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Losing The Plot

none of us can make you care for yourself , take medication , test or put yourself first.

The fact you have posted hopefully shows you want to do what you need and hopefully me replying again shows you I want you to be ok ( I really do )
I have lived with Diabetes for over 44 years -- had my ups and downs -- so I do get it.

just try and concentrate on putting yourself first and try to take small steps each day -- and most importantly be kind to yourself
 
@PickyChick Well done on testing your blood sugar That was brave of you to do after not testing for so long.

You must be feeling quite ill with high levels like that. Would you consider phoning 111 for advice? Don't worry about telling them what's going on with you. They're there to help not judge.

I know you're struggling, and I understand that things are far from easy for you {{hugs}}

But there is help out there - help for all your difficulties. Dont let the @*#+$% diabetes win! You're stronger than it, and you're stronger than you think.

The people who've posted here or read this thread but didn't know what to,say genuinely care about you and care that you keep fighting and get whatever support you need. When you're in a dark place,mist easy to forget that there's light outside - but there is.

Take care and please look after yourself xx
 
Very sad reading and I feel powerless to help. You have friends here so let us know how you progress. Take care.
 
That reading is just one reading and getting it was the start of you taking control back. It took an awful lot of courage to get the reading, and even more to post it here. You have already taken the first steps towards helping yourself, the people here are very supportive. With a reading that high, you should be able to go into your local accident and emergency centre and ask that they see you right now.

I hope you find a way forward [[[hugs]]]]
 
Yes I agree with CherryAA. Please go immediately to the hospital. Better still call 999 and get an ambulance. The reading is horrendous and right now you are in danger. I would imagine they would admit you and from my experience even a few days of being looked after, is so beneficial to your overall well being.
 
Hello @PickyChick Just wanted to check to see if you're ok ?

I have read through your posts and feel for you and what you are going through, you sound like a caring intelligent person and knowing what you are going through is a worry, so I really do hope you are ok.

Please remember that the way you are feeling is in part largely due to the fact that you are running high, it can mean managing simple tasks is quite difficult, so the goal that you need to try and set yourself is one where you are taking your insulin and getting your blood glucose levels down to single figures, running high will be putting your body under greater stress. Did you contact the hospital about your reading ?

It can get alot better, so have some faith that it will. there are lots of sympathetic people here who genuinely care about you, so please don't feel so alone.
 

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I didn't go to hospital, I feel they will do nothing other than a slap on the wrist and go home and take your insulin.

I know I am putting my health at risk, but I don't care anymore. I weighed myself and felt relief at the fact I have lost some pounds rather than gain them, I guess I am peeing all that sugar out but then drinking more.

I see a diabetic consultant on Tuesday so we shall see what she says or suggest. I guess the Mental Health Team may contact me before then.

I don't feel ill, no more tired than I am normally am... I can't sleep most nights. I feel by doing this harm to myself I am risking death but rather than suicide my death certificate would say Type 2 Complications.

I appreciate all your kind words and support.
 
I am relieved you are seeing the Diabetic Consultant on Tuesday. The fact too that you have difficulty sleeping adds to the sugar problems. Mention this to her. It's important.
 

I'm so sorry you seem to be stuck in a loop where you feel trapped and unable to bring yourself too look after yourself.

Do you have any respite arrangements in place for the person for whom you are carer? Do they need you 24/7?

I'm wondering if some respite might help - especially if it could be for a few joined up days, or whether that person would go to a day centre or lunch club, say, maybe a day a week?

I don't know why, but I'm assuming the person you care for may be an older person, but it is purely my assumption. An elderly neighbour of mine used to go the an Age UK day centre once a week, for pretty much the whole day, where lunch as provided and they would have a great natter, and do various things together, whether it was chair keep fit or playing bingo, or whatever. She loved it, and eventually she asked here sons if she could move into a nursing home as she wanted the company. Great old girl.

I do hope you can find a way of easing things.
 
Thought I would provide an update. Saw consultant and am aware before my appointment with then another doctor from a prior appointment this morning phoned her, I believe concerns were raised with this doctor by a dietician I had seen.

Diabetic consultant was nice and wanted me to see my GP that day and spoke to them raising concerns about my mental health, when she came back to me it seems GP Surgery couldn't or didn't want to see me and neither did the crisis team. They the diabetic consultant asked me to go to A&E as my BS was reading to high for the meter. I agreed I would and they faxed over something. I turned up at A&E 45 minutes later and to cut a long story short I didn't really get anywhere. It seems the mental health team didn't want to know because medically I was unwell, I was told for them to see me I had to inject my insulin in A&E, I agreed but then disagreed feeling a little forced if not blackmailed.

Bloods were taken, I don't know the results, there was concern my blood pressure was sky high as was my pulse rate.

I did eventually see someone from mental health, but it seems I am in the system from my GP referral last week and an appointment will be sent in the post... when they became aware of past history they said they would speed up the appointment, I won't hold my breath...

I ended up coming home, via the off licence to get drunk. My very good friend gave me support this evening more than any mental health team and watched me inject the Levermir... it's early days...

I feel once again let down by mental health services and am considering self referring back to a private psychiatrist I once saw 6 years ago now.

I have to learn to put myself first and that is so hard for me. I feel the only way I will get peace is to run away or die.

The person I care for is a relative whom I have had a difficult relationship with for many years, they depend on me for way too much when they are capable of doing things for themselves, this has become worse in the last 10 months.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support over the last couple of days, I appreciate it.
 
