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Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

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Robinredbreast said:
Probably because it's an easier outlet to post on here for Molly as some people cannot face( or find) confrontations very difficult, even though as seen by us, the onlookers, something that must be said...........

RRB
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@Robinredbreast ...thank you.......I think you have summed this up perfectly...I know that many people have said that this is the way to go but confrontation is not in my nature, ......never has been and probably never will be........its just not the way I am....

It is for this reason that I have found the last couple of days particularly difficult and distressing given the messages posted on this thread on Friday evening...whilst I would love to give a response (and feel I need to reply to those that posted) I am concerned that what I say will easily be misinterpreted...

.....I hope that in time I can give a sensible and coherent response to what was said but for now will just leave it as this....
 
Dear Molly

Your partner is one of us - a diabetic. Therefore it is natural that we would want to help one of our own. This is very clear from the speed with which we have responded to all your outreaches and the wide variety of advice and concern so many of us have expressed for you both.

I don't believe any of Friday's posts were intended to distress you but it seems our suggestions are not reaching your OH either because of his refusal to take them on board, or your dislike of confrontation. Knowing this is helpful in understanding why we have become so frustrated at the lack of progress in the past 6 months

I do hope you find an outlet for your concerns and a way of reaching your partner which is appropriate before it is too late
 
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It is natural response though to get distressed and anxious over such posts... I know that I have had a few previous nights of not sleeping myself to a few posts over the past 5 years.

It is a case for me of balancing any such comments with my own prlersonality and circumstances, the same as I would do if my friends were sat in front of me saying such things.

I personally had a few harsh comments made about my driving incident and finding that flexilink plus cannulas were not effective (and subsequently withdrawn by the company). I have had people sending me directions to look at comments made on another site about my messages here and then finding awful remarks made about me from people that never had the nerve to say things to me here..

So its balancing mindfulness from posters and the original OP....as we all have differing views and lives and circumstances etc.
 
Molly56 said:
@Robinredbreast ...thank you.......I think you have summed this up perfectly...I know that many people have said that this is the way to go but confrontation is not in my nature, ......never has been and probably never will be........its just not the way I am....

It is for this reason that I have found the last couple of days particularly difficult and distressing given the messages posted on this thread on Friday evening...whilst I would love to give a response (and feel I need to reply to those that posted) I am concerned that what I say will easily be misinterpreted...

.....I hope that in time I can give a sensible and coherent response to what was said but for now will just leave it as this....
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Molly the question has been asked if you actually want help and are prepared to stand up and be counted where your partner is co concerned. If your answer is no, than please have the decency to let the good people on here know so that they don't waste their time or energy unnecessarily. If you are just looking for friendship be honest about it. If you take The trouble to read through what has been written by so many caring people on here you will realise that friendship would have been offered without the need to solicit help when you have no plans to action any of the suggestions.

This is a community that cares, and you should understand that feelings will always run high especially as most of us understand the danger that your other half is in. Perhaps you would be better off starting a thread about you and leaving this thread to the archives..
 
Kezzer4321 said:
Molly the question has been asked if you actually want help and are prepared to stand up and be counted where your partner is co concerned. If your answer is no, than please have the decency to let the good people on here know so that they don't waste their time or energy unnecessarily. If you are just looking for friendship be honest about it. If you take The trouble to read through what has been written by so many caring people on here you will realise that friendship would have been offered without the need to solicit help when you have no plans to action any of the suggestions.

This is a community that cares, and you should understand that feelings will always run high especially as most of us understand the danger that your other half is in. Perhaps you would be better off starting a thread about you and leaving this thread to the archives..
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Well said Kezzer, couldn't agree more
 
Hi Molly I may not be as articulate as some and i hope I use the correct words here that I mean to. It's not meant to distress you. I'm sure that those who have posted these past few days have not intended this either.
We're all diabetics here and know the dangers of high bs. I'm reasonably new at this but seeing how diabetes has affected others in my family, I know that I never want to suffer the neuropathys and various other problems they all suffer from if I can do anything to avoid it.
It's for this reason I have tried to advise you, both on what I know of diabetes and a couple of other health problems too from personal experience.
Of course it's upto you whether you take any advice given and act upon it, but I myself feel that you have been given informative advice from some of the best diabetic advisors there is. That's why us newly diagnosed all come here.
I for one, have become increasingly distressed over a few of your recent posts and I won't repeat which ones again, but I feel that now, there's no more advice you can be given that you've not already received concerning your partners health problems and lack of commitment to his own health.

