Take things slowly, very slowly, and don't expect too much from yourself all in a rush. Let your body heal in its own time. Healing is tiring - you can't see what's happening on the inside but your body is doing an awful lot of work and at the same time it's recovering from a general anaesthetic. That in itself is tiring.

Give yourself a break here!

 

[Robinredbreast]

After all the hard work getting operation ready I’m sorry that I let things slip.

I became ill shortly afterwards and my weight plummeted again. Then, after effects of the anaesthetic meant I couldn’t go to the toilet at all...for over a week.

Then my wound reopened. Then another part reopened and got infected. Onto antibiotics and they made me sick.

So, I had to eat. Anything.

And I did. Chocolate. Chips. Biscuits. Fruit. Anything to get something inside of me. I tried very hard not too and didn’t go overboard in eating but, it was enough, you know ?.

I got myself in a very deep hole and even now 4 weeks and more post op , I feel awful, back at work, run down and struggling badly.

I’m really trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow. My fasting sugar today is 5.7 and I’m hoping to keep it that way and lower. I’m sorry that I let everyone down and I’m going to try so hard to be better at eating sensibly but life’s pretty awful right now, my dietician appointment was cancelled an hour before it was due and now put off for another month and I’m at a very low point, in pain and absolutely exhausted being back at work after a month off.

Hey, I’m only human.

Let’s hope I can turn it around.[/QUOTE]

That's right, we are only human and it's just a blip, so just take baby steps and I'm sure you can turn it around, but go easy on yourself. Take care

 

[Patrick66]

Sounds more like a strike of nasty bad luck than like letting someone down!
I think when being sick from medication and infection it might be a lot more important to get food, any food, in you than it is to eat exactly the right food. If chips, chocolate and fruit were the things that you could keep down they were good choices at that moment. While high bg may lead to things on the long term, not getting nourishment leads to very big short time problems.

Hope things will improve from now on, and try not to berate yourself for having been very ill!
Could you go a bit slower with picking up work again, as you still feel awful and tired? Maybe do half days to start with?

Good luck!

Yeah I mentioned half days but...no...

And, unfortunately we are absolutely snowed under. It’s totally manic so there’s no time to stop and draw breath.

Thanks for your kind words.

 

[Patrick66]

Don't beat yourself up, you're alright by me. Just get better, will take time, but you can do it. I really hope things improve rapidly for you.

All the best

Thank you. Very kind.

 

[Patrick66]

I’d agree this sounds very unlucky and your response totally understandable. You’ve let no one down. Could your gp sign you off a bit longer or get you on reduced hours for a bit to help you readjust? Also getting on to of the pain would help? Are they helping you with this?

You got a good reading this morning so be pleased with that. As far as the dietician goes I get how frustrating it is to have appointments cancelled at the last minute but you’ve got this. You did well and got your head around food and what’s good and what’s not so good for the diabetes pre-op. I appreciate there are more food issues involved but I believe you have the skills to hold on for a few more weeks.

Thank you.

I hope so. I’m really going to try.

Work is just manic. It’s never been so busy so @ phased return isn’t welcome. I’m already struggling and just hope things improve.

 

[Patrick66]

What @Antje77 said. Any food is better than no food for a body recovering from surgery. Also, absolutely not your fault that your wound re-opened, or that it got infected.

There is no shame in any of the things you said in your post, and so there is not reason to feel guilty or that you let anyone down one bit.

Take things slowly, very slowly, and don't expect too much from yourself all in a rush. Let your body heal in its own time. Healing is tiring - you can't see what's happening on the inside but your body is doing an awful lot of work and at the same time it's recovering from a general anaesthetic. That in itself is tiring.

Give yourself a break here!

That’s very kind of you. Thank you.

 

[Patrick66]

Wow, considering what you have just been trough I really would not get upset about eating a few things, the important thing is that your on the mend :

Thank you.

Yes, I just wish I’d heal a bit quicker. It’s frustrating feeling so worn out.

 

[zand]

You haven't let anyone down. I do the same thing as you when I am not feeling well, I eat what I fancy, some would say this is the wrong thing to do, but it's what I need to do at the time just to get through whatever is wrong with me and no-one else knows exactly how I feel. My advice for now would be to low carb as much as you can, but if you waver a bit along the way don't beat yourself up. You have come a long way in a short time. Well done. And hugs

 

[Brunneria]

Hi @Patrick66

You have really been through the wars!

I know that it is really hard - especially when feeling so grotty - but your body's capacity to heal deteriorates with high blood glucose, and improves again when blood glucose is under control. So it may help to bear that in mind when you are tempted to eat carby stuff. Also, if you are finding it very hard to maintain a low carb diet at the moment, it may be worth discussing with your doc to see if medication (short term, with a review when you are less stressed) may be the way to go.

In the meantime, minimising stress (yes, I know that can be an impossibility!), also helps with blood glucose control.

I know how hard you fought and how well you did to get your blood glucose down before the op, so you know you can do it, best wishes in finding the motivation to get there again.

 

[Kittycat_7_]

Hi,
So sorry things have been tough, don't be hard on yourself.
I do hope your healing now and feeling much better.
Your fasting BM is fantastic.
Hugs.

 

[jpscloud]

You really are a bit of a hero all things considered! Don't feel you have let anyone down - I manage to have awful lapses without any excuse really, but accept they're part of life for me and always try to be mindful rather than slip into denial - and you're being mindful, so well done and I hope your health improves quickly.

 

[Patrick66]

You haven't let anyone down. I do the same thing as you when I am not feeling well, I eat what I fancy, some would say this is the wrong thing to do, but it's what I need to do at the time just to get through whatever is wrong with me and no-one else knows exactly how I feel. My advice for now would be to low carb as much as you can, but if you waver a bit along the way don't beat yourself up. You have come a long way in a short time. Well done. And hugs

Thank you. I am going to try and get back on low carb as quickly as I can but the struggle is very real at the moment.

 

[Patrick66]

Hi @Patrick66

You have really been through the wars!

I know that it is really hard - especially when feeling so grotty - but your body's capacity to heal deteriorates with high blood glucose, and improves again when blood glucose is under control. So it may help to bear that in mind when you are tempted to eat carby stuff. Also, if you are finding it very hard to maintain a low carb diet at the moment, it may be worth discussing with your doc to see if medication (short term, with a review when you are less stressed) may be the way to go.

In the meantime, minimising stress (yes, I know that can be an impossibility!), also helps with blood glucose control.

I know how hard you fought and how well you did to get your blood glucose down before the op, so you know you can do it, best wishes in finding the motivation to get there again.

Thank you.

I'm not sure what medication I cold be given that would help. Of course the dietician would have been exceedingly useful and probably exactly when I needed her but, once more, I find myself at the mercy of zero communication within the NHS!. And I've had the stress of a face o face PiP assessment by a lady who's knowledge of Autism was probably nothing!.

 

[Patrick66]

Hi,
So sorry things have been tough, don't be hard on yourself.
I do hope your healing now and feeling much better.
Your fasting BM is fantastic.
Hugs.

Thank you. Yes its not bad all things considered. I just have to get back on the wagon.

 

[Patrick66]

You really are a bit of a hero all things considered! Don't feel you have let anyone down - I manage to have awful lapses without any excuse really, but accept they're part of life for me and always try to be mindful rather than slip into denial - and you're being mindful, so well done and I hope your health improves quickly.

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say so.

 

[Juicyj]

Hello @Patrick66

Please don't be so hard on yourself, you have said it there, you are only human and your body is still healing, so please be kind to yourself and take care, you will get back on it when you are ready.