Thanks for updating us. Very sad. Yes the mental health services are failing. They have with my nephew. A couple of thoughts. Could you not - 1) Contact your local MP/Councillor and 2) Find another carer through Social Services.
 
asparagusp said:
Thanks for updating us. Very sad. Yes the mental health services are failing. They have with my nephew. A couple of thoughts. Could you not - 1) Contact your local MP/Councillor and 2) Find another carer through Social Services.
Click to expand...

Ironic, I went to a mental health thing for MIND 6 years ago at the Houses of Parliament, where I met my local MP... there has still be no improvement in crisis care in my area. It's like fighting a losing battle, I use to fight, I use to volunteer for a local mental health charity but I have no fight left.

My relative does not need a carer, he just needs me to be his slave. As for social services they did an assessment on me several months ago and were referring me to a carers support group - surprise surprise it never materialised.

My problems go so much more deeper than anyone realises and I am done with trying to fight for help anymore.

I have to tie up some loose ends, so that relative doesn't have to strain themselves to do much when I am gone, but I'll be out out of here before Christmas, if not sooner.
 
I'm pleased to hear that you are putting yourself first and that you plan to leave shortly. Very positive indeed, How are you coping with the injections?
 
Hmm , I am not sure I read that "out of here" in quite such a positive light . If you are reading this PickyChick, please understand that by listening to the people on here, you can get help and support and no matter how useless the medical profession is being, there will be people who can help you see your way through this. Giving up is not the answer, finding a way to put yourself first is. Please let us know how you are doing and understand that people here do actually care about others who are suffering from the dreadful disease and all that goes with it. many of them have been living with the consequences of it for years , and can you some good advice if you can just allow your mind to let them. I know that is hard, but it is not impossible. please give it a go.
 
I am still playing a waiting game. Have had an assessment this week with the mental health team, now waiting on whether they will book me in to see a psychiatrist, they should given my past history, but I am not sure they are taking how I am feeling seriously. They seem to be missing so much despite me practically screaming at them.

I am trying to get through each day one at a time, slowly. I still have zero interest in starting diabetic meds, did for one evening then ceased again. I have capacity to know what I am doing, so they say.

The most support so far is coming from my GP, but even yesterday I struggled to open up to her.

I have something to attend in 2 weeks, whilst I do not want to attend, I am doing it for the relative I look after, make him a happy memory, one last one. I hope, pray the mental health team come through for me to offer the help I need, I don't think they will...

All I know is I cannot continue going through this cycle of low moods any longer.
 
@PickyChick

What are you eating ? If you can't face the medications at the moment, you can still help yourself with the food. Buy yourself a dozen eggs, a packet of butter, some bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes and a packet of nuts ( pecans, or macadamia, or almonds). forget the diet part - you would still lose weight eating this stuff anyway.

Take the time to make yourself an omelette two or three times and day and intersperse that with the nuts. You might find it starts to help your mood if your body starts to ease up a bit on the sugar overload and the food will stop you going mad with hunger on top of everything else and maybe get you interested in trying other tasty things that you can use to help yourself. My own number was 92 until I started with the fry ups and I'm a lot happier too.

You can find your way out of this cycle and if it has to be without drugs for now so be it.
 
Oh this is tragic to read. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well and know very well how awful the lows are. To add complex family relationships and all the disappointments with mental health teams make your situation even harder.

What I have noticed is that high sugars always make me feel worse and more depressed and that is the cycle I'm trying to break now by chucking refined carbs including wholemeal. Within days I am feeling better and even the stress levels are better. It is by no means a miracle treatment but gives me the feel of some control.

I truly hope you are not going to follow through your plans of leaving this earth, but you could leave this difficult carer relationship and build a new life. I have no family in this country at all but all my lovely friends are actually better than my family any way. Plus the people in this forum will support you if you allow them to.

Honestly,having diabetes is a bit s$it but not worth giving up for. As one of my friends say, you need to boss it. Keep posting and I really wish you all the best and strength to keep on fighting!!
 
Hi my name is Val. I am 48, from Newcastle and type 2 on insulin. Reading your post was like reading about me. Could we support each other and be buddies? My bm was 32.9, yes, you read right. Total panic. Rang dietitian as how much insulin to take. She got diabetes nurse involved. Telephone call from crisis team, who assessed me over phone. Frightened myself so much. Started eating low carb, high fat ten days ago. Sugars down to 7, 9, 11 and 12, all within a week. Long way to go, but getting there. Good luck. xx
 
PickyChick asked me to log in and post a reply. She's currently in hospital after being sectioned, a section 3 last week. She took a mixed overdose of meds including insulin and spent a few days in ICU, she wanted to discharge herself but they advised against it and because she wouldn't agree to a voluntary admission, they sectioned her. It's been a shock to her friends and family (I'm her best friend)

She's not in a good place at the moment, physically and mentally and at present is only talking with me, she refuses to talk to medical staff.

I think it's going to be a long journey for her. I've seen her when she's been depressed before, but this time she's so different, it is like all the life has been sacked out of her. It scares me to see her so fragile.

Sadly she was taken to a ward 25 miles away, but hopefully on Friday they will move her back home as they expect to discharge some current patients.

Hopefully if she's seen by her old psychiatrist and therapist she might start to make progress and open up.

Currently they have drugged her up on things to calm her down, but there is discussions about starting her on Lithium and a possible diagnosis of Bipolar II. They seem to think the overdose was a result of a mixed episode.

I shall keep you updated. PickyChick (Sarah) asked me to thank you for all your kind words.
 
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