This thread has indeed run it's course and I for one will no longer be participating. I've tried to help you by reliving some of my own health problems and experiences in the hope that it might be of some good but although it's 'good to talk' it's not nice to remember certain times in your life that maybe are best forgotten.
If it's genuine advice, that you are willing to act upon, concerning your partners diabetes then we are here for you. If it's just a place to release your frustration, without asking for advice on him then I'm sure you could start a thread on this and others in your situation will respond and you can all have a 'moan' together, and maybe you will see how others are/have coped and got through it.

I wish you well Molly and hope you do find a conclusion to your dilemma.
X
 
Pip16 said:
Hi Molly I may not be as articulate as some and i hope I use the correct words here that I mean to. It's not meant to distress you. I'm sure that those who have posted these past few days have not intended this either.
We're all diabetics here and know the dangers of high bs. I'm reasonably new at this but seeing how diabetes has affected others in my family, I know that I never want to suffer the neuropathys and various other problems they all suffer from if I can do anything to avoid it.
It's for this reason I have tried to advise you, both on what I know of diabetes and a couple of other health problems too from personal experience.
Of course it's upto you whether you take any advice given and act upon it, but I myself feel that you have been given informative advice from some of the best diabetic advisors there is. That's why us newly diagnosed all come here.
I for one, have become increasingly distressed over a few of your recent posts and I won't repeat which ones again, but I feel that now, there's no more advice you can be given that you've not already received concerning your partners health problems and lack of commitment to his own health.

This thread has indeed run it's course and I for one will no longer be participating. I've tried to help you by reliving some of my own health problems and experiences in the hope that it might be of some good but although it's 'good to talk' it's not nice to remember certain times in your life that maybe are best forgotten.
If it's genuine advice, that you are willing to act upon, concerning your partners diabetes then we are here for you. If it's just a place to release your frustration, without asking for advice on him then I'm sure you could start a thread on this and others in your situation will respond and you can all have a 'moan' together, and maybe you will see how others are/have coped and got through it.

I wish you well Molly and hope you do find a conclusion to your dilemma.
X
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Well said Pip.....
 
@dianagrace @Pip16 (and others)…..thank you for your messages yesterday…I will respond via private message later as I fear that to do so on here may not be helpful given the current mood.

As a more general comment could I please request that the focus of this thread goes back to its original purpose….the comments of the last few days are really not helping me to deal with this situation.

My partner is not well at the moment and I need to remain strong to deal with this and need to keep an outlet open to express my concerns and ask for appropriate advice.

On a personal level I have found the last few days particularly difficult and can sense myself drifting towards a darker place where I don’t want to go….this will not be helpful to either of us.

Am not really wanting to go into this now but as a general point some things have improved over the time that I have been posting on this forum though it may not seem that way to some….equally the situation has developed into new directions that are now having to be dealt with….

For those who say that they no longer wish to follow this thread or comment can I just thank you for your input so far….I am sorry and I apologise if it appears that I have not followed the advice given but please believe me when I say that I have read it all carefully and taken on board your comments and suggestions even though it may not appear that way.

I hope I can now move on from the last few days and find the strength I need to deal with this….this forum / thread is a vital part of my support network in dealing with this situation and I would hate to lose it.
 
Hi Molly

With the greatest of respect, that's a "go nowhere" message and repeats much of what you've said previously. This is going around in ever diminishing circles.

Sorry to say it, but it's useless to those that have taken their time to support you. I'm amazed (call that STUNNED) at the patience of so many posters (GREAT people) as I'm sure as heck I couldn't have put up with this for as long as they have.

Guarantee you this is my first and very last message on this topic. I REALLY hope this works out well, trust me, but you seem to be echoing the call for support you can't hear from your OH and channeling it thru a forum where all our voices may as well be lost in the wind.

Mike
 
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Mike D said:
Hi Molly

With the greatest of respect, that's a "go nowhere" message and repeats much of what you've said previously. This is going around in ever diminishing circles.

Sorry to say it, but it's useless to those that have taken their time to support you. I'm amazed (call that STUNNED) at the patience of so many posters (GREAT people) as I'm sure as heck I couldn't have put up with this.

Guarantee you this is my first and very last message on this topic.
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@Mike D .....this is exactly my point.....I just want everyone to draw a line and move on ...but no-one seems to see that.....don't know what else I can say or how else to put it...
 
@Molly56
Good luck , However things go!
Perhaps being able to "vent" has helped you to cope with the situation!
 
@IanD

In light of the post sent by Molly56 this morning, could we please close this thread. This will prevent any posts being sent to distress Molly further and to, as Molly56 asks, put a line under the matter.

