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I don't know what to do anymore

A

Alex_B

Well-Known Member
I believe me having diabetes is my fault. Your pancreas doesn't just stop working at 18 years old. I had too much sugar.
I can't cope anymore. I'm not allowed a pump and I have no one to talk to about it. I'm just ready to quit.

I have tried controlling it for a year. I took extra insulin when I'm high, I've stopped having so much sugar. I'm sick of having people telling me I'm not doing enough when I am, I'm also sick of people having a go at me for not controlling my diabetes. When people say this stuff my depression gets worse and worse.

I've been crying all week because diabetes is stressing me out so much. Im not allowed to talk to my DSN about mental health issues because they know nothing about it. I was told I was not allowed to talk about it with them when I went to the clinic last time.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like ending my life just to get rid of diabetes.
 
Hey @Alex_B Never feel that your t1 is your fault, it isn't, none of us deserve it but these are the cards we've been dealt so learning to live in acceptance on your condition so that you can cope better will help you move forwards.

Please if you are feeling down speak to the Samaritans, nothing should ever make you feel like ending your life, you should feel it's ok to discuss this with your DSN, they understand this is part of managing this condition, many feel the same way as you.

Sending you a big hug, around all night if you need to chat.
 
Hi @Alex_B
absolutely it is not your fault !!

I would take it away for you if I could cuz I been D for 44 years so a double dose is not going to make me any worse !!!!!!!!

right now it is really important to know you have all of us here totally with you and we all want you to try and think about everything you do have in your life --

please keep talking here.
 
Alex_B said:
I believe me having diabetes is my fault. Your pancreas doesn't just stop working at 18 years old. I had too much sugar.
I can't cope anymore. I'm not allowed a pump and I have no one to talk to about it. I'm just ready to quit.

I have tried controlling it for a year. I took extra insulin when I'm high, I've stopped having so much sugar. I'm sick of having people telling me I'm not doing enough when I am, I'm also sick of people having a go at me for not controlling my diabetes. When people say this stuff my depression gets worse and worse.

I've been crying all week because diabetes is stressing me out so much. Im not allowed to talk to my DSN about mental health issues because they know nothing about it. I was told I was not allowed to talk about it with them when I went to the clinic last time.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like ending my life just to get rid of diabetes.
Click to expand...

@Alex_B A family friend just had a little boy diagnosed with Type 1 at 2 years old. Is it his fault? Did he eat too much sugar? Did he bring it on himself somehow? NO - he didn't, you didn't, I didnt - none of us here did.

We have Type 1 and its **** but it's not our fault. It's just bad luck. It's something nasty stuck to our shoe that we can't scrape off. We have to walk round with it all day, every day. BUT it isn't you. It's a tiny, unwanted passenger. It isn't worthy of so much stress. Don't let it persuade you that it's in charge - it's not, you are. You're in charge whatever your blood sugars are doing. Never forget that.

You're not alone - not with your diabetes and not with your depression. People here who don't know you care about you.

Please know that life is worth living - and that your future can be wonderful. Truly it can.

Get help for your depression, but, again, see it as something stuck onto you, not as part of you. You're bigger than it - both literally and metaphorically.

Please feel free to say what you want here. This is a safe place to vent among people who understand.
 
It's not your fault. I see dudes that abuse the living s#*t out of themselves and they don't get diabetes. Go figure. Everyone goes through the lows of the disease (both mental and physical). There's never a precise balance point here. Like I've said for years: "you're either on your way up or you're on your way down".
 
Hi @Alex_B - there's nothing you can do to give yourself type 1 diabetes - so don't ever think that.

It sounds like you're doing your best to deal with this - but please remember, the very nature of diabetes means you can't manage it perfectly. Don't take to heart what others say, especially those who have no experience of diabetes - people often mean well, but sometimes have no idea of what they're talking about (I myself experienced this frustrating situation whilst at dinner, only yesterday). Do however take advice from those who've been living with diabetes for longer than you - this is manageable, and you can do it. Personally, I found that going on a low carb diet works well for me - that way, you can limit the amount of carb you take at any one time, and therefore, the amount of insulin you need at each meal - even if you get it slightly wrong, the swing in blood sugar is less than it would otherwise be. A regular eating pattern also helps.

It sounds to me like you could really benefit from staying on this forum and interacting with others - perhaps there'll be an opportunity to meet up with others who are going through the same thing - that will really help you.

Also, who exactly told you not to speak to your DSN about the way you're feeling? That is quite absurd - the way you're feeling is extremely important, and should never be ignored. The depression is far worse than the diabetes, and needs to be properly treated. Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

One other thing - please just remember how young you are - and don't forget the incredible work that other human beings around the world are doing right now, to rid you of this condition. It's just a matter of time Alex. Just stay on top of it - be strong, and we'll all get through this together.
 
I was 23 when I got diabetes @Alex_B, and it wasn't my fault either. You're no different, so don't blame yourself here.

You need to seek help and advice for your depression and anxiety, as it's likely to be interfering with your diabetes management, just as much as your diabetes is affecting your depression and anxiety. You can use the forum as much as you want for diabetes related issues, but we can't do much to help with your state of mind I'm afraid. Believe me when I say though, we will do all we can to help. We'll always be here for support, but we cannot offer the professional help that you require.

Your situation isn't a great one Alex and we're all empathising with you. But imagine this, just how bad can it get? You're young, fit and able, can walk, feed yourself and have all your limbs. How many unfortunate souls would trade places with you now? Children being bombed in the middle east, homeless people sleeping on the streets, kids brought up with drug addict parents... There are many situations that are as bad or worse than yours, I'd be counting yourself lucky here.

