I feel like I’ve lost everything.

[vaulterrise]

Hi all.

Newly diagnosed type 2. 38 years old.

I’ve spent this morning crying my eyes out as this all dawns on me. I’ve read lots of posts and, honestly, I feel like I’ve lost who I was because of this diagnosis.

I’m veggie and travel a lot for work and pleasure. I’m actually in Sweden in a couple of days. Before this diagnosis I’d just eat whatever was veggie. Now, having read other posts, it seems any trip I take is going to be awful and a struggle and I’ll just be worried and sat having to eat some weird stuff that doesn’t resemble a meal - especially with not eating meat.

It feels I’ve lost anything I ever once enjoyed with food being a big part of my life - eating out, eating at friends, birthdays, Christmas. Even eating at home! No beer, no decent levels of carbs ever again apparently, no eating without thinking and struggling and worrying anytime I’m not at home.

I’m just getting this off my chest. I feel absolutely hopeless.

 

[vaulterrise]

To add, my doctor said they’re hopeful I could put it into remission and I lit up at the thought as I thought this mean I could somewhat go back to how I used to be (but not excessively), though reading on here seems like this is not true and people eat and sacrifice just as much after ‘remission’ as when they were trying to get to it. It was the one beacon of hope I had to go back to something resembling a normal life, but even that seems gone now.

 

[Jaylee]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum.

Firstly, do you have a blood glucose meter? This may help you determine what elements of your diet work for you.
Or if possible, slap on a sensor..?
Now I’m T1 & have found “business trips” a bit of a guessing game. When I said business, I was touring with a band.
Did Sweden rock a few years back. I’m not vegetarian but avoiding the muesli on offer with the milk added not doing me any favours on my exogenous insulin working profile there were LC options for me.

It’s good to get it off your chest. But don’t feel hopeless.

I’ll tag in @Lobsang Tsultim who frequents he vegetarian way of eating boards. He may help.


Edit to add, you still can drink spirits with diet mixers.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

To add, my doctor said they’re hopeful I could put it into remission and I lit up at the thought as I thought this mean I could somewhat go back to how I used to be (but not excessively), though reading on here seems like this is not true and people eat and sacrifice just as much after ‘remission’ as when they were trying to get to it. It was the one beacon of hope I had to go back to something resembling a normal life, but even that seems gone now.

Remission is still a worthy goal... It doesn't mean going back to old eating habits, but it does mean living a long, painfree and healthy life. Keep your legs, your eyesight, a functioning heart... Nice, no?
Have a look here: https://www.dietdoctor.com/search?s=vegetarian , which includes a whole lot of very good looking dishes, which are all vegetarian, and are fit for a low carb way of eating. As for eating out, it can be a wee bit complicated.... Not vegetarian here, but I do have issues with cow milk, certain items'll trigger migraines and IBS, or make my thyroid swell up so I can't breathe, so I have to be ridiculously picky, on top of low carb. And guess what? I still manage. Often I'll opt for a dish with eggs for lunch (or breakfast), salads with some form of protein/fat are usually a good option... Just check the menu online before you eat out, maybe get in touch with a restaurant before you go, see what they're willing to do. A friend of mine runs a cat café, and she'll make me a salad which isn't on the menu any time. I'll even have little hearts cut out of cucumber in there. If you know there are chains that serve the same thing everywhere, know what you can have there and go for it. Weird example: McDonalds. Salads are often good, just the dressing varies per country it seems, but if you go for a low carb one like a vinegraitte, or just buy mayo to go with it, you're all good. I don't know whether Sweden has the McPlant yet, but if you order two without the bread, I think it'll go a long way to feeding you. (If you order from a pole, you can click personalise and tell them to leave the bread off.). Think about it... If even McDonalds can cater to your needs... Then what is going to stop you?

And as it happens, Sweden does offer low carb foods, and is basically on the forefront of low carb eating in Europe, I do believe. The Scandinavian Diet is often low carb as it is. If there's anywhere to go now, then it's Sweden!

