I’m sorry I let people down (and myself)

[lucylocket61]

After all the hard work getting operation ready I’m sorry that I let things slip.

I became ill shortly afterwards and my weight plummeted again. Then, after effects of the anaesthetic meant I couldn’t go to the toilet at all...for over a week.

Then my wound reopened. Then another part reopened and got infected. Onto antibiotics and they made me sick.

So, I had to eat. Anything.

And I did. Chocolate. Chips. Biscuits. Fruit. Anything to get something inside of me. I tried very hard not too and didn’t go overboard in eating but, it was enough, you know ?.

I got myself in a very deep hole and even now 4 weeks and more post op , I feel awful, back at work, run down and struggling badly.

I’m really trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow. My fasting sugar today is 5.7 and I’m hoping to keep it that way and lower. I’m sorry that I let everyone down and I’m going to try so hard to be better at eating sensibly but life’s pretty awful right now, my dietician appointment was cancelled an hour before it was due and now put off for another month and I’m at a very low point, in pain and absolutely exhausted being back at work after a month off.

Hey, I’m only human.

Let’s hope I can turn it around.

You havent let me down. You have had a hugely difficult situation to deal with, and done the best you can to deal with it. I am proud of you. Complications and infections are awful. It may take some time to get your strength back, and it also takes time for your blood sugars to recover from the infection. You are doing well. Good to hear from you.

 

[lucylocket61]

Thank you.

I hope so. I’m really going to try.

Work is just manic. It’s never been so busy so @ phased return isn’t welcome. I’m already struggling and just hope things improve.

You had a hernia op - right? so need 8 weeks to recover and let your wound heal and muscles recover. You should be off work, regardless of what work say. Please talk to your GP about this, they are being unreasonable, and your high sense of responsibility to work needs to be focused on responsibility to yourself to recover well and not risk a repeat hernia.

 

[Patrick66]

Hello @Patrick66

Please don't be so hard on yourself, you have said it there, you are only human and your body is still healing, so please be kind to yourself and take care, you will get back on it when you are ready.

Thank you.

I'm just..disillusioned I suppose. Lost even more interest in food (healthy stuff) so had to eat just to keep any strength up.

Frustrating.

 

[Patrick66]

You havent let me down. You have had a hugely difficult situation to deal with, and done the best you can to deal with it. I am proud of you. Complications and infections are awful. It may take some time to get your strength back, and it also takes time for your blood sugars to recover from the infection. You are doing well. Good to hear from you.

Thank you. That's very kind of you to say so.

 

[Patrick66]

You had a hernia op - right? so need 8 weeks to recover and let your wound heal and muscles recover. You should be off work, regardless of what work say. Please talk to your GP about this, they are being unreasonable, and your high sense of responsibility to work needs to be focused on responsibility to yourself to recover well and not risk a repeat hernia.

Hospital said 2-4 weeks.

Others have said 6 weeks. But then the infection at week 3 set me back a bit. Its just unfortunate that work is absolutely manic so no time to draw breath and because I have to sit up right it makes my wound ache a bit.

I'm not sure work really care too much if I'm honest.

 

[Freema]

After all the hard work getting operation ready I’m sorry that I let things slip.

I became ill shortly afterwards and my weight plummeted again. Then, after effects of the anaesthetic meant I couldn’t go to the toilet at all...for over a week.

Then my wound reopened. Then another part reopened and got infected. Onto antibiotics and they made me sick.

So, I had to eat. Anything.

And I did. Chocolate. Chips. Biscuits. Fruit. Anything to get something inside of me. I tried very hard not too and didn’t go overboard in eating but, it was enough, you know ?.

I got myself in a very deep hole and even now 4 weeks and more post op , I feel awful, back at work, run down and struggling badly.

I’m really trying to get myself back on the straight and narrow. My fasting sugar today is 5.7 and I’m hoping to keep it that way and lower. I’m sorry that I let everyone down and I’m going to try so hard to be better at eating sensibly but life’s pretty awful right now, my dietician appointment was cancelled an hour before it was due and now put off for another month and I’m at a very low point, in pain and absolutely exhausted being back at work after a month off.

Hey, I’m only human.

Let’s hope I can turn it around.

Poor you don’t hate yourself , now is your new beginning ️

 

[Daibell]

Hi. Sorry to hear of your problems and worries. Give yourself time. With regard to NHS dieticians, I think you will find the good ones won't be able to add much beyond what you will find on this forum e.g, low carbs and have enough fats and proteins. The out of date ones will give you bad advice e.g. low fat, high carb etc and best ignored. BTW fasting blood tests are not the most useful as the liver does an overnight liver dump. It's better to test 2 hours after a meal and additionally just before if you want to see the full effect of the food.

