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Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

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donnellysdogs said:
Glad you have got out Molly and spent sometime (and money:)) on present buying for your boys.

Look at total carb value Molly for buying pre made foods. If they've got potatoes or rice or pasta in they'll be higher carbs..

Dods OH like cheese by itself? If having the main meal with a heavier load of carbs than say 30-50g try to have a pudding of just cheese.. Or defrosted berries with cream or yogurt.

Glad you took some me time...
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@donnellysdogs .....thought a Stilton salad would be good for him tonight....opted for cheese rather than the usual pork pie!....am doing some new potatoes for some potato salad for myself (have got an individual quiche for myself I bought the other day) but he is happy to pass on the potatoes...did think some walnuts would go well with his Stilton but he said no to that idea...
Will take a look at some other ideas later on....:)
 
Molly56 said:
@donnellysdogs .....thought a Stilton salad would be good for him tonight....opted for cheese rather than the usual pork pie!....am doing some new potatoes for some potato salad for myself (have got an individual quiche for myself I bought the other day) but he is happy to pass on the potatoes...did think some walnuts would go well with his Stilton but he said no to that idea...
Will take a look at some other ideas later on....:)
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Good choice Molly!!
 
When we saw the diabetic nurse a couple of weeks ago I asked the question about what to do if I had any worries or concerns whilst waiting for the referral appointment and she did say that I could contact her / speak to her…..I do feel that this would be helpful ….

This morning I popped into the surgery to see when it would be convenient to have a quick word with her but it seems that it is not that easy….I had hoped that perhaps a quick conversation at the end of one of her clinics would allow me to ask a couple of quick questions off the record and set my mind at rest but but it seems that it is not that straightforward…
…. the earliest ‘appointment’ that the receptionist could offer me was 22nd December….I didn’t really want an appointment ….just wanted to ask a couple of quick questions…

Furthermore she has had to make the appointment in my partners name but attach a note to say that I would be attending to discuss my concerns….not even sure if this is allowed but did briefly explain the circumstances…

Just wondering if there is anything else I could do…..I remember that @alliebee mentioned that it would not be breaking patient confidentiality if I were to write to the nurse but not sure that I want to formally write it down…

I am concerned that his blood sugars are in the high teens and that his referral appointment is not until the end of January / his current medication is clearly not sufficient and not having the effect of reducing his blood sugar levels and the damage it is doing in the meantime…..and he is not testing etc so I have no idea if it is reaching dangerously high levels..…but not sure that I want to commit this to paper and send it to the nurse…

Any suggestions as to what I should do / what would other people do….thanks :)
 
Hi Molly, once again, you appear to be 'doing it for him' I really think you should be loosening the reigns he needs to be taking the responsibility and you say he's not testing ??? If he does have high levels ? then he is the one who should be testing to find out, if he doesn't care then that's down to him, You asked for suggestions well, I personally think you should leave well alone, this is indeed an adult and not a
infant :eek: Also an appointment in January 2015, isn't going to alter the fact that he has already damaged himself to be fair. You are, after all, not his keeper ..............................

Take care RRB :)
 
Hi @Molly56,

No amount of medication is going to bring his blood sugars down as he is not careful about what he is eating. The insulin that he may eventually use does not give him a get out of jail card either. The more he eats of the wrong things then the more insulin he will require.

If you continue to worry for him rather than accepting that he is an adult then your stress will never end We have heard all sorts of possible excuses from you and others as to why he behaves this way. I think he is still in denial about his diagnosis and is on the cusp for all manner of complications to rear their ugly head. How you get through to him is another problem as he does not seem to listen and carries on with his collision course

Personally I would leave him to get on with it as your advice and care is falling on deaf ears. Only he can sort this out.
 
Oh Molly I do feel for you but unfortunately you can only lead the horse to the water you cannot make them drink it,this is the path he seems to have choosen and only he can take control.
I wish you both all the best and do hope his condition improves.
Take Care Andrea.
 
Molly56 said:
When we saw the diabetic nurse a couple of weeks ago I asked the question about what to do if I had any worries or concerns whilst waiting for the referral appointment and she did say that I could contact her / speak to her…..I do feel that this would be helpful ….

This morning I popped into the surgery to see when it would be convenient to have a quick word with her but it seems that it is not that easy….I had hoped that perhaps a quick conversation at the end of one of her clinics would allow me to ask a couple of quick questions off the record and set my mind at rest but but it seems that it is not that straightforward…
…. the earliest ‘appointment’ that the receptionist could offer me was 22nd December….I didn’t really want an appointment ….just wanted to ask a couple of quick questions…

Furthermore she has had to make the appointment in my partners name but attach a note to say that I would be attending to discuss my concerns….not even sure if this is allowed but did briefly explain the circumstances…

Just wondering if there is anything else I could do…..I remember that @alliebee mentioned that it would not be breaking patient confidentiality if I were to write to the nurse but not sure that I want to formally write it down…

I am concerned that his blood sugars are in the high teens and that his referral appointment is not until the end of January / his current medication is clearly not sufficient and not having the effect of reducing his blood sugar levels and the damage it is doing in the meantime…..and he is not testing etc so I have no idea if it is reaching dangerously high levels..…but not sure that I want to commit this to paper and send it to the nurse…

Any suggestions as to what I should do / what would other people do….thanks :)
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You don't want to write it down, in a confidential letter to a confidentiality-bound medical professional, but you are willing to write it down and post it on the world wide web, with the potential for anyone and everyone reading it, and this in favour of having a discussion with your husband?