@Molly56. This forum is a wonderful place, with lots of threads to make us participate, laugh, cry ...... you name it! Please continue to use this place and learn to enjoy it. There are threads with recipes, jokes, information, the lot. I am sure that most of us here will only be too happy to reply to you in another thread where you can ask a question and get a simple range of answers. It may be best for you to do this on separate threads rather than an ongoing one like this, which stirs up a lot of emotion in others.

Although you don't feel it at the moment, there are lots of us that care here, that is why we post and why we get frustrated when we feel we are not being listened to. So the anger and frustration being directed to you is a result of people caring about you and your partner, not because we wish to cause you distress.

Take care Molly56, see you in another thread xx
 
FergusCrawford said:
@Molly56
Good luck , However things go!
Perhaps being able to "vent" has helped you to cope with the situation!
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@FergusCrawford .....yes it has helped .....unfortunately at the moment I am too frightened to say anymore even though my partner is not well and I would usually seek words of advice from other members...
...thank you for your kind words...
 
@Molly56,

Please ask any questions that you have.

People have mixed views about your thread and it will not be locked if you consider it beneficial to you. To be frightened by possible responses is not what we should expect from a support forum.

People who are upset by the thread need to ignore it and not post on it.
 
@Molly56

I think a lot of the frustration many are expressing derives from the fact that the person who has the real problem and who we would really like to advise and help is your OH.

Yet we do not have access to him.

He remains a man we can see only through your eyes and try to comprehend only through your words.

I suspect many of us were hoping that by advising you, we would indirectly be contacting him. It is becoming increasingly apparent that this is not happening. A lot of the advise appears to be filtered and rejected out of hand by you, as something he would not do, or not passed on in order to avoid potential confrontation.

Have you ever spoken to him about this forum?

Have you ever discussed the possibility of him joining such a forum? Even if he is not technologically savvy enough to do so on his own, you could help him to do so.

Does he have the opportunity to discuss his disease with other sufferers, learn from their experience and share fears, concerns and insecurities with others in the same boat as him that are therefore more likely to understand how he feels.

Did he have a chance to read about others successful management of their diabetes to see that it is possible to do so.

I understand that this forum has become part of your support network.

Could it not be part of his support network as well or even instead?

Pavlos
 
Is it possible to IGNORE a thread?
I've been trying to avoid it for weeks. But every time I see it bumped up to the top of the list, I find myself clicking on it with a kind of horrified fascination. Rather like watching one of those slow motion car crashes, with dummies.

Except, Mollie, that you and your partner are very real, and in a very unfortunate circumstance - which, despite 600 posts and months of 'support' has deteriorated significantly.

Clearly, this thread is not helping the situation.
In fact, I think the well meaning posts are giving Mollie a way of avoiding her situation and enabling her to blow off steam in what is clearly not a constructive way.

Unfortunately, Molly seems determined to continue with this thread (as is her choice), and the moderators are willing to let it run its course (as is their choice).

I can only encourage everyone to make their own choice - and not respond.

Mollie, I would enjoy the chance to interact with both you and your partner on the many other threads and other subjects.
 
Brunneria said:
Is it possible to IGNORE a thread?
I've been trying to avoid it for weeks. But every time I see it bumped up to the top of the list, I find myself clicking on it with a kind of horrified fascination. Rather like watching one of those slow motion car crashes, with dummies.

Except, Mollie, that you and your partner are very real, and in a very unfortunate circumstance - which, despite 600 posts and months of 'support' has deteriorated significantly.

Clearly, this thread is not helping the situation.
In fact, I think the well meaning posts are giving Mollie a way of avoiding her situation and enabling her to blow off steam in what is clearly not a constructive way.

Unfortunately, Molly seems determined to continue with this thread (as is her choice), and the moderators are willing to let it run its course (as is their choice).

I can only encourage everyone to make their own choice - and not respond.

Mollie, I would enjoy the chance to interact with both you and your partner on the many other threads and other subjects.
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Bravo @Brunneria

I am very disappointed that the two moderators alerted to this thread @IanD and @catherinecherub refuse to close it. It is very obvious that it has become an unhealthy thread. Molly is feeding off our sympathy, and, we, as genuine members continue to remain concerned and keen to see some progress which is why we follow it, either intentionally or unintentionally each time we see it bumped up. And no, @Brunneria I don't believe it is possible to ignore it. Suggesting that we do, is insulting to those who genuinely care for one of our own.

Moderators, please reconsider. your decision. This thread is unhealthy
 
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