I know it's an adjustment. But you'll make it work. It can be done.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

By the way, beer: https://macrofriendly.co.uk/best-keto-low-carb-beers-uk/

And usually over Christmas, I have a hand in what ends up on the table... There's usually so much to choose from, I just avoid the carby things and still eat my fill. Birthday? No cake, but nuts and cheese cubes, vegetarian "meatballs"? Don't pile all the events on in one go. Just take time to do research, figure out how to do things without feeling left out or hungry. Like I said, it can be done. I don't know how you feel about a low carb bacardi coke-zero, or a whiskey, but those are still available too...

 

[vaulterrise]

I know you’re trying to help and I really appreciate it. So thank you.

I just still can’t come to terms with it. Even if it can be made ‘easy’ when on the go or somewhere new, the idea of eating a burger without the bun and no fries is so depressing it’s unreal. And I still don’t know what a low carb veggie option that’s filling will be in a restaurant.

I’ve got two trips to the US this year to see my wife’s family and the idea of a holiday now just seems like a difficult, joyless affair.

 

[Lobsang Tsultim]

Eating vegetarian meals I allow myself slightly more carbs than the meat eaters do on here. They would also avoid all legumes and pulses but I‘m able to cope with them in moderation. This means that though pasta, rice, bread, potatoes and oats remain off the table, I do get to enjoy dhal and humous, 3 bean stew, even small amounts of things made with chickpea flour (gram) such as cauliflower bhajis. As long as I don’t have it too often, my body also copes with beetroot and carrot which adds some nice colour to salads. If I’m eating out I don’t stress about having some carrot and ginger soup for instance or roasted butternut squash. I still avoid fruit apart from berries but berries and nuts with a good Greek yoghurt makes a fast and tasty breakfast (or snack at any time of the day).

What I found important was to ditch any worries about weight and calories; I just keep my carbs for the day around 50g or less. If I’m hungry I eat, if I’m not then I leave it. I don’t follow an intermittent fasting plan but I often only eat two meals a day. Other days I might have three meals and some snacks in between. My main foods are eggs, cheese, pulses, above ground leafy vegetables and mushrooms supplemented with nuts, seeds, carrots, beetroot, tomatoes etc. Then crucially important, plenty of fat! My salads always include some good quality olive oil or mayonnaise. I’ll often use cream or mayonnaise as a base for a tasty sauce or thicken a soup or stew with peanut butter. Some avoid snacks but if I’m hungry I’ll have some but it’s always low carb eg a few nuts, a slice of cheese maybe with a scrapping of marmite on it, olives, a hard boiled egg with a dollop of mayo with chilli flakes to give it a kick.

Going low carb has brought my blood sugars down to normal range, I’m less tired, my blood pressure is now normal along with my lipids. I’ve also lost 21kg since I started this journey just over a year ago and had to tighten my belt quite a few times.

It’s a profound shock at the beginning but it’s easier than you currently think, I promise

We’ve been trained by the food industry to rely on high carb foods to fill us up, but now our bodies can’t handle them And they just leave us feeling tired, hungry and craving more. The good news is having a meal with less carbs and more fat is more satisfying AND actually helps us lose weight. If thought of a vege burger without bread seems unsatisfying, have two! It’ll still be better for you than that bun.

 

[vaulterrise]

Appreciate it. I’m so up and down at the moment.

Not only is eating out and having a few drinks with mates the crux of my social life, I have a young family and navigating diet with two kids and a wife who don’t have these problems is going to be a headache. I’m going to be the person who has to sit there eating a strange meal while everyone else enjoys themselves.

At the moment I’ve reduced my carbs to 100g and I still struggle with that. Halving it again seems tough.

I’ll get there. I think if this had come at a later age in life I’d be more accepting, but to be under 40 and have it I feel robbed.

Remission is still something I’m aiming for though. Maybe when I get there and I’ve shifted the weight I can be a little less restrictive. One thing I’m trying to understand is when people are lucky enough to get to remission, can they not just ease up a little bit without the risk of going back? Is a naughty meal a few days in a row going to send them back to a diabetic range that quickly?

 

[Lobsang Tsultim]

IMO, that's like saying to a dry alcoholic, "One glass of wine won't hurt." It's true, one glass probably wouldn't, but the alcoholic knows how difficult it will be not to add another glass and another glass and then the rest of the second bottle after that. Carb creep and comfort eating are a thing... many of us have found it easier to come down hard on the carbs than to use half-measures, not just for the physical benefits but because it's easier mentally.