Your whole life is ahead of you and you're able to achieve absolutely anything you like. You have that potential, don't ever forget that.

It's so important that your speak with your doctor Alex. I know you suffer anxiety issues, but they need to be treated before anything else as I believe that's the route cause that's clouding your overall judgement.

Here 24/7 pal, chin up.
 
Alex_B said:
@Odin004 Not very good. Stressed out really bad. Can't cope anymore. Stopped taking my insulin yesterday.
Click to expand...

What are you hoping to achieve by not taking insulin? How is that in any sense a helpful or sensible reaction? Your response to your diabetes not being controlled is to purposely not control it?

What is it you're stressed out about? What is it you can't cope with? There are usually rationale practical solutions to these kinds of things. If you can't recognise those solutions you should be seeking some psychiatric support and talking therapy.

You might consider contacting CALM (campaign against living miserably) if you don't like talking on the phone they do webchats - https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/
 
Hi Alex please take your insulin, no matter how hard it is taking your insulin is vitally important - we all want to help so please tell us what we can do to help ?
 
Hey @Alex_B - not taking your insulin isn't the solution, my friend - it's going to make things far worse. When you're feeling like this, logic is the first thing to disappear - which, in turn, makes it impossible to understand what you need to do to get better. For that reason, just trust what everyone here is telling you - take your insulin; and make an appointment with your doctor to deal with your depression. There are things people can do to help you - you just need to allow it to happen Alex. When did you last inject?
 
Ive been depressed about my diabetes lately too but I never once thought its my fault. Its not our fault. Everyones dealing with something in their life. Please dont listen to those people around you. I find that my family and friends help me if I share them whats on my mind, but if yours make you feel more depressed then just come on here, talk to people on this forum the people who understand you. Hope you feel better, remember you are not alone. X
 
Hey Alex,

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for over a decade and a half, and as of a few years ago diabetes as well. It's tough, I get it, I understand the need to give up because it feels useless because it's a lot to figure out, people nag at you and don't listen.

Thing is, depression is a big fat liar. It makes us think things that aren't true just to get its way, just to make us feel awful. Thinking diabetes is our fault is another lie. Thinking we can't do anything right is another lie. It feels like the truth but it really isn't, and it's very important to acknowledge this.

Diabetes management is tough, but not impossible. You just have to set some time aside every day to figure it out. Diabetes is part of our lives, and we have to give it its own space and not ignore it. Once it has its own space it can settle in and you can team up to get everything sorted. Think of it like a roommate for life - if you just sit and sulk and don't listen so you know what chores need to get done, you're going to live in a messy house (your body). But if you listen and do the chores that your roommate tells you to do, you can have a clean house! It won't always be clean, there's always going to be some dishes left out, there's always laundry to do, but it'll be managed and livable. As with any new housemate it takes some time to figure out schedules, adjust to quirks, keep in mind how your roommate's doing when you're both sick or dealing with heat, you'll have some arguments and so forth. It won't ever be perfect, but it can be comfortable and managed well so you can coexist peacefully.

Depression is also a serious condition - it's as valid and real as a broken leg, and you deserve proper treatment. Please see your GP and get a referral to a psychologist. Find a therapist whom you click with and then get to work on getting better with your mental well being. It will have an automatic positive effect on your diabetes management too! Cognitive therapy might benefit you because it helps you reframe the situations that drain you and trigger symptoms, and effectively retrain your brain. Try to get on a good sleep and eat schedule (I know, it's awfully hard, but I believe you can do it!) because it really serves a solid function in being mentally healthy.

Remember that you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes **** just happens. We don't control that, but we DO control how we deal with it, and the very fact you reached out tells me you're a smart person who wants to learn how to deal with things the best way possible. :)
 
Alex_B said:
I believe me having diabetes is my fault. Your pancreas doesn't just stop working at 18 years old. I had too much sugar.
I can't cope anymore. I'm not allowed a pump and I have no one to talk to about it. I'm just ready to quit.

I have tried controlling it for a year. I took extra insulin when I'm high, I've stopped having so much sugar. I'm sick of having people telling me I'm not doing enough when I am, I'm also sick of people having a go at me for not controlling my diabetes. When people say this stuff my depression gets worse and worse.

I've been crying all week because diabetes is stressing me out so much. Im not allowed to talk to my DSN about mental health issues because they know nothing about it. I was told I was not allowed to talk about it with them when I went to the clinic last time.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like ending my life just to get rid of diabetes.
Click to expand...

Nothing you have done or can do would have given you type 1 diabetes, type 1 is an autoimmune disease, where our immune system get it wrong n attacks it self. It's not yr fault
 
Alex_B said:
I believe me having diabetes is my fault. Your pancreas doesn't just stop working at 18 years old. I had too much sugar.
I can't cope anymore. I'm not allowed a pump and I have no one to talk to about it. I'm just ready to quit.

I have tried controlling it for a year. I took extra insulin when I'm high, I've stopped having so much sugar. I'm sick of having people telling me I'm not doing enough when I am, I'm also sick of people having a go at me for not controlling my diabetes. When people say this stuff my depression gets worse and worse.

I've been crying all week because diabetes is stressing me out so much. Im not allowed to talk to my DSN about mental health issues because they know nothing about it. I was told I was not allowed to talk about it with them when I went to the clinic last time.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like ending my life just to get rid of diabetes.
Click to expand...

It does, mine did n ended my future job hopes, type 1 has nothing to do with sugar, dont be hard on yrself, life is not over its just thrown us a curve ball, one that you can control n wrk rnd. Control it dont let it control you.
 
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