I should really stop reading this thread. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the poor bloke..........

Molly; at what stage are you going to have any form of direct conversation with your husband? That, in my view, should be your priority action right now. You want everyone else to act, and rally round him, but don't want to trouble him with the reality of his pretty serious situation.
 
This is what is confusing me
The beginning of this thread you asked for advice for your partner. Over 600 posts later you have been given advice ranging from carbs, diet, depression holidays, to leaving him. You have taken none of the advice at all apart from when your told to basically ignore your partner and that its his problem. The beginning of this thread you were told about carbs. A week ago you asked about them again to see if you had it right. But you expected your partner to know about it?....... you seemed astonished to know that pies were a no no.. but you still served them up. Yesterday you said you gave him cheese instead of the usual pork pie.......?
At the beginning of this thread you explained how your partner had depression and was on antidepressant pills. Youve heard us advising that these obviously arnt working and that the pills either need changing or tweeking. If its the depression that is causing his behaviour, then it will not get any better until he gets the help needed for the depression. Yet youre ignoring the advice to get this sorted. 2 days ago you said on another thread how your partner had chest pains all day, a few of us told you to get him to a dr, yet you ignored this and went Christmas shopping. A few days ago you said his sugars were really high and he felt unwell and that you were worried. You were advised then to make a call but you ignored this once again.
Now your saying that his sugars are in the high teens and youre concerned and again wanting more advice. Youve asked this before Molly and been advised. It just seems that the only advice you want to hear and take on board is when people tell you its his problem and not yours and that you should walk away and get some me time. Personally now i think you should walk away. Youre painting an awful picture of your partner and getting a lot of negative comments back. None of us know him and all we hear is your side of things. If he were to read some of the comments on here from you and others, ive no doubt he would feel totally hurt and betrayed. Not least because you have ignored most of it.
There may be a few who say he is doing this to himself so its his problem, but if you still cant understand it and your the one getting the good advice, then how could he possibly understand. DN's havent given out the best of advice to the majority of us. Are you actually telling him what he should be doing? Does he even know that you are asking these questions on here? It seems from your posts that you just dont have the time or energy to sit down and actually talk to him about any of it.

My Husband isnt the best at handling his illnesses, sometimes i get increasingly frustrated and angry with him and i have been exactly where you are. I have my own problems too, a family to look after, my work and my own diabetes. I dont need the frustration of having to look after my husband when he is behaving childishly or becomes unwell. I get through it by talking to him or even having an argument if thats the only way to get through to him.

My advice to you is to either do the same or just leave him now, because no matter what advice you are given to try to help him through this, youre just not listening to.
 
AndBreathe said:
You don't want to write it down, in a confidential letter to a confidentiality-bound medical professional, but you are willing to write it down and post it on the world wide web, with the potential for anyone and everyone reading it, and this in favour of having a discussion with your husband?

I should really stop reading this thread. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the poor bloke..........

Molly; at what stage are you going to have any form of direct conversation with your husband? That, in my view, should be your priority action right now. You want everyone else to act, and rally round him, but don't want to trouble him with the reality of his pretty serious situation.
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Probably because it's an easier outlet to post on here for Molly as some people cannot face( or find) confrontations very difficult, even though as seen by us, the onlookers, something that must be said...........

RRB
 
Robinredbreast said:
Probably because it's an easier outlet to post on here for Molly as some people cannot face( or find) confrontations very difficult, even though as seen by us, the onlookers, something that must be said...........

RRB
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That may well be but posting on here for advice and ignoring it is not helping the man is it.
 
I haven't read all of this thread, just the beginning and these last 2 pages. To me the key is his depression. It is so hard to function at all if you are depressed and it feels like no-one else understands. It is a horrible place to be, your husband needs counselling and as someone else has said his medication needs changing or tweaking. If you have never been depressed yourself you cannot understand this. It's like being half alive, just existing from day to day. At times it's like being nothing at all. It doesn't just go away without help. How did I know I needed help? A couple of people from this forum told me so, and they listened to me. Your husband needs to seek help for himself, you can support him but you can't do it for him.
 