 

[Juicyj]

Thank you.

I'm just..disillusioned I suppose. Lost even more interest in food (healthy stuff) so had to eat just to keep any strength up.

Frustrating.

To be honest I felt that you were getting quite frazzled by your past diet and lack of variety. Perhaps work on a plan when you have time to do a meal planner so you can make your meals more interesting and are not caught in the trap of eating the same thing day in day out.

You'll get there, but at the moment just go easy on yourself

 

[DCUKMod]

@Patrick66 - You're frustrated, but nobody has been let down. You coped in the way you could at the time. That's all any of us do every day of our lives; it's just that some days are better than others. You've had a pretty long string of rotten days.

Patrick, how did you come to go back to work? Did your sicknote that you go from the hosptial just run out, or did your GP assess you to be fit for work in the last few days of your sick leave?

It is hinestly sounding like you're not ready to be back at work yet.

I have to say, that work as busy is just one of those things. Before you went off you described a busy job, and lots of stress, so walking straight back into that would have been like getting a punch on the chin.

If you were sitting in my sitting room, having a cup of tea, telling me all this, I'd be suggesting very strongly that you see your GP and tell him what's going on. I imagine you need another couple of weeks to have the stamina to do what you need to.

Going back to work too soon after an op isn't herioc. It's putting your health before a commercial organisation that survived without you for 4 weeks. It'll survive another couple.

 

[Patrick66]

Poor you don’t hate yourself , now is your new beginning ️

Hard not to hate myself. Self esteem less than zero.

 

[Patrick66]

Hi. Sorry to hear of your problems and worries. Give yourself time. With regard to NHS dieticians, I think you will find the good ones won't be able to add much beyond what you will find on this forum e.g, low carbs and have enough fats and proteins. The out of date ones will give you bad advice e.g. low fat, high carb etc and best ignored. BTW fasting blood tests are not the most useful as the liver does an overnight liver dump. It's better to test 2 hours after a meal and additionally just before if you want to see the full effect of the food.

Yes I know about the testing but, being Autistic, I need dietary advice. Narrow range of foods being eaten is being reduced further.

 

[Patrick66]

To be honest I felt that you were getting quite frazzled by your past diet and lack of variety. Perhaps work on a plan when you have time to do a meal planner so you can make your meals more interesting and are not caught in the trap of eating the same thing day in day out.

You'll get there, but at the moment just go easy on yourself

Thank you, I’m trying.

 

[Patrick66]

@Patrick66 - You're frustrated, but nobody has been let down. You coped in the way you could at the time. That's all any of us do every day of our lives; it's just that some days are better than others. You've had a pretty long string of rotten days.

Patrick, how did you come to go back to work? Did your sicknote that you go from the hosptial just run out, or did your GP assess you to be fit for work in the last few days of your sick leave?

It is hinestly sounding like you're not ready to be back at work yet.

I have to say, that work as busy is just one of those things. Before you went off you described a busy job, and lots of stress, so walking straight back into that would have been like getting a punch on the chin.

If you were sitting in my sitting room, having a cup of tea, telling me all this, I'd be suggesting very strongly that you see your GP and tell him what's going on. I imagine you need another couple of weeks to have the stamina to do what you need to.

Going back to work too soon after an op isn't herioc. It's putting your health before a commercial organisation that survived without you for 4 weeks. It'll survive another couple.

Yes my sick note ran out.

I got the maximum they would give me although I don’t think they factored in the week three infection that set me back. But, being off longer puts my pay at risk..so, in I went.

And then, this afternoon, I had two huge Autistic meltdowns at work due to my frustration at the sheer incompetence and lack of leadership that exists where I work.

But, as with all of my life, I struggle on.

 

[PenguinMum]

don’t think they factored in the week three infection that set me back.

I agree with that. The time the hospital suggested to recover would befor a complication free recovery but of course thats not what happened. I agree with everyone else you need to see your GP and have this conversation. They cant fire you if you are medically unfit but I am not sure about having meltdowns at work. Hope you get to a better place Patrick. It takes time to recover and everyone needs to give you that time. All best wishes.

 

[Patrick66]

I agree with that. The time the hospital suggested to recover would befor a complication free recovery but of course thats not what happened. I agree with everyone else you need to see your GP and have this conversation. They cant fire you if you are medically unfit but I am not sure about having meltdowns at work. Hope you get to a better place Patrick. It takes time to recover and everyone needs to give you that time. All best wishes.

Thank you.

Well at least I don’t have work tomorrow so it’s a long weekend. If I had my way I’d never go back because the stress of working there must elevate my bloods much higher than I’d like.