I really think this is my last chance of recovering somewhat

[Spanielmum92]

Really long history of type 1 and mental health (eating disorder and depression), latest diagnosis is polycystic kidney disease (unrelated to diabetes but this along with poor management of my D make my prognosis pretty poor)
I have 3 kids who are disabled also and are totally dependant on me.
I just don’t know how to get myself straight?
I’m 9 days clean of alcohol, no going back on that, no point drinking as it just makes everything including depression that bit worse.
I’m on a pump and Dexcom, due to close loop at some point this year.
Most days I just want “out” from it all, but what ifs?
I don’t see myself with a future long term, the way I’m going I’ve probably got single years left to live, how do I control it?
Haven’t even seen a nephro yet about PKD, awaiting referral…
Constant binge purge fast… more binging than the other lately…
I have a block on how much insulin I can give myself (mental) yet that doesn’t stop me binging…
Weight wise I’m ok, bmi normal.
I’ve self referred for mental health talking therapy, but have to do silver cloud again (online CBt) 4th time doing it and I find it ever so unuseful.
Food wise I know what I should be doing to stay healthy somewhat, or at least manage everything abit better but stress gets me and I turn to emotional eating.
Sorry it’s a long rant, I know only I can help myself..

 

[zand]

Have you had your vit B12 and vit D levels checked? Low levels of either/both of these can cause depression.

Re cbt. I found Emotional Freedom Techniques tapping much more useful. Google it. You start off with saying something like 'Even though I binge eat, I love and accept myself...' My own phrase was 'even though I am fat, I love and accept myself...' It took me a long time to be able to say it.

Years ago I used to buy Easter Eggs for my children and end up eating them myself and having to buy replacements. This year I bought 4 for my grandchildren and even though they were in plain sight the eggs survived for the 2 months before it was time to give them to the children.

I can't offer practical advice re T1 as I am T2, but I feel if you could alleviate the emotional problems you would be able to stay on the right path more easily.

Thinking of you.

 

[EllieM]

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time @Spanielmum92 . Diabetes affects us all differently, and unfortunately the mental health aspects can make it much more difficult for some than for others. (And I can only imagine how hard it must be to be responsible for 3 disabled children.)

Well done on giving up the alcohol.

All I can really say is that it is never too late to improve diabetic control, and a lot of complications can be stopped from progressing even if they are not completely reversible.

Depression and eating disorders are real illnesses and blaming yourself for being ill is pointless. But am guessing that if you could get help in order to get a handle on the ED your diabetes control would improve.

Please don't ever give up.

Sending you virtual hugs from an old T1 in New Zealand.

 

[Spanielmum92]

Thankyou both of you, so I had a tonne of bloods done last week, a lot sent to kidney team so I haven’t seen results yet until my appt on 30 may.. my hba1c is at an all time high converts to old style 12.5%
I’m taking it day by day, but I’m on day 2 of “attempting to recover” somewhat and my bloods have been a lot better, I just feel like I’m falling apart. The polycystic kidney disease is also wrecking my kidney function rapidly, I’ve gone from 76% in Jan to 59% last week. All my cell counts to do with infection are low, I’ve constantly got burst kidney cysts making me have bad kidney infections and also non stop flu/viral cold symptoms, I just feel constantly ill.
And also because I’m trying to improve my levels over the past few days I feel hypo at 8-12mmol… if it hits the 5s I’m full on shaking/unable to think, I know that’s normal though.
I already know I’m a walking time bomb so I need to get my act together, but at times I feel “why bother” when I need dialysis will I just refuse it? I can’t really as my kids and dogs need me..

 

[Spanielmum92]

I did try and do “talking therapies” which is a mental health support thing in my area, what it consists of is not actually talking to anyone but an online CBT course which I did, I’m now told to just do it again

 

[mouseee]

Worth checking if you can access results online although that can cause worries too as they aren't interpreted and trying to find out what the numbers mean can lead to scary things that us mortals not in medicine don't understand.

 

[EllieM]

Have you tried contacting MIND for help with accessing mental health support

Information and support

Learn about mental health problems, treatments, support services, and ways to help yourself. Find tips for supporting someone else with their mental health.

www.mind.org.uk

I believe others here have found them helpful. Tagging @Lamont D who I think has accessed services via his GP.

 

[Lamont D]

Hi @Spanielmum92 ,
I am on my third round of counselling.
I had a breakdown four years ago.

I won't go through my issues but I'm hoping to come out of this round a lot better.
Mine started in the lockdown which was quite significant.

My counselling is through Mind uk. There are others out there.

As I said, in the pandemic, I needed help and advice, so I phoned my GP.
And having a phone call appointment with my GP for at least half an hour.
I was referred to the local 'talking therapies ' which arranged an appointment to be assessed.
Having had a couple of face to face appointments with my GP, then a face to face with a mental health assessor with Age UK. I was given remote sessions.
And yes, it was through lockdown. Yes, face to face!!!

There are quite a few ways to get help.
And the majority is only a phone call away.
Your GP is the best option because your surgery can offer other help and bring the services in that you really need with all of your circumstances.

You have to approach this with small steps on your journey.
One of the most important is finding someone, you trust, to talk to, to use to help the frustration of your situation. To even vent.
You have started the first step by asking for help on the forum, and the replies you have had have been so supportive.
I do remember that there is UK phone numbers on the main page and in the information pages. And of course, there is Samaritans. If you feel really desperate.

I'm not conversant with your health issues but I am my wife's carer. And if not your GP, then your local council or your councillor can help with your children's issues.

There is every reason why you have to do something, not only for your mental and physical health, but for your children's as well.
Please do seek that help, it is out there. All you need to do is ask.

My best wishes, take care, stay safe, look after your kids.