@NoKindOfSusie - I have been reading your posts in various threads, and at first I was hoping that the wonderful positivity on here would help you. But
@Mel dCP is right: sometimes the rage and absolute devastation cannot be healed by positive comments and support from those who have had the same diagnosis. I am T2 so I cannot 'feel your pain', 'walk in your shoes' and other platitudes which are well-meant but will do nothing to ease your rage. However, I have a small understanding of that rage and devastation. For years we tried to have children - this became all-consuming and involved unpleasant investigations, wild mood swings caused by all sorts of drugs, including those I used to mix up in a spring-loaded syringe and jab in various places (somehow the 'practice on an orange' advice wasn't helpful....), and ultimately caused the end of a long marriage.
I was lucky: I could call time on the endless sadness and disappointments of failed attempts - you can't call time on T1 like that. Infertility is obviously not a serious illness. But when I finally admitted defeat the unfairness of it all, surrounded by friends having children without any problems, the emptiness and bleakness of life ahead (as I thought) hit like a ton of bricks. Nothing anyone said helped, and there was an awful lot of 'well children aren't everything', 'you'll find other things to fill your time' and of course the best one: 'get a pet'....! And yes, it made me
feel like a second-rate human: after all, I had failed at a fundamental part of being a human. It took a very long time for me to get to a stage where, actually, the darkness was lifting and that ton of bricks was disappearing one by one. But it did arrive. And I am
not a second-rate human; neither are you. No-one is who has to battle against any number of illnesses or conditions, or any sort of 'flaw' that judgemental society deems is less than perfect.
I can hear you reading the above and saying "what on earth has all that got to do with me. She is not fighting T1, just not being able to have children - totally different." True. But that rage is very familiar. Raging against the vicious hand that fate has dealt you has no timescale - you need to work through that rage, however long that takes, until you find you can turn it around and let it work for and with you and you begin to see light at the end of that dark tunnel. Because it is there, that light. And you will in time, I fervently hope, see that life can be good.