My partner has T1, and has done for 14 years - he’s now 24.
When we first met, he always seemed to have good control, and me never having been exposed to it before asked 10000 questions, researched, attended all his appointments, learnt how to inject him and learnt all the signs for hypos, highs, and how to treat them if I needed to step in.
We now live with each other, nearly a year now, and it’s feeling like I am being more and more relied on and he has gotten very relaxed but also frustrated with it.
I carb count every meal, I have a diary of all meals and add new ones as we go. I tell him how much he needs to inject for his meals, and nag him until he does it, I fetch him jelly babies or make a coffee when he needs them, I constantly check his BG levels (he is currently using Freestyle Libre so I can scan when I like) and it’s getting to the point where it’s taking over my mind and I’ve started to worry at night time, waking up and scanning because he went to bed at 7 and I fear he will drop.
It’s excessive, and I’m not helping myself by doing everything for him, but I’ve got here because he started to loose control and just inject any amount of units hours after dinner because he remembered he didn’t do any, then deal with the consequences when they arrived, after rising to 15 and above due to not injecting when he should have. He ‘forgot’ to do his long term insulin so didn’t have a routine with that. He stopped having snacks before bed and would wake up around 2.8 having been hypo since 3am (again, Freestyle Libre exposes this information).
We’ve had a scare recently due to high levels - diabetic maculopathy in his left eye. This can lead to blindness if not treated or kept under control. I know laser eye surgery can help this, but why let it get to this level and have treatment for something that he could have contained? Or am I wrong in saying that? I feel so low and everything I say seems to have the opposite effect. It’s a sensitive subject.
I’ve tried talking to him but he gets defensive and argues that it’s hard and he isn’t getting the support that he needs (from NHS and diabetic services). I have tried to distance myself and let him help himself, but he doesn’t and he’s always running high.
I can never ever know what it’s like to live with diabetes, and I cannot find a way to do this. But I have done everything I can to step into his shoes and learn his body and his signs, however I still feel like I can failing at every hurdle.
I talk to him and let him know how I feel, and he lets me know I am helping and he his control has gotten better, but it feels like we are going round is circles and it’s taking over my life. His HbA1c has gone from 104, to 78, back up to 90 and we are waiting results from his blood test last week.
Is there anywhere I can get help to learn how to help and support him better? Or anywhere I can take him to get some help to maybe start a fresh routine and get him out of bad habits? I would have thought the news about his eyes would have shocked him into having some motivation, but it seems to have done the opposite and he just says he hates diabetes. He is so young to be having complications like this.
I don’t know where else to turn and I am a worrying ball of woman with no one else to talk to
I now feel wrong about thinking all of this, and feel as though I should continue helping as I am. But shouldn’t he stand on his own to feet and take control? But it’s hard, so I should help. There’s a limit I guess. I think by my over-helping it isn’t actually helping either of us.
When we first met, he always seemed to have good control, and me never having been exposed to it before asked 10000 questions, researched, attended all his appointments, learnt how to inject him and learnt all the signs for hypos, highs, and how to treat them if I needed to step in.
We now live with each other, nearly a year now, and it’s feeling like I am being more and more relied on and he has gotten very relaxed but also frustrated with it.
I carb count every meal, I have a diary of all meals and add new ones as we go. I tell him how much he needs to inject for his meals, and nag him until he does it, I fetch him jelly babies or make a coffee when he needs them, I constantly check his BG levels (he is currently using Freestyle Libre so I can scan when I like) and it’s getting to the point where it’s taking over my mind and I’ve started to worry at night time, waking up and scanning because he went to bed at 7 and I fear he will drop.
It’s excessive, and I’m not helping myself by doing everything for him, but I’ve got here because he started to loose control and just inject any amount of units hours after dinner because he remembered he didn’t do any, then deal with the consequences when they arrived, after rising to 15 and above due to not injecting when he should have. He ‘forgot’ to do his long term insulin so didn’t have a routine with that. He stopped having snacks before bed and would wake up around 2.8 having been hypo since 3am (again, Freestyle Libre exposes this information).
We’ve had a scare recently due to high levels - diabetic maculopathy in his left eye. This can lead to blindness if not treated or kept under control. I know laser eye surgery can help this, but why let it get to this level and have treatment for something that he could have contained? Or am I wrong in saying that? I feel so low and everything I say seems to have the opposite effect. It’s a sensitive subject.
I’ve tried talking to him but he gets defensive and argues that it’s hard and he isn’t getting the support that he needs (from NHS and diabetic services). I have tried to distance myself and let him help himself, but he doesn’t and he’s always running high.
I can never ever know what it’s like to live with diabetes, and I cannot find a way to do this. But I have done everything I can to step into his shoes and learn his body and his signs, however I still feel like I can failing at every hurdle.
I talk to him and let him know how I feel, and he lets me know I am helping and he his control has gotten better, but it feels like we are going round is circles and it’s taking over my life. His HbA1c has gone from 104, to 78, back up to 90 and we are waiting results from his blood test last week.
Is there anywhere I can get help to learn how to help and support him better? Or anywhere I can take him to get some help to maybe start a fresh routine and get him out of bad habits? I would have thought the news about his eyes would have shocked him into having some motivation, but it seems to have done the opposite and he just says he hates diabetes. He is so young to be having complications like this.
I don’t know where else to turn and I am a worrying ball of woman with no one else to talk to
I now feel wrong about thinking all of this, and feel as though I should continue helping as I am. But shouldn’t he stand on his own to feet and take control? But it’s hard, so I should help. There’s a limit I guess. I think by my over-helping it isn’t actually helping either of us.