zand said:
I haven't read all of this thread, just the beginning and these last 2 pages. To me the key is his depression. It is so hard to function at all if you are depressed and it feels like no-one else understands. It is a horrible place to be, your husband needs counselling and as someone else has said his medication needs changing or tweaking. If you have never been depressed yourself you cannot understand this. It's like being half alive, just existing from day to day. At times it's like being nothing at all. It doesn't just go away without help. How did I know I needed help? A couple of people from this forum told me so, and they listened to me. Your husband needs to seek help for himself, you can support him but you can't do it for him.
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I remember my husband dragging me kicking and screaming into the gp surgery. I sat there balling my eyes out while he sat and told the gp everything and then listened almost in tears himself while i spoke. He just never realised how i was feeling or how depression could manifest and take hold of someone completely. After i think, 3 different types of medication and some brilliant counselling i was ready to start living again.
He, my gp and the counsellor all got me through that period and if i have to do the same with him then i will (ok i wont be able to drag him but i will get him that help) Its what you do
 
Hi, @Molly56 seems there is now a lot of impatience with you Molly, from this forum, as you have taken a lot of advice but very rarely acted upon it.

I am maybe being a little brutal here, but I get the feeling that by you posting on here and talking about 'your' problems when it is really your OH who has all the problems not you, your supposed to be passing this information back to him to help his circumstances but that is not how it is.

I believe that you are consistently posting on here because it actually relieves some of the guilt of not being able to help him directly.

Confrontation is and will be the only way, and you should have lots of fantastic ammunition that you could pass onto him which would help him and he needs help now from what you have explained.

zand said:
I haven't read all of this thread, just the beginning and these last 2 pages. To me the key is his depression. It is so hard to function at all if you are depressed and it feels like no-one else understands. It is a horrible place to be, your husband needs counselling and as someone else has said his medication needs changing or tweaking. If you have never been depressed yourself you cannot understand this. It's like being half alive, just existing from day to day. At times it's like being nothing at all. It doesn't just go away without help. How did I know I needed help? A couple of people from this forum told me so, and they listened to me. Your husband needs to seek help for himself, you can support him but you can't do it for him.
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I have explained this to Molly on at least 2 occasions she will not act on anything.

I won't be commenting on this thread anymore.........
 
daddys1 said:
Hi, @Molly56 seems there is now a lot of impatience with you Molly, from this forum, as you have taken a lot of advice but very rarely acted upon it.

I am maybe being a little brutal here, but I get the feeling that by you posting on here and talking about 'your' problems when it is really your OH who has all the problems not you, your supposed to be passing this information back to him to help his circumstances but that is not how it is.

I believe that you are consistently posting on here because it actually relieves some of the guilt of not being able to help him directly.

Confrontation is and will be the only way, and you should have lots of fantastic ammunition that you could pass onto him which would help him and he needs help now from what you have explained.



I have explained this to Molly on at least 2 occasions she will not act on anything.

I won't be commenting on this thread anymore.........
Click to expand...
 
daddys1 said:
Hi, @Molly56 seems there is now a lot of impatience with you Molly, from this forum, as you have taken a lot of advice but very rarely acted upon it.

I am maybe being a little brutal here, but I get the feeling that by you posting on here and talking about 'your' problems when it is really your OH who has all the problems not you, your supposed to be passing this information back to him to help his circumstances but that is not how it is.

I believe that you are consistently posting on here because it actually relieves some of the guilt of not being able to help him directly.

Confrontation is and will be the only way, and you should have lots of fantastic ammunition that you could pass onto him which would help him and he needs help now from what you have explained.



I have explained this to Molly on at least 2 occasions she will not act on anything.

I won't be commenting on this thread anymore.........
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My first and only post in this thread which I have watched from the beginning

I absolutely agree with what daddy's 1 and pip have recently posted and have nothing to add

Maybe it's time the mods took a long hard look at this thread and the direction its heading in
 
Totally agree daddys1 Sometimes you have to be brutal. Its no good keep telling someone how sorry you are for them and telling them what they want to hear. Its what they dont want to hear that needs to be said.
 
I'm so relieved to read that it isn't only me who is becoming impatient with the lack of progress from the advice given in this thread. I made a decision a couple of weeks ago to stop following it as the repetition from Molly, and the reliable and trusted advice given, was making me impatient. Yet I keep checking back in the hope of reading something good, something positive, some glimmer of change in either Molly or her partner. But its not there.

Going over the posts today, I drew the conclusion that this reads like a "Molly's Diary" - the jottings of someone who wants to record what is happening but who is not actually receptive to anything coming back. The requests for help are frequent, and are always responded to kindly, generously, wisely, but no action is ever taken.

I too hope the moderators will step in and realise what a huge drain this has been on those of us who care about Molly and her partner and perhaps realise that after 6 months and over 600 posts with no glimmer of improvement, the thread has run its course

Perhaps Molly, who is clearly very articulate, could write her own online blog or diary as an outlet, but this forum is not the appropriate place for such a one-sided dialogue. Nor is it appropriate to give any information which would identify her partner who I imagine would be devastated to know that he has been the focus of such criticism, betrayal of confidences and personal details.
 
@Molly56 has the right to reply to recent posts so can we all please wait and see what she has to say rather than reaching a conclusion to the thread without her input.
 
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