I hate having diabetes

[Saph]

So I was diagnosed with this when I was 16, and all I wanted to do was be a police officer.
However, back in the early 90s, that was never going to happen. Much like the military, accepting someone with diabetes, unless incredibly fit and controlled, it was never going to happen.
I have spent my life doing ******** jobs, and even some of those ummed and ahhhed, when realising my condition.
I now find myself in my early 50’s, having worked hard, although often with multiple part time jobs, and no discernible pension options, and struggling with the day to day, when others of similar ages and backgrounds have multiple pension payouts and full time salaries, who are incredibly wealthy by comparison.
Am I wrong to feel that diabetes has stolen this from me, or should I have made better choices, despite believing that o wasn’t going to even make it this far?
If I could rewind 30+ years and attempt this life differently, I definitely would.

 

[EllieM]

Am I wrong to feel that diabetes has stolen this from me, or should I have made better choices, despite believing that o wasn’t going to even make it this far?

Hello and welcome to the forums.

You never know what would have happened if you made different decisions at different times, and I think 16 is one of the worst ages to be diagnosed, because you are dealing with all the problems and changes of puberty and adolescence, as well as a life changing diagnosis. (I was lucky to be diagnosed at 8, with a T1 mother, and I didn't learn till much later that there were careers that would be closed to be, and luckily they weren't the sort of things I wanted to do anyway.) I never knew till decades later that my mother had been told I'd probably be dead by the age of 50 or 60 (I'm 64 now).

You make the choices that make sense at the time, and there is no way to tell whether different ones would have been "better" (or worse for that matter). And yes, I can well believe that your diabetes influenced and restricted those choices.

I am grateful for the fact that diabetes tech has improved so dramatically that it is easier to manage than it used to be, and today's new diabetics have much better options than we did in the 90s (or 70s in my case)

As for us older T1s, we live with it, and it's good to have a safe space like these forums to vent when we need to.

Once more, welcome.

 

[CheeseSeaker]

I guess becoming T1 can go through the phases of grieving - denial, anger depression bargaining, acceptance.

I think I didn't know any different as a 3 year old (probably went to anger, bargaining then acceptance) - once you get to acceptance it becomes much easier to find the things that make it easier to live a full and safe life.

For the positive side - I'm in a place where the tech has me as near fixed as I can imagine without any operations to replace bits of me, I can eat/drink without thinking about the food (for most of the time) - just stuff it in my mouth. To me thats as normalised as I can imagine (and I love it) though the work to get there has been a bit of a mountain to climb.

Yesterday was another 100% TIR - running at an average of 94% at the moment (bad cannula stuffed me up one day last week) - it really does surprise me how good it now is.