It's also the case that reducing the carbs to 50g or less rapidly allows the body to adapt to using fat instead of carbohydrates as its fuel source. When that happens, the craving for carbs almost completely goes away (I still have a nostalgic longing for wholemeal toast with marmite and marmalade, but it's like the memory of an old girlfriend - you're over it, but you still remember).

But this is also where having a meter comes in; you can assess for yourself just which meals are okay for you and which ones aren't. Our bodies aren't perfect replicas of each other; we react individually. I can't handle apples; some people have no problem with them. Onion causes my blood sugars to spike, but leeks, shallots, and spring onions are fine. You'll figure it out, and soon it will seem okay and not that difficult.

The image you have of yourself sitting in a corner eating strange food, separate from everyone else in the family, is just a waking nightmare. You shouldn't pay it any more attention than you pay to nightmares you have when you're sleeping. It might also be useful if the food for the rest of the family is less carb-heavy, too - after all, you know where that leads.

 

[catinahat]

One thing I’m trying to understand is when people are lucky enough to get to remission, can they not just ease up a little bit without the risk of going back? Is a naughty meal a few days in a row going to send them back to a diabetic range that quickly?

There is no cure, remission just means that by not eating the stuff that causes raised levels, your blood sugar is in the same range as a non diabetic. And your chances of avoiding the many health problems that are caused by high blood sugar, will be very much lessened.
You are not alone in how you are feeling, every single one of us has been exactly where you are now.
It's a shock for anyone no matter what age you are, and yes some of your food choices will have to change.
The thing is it's taken a long time for you to get to the point where you are diagnosed with diabetes, months, if not year's, you don't have to change everything all in one go.
Be gentle on yourself, make gradual changes.
If you think about it, life is never static everything changes all of the time, I'm willing to bet that your diet now looks very different to when you were a child or a teenager.
Does not having a burger and fries guarantee that you will not enjoy your trip to America?
Will your friend's no longer want your company because you eat and drink something different to them?
Why do you think a meal out with your family will be any different, less enjoyable because of your food choices? And what on earth is strange food ?
There is no such thing as a "naughty" meal, you can choose to eat food that's good for you or not, the choice is yours, nothings has changed unless you thought a night on the beer followed by burger and fries was healthy.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

I know you’re trying to help and I really appreciate it. So thank you.

I just still can’t come to terms with it. Even if it can be made ‘easy’ when on the go or somewhere new, the idea of eating a burger without the bun and no fries is so depressing it’s unreal. And I still don’t know what a low carb veggie option that’s filling will be in a restaurant.

I’ve got two trips to the US this year to see my wife’s family and the idea of a holiday now just seems like a difficult, joyless affair.

Well, far as burgers go, I feel they taste better without the bun... They stay juicier. But that's just me.

Seriously though, you've just been diagnosed. Give yourself a moment. It's a traumatic message to get, and there's a lot of grief to work through. I didn't have this place when I started out, so I just would wake up in the morning with wet cheeks, because even in my sleep I'd been crying. I was practically shell shocked (and at the same time I had a cancer scare which turned out to "just" be non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, which got fixed with low carbing as well... But I didn't know that at then!). It takes weeks if not months to get your feet back under you, possibly. It's a blow, no doubt about it, and nothing I can say, or anyone for that matter, will make that any better right now.

At this moment, everything's turned to sh*te. All I can say, it won't stay this way. Take this bull by the horns when you're ready. And hey, in the USA, they'll do anything to keep a customer happy, so if they need to keep the veg coming instead of the fries, they will.

And uh.... While going low carb is an excellent method to get this under control... Metformin can calm your liver down in the morning, gliclazide can force your pancreas to make more insulin... It's not ideal, there are drawbacks, but there are medicinal options out there if you can't/won't go the diet route, or you can blend the methods so you find something workable for you. You DO have options. Low carb isn't the end all, be all. In my opinion it's still the best method... But not right for everyone.

Hang in there. You'll be okay, given time.
Jo

 

[Antje77]

@vaulterrise , it is very, very normal to go through a period of grief after getting some stupid diagnosis you didn't ask for.
This grief is no different than other types of grief and it can include all the classic components: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I think your doing all of them (except for the last one for now) at the moment, it's a horrible feeling!

But like other types of grief, this one will get less strong, the really big emotions will happen less often, the acceptance part will sometimes be added to the rest of the package.
And life will settle down again, become normal and enjoyable again, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Over time you'll find a way to deal with your diabetes, maybe by getting used to and enjoying your low carb meals (I know I do, although I'm still sometimes unhappy or angry that I can't eat something without messing up my blood glucose).
Maybe the way that suits you best will be a moderate carb diet, leaving out most of the sweets but still eating what your family eats, with some added medication.
It'll take time to find what works best for you, not only regarding your diabetes but also your mental health. No use to be the perfect diabetic while being utterly unhappy, but also no use to completely ignore diabetes.
There's a balance to find.

But for now, have you considered some counselling or such to help deal with your current emotional state?
It can be very helpful to talk to someone who is not a direct part of your family.

Wish you all the best!

 

[HSSS]

I’d add (as odd as this sounds to people in here that know me) low carb isn’t the only option. I believe it’s the best but I’m not vegetarian so don’t have those additional criteria. Part of this is getting over the shock. Part of it is about changing mindset as much as food. What is strange food? To me a plate without meat on is weird, and 5 yrs in so is a plate with carbs on. To you it’s normal. Is vegetarianism negotiable (eg you thought it was healthier or non negotiable as it’s based on religious or morality for example?). My other half is vegetarian and a big carb eater. I’m closer to carnivore and very low carb. We manage. A core base meal for the preparation with tweaks to each plate. The biggest downside is often two saucepans are needed. Older kids get to choose which version they want.

The nhs is rolling out a supported very low calorie diet (Newcastle) diet that lasts a few months based on soups and shakes - to make the counting easy - and a gradual reintroduction of food. It’s not perfect by any means. (50% in remission at 1 yr and just 7% at 5 yrs but for those people it’s ideal). It’s still not normal food and it still takes a particular mindset and change towards food. But some do find it works well for them, especially you have some weight to lose.

Then there is getting medicinal help. Again for a type 2 I don’t think thats the right first approach. The vast majority of us start out with high insulin and as a result high resistance to it. Adding more insulin or forcing you to make more of your own might bring blood glucose down for now but long term adds the the problem and is why type 2 is considered progressive under the medication only model Imo. Other medications work in different ways and have their uses but also their side effects. Just be aware of both sides of the medication coin so you know what to look out for if you go that route. All that said Metformin is a mild and safe drug for most and can help a little. Main issues with it are diarrhoea and long term use lowering b12 absorption.

 

[MrsA2]

I’ve got two trips to the US this year to see my wife’s family and the idea of a holiday now just seems like a difficult, joyless affair.

Read the above , then ask yourself if eating food you now know to be detrimental to your health, is really more important than spending time enjoying the company of your family and visiting new places? Really think about it, don't answer on here, its for you to think about.

It's early days for you yet. Like you my first thought were "what on earth can I eat?" But now 3 years in, I've successfully navigated a trip to US (horrified at food prices, sooo expensive now) and just today we've hosted a party for friends and neighbours . I've drunk (wine with soda, champagne) eaten well,, even a low sugar tiramisu and no one I there even noticed I made sensible choices - other than the 2 other T2s who were eating the same way as I was.

It's perfectly possible to live a good life with T2. itt does get easier as you get more practised. Best benefit of all is the way the carb monster inside gets evicted and no longer leads you to believe food must be around every corner, with snacks in between! You'll find filling, sustaining food that easily sees you go considerable times between eating, without even noticing.

We've all been in your position, diagnosis is a shock to most. You'll get through it though, maybe with a few ups and downs, perfection isn't human! But you do need to start, not starting because it seems too difficult is only going make things worse in the long term.

 

[ajbod]

You have to look at things from the opposite point of view, you haven't lost anything, you've gained massively in the knowledge of what is actually healthy to eat. You were ill, and didn't realise it. All those things that we've been told are healthy aren't, they've caused a huge global obesity and Diabetes crisis. You are now going to learn what is healthy, and what will help you live a healthier, longer life.
As you become more proficient at knowing what causes you problems, you will realise how to easily modify meals, by dropping or greatly reducing certain things, and increasing others to compensate.
As your health improves, and believe me it will. The realisation, that what anyone else thinks is meaningless, because you have the evidence in how you feel.
Having watched my wife struggling with weight gain, tired and lacking energy, i was rather guiltily hoping that the Hba1c test she's just had would show prediabetes, as then she would be much more amenable to learn from what i have, and i would be able to massively help change her life for the better. She would never contemplate changing her eating habits, unless forced to. fortunately or unfortunately, which ever way you look at it, it returned as very much not anywhere near prediabetic.
You have to face diabetes, to truly be in a position to face the facts of what our recent diet has been doing to humanity.
It seems a daft thing to say, but your diagnosis, will turn out to be one of the best things that could happen to you.

 

[Guilty]

Hi @vaulterrise - I'm 39, diagnosed 5 years ago type 2. And have gone from needing tablets + insulin. To controlling my blood glucose through diet alone.

There have been ups and downs along the way (went from 19 stone, down to 13... and then up to 20!!!)

For the past 6 months I have been fully vegan. And eat plenty of carbs. And my blood sugar has been on target.

I tried a few other diets since being diagnosed, Low carb, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, mediterainan. They all worked for my blood sugar.

I just found that on this vegan diet (whole food plant based) I'm full of energy, I'm happy and it's like having a new love for life.

You will find a diet and lifestyle that works for you and makes you happy.

I never would have thought that I'd feel so good not eating all the junk I used to. I wouldn't want to go back. And yes, you can enjoy meals out, and beers with friends, just not to excess.

A happy side effect of eating better is that you will lose weight and exercise will be more fun.

And it's not ALL about diet and losing weight. Exercise helps with your blood sugars as well. Just a 15 minute walk after a meal makes a huge difference to my blood sugar spike.

Your message resonated with me. Long time lurker in the forums. Registered to let you know that there are great veggie options. Low carb isn't the only way. I feel happier now, and have more time and energy for my wife and daughters than I did before I was diagnosed.

Good luck

 

[jjraak]

Best benefit of all is the way the carb monster inside gets evicted and no longer leads you to believe food must be around every corner, with snacks in between! You'll find filling, sustaining food that easily sees you go considerable times between eating, without even noticing

Great answer & what a lovely bonus benefit to have.
That hunger gremlin got firmly kicked into touch once I adapted to LCHF


Like you @vaulterrise I seemed to have a love affair with food.

Diagnosis meant choosing the associated risks of ignoring the issue or doing something about it

I chose action.

In fact I doubt many , given a choice of "this will likely happen, if you continue doing 'X,Y,Z."
Choose to ignore it

Yes it can be hard,
but I heard the many who seem motivated by how much more important avoiding complications is over the contents of any meal.

In this case maybe that could be the motivation of you choosing to remain as healthy as possible for your family over the contents of a meal , & what helps get you over the not inconsiderable hump of DX. ?

A fit and healthy dad, full of energy... knowledgeable about food & disciplined enough to care about himself so he can look after us & mum ...
seem like something your kids would like ?

I now see meals as less a love affair more an unromantic fuel stop ....always gobsmacked how far Greek yoghurt & some berries gets me.

But I eat other things, & thoroughly enjoy my food.


Great advise above from many to mull over.

Many ways you can adapt diet & attitude to it.

Nothing stays the same, life always challenges us.

All we can do is shape how that future afterwards looks for us & our family after any major event.

Good luck finding a way that works for you.

 

[Munkki]

I remember the first days and weeks after diagnosis were hard. I had to grieve. I still look back at holiday memories, fully aware of which trip was before and after. I was in my late 20s and had to come to terms with some harmful medical advice in my run up to diabetes. I wasn't even overweight.

I had to smile though when I read about you being the one with the strange meal in the corner. I was diagnosed between relationships and when my new partner move in I learned very quickly that we had to make the low carb option for everyone and he adds his carbs. It's the same now with our daughter. Usually everyone wants to eat "my" meaty, cheesy, creamy food!